feeling tearful about our new house/area

[hiuhgs201]

FTB just about to move into our new house but feeling really upset. Originally we looked at nice flats in naice parts of London with good secondary schools. But then the lockdown happened and one of my friends was really persuasive that we should buy a house and we ended up buying a big house in SELondon without really knowing the area, secondary schools are not great and now am back to scouring rightmove and trying to figure out how quickly we can move again. Not sure whether it's buyer's regret, or Covid or......something else.

The house is great but the area is quiet and residential, we don't really know anyone there (moving from central London), will have to move for secondary schools (eldest is 4), both sets of grandparents are on the other side of London and am panicking that we've done the wrong thing.

Anyone else been in that position? What did you do? Feeling really tearful and sad before we've even moved into our new place.

Honestly this is so normal, don't panic. Everyone gets buyers regret, I bet if you'd stuck to your original plan you'd be looking at your flat and thinking how pokey and confined it is and thinking you should have gone for the house! Every single time we move house I cry for the first day (and I am really not a tearful person normally!), it's partially the anxiety of the huge financial decision and partially the stress of moving and just generally a reaction to change, it doesn't usually mean I actually don't like the house although it does usually take a good few weeks to start feeling like home!

I'd try and give the area a really good go, like you say you don't know it yet so it's early days to be saying you've made a mistake. Secondary schools can change and a failing school this year can be outstanding within 5 years (and vice versa!) so there's time enough to look at moving again when your eldest is approaching secondary age. Quiet and residential with lots of space sounds great with young kids, you can presumably get back to central London for hussle and bussle pretty quickly and you will get to know people locally especially if it's a family area so I really wouldn't write it off yet... also hopefully the local market for houses should do well in S.London with all the transport improvements etc, and you can save as much as you can for the next 5 ish years so if eventually north London is where you really want to be you may be able to trade up then (or can you persuade the grandparents to move closer? )

Has the purchase completed? It may not be too late to change your mind.

ah thank @maxelly - never bought before and am feeling pretty scared. we have gone through completion and were actually umming and humming about a two bed flat in NLondon v the house..... You'd think it wouldnt be such a big deal moving within the same city but feels massive right now

It may be hard making new friends if you do not know the area, and with further to family. if you try it for 6 months to a year or more and it doesn’t work fair enough. Will the children go to local primary schools or local activities such as dance or swimming, as that’s one way some people make friends

You do not know what the secondary schools will be like that far ahead. You also don’t know what type of school will suit your child - the local school may at that point have a music specialism that suits your child, they might be suitable for a selective grammar school or thrive somewhere else.

What's the area?

It sounds like a bit of a culture shock. Is your DC starting school in September? You might make some more connections to the area then which could change how you feel.

What's the area

Ignore ofsted reports.

We can only help you if you tell us the area

We are moving to Sydenham/Forest Hill borders. It seems nice but so much quieter than where we are now. DD will hopefully go to a local school and then we'll see. DH thinks am being silly but I just feel scared of the change, I guess

Sydenham/Forest Hill is a fabulous area! Secondaries are getting much better too - Sydenham School is fan for girls and Forest Hill Boys seems to finally be on the up again. Enjoy some days out at the Horniman, Crystal Palace Park etc, and all the wonderful space of a family home. Lots of new things popping up in Sydenham too - incoming Blackbird Bakery. Totally normal to panic but I am sure you will love it. If you do need to move for secondary by the time DC are older, I'm sure the house will still have proven to be a great investment.

I live in Sydenham and it's awesome. Is your eldest starting school in sept? So is mine?

There's loads going on around here. Especially for kids.

There's a new secondary school that will be built by the time your eldest starts as well.

Give it time; the location has a good rep with most people who do or have lived there, so chances are once you're settled you'll love it and never look back. And if it turns out not to be for you, it's not the end or the world as you can move again - a hassle, but doable.

I think you made a very good decision in getting a house rather than a flat - long term you will thank you for that one.

We’ve lived in Forest Hill for 10 years and we love it here. I think it’s one of those places that grows on you as you get to know the best little cafes and places to visit. Primary schools are very good. There’s so much to do for children - lovely green spaces to choose from (Crystal Palace, Mayow, Horniman, Peckham Rye, Dulwich Park, Beckenham Place park for a swimming lake and fab new playground / café) - but also very close to Peckham and London Bridge for great places to eat out as a couple - and it’s really easy to get back into central London for days out and work stuff. East Dulwich and Dulwich Village are lovely too, and Brockwell Lido is within striking distance. Agree with PPs you should give it a chance! Sounds like a big shift and I completely get why you’re freaking out.

It’s a good area, don’t panic. There’s actually a lot going on if you know where to look! DD is at Sydenham girls secondary and doing well.
Forest Hill has lots of independent shops / delis / cafes. Loads of good pubs around. Horniman Museum has lots of exhibitions and events. Dulwich is close for park / cinema / art gallery. I think once you get to know other school parents you will be ok.

And yes a house rather than a flat is better long term - once they get bigger they need the space!

I knew it would be Syd/FH! Honestly, buyer’s remorse is a thing but on your doorstep you’ve got:

• Mayow Park – summer outdoor pantomimes!
• Sydenham Wells Park
• Beckenham Place Park – wild swimming!
• Sydenham Hill woods
• Horniman Museum & Gardens
• Crystal Palace Park – dinosaurs, boating
• A river walk that, yes, has been a bit ruined recently by bastarding dog poo (where hasn’t?!) but there are ducks and swimming areas and playgrounds

There’s a lovely indie bookshop, a pub in an old post office, and a cafe with the world’s best cheese toastie

Yes, everyone tells me it's a lovely place. Thank you for the list of all the lovely things to do in the area. I think it's because am used to live in the centre of things, it feels a bit scary. Just need to take a deep breath and not think about it for a little while.

@burritofan funny you said that, why may I ask? Just curious

@hiuhgs201 that’s a fab area. I spent 5 years in Sydenham and have lots of NCT friends in both areas. Loads of stuff for children to do.
Funnily enough, I had similar doubts (and made a similar thread) when we moved. We moved out of Sydenham (only a few miles, but now in Kent) and it felt too quiet. Much happier now we have friends here. It takes time!

Aw @hiuhgs201 I was feeling the exact same way. We moved in this week and I was sick with regret and crying constantly. The house we’ve bought definitely isn’t what we thought it was, and the area is really quiet compared to where we’ve come from, but as each day goes by I’m feeling better xx

@burritofan I had a feeling it would be Sydenham as well.

I don't think it's a very well known part of town (id never heard of it until I met my husband)

Reassuring to heat that I might not be the only one. It's terrifying moving to a brand new area but everyone does say it's nice

@hiuhgs201 SE London, shit secondaries, quiet and residential, big houses still affordable (in London terms), you don’t know anyone there… no one seems to have heard of these ends till they get here. All the clues were there!

@burritofan ah ok, that makes sense.But do you think it makes that a bad move?

It's absolutely normal to feel wobbly when you make a big commitment like buying a house. I recall that when I and my flatmate only rented our flat back in the day, which was nicer and more expensive than the grotty bedsit I'd rented previously, we went for a coffee after signing the lease and both burst into tears. It was the stress of having signed a lease for more money than we'd either of us paid before, etc. It was a great flat, and I loved living there.

When you buy a place, you get in and the first thing you notice is all the less than great things you either didn't notice or ignored in the rush of buying- sensibly, because nowhere is perfect. So they get all out of proportion.

Our last place, the day we moved in it chucked it down and we thought the garage roof leaked, and we thought, oh no, we can't afford to replace it'. It never leaked again, because it was actually just water coming in under the door, when we put a brushstrip on, it stopped. I think the best advice is 'Don't Panic' (shades of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy there).
It sounds from other posts like it's a nice area. And for me, a house beats a flat every time, especially with kids.