Regret buying my house

[nirvanaviolet]

I bought my first property earlier this year. A large three bedroom semi with an extension and a big garden - house was built in the 1960s and extenesion and conservatory added in early 00s.
No issues arose with the survey.
The property seemed lovely when I viewed it and through the purchasing process but since I have bought it and moved in I have realised I hate it. I am constantly paranoid about things going wrong although touch wood nothing has yet. I hear creaky floorboards and instantly think the property has dry rot, wet rot, anything. I've convinced myself in the past few weeks that the house has japanese knotweed, subsidence, damp issues, despite there being no actual evidence of any of these things.
Every noise I hear in the house I am paranoid something is going wrong or the roof is going to fall in. I can't relax in the house as I can't keep noticing all the little DIY tasks that need doing. I am scared to start any renovations in case it's a waste of money - for example I want my shower room updated with new shower tray and enclosure etc but I'm scared there's going to be some underlying issue with the room that will cause it to cost thousands more.
It has got to the stage where I can't relax in the house at all. Even in bed I'm staring at the ceiling convincing myself there is going to be a leak. Everything seems like such hard work, I can't maintain the garden well on my own and I am crap at DIY jobs due to dyspraxia so I feel like the house doesn't look anything like i want it to.
I've been searching for We Buy Any House websites and similar wondering if that is the best option - to just give up house ownership and go back to renting - although my understanding is that as I'm in a two year fixed mortgage I would have a hefty repayment fee.

I'm not sure what I'm looking to get out of this thread. Reassurance I'm not alone perhaps? Is this a common issue with home ownership? What can I do to reassure myself about the structural soundness of this house? Any help appreciated as I am miserable here at the moment. Sorry if this makes me sound ungrateful.

It sounds like anxiety rather than any structural issues with the house itself. I think it may be wise to speak to your GP.

Could you perhaps be feeling a bit overwhelmed with the amount if work you want to do to it?

Ii mean this in the nicest possible way. t's not the house, it's you.

Anxiety as a home owner is quite usual. I lived in a Victorian terrace and felt it had all manner of issues. They niggled at the back of my mind for years. When I came to sell it went through a full structural, timber and damp survey with little problem. Your house has stood for 70 years. Your survey would have picked up major issues such as rot, subsidence etc. There may be some things to fix but that's perfectly normal and you can do it over time. Your reaction sounds like it's a bit more extreme than normal home owner anxiety so it might be worth exploring that a bit more.

A certain degree of anxiety when you move into a new place is understandable, but what you describe goes far beyond that.

If you're having intrusive or obsessive thoughts, that bear no resemblance to reality/ the evidence then you would perhaps benefit from speaking to your GP. Your thought processes aren't normal but even if they were, they sound sound exhausting to live with and you'd still have every right to seek help.

I’m sorry to say too that you don’t have a house problem, it sounds like you have an anxiety problem. The thoughts you’ve written you’re having are not rational

When I had my very first dog I suffered from what I called PDD. Like PND but for dogs , I was overwhelmed by the responsibility. When I bought my first house I was overwhelmed by PHD felt very similar to you. For me time passed and I got used to the responsibility, I talked about it with my friends and on here. Sometimes the house is still too much, and I wish I had a landlord to ring to sort it out, but the security of not being evicted brings greater pleasure than the fear does. Basically don't rush into anything, it's still so new.

It's a big change to own a house but I agree this sounds like anxiety over the change rather than reality. It's clearly very real though.

Im wondering about mindfulness - its not for everything but a process where as part of the practice you sit and listen to your house make noises and let the worries run through you and run away again. Could try the Headspace app? I had to stop using it as I developed a crush on the narrator but it's really not bad.

Agree with all the pp. you need to speak to your GP.

If it’s just you maybe it would make sense to sell and buy something smaller and even more modern. A new build or a flat? It is a scary responsibility when it’s just you affording it all. I would wait out the two year fixed mortgage first though and see if your mind changes

I agree with pps. I think you may need to seriously consider getting some help for your anxiety. From the sounds of things there's no logical reason for you to expect there to be something wrong with the house, no previous fault or damage etc.

I think the issue is that the responsibility of being a home owner can be really daunting, and especially if you've bought alone. And the thought of needing expensive repairs when you've just bought and finances are stretched, can be anxiety inducing.

I think you need to fall in love with the house. Id start off by doing some smaller diy jobs to help you feel better and see the potential your house holds

You don't have a problem with your house.
You have a problem with anxiety.

Stop googling property purchase sites and start googling anxiety and your gp's telephone number.

My friend was like this when she moved, she did get over it and the house is lovely. I always say getting a mortgage was a bigger commitment for me then getting married, much more stressful too.

Do you have to do remodelling/structural work now? Could you just focus on putting up pictures or arranging furniture and put anything else out of your mind until you feel more settled.

I'm in an older house that has needed so much work over the years but in an updated way not emergency/structural and I'm the same - every time I assume they are going to find out we have huge issues.

Maybe ask yourself, if you knew 100% the house didn't have any major issues would you be happy there? As pp have said if you are suffering with anxiety then getting help for this is your priority

This does sound like an unusual level of anxiety over a house. As you say the house had no issues at survey and there is no evidence of any issues. I don't think swapping to a new build would help you as they often have a lot of snagging and aren't immune from problems at all. Actually all the people I know that have had major hassle with houses after they've moved in have been those with new builds.

I agree with others that a chat to your GP sounds wise.

It's you.

2 suggestions

1. Anxiety about things breaking
My DH was a bit similar it took me a while to get him to see mantainance was just another bill (like gas or council tax) its just something that happens - the gutter need adjusting, some rendering needs doing, the bathroom fans need replacing. Difference is in a flat you get overcharged and get no control over it. With your home you pick and choose work done and contractors.
Its all totally normal, not a disaster/bad luck/bad house. We put away about 4k a year but our house is big and we are in london.

1. I don't think it feels like your home yet. I felt similarish when i noved in. We totally redecorated the master and then went from there. (Painting and a bit of wallpapering)

It reaaaaally helped me feel it was mine. Recommend you do this, if we prepped walls across a week in the evening we could do a room in a weekend.

I agree with the PP.

It does sound like you're experiencing anxiety, there's nothing to suggest that there is going to be anything wrong with the house.

When I moved house, I remember feeling regret too. It was my dream house and I was in love with it when I bought it and couldn't wait to move in. But as soon as I did move in, I missed my old house, this one just felt weird. I felt like the bed was the wrong way around, it was too big, it didn't sound the same. It didn't feel like my home and it didn't look how I wanted it to. I wished I could go back to the old one.

But it was just because it was such a big change. I got used to it, and I love it again now. Over the past couple of years as bits have got decorated, and I've bought pictures to put up or plants or things to fill the house with, it felt more and more like my home.

Although it is perfectly normal to experience some worry and regret, like the PP said, it does sound like you are experiencing some anxiety over it, so I would definitely speak to your GP to see if they can help.

It’s called buyers remorse. It’s a huge deal to be responsible solely for a home and the cost. You just need to get used to it. Took my husband 2 years!!

Did you over extend yourself with the mortgage? I think that can lead to being overly anxious about any problems that might arise.

It sounds lovely, especially as a first home purchase.

If you knew everything would go smoothly with any renovating/decorating & the house is solid, do you think you'd love it?

I agree with others it’s not the house you are anxious . I would try to speak to your GP.

But on the house issue I am also useless at DIY , you need to find a good multi trade person , I have a semi retired carpenter who has set up in his own and will try his had at anything or if it’s not his thing he will know someone appropriate . It might take a while to find someone, and you might have to try a couple until you feel comfortable, but don’t panic the joy of owning is that you don’t have to hurry you can stay for life. I book a day with him for an assortment of stuff and then he will just work through the list , currently I have hanging blinds, repairing the loo seat some pictures hanging and quoting for a fence replacement on my list.

Thanks all for the replies. It is surprisingly reassuring to hear so many people say I am being unreasonable, and that the problem is with me and not the house. Objectively it is a nice house, could be modernized a bit more and does need updating of some things throughout but structurally good bones. I think I am comparing things to a lot of my friends who have bought four/five bed new builds with stunning kitchens and bifold doors and it makes me feel a tad jealous when I look around and see scruffy bits that need updating. But as pp have said, new builds aren't without issues, I know this.

I have requested an appt with GP just now and am going to look into some anxiety counselling.

I didn't extend myself with the mortgage at all compared to some of my friends - I take home about £2300 a month and the mortgage is £550 per month. So not too too bad. I could have probably stretched myself more but I am glad I didn't as there is in theory enough scope for me to save up a good emergency fund.

Thank you all for your words, they have really helped.

You can do this. It will all be ok if you get help for your anxiety.
Remember floor boards are creaky it’s what they do. All houses have their own foibles and noises.

In my second flat I convinced myself it had woodworm. It didn’t but I got a specialist in who satisfied my racing mind.

Good luck and try and calm down. Try and not compare your home with those of your friends that are bigger etc. You are you and you will have a great home in time. It all just takes time and isn’t a quick process but you can and will get there.

@nirvanaviolet I actually think you could well end up with a much better house than your friends tbh. They have paid more, and while what they have is super fashionable now, in 10 years they could look dated and want to change the look again. Where as you have the bones of a really good timeless house and less of a mortgage to boot!

@nirvanaviolet I had the same feeling when I bought my first house a 3 bed semi. I bought the house when I was working in Paris and only had one viewing. I regretted it immediately I moved in.

For 2 years I was anxious about the house falling down before I forgot about it. I lived there for 16 years before I moved to a 4 bed semi last year. Thanks to the equity on the house which I used to buy my current house.

Look at the bright side of the house. The equity could help you in the future

All houses have weird creaks and noises that take getting use to when you first move in.
Save money each month in a house account for potential problems etc and then you’ll know you have the money if needed or can spend on something else if not. Things do go wrong, I’ve replaced 5 boilers in my 20 years of home ownership which must be well above average but I’ve never replaced a roof which my sister has had to do twice ( different houses). Swings and roundabouts

You probably focussed on having your own house for a long time, and now you have it you don't have that to focus on.

The roof probably won't fall in, and I wouldn't make many changes until you know exactly what you want.

Focus instead on how you want each room to look and look at things like the light in the rooms at different times of day and year.

In a few years time it will be your home and you'll love it.

I do get anxious about our house, but probably not to that extent. There always seems so much to do, and I worry the plaster cracks are serious (I know really it’s just crappy plaster). But it does sound like it’s all getting on top of you, so agree with what others say about anxiety. Good luck OP

I have done this with both houses I bought! The first I bought on my own and it was a significantly worse experience, the second time I bought with my husband and it wasn’t so bad.

I made money on both houses - so my fears of negative equity were unfounded.

I also had problems feeling overwhelmed with responsibility when getting a pet