How to fairly split cost of living with partner

[Handyrick]

Really need advice, this is a property and relationship dilemma, but trying to keep my finance hat on.

I have just discovered I am pregnant. I currently live in a flat and am in the process of buying a 3 bed house that needs about 80k of work. I am buying solo.

My DP currently rents and we don't live together. We will live together going forwards since we discovered I am pregnant.

We are both high earners, and combined have a total income in excess of 250k.

I am trying to decide what is best to do:

• abandon my purchase, and buy somewhere with him.
• continue with my purchase, let him move in and charge him rent.

I am inclined to go with the second option of continuing with my solo purchase and then in 2 years or so, look to buy with him. I'd personally bank all the proceeds of sale, and then contribute 50% deposit to any future purchase.

If I go with option 2, what is a fair way of splitting cost? I want to keep my financial independence and I also want to have my own personal emergency 'fund'. I was thinking of charging him below market 'rent', and then splitting all bills 50/50. I would personally take care of any capital expenditure on the house re improvements.

For context, the market rent for a 3 bed house in my area is £2.5k, so I would charge him £1k rent + bills.

Does this sound ok?

I suggest that you proceed with the purchase and pay all the house costs going forward. Don't charge him rent or bills, instead have him pay all the childcare and cleaning costs. There are many couples in your situation who go on to live happily ever after but the statistics are against you.

Why buy in two years?

I think it’s mad to buy now then again in two years. Two lots of stamp duty, costs etc. Plus moving with a baby: not sure how far along you are but if first trimester, you’d be moving with an 18-month-old in tow?

Just buy a family house together now and get a solicitor to draw up a deed of trust ring-fencing your deposit. Make sure it covers who contributed to stamp duty and purchase costs, and keep track of all renovation and improvement costs spent on the house as it counts towards the value should you break up. Then split bills according to income, and that will vary at different times depending on maternity pay, childcare costs, etc.

Might help if I give some idea of numbers per month:

Mortgage - 1800
Food - 500
Utilities - 100
TV/Internet - 50
Car - 200
Going out - 400

Looking at the numbers, it probably would be ok if I suggest I pay the mortgage, and he pays all bills and food. That seems fair I think?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Why buy in two years?

I suspect we would need a larger house post baby.

Surely you won't get him to pay your car bill?

“ I suspect we would need a larger house post baby.”

So don’t buy now, doesn’t make sense and you could end up wasting a lot of money. Two years is not a long time at all.

If your planning on moving in two years for a bigger house, then do that now. Why wait.
You said it needs 80k worth of work done so just look for somewhere else together.
Then everything is split

I agree with @burritofan why buy now and then again in two years? It seems an awful waste of money. Moving is an expensive business.

Also do you want to live through 80k of renovation while pregnant?

You really do not want to buy a house with someone you've never lived with!

I would abandon your purchase and either he moves in with you or you him

You can see how you get on and if it's all working out, after you've had the baby, look for somewhere to buy together that you both like and contribute to

@burritofan

I think it’s mad to buy now then again in two years. Two lots of stamp duty, costs etc. Plus moving with a baby: not sure how far along you are but if first trimester, you’d be moving with an 18-month-old in tow?

Just buy a family house together now and get a solicitor to draw up a deed of trust ring-fencing your deposit. Make sure it covers who contributed to stamp duty and purchase costs, and keep track of all renovation and improvement costs spent on the house as it counts towards the value should you break up. Then split bills according to income, and that will vary at different times depending on maternity pay, childcare costs, etc.

Yes, first trimester.

The house I am buying is 3 beds, so suitable for a family. If we bought together, we would most likely go for more of a forever home. But I am not comfortable making that purchase when it's just us and me pregnant.

@ADayAlwaysHasToEnd

Surely you won't get him to pay your car bill?

We are buying a car, neither of us have one currently.

I did this and set up a bills account - we paid equally into it (less the mortgage) and then saved the additional costs

You need to think about Christmas birthdays car maintenance insurances and not of other smaller bills when they occur

Adding up those figures I would say £1500 each into the account with you taking the mortgage share out as bills

Does your partner want to buy- what are his feelings ?

My partner and I are unmarried. We bought a house together as tenants in common with a declaration of trust to protect deposits.
If you're earning over £250K a year between you, can you not continue with your house purchase and renovations and rent elsewhere temporarily while you make up your mind about where your "forever home" might be (of if you want a forever home together...!) Forgive my ignorance but monthly take home pay between you must be around £12K a month plus, so plenty left over after your mortgage and bills?

I am having a sort of similar discussion /thought process with my partner (no pregnancy to complicate things though). I earn about the same as you, already own a property and have a good amount of equity - he earns about half of that and doesn't own property.

If he were to move in the plan we've discussed is to split all utilities, CT, cleaner, food etc 50:50 - and for him to make a small contribution by way of "rent" - c. £100 a month or so. The idea is that the "rent" reflects the feeling that it feels unfair to me for him to pay nothing towards accommodation and wear and tear etc., but the amount reflects the fact that the property is entirely mine (as are all maintenance costs and DIY).

It gets more complicated as I am planning on buying somewhere larger in the next year or 2. I'm unwilling to give up any of my equity - but it feels unfair on him if we were to buy somewhere together as tenants in common and he own only a very small proportion of the house as a result (we won't be getting married). Dont know the solution to that one!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Does your partner want to buy- what are his feelings ?

He wants to buy, but is extremely fussy. It would probably take a year to find something suitable.

@BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456

My partner and I are unmarried. We bought a house together as tenants in common with a declaration of trust to protect deposits. If you're earning over £250K a year between you, can you not continue with your house purchase and renovations and rent elsewhere temporarily while you make up your mind about where your "forever home" might be (of if you want a forever home together...!) Forgive my ignorance but monthly take home pay between you must be around £12K a month plus, so plenty left over after your mortgage and bills?

Yes, I did think of this option, but discounted it as I really want to be in my own space whilst pregnant and worry I won't be as comfortable in a rental with poor security of tenure.

You’ve said you feel like you’d need a bigger home post baby and you’ve also said you’re buying a home suitable enough for a family. Which one is it? I really think you’re rushing. Wait and buy together.

Looking at the numbers, it probably would be ok if I suggest I pay the mortgage, and he pays all bills and food. That seems fair I think?

I don't think so. I think it is weighted in your favor more than his. The house is an investment as much as a home in some ways.

I'm not sure where council tax is in your calculations, but leaving that aside, by your numbers, you'd pay £1800. He'd pay £850 (assuming you're not also asking him to pay £400 for going out costs which surely you aren't?). How much of that £1800 is capital repayment? That does not really count as your expenditure does it as you'll get it back when you sell. So in reality you may pay less than him overall when you're building a larger nest egg and he's not. I'd suggest that he pays council tax, also gives you £100 a month towards wear and tear and then you split other bills (food, utilities, not going out, not car - split those) and you pay the mortgage. You will be some 100's of pounds better off each month.

End of the day though, it matters whether you two think it's fair and doesn't really matter what anyone on this thread thinks.

@Diplobrat

I am having a sort of similar discussion /thought process with my partner (no pregnancy to complicate things though). I earn about the same as you, already own a property and have a good amount of equity - he earns about half of that and doesn't own property.

If he were to move in the plan we've discussed is to split all utilities, CT, cleaner, food etc 50:50 - and for him to make a small contribution by way of "rent" - c. £100 a month or so. The idea is that the "rent" reflects the feeling that it feels unfair to me for him to pay nothing towards accommodation and wear and tear etc., but the amount reflects the fact that the property is entirely mine (as are all maintenance costs and DIY).

It gets more complicated as I am planning on buying somewhere larger in the next year or 2. I'm unwilling to give up any of my equity - but it feels unfair on him if we were to buy somewhere together as tenants in common and he own only a very small proportion of the house as a result (we won't be getting married). Dont know the solution to that one!

I am totally understanding where you are coming from here!

One option I thought about was DP paying me exactly what he currently pays in rent now, so there is no gain or loss due to the move.

Would your boyfriend choose the house, or the kind of house, you're buying? You say he is fussy.

I think your suggestion is absolutely fine. I think it may be worded better that you are just splitting all costs, rather than charging rent. I think it is really important for you to safeguard your deposit/property. I cannot believe people saying you are not ready for the commitment of a child! Surely it is better to have a child when you are financially independent like the OP is.

@GrapefruitGin

You’ve said you feel like you’d need a bigger home post baby and you’ve also said you’re buying a home suitable enough for a family. Which one is it? I really think you’re rushing. Wait and buy together.

It's a 3 bed, so suitable for a small family. But WFH complicates matters.