Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Buying a house... cold feet and panic attacks!

57 replies

oreo2020 · 27/09/2021 20:52

Not sure if this is the right thread or I should go to mental health section.

I put an offer on a house 11 months ago, sold mine STC (absolutely lovely buyer), the chain moved like a slug but finally approaching nearer exchange.

My current house is lovely but very compact. It's enough though for me and my 2 DC. The new house is heaps of space, lots of potential, also needs work. At the time of offering last year, I had a solid relationship, and the idea was that my partner was to move in with us. I can afford the extra mortgage and have a fairly stable job (civil service).

11 months later... my relationship is crumbling. The economy seems crumbling. The fuel shortages and food shortages are leaving me unsettled. I ask myself- why am I doing this? Because it's bigger, better and I can afford it? It's a much bigger land plot with a driveway and garage as opposed to a tiny post stamp garden I have now (which I love, however). If I don't do it now I am going to get older and getting bigger mortgage would be near impossible. I feel emotional about my current house, I loved the new one though but everything now seems for wrong reasons.

What am I looking here? Probably 'cold feet' stories where you went and bought and it actually turned out ok...

OP posts:

IsItAllOverYetPlease · 27/09/2021 23:01

I think go for it too.
I moved this weekend to a bigger house that was more than double the price we sold our previous house for. We had our offer accepted in June which was a staggering 45k above the asking price and was told that others had offered slightly more but we were chain free. Anyway, I had serious cold feet up to the day before exchange, thinking we had massively overpaid. we went to see the house the weekend before exchange and noticed every plug needed replacing which completely freaked me out. Almost a week in I keep wondering around the house feeling like its not really mine - in a good way. I think we'll be very happy here. there's so much more space for my daughter (18 months) to run around in and more garden for my cats to roam. we haven't had the bills in yet which I'm expecting to be scary but I know we'll cope.

Gingenius · 27/09/2021 23:05

Hi OP,

We moved from our tiny happy home 6months ago into a bigger doer upper. I felt the same around completion and had enormous anxiety about it all. After we moved I still felt really unsettled: missed our old home even though it was tiny, in the wrong location and actually had junkies living a few doors along (my anxiety made me romanticise the old place quite a bit I’ve realised!) I know that my anxiety and the stress of a house move really had an impact on our relationship so it felt like that was going to s*t too. 6 months later and I’m starting to feel a bit more settled - not loving the house but I can now see that I will get there and that objectively our life here is much better than in the previous place. I did end up referring myself for MH sessions as my stress got out of control and a course of CBT made a world of difference. I’m not sure if what I’ve shared is helpful for you. Not exactly a ‘everything was fine’ but hopefully not a doom and gloom ending either!

Starseeking · 27/09/2021 23:26

The new house sounds lovely OP. As you've been in the child on so long, it's not surprise you may have lost a bit of the excitement about it.

I'm buying a house now that I put the offer on in early July this year. It's been delayed for various reasons, however if they put it on the market today, they would get many thousands more!

TheHouseILiveIn · 28/09/2021 00:04

@IsItAllOverYetPlease

I think go for it too. I moved this weekend to a bigger house that was more than double the price we sold our previous house for. We had our offer accepted in June which was a staggering 45k above the asking price and was told that others had offered slightly more but we were chain free. Anyway, I had serious cold feet up to the day before exchange, thinking we had massively overpaid. we went to see the house the weekend before exchange and noticed every plug needed replacing which completely freaked me out. Almost a week in I keep wondering around the house feeling like its not really mine - in a good way. I think we'll be very happy here. there's so much more space for my daughter (18 months) to run around in and more garden for my cats to roam. we haven't had the bills in yet which I'm expecting to be scary but I know we'll cope.

Same here with the price jump in the house price. My energy bill is more than twice what I was paying for the smaller house. The vendor also misled me with the water bill. It's not on a meter but is 33% more than I was paying at my previous house. I believed her because it's the same water company. She told me what 'she' was paying but it turned out to be half the bill and I guess her ex who had moved out was paying the other half!

TheHouseILiveIn · 28/09/2021 00:13

@IsItAllOverYetPlease

I think go for it too. I moved this weekend to a bigger house that was more than double the price we sold our previous house for. We had our offer accepted in June which was a staggering 45k above the asking price and was told that others had offered slightly more but we were chain free. Anyway, I had serious cold feet up to the day before exchange, thinking we had massively overpaid. we went to see the house the weekend before exchange and noticed every plug needed replacing which completely freaked me out. Almost a week in I keep wondering around the house feeling like its not really mine - in a good way. I think we'll be very happy here. there's so much more space for my daughter (18 months) to run around in and more garden for my cats to roam. we haven't had the bills in yet which I'm expecting to be scary but I know we'll cope.

Out of interest in the housing market, what percentage was that over the asking price?

FillyerBoots · 28/09/2021 06:45

We moved and I was having panicky thoughts in the run up. Like you we were taking on a bigger mortgage . older than you and mortgage free living in a perfectly nice house with a small garden I loved. It took a year to buy.

I was worried about redundancy, illness…we’re we doing a stupid thing, was our relationship strong enough, what if we divorced.

Love the space in the new house, love having a drive, love the bigger garden, love the view of trees outside. Interest rates are so low still.

And if anyth8ng bad happens we can sell.

Nerves are normal.

Feelslikealot · 28/09/2021 06:53

You're so close after waiting so long - i would still go for it as long as you can afford it on your own in case your relationship breaks down. Your children will appreciate the space throughout their teenage years and you can downsize again after they've left home if you want to.

Totally understand the anxiety though - perhaps this is something you need to speak to your GP about - you don't have to live with panic attacks.

ablutiions · 28/09/2021 07:52

Hi @oreo2020 having 2 now young adult kids I'd say extra space will be very nice to have. The ability for,their mates to be able to come round in hordes (for 'gatherings') is a major plus as your kids get older. Having a project to work on long term is also good, if daunting.

A new garden to design and work in will be a delight - as the kids get older you will have more time.

I'm not surprised you are having cold feet -moving is an unsettling time and stressful. I'd advise going to see the new house again (take a measuring tape) and take more photos. Plan out in detail where everything will go, and how it will look. In other words start to envision yourself living there. It's that connection that will make it home, and that you sensed when you looked at it.

I hope the move goes well

Frauhubert · 28/09/2021 08:22

I am having cold feet too. And i am chain free, seller is chain free, it’s a relatively straightforward purchase, mortgage progress is rolling, we are going to rent out our current flat so you could say we will be putting equity into 2 properties, yet still I can’t sleep and can’t eat and i am worried sick about the future. It’s the soaring bills, the uncertainty, the covid still lurking around.
After the initial excitement and only seeing positives in the new property I am now very pessimistic and see every little fault and questioning our decision… so, i think this is all normal?

Feelslikealot · 28/09/2021 11:55

I just remembered another one: I love watching my youngest washing my car on the drive. I know it's not a problem and you just go to the car wash...I don't know why but it's lovely seeing your kid washing your car

This made me laugh as reminded me of the Kevin and perry sketch where Kevin is washing the car

TheHouseILiveIn · 28/09/2021 13:27

@Feelslikealot

This made me laugh as reminded me of the Kevin and perry sketch where Kevin is washing the car

Haha!

Original poster

oreo2020 · 28/09/2021 15:02

Thank you guys. Feeling a bit better after reading your replies.... I will hang on that thought of washing my car on my driveway...

OP posts:

Pootles34 · 28/09/2021 15:12

What's the situation with the relationship, and ownership? Do you own your current house, or is it joint? What about the new one?

I'm just wondering if it will complicate matters if you end up splitting - would it be simpler to stay put for now?

Original poster

oreo2020 · 28/09/2021 15:23

@Pootles34 the current house is mine and the new house will be mine so non issue here.

OP posts:

FrownedUpon · 28/09/2021 15:39

Why would a smaller house mean you can retire earlier? Surely it's all about your net worth? You can downsize with a big house

Because I’ll be mortgage free in this house in 3 years, so will have no more mortgage to pay & enough money to retire early. If I move to a bigger house, I’ll be paying a mortgage for another 20 years so won’t be able to retire early. Obvious really!

Original poster

oreo2020 · 28/09/2021 15:48

@FrownedUpon the same with me, current mortgage 5 years and new mortgage would be 25 years, obviously would expect to repay earlier but still.

OP posts:

TinyTroubleMaker · 28/09/2021 15:59

Can i join this thread? Due to exchange and I might walk away.

East Midlands 4 bed detached property circa £250k. Small rooms. Huge garden. Bathroom, ensuite, downstairs loo. Garage.

Survey showed some serious issues. I got quotes. Looks like £20k work needed on the exterior. Inside immediate DIY jobs about £5k cost. That's before decorating, anything like a new kitchen, bathroom.

I'm really hesitating. The vendor won't budge on price, it's take it or leave it. Prices have gone up in the area so a 3 bed detached is by now going for about the same. There aren't many other properties in the area on Rightmove, nothing I'd be interested in.

If I walk away this is the second house I've tried to buy in 2 years. But I'd rather won away than get it wrong. I have about 24 hours to make a decision, currently fence sitting.

TeenTitan007 · 28/09/2021 17:09

OP - in your shoes I'd stay put. Why upsize only to downsize a few years later?

How many children do you have? Can they be comfortable in your current house as they grow bigger - through their teenage years, GCSEs and A levels? (Ie do they have their own rooms?). If yes, why take on more of a financial burden? You can stay in your current home (which you love) for the long term - near neighbours you will know when you grow old.

I'm not one for change where it's not needed.

TheHouseILiveIn · 29/09/2021 21:12

[quote oreo2020]@FrownedUpon the same with me, current mortgage 5 years and new mortgage would be 25 years, obviously would expect to repay earlier but still.[/quote]
Well that changes things somewhat. If I had 5 years left on a mortgage I'm not sure I'd upsize.

But then again your kids could be there for another ten years so that's ten years of living in a lovely house. We only live once and your memories with your kids are important. It makes me so happy to see the quality of life my kids have in this new house.

And in ten years the house hopefully will have increased in value more than your smaller house so you will be in a better position than you were in the smaller house financially. Then downsize and be mortgage-free!

TheHouseILiveIn · 29/09/2021 21:12

@TinyTroubleMaker

Can i join this thread? Due to exchange and I might walk away.

East Midlands 4 bed detached property circa £250k. Small rooms. Huge garden. Bathroom, ensuite, downstairs loo. Garage.

If I walk away this is the second house I've tried to buy in 2 years. But I'd rather won away than get it wrong. I have about 24 hours to make a decision, currently fence sitting.

What do you think the house is worth if it went back on the market today?

TheHouseILiveIn · 29/09/2021 21:31

Let me see... when I moved here I had 11 years left on my mortgage and would have been 8 now. I increased the mortgage term to 25 years (but hope to pay it off in 20)

So if I achieve my overpayment goal I will have added 9 years to my mortgage term by the time it is paid off. To me as it's not lost money but extra money in equity. Of course that comes with the risks of home ownership as a single person so you have to think carefully of the pros and cons. And also I guess you could be investing the extra money saved in mortgage payments and come out better if you're good at choosing investments!

TheHouseILiveIn · 29/09/2021 21:35

I think the ages your kids are at is the age that a lot of people upsize and extend their mortgage to climb up the ladder. Doesn't it make you sick that if you had a partner to share the burden your monetary situation wouldn't change but you'd be in a nicer house? Then again, you'd probably go for an even nicer house and be in exactly the situation you are in now!

Original poster

oreo2020 · 30/09/2021 10:46

For the record I am early 40s. And just got a call to say that everyone in my chain is ready to exchange, and please set a completion date.
It made my stomach literally churn. It is happening.. and I'd be a prick to pull out now

OP posts:

Original poster

oreo2020 · 30/09/2021 12:36

@TinyTroubleMaker have you made your decision?

OP posts:

Starseeking · 30/09/2021 21:10

@oreo2020

For the record I am early 40s. And just got a call to say that everyone in my chain is ready to exchange, and please set a completion date. It made my stomach literally churn. It is happening.. and I'd be a prick to pull out now

If you genuinely don't want to go ahead, and feel the only reason you can't pull out is 'the chain', I'd pull the plug. You have to consider how living somewhere you don't want to be may affect your mental health; 25 years is a long time to be feeling regretful if you never move from there!

Flip

1 2 3