How to fairly split cost of living with partner

[Handyrick]

Really need advice, this is a property and relationship dilemma, but trying to keep my finance hat on.

I have just discovered I am pregnant. I currently live in a flat and am in the process of buying a 3 bed house that needs about 80k of work. I am buying solo.

My DP currently rents and we don't live together. We will live together going forwards since we discovered I am pregnant.

We are both high earners, and combined have a total income in excess of 250k.

I am trying to decide what is best to do:

• abandon my purchase, and buy somewhere with him.
• continue with my purchase, let him move in and charge him rent.

I am inclined to go with the second option of continuing with my solo purchase and then in 2 years or so, look to buy with him. I'd personally bank all the proceeds of sale, and then contribute 50% deposit to any future purchase.

If I go with option 2, what is a fair way of splitting cost? I want to keep my financial independence and I also want to have my own personal emergency 'fund'. I was thinking of charging him below market 'rent', and then splitting all bills 50/50. I would personally take care of any capital expenditure on the house re improvements.

For context, the market rent for a 3 bed house in my area is £2.5k, so I would charge him £1k rent + bills.

Does this sound ok?

@Azerothi

Would your boyfriend choose the house, or the kind of house, you're buying? You say he is fussy.

Never, not his style at all.

I wouldn't advise getting him to pay you rent as he could try and lay claim to some of the value of the property if the relationship breaks down.

If you are in a good position financially and it sounds like you both are, and you want to live together but aren't keen on renting, maybe get him to pay half the bills, you pay the mortgage and get him to save an equivalent of the mortgage each month, then if you end up buying together he has additional deposit at that time. And then if it all goes a bit wrong, you have your security and he doesn't get to be entitled to it?

A similar situation to you here but i don’t have half as much money involved but I have a property and will be buying a new property and my partner will be moving in as I have also found out I’m pregnant. He will be paying rent in fact all of the rent when I am on maternity leave! He doesn’t have a property and has been renting and he also just started a new job so he can’t get a mortgage at this point and I just want to secure a place for myself whilst I can!

I think you should secure your deposit via solicitors and split household costs in the way that you would charge him rent. Just an idea but maybe set up a joint account where all expenses come out from but he pays more in to cover his 'rent' and then food bills etc.

Your thinking sounds very muddled to me, in that:

Why buy a house that you are thinking about selling in two years? Two years is a very short timeframe to recover costs of purchase especially with house price volatility post pandemic. Why buy a house that you know your partner wouldn't choose or like?

I can't work out from your posts whether you are committed to him or not. If you are committed then, why not buy the family house now (or soon) that is suitable for you both plus baby.

If you aren't committed or the pregnancy has thrown everything up in the air then now is not the time to be entering into a major financial commitment. Stay where you are and focus on the baby and relationship for the next year or so, or sell and rent somewhere nice to give you birth the time to deal with the major change in both your lives that is about to hit.

The important decision is whether you are committed to each other and building a family together - not all this house buying issue.

If you aren't committed, then you have a whole other decision process about what is a suitable home for you and the baby.

This is not a time to rush into anything.

Gosh, whatever happened to love and romance?

Love and romance? Really? Marriage and house buying and babies are purely a financial commitment.

OP is being sensible and level headed.

Think there’s a middle ground- you can protect your financial interests without being stone cold to the man you’re about to have a baby with.

OP, you suggested charging him exactly what he currently pays in rent.
But that's not far on him. He gains nothing (also, you said he'd never choose to live in a house like the one you're buying), but you gain by all the rent he pays you.

If he pays, say £1000 in rent now, a fairer way would be to pay you £500. Then you're both £500 better off.

@user1471604848

OP, you suggested charging him exactly what he currently pays in rent. But that's not far on him. He gains nothing (also, you said he'd never choose to live in a house like the one you're buying), but you gain by all the rent he pays you.

If he pays, say £1000 in rent now, a fairer way would be to pay you £500. Then you're both £500 better off.

He currently rents a room in a house share, so he would have the benefit of a 3 bed house, space to WFH in a separate room, garden, nicer area etc etc.

OP, everything and I mean everything is going to change when the baby arrives. The house and it’s expenses are only one part of it.
I was in a similar position to you in that I had a property and a lot of equity in it and DH didn’t. He ended up paying half the mortgage and bills and any repairs that needed doing.

I am also v career driven with a senior corporate role, and vowed I’d be going back at 12 weeks PP. I did but very part time though and I really didn’t want to deep down- which I never would have predicted before DD. Having a baby changes you and all the dynamics in the household.

If I were you, I’d wait and buy the forever home together. 2 years will fly by and with a baby, you may not want to move with the stress that comes with it. You also don’t know what the economy will be like then and if you would be able to recover the costs of moving twice.

Just be careful if you charge him rent that if you were to split this wouldn't give him a stake in the house....

I don't know what the answer is but at some point I think most people end up with a what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine kind of agreement. That's how my husband and I work anyway.

@Focalpoint

Your thinking sounds very muddled to me, in that:

Why buy a house that you are thinking about selling in two years? Two years is a very short timeframe to recover costs of purchase especially with house price volatility post pandemic. Why buy a house that you know your partner wouldn't choose or like?

I can't work out from your posts whether you are committed to him or not. If you are committed then, why not buy the family house now (or soon) that is suitable for you both plus baby.

If you aren't committed or the pregnancy has thrown everything up in the air then now is not the time to be entering into a major financial commitment. Stay where you are and focus on the baby and relationship for the next year or so, or sell and rent somewhere nice to give you birth the time to deal with the major change in both your lives that is about to hit.

The important decision is whether you are committed to each other and building a family together - not all this house buying issue.

If you aren't committed, then you have a whole other decision process about what is a suitable home for you and the baby.

This is not a time to rush into anything.

the above is the most sensible option. you are purely looking at you interest by not including your partner in purchasing process.

@Tempusfudgeit sadly true love is scarce.
me and my partner have access to each other accounts, one pot of money, we don't have our individual saving, we use our both incomes as ONE income.

A lot to think about....

I have been trying to buy this new place since December, so it's not a rushed decision but I only just recently found out I was pregnant.

From what I can tell, most people are saying to not move now because of the cost of moving twice and also the stress of moving. I am not sure what alternatives I have other than to abort the sale or to move into a rental with my DP. So either way, I'd have to move twice.

Staying where I am isn't an option as it's very far from my support network and the flat isn't really suitable for the 3 of us.

It's all very confusing. I am committed to the relationship and to raising a family together.

Whilst you’re putting all your money into a property that will probably only increase in value, you’re expecting him to pay rent and he will not get any return on that money. That’s why it’s not equitable for him to pay you rent.
I suggest you continue with the purchase and pay the mortgage yourself, and then all other bills are split 50/50 giving him the chance to save a deposit for your next house. For you expect him to pay all the bills, he will still be losing out as you will have more surplus income for yourself.
Either that, or buy the house jointly as tenants in common and ensure you ringfence your deposit. Then you can split everything 50/50.

I'd firstly make sure that everything is tied up legally via a solicitor to make sure he has no entitlement to the property regardless of what you decide.

As for rent, I'd steer away from that as I 'believe' it can cause issues. My suggestion would be that you pay the mortgage, he pays all the bills and buys food, treats etc. You cover all renovation costs and childcare etc is joint.

When my now DH moved it to the place I owned early on in our relationship we split all bills 50/50 including the mortgage. We drew up a little 'contract' to state he had no claim on the property and got someone to witness us signing it. As a PP has said not legally binding but if ever there was an issue it shows you both agreed it at the time. We ended up doing exactly what you intend to do and got a mortgage together a little bit later.

Is the only reason you can’t buy together that he is indecisive? Can you push back on that a little now that you are having a baby together and explore the option of buying somewhere together, protecting your deposit as others have outlined? Or can you choose somewhere more suitable in the long term and work out a good way to share the costs? Your circumstances have changed as this house no longer works for you, that’s what it sounds like?

Don't buy the house you were considering as things have now changed.
Rent a place together /try living together abd sharing all joint bills for house and child 50/50 and keep your deposit in the bank.
Get a pre nup type thing sorted .
If you still are a couple and boned as a family in 2 or so years then buy a place together.

Bonded not boned! Lol 😂

Does he want to live with you? Does he like the house you are buying? What happens when the child comes? Having a child is a shock to the system and your career may be put on hold for a while. I couldn't not have a partner by my side when my baby was born. Ask your partner what he wants to do and if he's happy living with you and being put on the mortgage. Your deposit etc can be legally protected (ask your solicitor... i was in a similar situation). I don't see why you would have to buy another house in 2 years' time ..unless he really hates the house you're buying or it's very unpractical for him to live there, commute etc. Buying a house with a 1/2 year old toddler is a nightmare and I'm speaking from experience ;)

Never ever understand the grabby attitude that if you move into your partners home you should stick yout hand out and live rent freee. Should you fuck, he should be equally contributing not free riding.

He should be paying half of all costs, jist like he would if he was renting, he doesn’t expect a free roof over his head when renting, why should he get it for free from you,

@bigbaggyeyes

I'd firstly make sure that everything is tied up legally via a solicitor to make sure he has no entitlement to the property regardless of what you decide.

As for rent, I'd steer away from that as I 'believe' it can cause issues. My suggestion would be that you pay the mortgage, he pays all the bills and buys food, treats etc. You cover all renovation costs and childcare etc is joint.

This sounds good.

@bigbaggyeyes

I'd firstly make sure that everything is tied up legally via a solicitor to make sure he has no entitlement to the property regardless of what you decide.

As for rent, I'd steer away from that as I 'believe' it can cause issues. My suggestion would be that you pay the mortgage, he pays all the bills and buys food, treats etc. You cover all renovation costs and childcare etc is joint.

This sounds like it could work

I think I would wait until after the baby is born before making any big decisions. I wouldnt go ahead with a house purchase now if this is going to be a long term relationship. But it's your decision.