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Original poster

Buying a house... cold feet and panic attacks!

57 replies

oreo2020 · 27/09/2021 20:52

Not sure if this is the right thread or I should go to mental health section.

I put an offer on a house 11 months ago, sold mine STC (absolutely lovely buyer), the chain moved like a slug but finally approaching nearer exchange.

My current house is lovely but very compact. It's enough though for me and my 2 DC. The new house is heaps of space, lots of potential, also needs work. At the time of offering last year, I had a solid relationship, and the idea was that my partner was to move in with us. I can afford the extra mortgage and have a fairly stable job (civil service).

11 months later... my relationship is crumbling. The economy seems crumbling. The fuel shortages and food shortages are leaving me unsettled. I ask myself- why am I doing this? Because it's bigger, better and I can afford it? It's a much bigger land plot with a driveway and garage as opposed to a tiny post stamp garden I have now (which I love, however). If I don't do it now I am going to get older and getting bigger mortgage would be near impossible. I feel emotional about my current house, I loved the new one though but everything now seems for wrong reasons.

What am I looking here? Probably 'cold feet' stories where you went and bought and it actually turned out ok...

OP posts:
GOODCAT · 27/09/2021 21:03

What do you think the chances are of negative equity and of losing your job? Would you have enough extra room for a lodger in the new place?

How old are your kids? Will they actually be in that house for very long before leaving home? Will you want to downsize again?

Zenithbear · 27/09/2021 21:10

It's been dragging on and lost some of the excitement. Don't make decisions on current happenings such as the fuel because there is always some drama to hold you back if you let it.
Personally I would carry on, look at it as a good investment because you can afford it and you could downsize later.
Are you possibly a bit down about the relationship and it's knocked your confidence.

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 21:14

Yeah, how old are DC?

It sounds like you will have a lovely quality of life in the new house. I think you'll enjoy living there and it will be worth it. With your job I wouldn't worry about the food/fuel issues, but yes it's an unnerving time. I think you'll be fine and should go for it!

I'm in a similar situation to you. Bought the big house then relationship broke down. Ex turned out to be a dick but I'm so grateful the relationship happened because I wouldn't be in this house if I hadn't have met him...we were happy in the old house so I wouldn't have looked to move and wouldn't have wanted to increase my mortgage. Buying with him meant my mortgage costs stayed the same (although the length of mortgage increased). Now he's moved out my mortgage is obviously twice what it was but it's so worth it ..the lifestyle this house gives us is priceless. I'm so happy I can give my kids a nice lifestyle for the rest of the years I have them here.

And your new house will go up in value more than your smaller house. You can downsize in future and release cash or get a lodger if that's something you would do

Sounds a no-brainer if you can afford it

Sandrine1982 · 27/09/2021 21:26

Can't offer any advice but I feel you!!! We decided to move and I'm having the exact same thoughts. Xx

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 21:28

@Sandrine1982

Can't offer any advice but I feel you!!! We decided to move and I'm having the exact same thoughts. Xx
It's absolutely normal to have cold feet! I did with this house and I absolutely love it. It's a massive decision with huge financial implications so you wouldn't be human if you didn't have doubts
mayblossominapril · 27/09/2021 21:28

It’s the dragging on that kills off the enthusiasm. I envisaged being in my new house by now but it will be another 8 weeks! Not even sure I want it now.

Original poster
oreo2020 · 27/09/2021 21:32

My DC are 13 and 11. They would benefit from bigger bedrooms, more downstairs space, bigger garden (slightly unhappy about moving away from their friends and the immediate area - but that isn't too far). So yes I would have to downsize at some point. Even though the new house is a big one, there is no space for a lodger (very family like layout).
Yes feeling down about my relationship.
Feeling down about today's news.
Feeling unsure if it is worth, for me.

OP posts:
TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 21:35

Interest rates are so low that I just think every month that I pay the extra that he would have paid is just going into my equity. So it's just like a savings plan Grin

Original poster
oreo2020 · 27/09/2021 21:36

@TheHouseILiveIn could you please elaborate what lifestyle does your new house give you that is so amazing?

OP posts:
Orangecrisp · 27/09/2021 21:36

OP chains are so stressful they can take their toll on all areas of life. We had a chain that dragged on over a year and our relationship was incredibly strained. Much better now that we have moved. Don’t give up now, think of the positives,

stickygotstuck · 27/09/2021 21:37

Another one with cold feet here, been keeping me up at night. Due to complete next week 6 months after our offer was accepted. And after our previous attempt fell through also 6 months after starting the process.

So similar to you - over 18 months since since we made the decision. Then covid, lockdowns, brexit, empty shelves, petrol. What's not to worry about!

Oh dear, sorry OP, I'm not helping am I? What I will say is, I'm still carrying on because I've been planning this for years and for us it's now or never. I'm sure your reasons are sound and they still stand. You'll be fine.

Original poster
oreo2020 · 27/09/2021 21:38

Yes one of the reasons is low interest rate fixed for 5 years and hence felt like grabbing a chance (obviously when I offered last year we had stamp duty holiday which has now long ended)

OP posts:
TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 21:39

At your DC's ages I'd definitely do it if it's affordable for you! Mine are older and one is going off to uni! I still am so happy Ive done it! We too moved away from the area their friends are in but it's not been an issue.

Bigger bedrooms is amazing for teens...they spend so much time in them! That's one of the main advantages for mine. They love their new rooms and it makes me so happy and proud as a single parent.

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 21:47

[quote oreo2020]@TheHouseILiveIn could you please elaborate what lifestyle does your new house give you that is so amazing?[/quote]
The kitchen is open plan to the living area and we have an island so when cooking you're interacting with everyone. The kitchen is so nice that me as someone who hates cooking doesn't mind doing it because I'm not shut off from everyone while cooking. The kids love cooking in it too so they do more! Wink

They love their bedrooms so they love spending time there. They've got a lovely set up there. I know the difference they feel between here and their dad's.

This is not very nice but they're very proud to invite friends round here but have never invited friends to their dad's. They've had sleepovers and parties here (this feels bad to say).

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 21:51

Our sliding doors to the garden are flung open any time there's a tiny bit of sun. It's south-facing so really lovely. Getting that little bit of sun and outdoor space really makes a difference to mental health. In our last house we never went in the 'garden' or opened the door because it was an ugly yard.

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 21:59

We don't use the front lounge when the kids are here, but even they go to their dad's that's where I watch TV. Makes me feel cosy ☺️

There's so much space in the house that it's never messy, whereas the old house did get cluttered with stuff. I think this affects mental health.

Thanks for making me think about what I appreciate about this house ☺️

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 22:10

@oreo2020

Yes one of the reasons is low interest rate fixed for 5 years and hence felt like grabbing a chance (obviously when I offered last year we had stamp duty holiday which has now long ended)
The amount of time you've been waiting to complete is ridiculous and so it's understandable you're feeling like this. But also house prices have gone up so much in the last year that you're getting a bargain! You'd probably pay tens of thousands more if you offered today. Do it!
FrownedUpon · 27/09/2021 22:13

Go with your instinct. Don’t stretch yourself if it puts you in a vulnerable position. I decided not to go for a bigger house as I want to get the mortgage paid off so I can retire early.

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 22:13

How much stamp duty will you have to pay?

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 22:18

@FrownedUpon

Go with your instinct. Don’t stretch yourself if it puts you in a vulnerable position. I decided not to go for a bigger house as I want to get the mortgage paid off so I can retire early.
Why would a smaller house mean you can retire earlier? Surely it's all about your net worth? You can downsize with a big house.
TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 22:28

[quote oreo2020]@TheHouseILiveIn could you please elaborate what lifestyle does your new house give you that is so amazing?[/quote]
I just remembered another one: I love watching my youngest washing my car on the drive. I know it's not a problem and you just go to the car wash...I don't know why but it's lovely seeing your kid washing your car 😂. In the old house we had to park on the road and it wasn't a quiet one. I never would have washed the car out there and didn't ever see any neighbours doing so

The bin situation has also helped elevate my quality of life. In my old house you had to drag the bins down a horrible back alley and jump over and avoid dragging the wheels over dog poo. Now the bins are nicely tucked by the side of the house and I just have to send kid to drag them to the end of the drive.

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 22:38

Also, because the living area is spacious the kids are happy to be down here while we all do our own thing. In the old house we would all be on top of each other in the small living room.

Ok, I'll shut up now but you can see why I think you should go for it Grin

dogsrock15 · 27/09/2021 22:47

It's a tricky one. I was going to move and have just decided against it for now. increase in mortgage would be at least 250 probably more depending on how much we were going to spend. my kids are younger though. 8 and 6. they have small rooms but this isn't really an issue yet. In 5 years time it may be different. for now for us though we want to spend money on holidays abroad, weekends away, days out ect. if we moved we'd be using a lot of savings plus the increase in mortgage and wouldn't be able to do this as often.

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 22:50

OP, what do your kids think about the new house?

TheHouseILiveIn · 27/09/2021 22:51

@dogsrock15

It's a tricky one. I was going to move and have just decided against it for now. increase in mortgage would be at least 250 probably more depending on how much we were going to spend. my kids are younger though. 8 and 6. they have small rooms but this isn't really an issue yet. In 5 years time it may be different. for now for us though we want to spend money on holidays abroad, weekends away, days out ect. if we moved we'd be using a lot of savings plus the increase in mortgage and wouldn't be able to do this as often.
£125 a month each seems tiny, though