Regret buying my house

[nirvanaviolet]

I bought my first property earlier this year. A large three bedroom semi with an extension and a big garden - house was built in the 1960s and extenesion and conservatory added in early 00s.
No issues arose with the survey.
The property seemed lovely when I viewed it and through the purchasing process but since I have bought it and moved in I have realised I hate it. I am constantly paranoid about things going wrong although touch wood nothing has yet. I hear creaky floorboards and instantly think the property has dry rot, wet rot, anything. I've convinced myself in the past few weeks that the house has japanese knotweed, subsidence, damp issues, despite there being no actual evidence of any of these things.
Every noise I hear in the house I am paranoid something is going wrong or the roof is going to fall in. I can't relax in the house as I can't keep noticing all the little DIY tasks that need doing. I am scared to start any renovations in case it's a waste of money - for example I want my shower room updated with new shower tray and enclosure etc but I'm scared there's going to be some underlying issue with the room that will cause it to cost thousands more.
It has got to the stage where I can't relax in the house at all. Even in bed I'm staring at the ceiling convincing myself there is going to be a leak. Everything seems like such hard work, I can't maintain the garden well on my own and I am crap at DIY jobs due to dyspraxia so I feel like the house doesn't look anything like i want it to.
I've been searching for We Buy Any House websites and similar wondering if that is the best option - to just give up house ownership and go back to renting - although my understanding is that as I'm in a two year fixed mortgage I would have a hefty repayment fee.

I'm not sure what I'm looking to get out of this thread. Reassurance I'm not alone perhaps? Is this a common issue with home ownership? What can I do to reassure myself about the structural soundness of this house? Any help appreciated as I am miserable here at the moment. Sorry if this makes me sound ungrateful.

Even if the house falls down, - it won't - the plot is usually what determines the value, so it is still an invesment.

Start tackling little jobs you can do.

The new builds are probably smaller but with features that are currently fashionable, and things like shiny new kitchens might not be durable. They are probably open plan to make a small footprint seem bigger.

A 1960s house will be better in the long run. Start saving your emergency fund, and you'll have a cushion when and if things go wrong.

OP I was exactly like this when we bought our first house a few years ago. I was also going through some anxiety problems that led eventually to panic attacks.

We sold up, moved abroad and I'm much better now, but it was me, not the house. I still fret a bit too much about our current home, but nothing like the way I was then - getting up at night and examining all the cracks in the plaster, then frantically googling about it.

It was actually the house obsession that led me to Mumsnet, as I'm not a parent, but anything you google about house stuff leads you to a thread on here.

If it helps clue you in to anything, my therapist helped me see that the root cause, or trigger, of the panic I was feeling was the fear of running out of money, which was probably related to a sense of rootlessness and insecurity I've had since childhood, when my mum (who was a single parent) had money troubles.

I'll bet there will be something at the bottom of all this, which is making you unable to respond in a proportional way to normal life stuff like maintaining a house.

Oh, and we renovated the entire house and sold it for a lot more than we paid for it, by the way. We also learned how to do a hell of a lot of DIY and maintenance, which helps me feel more in control of looking after our new place.

Get stuck in, get to know your house. If it becomes a money pit, two years isn't long to wait until you can sell, and you will almost certainly have increased the value in that time.

I think you need to understand that uncovering issues is totally normal if you do get work done but these are rarely insurmountable and some things that sound bad, like woodworm, can be easily treated.
I agree you need help with anxiety but you should also look at basic DIY videos. It is amazing the difference a tube of caulk or silicone sealant can make. Even if you don't do these jobs yourself, understanding that there are easy solutions may help.
A big hole left by removal of a fixture, buy a pot of fillla designed for the job for under a fiver.
Also understand what not to ignore so degraded sealant round the bath, easily replaced - you can even buy stick on versions - but ignore it and you have a wet ceiling below.
Same with blocked guttering etc. Dead easy to sort but can cause big problems if left

Perhaps you could set aside a bit of money each month for a repair fund? Everyone should do this if they can. Then if work is needed, psychologically and financially you are prepared and expecting it

Getting on to the property ladder with what sounds like a lovely, spacious house which will always be in demand, without stretching yourself on the mortgage was an incredibly smart move- congratulations!

I think if you bought on your own, it is normal to be overwhelmed by the amount of work you would like to do.
What adds to my worry as a single person is that basically there is only one income coming in and what would happen if I had to stop work for some reason...
You are responsible for every little thing and all decisions that go with it and I understand the feeling of fear starting a job only to find out it is a money pit.
Possibly you would have felt better with a two bed house as it would have seemed less daunting?
However the house must be structurally sound which should go some way to putting your mind at rest. Hopefully as the months pass everything will feel a little less daunting, remember you do not hace to do everything at once.

Whatever you do don't sell up and buy a new build - then you really will have anxiety!

Honestly it sounds more like getting used to the responsibility than the house itself.

I fond the best way I can manage anxiety is preparation and organisation

Preparation - direct debit a set amount each month into a "sinking fund". This is your backstop for if you need it. Not that it's likely to happen but (eg) you do find dry rot. The boiler packs in. Etc.

Organisation - make yourself a lengthy snagging list of all the stuff (big and small) you want to do in the house. Anything small/cheap/can be done by you then goes onto a checklist. Give yourself a good year to chip away at it all. Any large/expensive jobs that require trades etc, get some quotes then sit on them. Decide which are needed and do those first. Then do the desirable ones. Dont push yourself to get these larger jobs done quickly. One a year.

Enjoy your home. They are good investments and you sound like you have chosen well.

Could you pay for another full structural survey with a different company just to reassure yourself. Also, full house insurance that covers accidental damage and any unforeseen damage/problems. That way if you do discover dry rot or whatever then you know you’re covered. Would extra survey/insurance reassure your mind? It seems to be the unexpected that is causing you anxiety.

Also, could you rent out one of your rooms so that your mortgage is covered? Then if you have to stop working for any reason you are covered.

OP I totally get what you're saying! We bought a house that is beautifully done (like something out of ideal home magazine). It feels that doing any work to it is pointless but doesn't feel like ours. As a result I had major anxiety about the structure to the point that I got our survey company and a structural engineer out!
I've since realised that part of it for us is the fact this house doesn't feel like it's ours (we are moving as a result), but also it's my anxiety about taking on a huge responsibility, which I'm likely to carry forward to the new house!

I'm a psychologist and it's taken me months to figure this out haha! Our brains are complex.

Realistically I think another structural survey would help reassure me. My dad is going to visit in a couple of weeks and is going to help me look under the floorboards to inspect for signs of any rot. I know this isn't the same as a survey, but will help my anxiety as my dad has owned a lot of houses, good and bad and knows what he is doing. I think that will reassure me.

Another floorboard has begun to creek in the bathroom and it sent me into a spiral last night. I don't know how long I can keep doing this tbh. I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping, I just want rid of this house.

Thanks for all of your help all. I know i am being very unreasonable haha.

I do this with our house. The japanese knotweed turned out to be convolvulus. The subsidence was just a crack in the bathroom ceiling, The 'awful damp' was rectified by a builder telling us the airbrick was blocked with leaves. The patio subsiding turned out to be an illusion caused by the fence being wonky. The roof needing to be replaced was a slipped tile. DH groans when I start.

Our floorboards are awful, and make loud noises. I know it's because they've been moved and chopped a lot to do work including electrics.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Honestly it sounds more like getting used to the responsibility than the house itself.

I fond the best way I can manage anxiety is preparation and organisation

Preparation - direct debit a set amount each month into a "sinking fund". This is your backstop for if you need it. Not that it's likely to happen but (eg) you do find dry rot. The boiler packs in. Etc.

Organisation - make yourself a lengthy snagging list of all the stuff (big and small) you want to do in the house. Anything small/cheap/can be done by you then goes onto a checklist. Give yourself a good year to chip away at it all. Any large/expensive jobs that require trades etc, get some quotes then sit on them. Decide which are needed and do those first. Then do the desirable ones. Dont push yourself to get these larger jobs done quickly. One a year.

Enjoy your home. They are good investments and you sound like you have chosen well.

OP, I felt a bit like you with my new house too.

This post above (plus seeing a GP and addressing your anxiety), is the answer.

For me, after having the boiler break on day 1 and having to pay to replace it (!!), I added up the cost of every possible thing in the house, divided it by it’s expected lifetime, then put aside that amount every pay in a ‘sinking fund’. So when the boiler breaks in another 20 years, I’ll have the money for it :) or if the oven breaks next year, it won’t have made the 7 years I predicted, but the money will still cover it. Having the well padded sinking fund is very reassuring.

Secondly, as in the post above, I got some small jobs done - changing the locks, blinds installed, etc. I didn’t know how (or who to hire!) to do them at the start, but I asked people, googled and learnt, and each time I did something, the house felt more ‘mine’ and I felt like a real builder! Even if all I did was pay for someone else to do all the work!

Thirdly, I tell myself something WILL go wrong. It is just the way life is. Something will. But I can’t sit and dread it for the next X years! I have put aside money to pay for it, I try and deal with issues as they come up (so as whatever it is won’t get worse) and after that I don’t worry about it, because I can’t. I try and educate myself where possible - my garage needed a minor repair, and I took the opportunity to ask they guys about expected life of automatic garages and service checks etc. They were so happy to talk about how to look after it. I try and learn more from every person who comes out to the house.

@Leftbutcameback

Our floorboards are awful, and make loud noises. I know it's because they've been moved and chopped a lot to do work including electrics.

So potentially it's normal to have loud floorboards? I imagine this has been the case with ours too. I just can't shake the feeling though that all the joists are going to suddenly rot and fail all at the same time and I'll end up coming through the living room ceiling. I'm laughing as I type that as it sounds so ridiculous! but these are the genuine feelings I have!

Thank you for this advice, it really helps. I can put away between £500-1000 a month at the moment so I think having a good emergency fund will help. Thank you.

All old floorboards creak, and the creaking changes with the weather and the seasons. Just make sure all your underfloor vents are clear and they'll be fine.

If it helps OP, in the house I mentioned above, our surveyor did actually think he found dry rot. We had to have a second, specialist survey, which confirmed it was dry rot, but an old, inactive infestation that had been treated years ago. All it needed was a bit of replacement wood here and there from a joiner.

The original surveyor (who was possibly a bit overzealous) also declared that the gable end had a bulge in it, which sounds like something Victoria Wood wrote.

We had to get a structural surveyor to look at that, and his exact words were, "that wall's over a hundred year old and it'll still be there when you're planted".

He was right. Houses do need constant work, and the older ones do get damp, and creaky floorboards, and all sorts, but they're not going to fall down. You just have to look after them and keep on top of it all.

To help with worries about sudden massive issues, make sure you’ve researched your insurance company properly, don’t just go for the cheapest, understand the cover you have. There’s still a risk it might not pay out, but it reduces the risk and should cover you for the ceiling falling it (it happened in parents house when I was a kid due to a burst pipe, bit of a shock, but insurance paid for everything and was redone and decorated to a high standard, so ceiling coming in - not great, not the end of the world)

And houses make funny noises, I’ve owned new builds, 18th century properties, and things in between, they all make noises, after a while you get to learn what they are, it’s normal, squeaking floorboard might been it just wasn’t fitted brilliantly. We’ve all kinds of squeaking and wobbly bits of floor, we’ve fixed some, we’ll fixed more later, but it’s all part of the normal character of the house

I agree that I think you need to see a GP. The house sounds great and everything you’ve described (floorboards etc) is totally normal. Don’t be fooled into thinking a new build will be easier or make you less anxious- they can be much worse for issues as no one has lived in them. You have what sounds like a very nice and relatively easy to look after house which is yours and yours alone- basically to have the security and comfort of your own place is like striking gold! If you rent it’s likely that the place will be less well maintained and still have issues, and it will be an additional hassle getting the landlord to agree to sort them out, plus you could be turfed out at any moment with minimal notice. As well as seeing your GP, would it help to talk about this with a friend/ family member whenever you’re feeling anxious. Maybe you could write your worries down and set out a worst case scenario plan- as long as you have insurance and savings in reality most things will be sort-able. Don’t pressure yourself to do DIY if you don’t want to- just live with the house as it is and see if your feelings about it get better. Whatever you do don’t sell it in haste!

I sold my previous house within 6 months of purchasing with no issues. Mortgage lender just asked for a reason which we had.

The new buyers didn’t care at all. But we paid for a damn good survey to prove the house itself was fine!

Does sound like anxiety though….. be careful to not make hasty decisions based on anxiety (I’ve done this and regretted it)

-Get good insurance
-Put money into an emergency/repairs fund
-Seek help for controlling your anxiety
-invest some time in simple decoration etc to make the place feel more like ‘yours’

You’ll get over this.

Thanks all.

I am definitely going to look into my insurance company - I think i did go for the cheapest one before I'd actually moved into the property but think I would benefit from a decent insurer with good reviews even if it costs a little more.

I have posted a few times on here about various things but this is the most help and reassurance I have had. I can't wait to get help with my anxiety and start enjoying living in my new home! Mumsnet is a nice place sometimes

See your go re anxiety.
As other pp have said, get good insurance

Also remember the house is over 50 years old, it's not fallen down yet and won't with a small bit of looking after. I live in a 200 year old cottage and my philosophy is that it's stood for this long, it's not going to fall down yet.

All houses make noises, try and find it comforting rather than something to be anxious about