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Original poster

feeling tearful about our new house/area

60 replies

hiuhgs201 · 13/08/2021 14:13

FTB just about to move into our new house but feeling really upset. Originally we looked at nice flats in naice parts of London with good secondary schools. But then the lockdown happened and one of my friends was really persuasive that we should buy a house and we ended up buying a big house in SELondon without really knowing the area, secondary schools are not great and now am back to scouring rightmove and trying to figure out how quickly we can move again. Not sure whether it's buyer's regret, or Covid or......something else.

The house is great but the area is quiet and residential, we don't really know anyone there (moving from central London), will have to move for secondary schools (eldest is 4), both sets of grandparents are on the other side of London and am panicking that we've done the wrong thing.

Anyone else been in that position? What did you do? Feeling really tearful and sad before we've even moved into our new place.

OP posts:
AdaFuckingShelby · 14/08/2021 10:01

It's normal to doubt yourself when making such a big decision. Go with it, make the most and if it turns out to be not what you want it's a learning experience, you can move on. Nobody died.
Sounds like a great decision to me btw . Good look Grin

Original poster
hiuhgs201 · 14/08/2021 10:02

@BlueMongoose thank you for being so reassuring. I have no idea why house buying is so terrifying for me. I have found the whole process much scarier than getting married, moving countries or having kids. It's ridiculous. Maybe it's because I've rented my whole life and the idea of being fixed in one place and having this much debt is petrifying. DH has also been so laissez-faire about it that the whole process has basically been on me and I seem to have send myself into full on panic mode over it.

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JW13 · 14/08/2021 10:04

We live in Herne Hill so quite close and absolutely love it. Previously I was in Borough and we debated between a central flat (Farringdon) versus a house in Herne Hill and are so glad we picked the house. Central is great and I loved living there, but it's so much better for kids a bit further out. There's lots of green space, things to do and a real family/community feeling. But you're still well connected to the city as well.

You're not alone in feeling nervous/regretful but I'm sure it'll pass. You just need to give it some time. Once you meet some people and get used to your new surroundings I'm sure you'll grow to love it.

Original poster
hiuhgs201 · 14/08/2021 10:14

@JW13 thank you. Interesting to hear from other people who've done a similar move. We are sort of aiming for Herne Hill/East Dulwich as our next move (secondaries) but transport links are not as great for us right now. How long did it take for you to get used to it? And a silly question - do any of your friends come to visit? Our family/friends are already talking about us we're leaving London - they are all zone 1 based.

OP posts:
JW13 · 14/08/2021 10:30

@hiuhgs201 it definitely took a while to get used to it - mostly the commuting as I could walk to work from Borough and I really miss that! We also moved pre-kids so didn't meet new people through nursery/school etc for a while, but I wouldn't say it was more than a couple of months before it felt like home. We focussed on making the house ours etc and then we had lots of parties/people over. As we had spare bedrooms people could stay if they wanted to, but really it's not that far - we're zone 2 and I presume FH/Sydenham are zone 3?

People come and visit all the time. We actually moved house again (still in Herne Hill) and after lockdown we've had people over for dinner from north London etc.

Some of our friends have now moved south as well and the others have actually properly moved out (St Albans/Winchester/Wiltshire etc)! Now they come and stay with us when they want to visit London and we're the central ones. I bet a lot of the people who joke about you moving out of London won't still be central in a few years time. None of our friends are more central than us now....

Original poster
hiuhgs201 · 14/08/2021 10:48

@JW13 oh yes the commute - I loved, loved, loved walking to work especially with kids, you can always guarantee pick ups etc.Most of our friends have already moved away or will be going back to Europe over the next couple of years. It's obviously ridiculous to say it but it makes me feel like we're deserting them or something. Do you find that people mostly stay put in Herne Hill? One of my fears is that come secondaries everyone else will move away even if we decide to stay put.

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Warmduscher · 14/08/2021 10:52

@Wandamakesporridge

And yes a house rather than a flat is better long term - once they get bigger they need the space!
Agree with this but I’m amazed that anyone would completely change what sort of property and area they were looking at on the say-so of a friend!
Original poster
hiuhgs201 · 14/08/2021 11:06

@Warmduscher it wasnt quite on the say of a friend. DH always thought that we should get a house with enough space for everyone, WFH meant that we all worked out of bedrooms which got really annoying and my mate said why dont you have a look at this house and we fell in love. DH's commute will now be much quicker, we will finally have enough room for everyone. Also and maybe this bit sounds a bit weird but I've lived in lots of different parts of London and have my own prejudices about them so perhaps moving to a completely new part of zone 3 for me was the only way I could do it having lived all across SW, W and NLondon as well as centrally. Not sure if that sounds completely mad.

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JW13 · 14/08/2021 11:15

@hiuhgs201 we're only at the nursery/primary stage at the moment so haven't seen a secondary exodus but we have Charter for state secondary and quite a few solid private options, so I'm not sure how much it happens. There are definitely plenty of teens around!

2/6 of our NCT group left in the past year - 1 back to their home EU country and 1 to Hampshire but I think that's probably quite typical. The rest of us are still here and no sign of leaving. All of my son's nursery friends are still here as well. I think the greenery and housing affordability really helps as people seem settled and tend to stay as they have good space and amenities.

JW13 · 14/08/2021 11:17

I say affordability but Herne Hill is not as affordable now compared to when we first moved here! I know of lots of people who've moved from north/west London etc and love it.

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 14/08/2021 11:47

I used to live near there. It’s a lovely area.

Original poster
hiuhgs201 · 14/08/2021 17:04

@JW13 thank you - thats lovely to hear. And thank you to everyone else for your lovely thoughts and reassurances

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DappledThings · 14/08/2021 17:29

Another one saying it's a brilliant area. We were in Crystal Palace and only moved for work. Would have loved to continue bringing up our DC there. The Horniman is my most missed place in London!

There's loads of baby and toddler groups on of all kinds and I found it really easy meeting other parents there.

If we were ever to move back to London we would be heading for the same area again without a doubt.

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 14/08/2021 17:42

Climb up One Tree Hill when you get a chance, the views are beautiful.

JW13 · 14/08/2021 18:21

No problem @hiuhgs201 - I hope you settle in and it honestly is a lovely place to live!

Hugoslavia · 14/08/2021 22:14

Ah, the house move panic. Been there, done that! I sat crying for the first few days after I moved into my current house. I felt homesick for my lovely previous home in a lovely area. I gave myself 3 months and was fully prepared to sell it if I still loathed it. Within a week I felt better, it felt more like home within a few weeks. It took longer to settle into the area and make new local friends, but it did happen. It's very common to have a massive wobble when you move to a new house/area. It will get much better. Just give it a little time.

Hugoslavia · 14/08/2021 22:20

You'll Make so many friends when your child starts school. That was the game changer for me. I have so many local friends.

thecatfromjapan · 14/08/2021 22:35

Another one popping by to say it's a great area.
Primaries are very good. The girls' secondary is great.
It's been such a popular area, for such a long time, I don't see how there can't be a good secondary option for boys by the time any future child you have reached that age.
It is different from Central and North London but I think you'll probably grow to love that. In fact, I suspect you'll come to live it more than your previous location.
I'm old now. The children of friends who moved there when we were all young are now adults. So many of them have gone into arty, creative professions. I think it's something about the vibe of the area!

Brimorion · 14/08/2021 22:45

@JW13

I say affordability but Herne Hill is not as affordable now compared to when we first moved here! I know of lots of people who've moved from north/west London etc and love it.
It cracks me up that HH is so desirable now. It was quite the reverse when I lived there, and I got held up at knifepoint on Rosendale Road.

OP, I can imagine you have culture shock — I used to when friends moved to Sydenham and we would trek down from Highbury to see them. It felt like another world. They eventually loved it there, though.

Welshiefluff · 14/08/2021 22:47

The kids should be your priotity over a busy or mroe happening area.
The bigger house over a flat is 100% the correct choice.

Original poster
hiuhgs201 · 15/08/2021 07:39

@Welshiefluff thats what ultimately swayed me but then having a busy area with lots to do and great secondary schools was also meant to be a good thing for the kids. They love living in a busy part of London and being able to walk everywhere especially as both get really train and car sick so absolutely loathe travelling to places.

but thank you to everyone who has said that it's a lovely area. honestly, thats what i hear from everyone to whom i mention it. i love having the horniman five mins away and crystal palace plus everywhere else so nearby.

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LemonRoses · 15/08/2021 08:33

I think it takes about a year to feel settled in a new area, to have a sense of belonging and to have lost the stranger feeling. Little ones make it much easier.

echt · 15/08/2021 08:56

What I want to know is does the Horniman still have that threadbare walrus centre stage? I hope so.

ElaineMarieBenes · 15/08/2021 09:48

You are also nearish the best Indian restaurant in London (Babur) and a damn fine Italian (Friends of Flavours)!

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 15/08/2021 10:54

I’d forgotten about Babur!