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Original poster

What would you do - husband buying me out after split

69 replies

Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 12:18

Good morning

I left my husband a few months ago.
I haven’t asked for anything from him although people keep telling me I should get csa payments, go after his pensions etc.
I don’t want the car.
All I want is half the equity from the house so that I can buy another home for me and the children.
I didn’t put any of the deposit down on the house, it was all him.
He is getting funny with me and saying that I’m “f**king” him over because I didn’t put any money towards the deposit for the house so shouldn’t be entitled to half the equity. Do I stand my ground and demand half the equity or give him some money back out of my share for the deposit?
What would you do?
TIA

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 15/04/2021 12:20

I would tell my solicitor to deal with it. I wouldn't worry about what your ex says now - he'd moan and groan at any settlement. You will live to regret it if you get a really crap deal. CSA payments are for the child, not for you; why would you decide not to go for them? If you don't need them then put them in a savings account (in your name, not your child's.) It's money for you to care for the child.

TheCraicDealer · 15/04/2021 12:22

So you're not going for CSA or looking a share of his pension, and he still feels you're “f**king” him over Hmm

Just get a solicitor. Honestly, anything approaching parity here will be resisted tooth and nail, so don't mess about trying to come to an "amicable" agreement.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/04/2021 12:23

I would get csa payments, half the value of your combined pensions, half all other assets including the house and the car at a bare minimum. If you have taken any time off work or worked part time to care for your children then I would ask for more.
If he refused I would go to court. You are absolutely not fucking him over

Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 12:24

Thanks for the reply. As for CSA we have come to an agreement between ourselves for payments for the children,

  • letting the solicitor deal with things, we don’t have one, we are in an awkward position as we are posted abroad with his work and are still currently living together because of this, until we move back to the UK in a couple of months, so I am trying to get things sorted between us.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 12:25

Thanks for your input guys, I feel like I’m doing a terrible thing to him but it’s all for the kids at the end of the day

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 15/04/2021 12:38

Get to a solicitor!

ExH also had a hissy fit that I was fucking him over, all because I wanted half. He kept the big house, the big car, the shares, the pensions, and that vast majority of the furniture etc. But he had to buy me out of it all. He was so mad, because it was "his money!" It wasn't his, it was ours, and the judge agreed. The judge was also happy with exH keeping the ridiculous amount of debt he ran up in between us breaking up, and the financial order going through.

It isn't based on who paid in what, it's based on need. If you need a home for you and your children, then that is taken into consideration. If you DH earns more than you, then he needs it less. Protect yourself and your DC.

Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 12:42

Can anyone point me in the right direction for legal advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 12:44

I would be entitled to £38,500 from the house he wants me to take £30,000. Should I just agree to save the arguments

OP posts:
Newnormal99 · 15/04/2021 12:46

You may be entitled to more it all depends how long marriage is etc.

Better to get solicitor involved abs try mediation.

ChateauMargaux · 15/04/2021 12:54

He should be under no illusions that regardless of who paid what, as a married couple in the UK, the starting assumption is that family assets should be shared that includes property, pensions and savings.

Child support is based on a % of earnings paid by the non resident parent to the resident parent and is adjusted for the number of days spent with each parent.

If you decide to forgo some of that, that is your choice but do so in full knowledge that you are giving that up.

If he is being difficult about the equity in the house, it is unlikely that he will be reasonable about costs for the children going forward or time spent with them and therefore it is better to have an agreement drawn up and agreed through mediation.

HollowTalk · 15/04/2021 12:55

Spending money on a solicitor would really be worth it. He's trying to screw you over about equity and you're falling for the fact that he'll be decent about child support. He might be now but later things might change, especially if new partners get involved.

sadonfriday · 15/04/2021 12:56

You know it’s not all necessarily up to you.... all this has to go before the judge

queenofthenorthwest · 15/04/2021 12:57

£38k why £38k? Is the house worth £76k?

DespairingHomeowner · 15/04/2021 13:00

@Nicky2021

I would be entitled to £38,500 from the house he wants me to take £30,000. Should I just agree to save the arguments
no, its our kids' money that he wants to keep away from them
DespairingHomeowner · 15/04/2021 13:01

your kids money I mean! 8K could pay for quite a bit

RandomMess · 15/04/2021 13:24

Actually what I would do is ask for full financial disclosure of finances, savings the lot.

How long were you married for and how long did you co-habit for before marriage?

I would actually be stating that you should be having 50% of all of it but will settle for 50% of the house.

How old are the DC and did you stop working to look after them and follow him abroad?

sadonfriday · 15/04/2021 13:33

All of this will need to be disclosed to achieve a consent order for the divorce anyway. You need a good solicitor ASAP

Lollypop701 · 15/04/2021 13:39

Get a solicitor. I know you don’t want a row, but you need to protect yourself. Half the house doesn’t reflect what you have put into the marriage, the downturn your own career has taken being a mum, following and supporting him overseas. You don’t want to be living on a financial edge whilst he sits pretty in a nice house. Holidays etc because you didn’t want a row. If he stays abroad then you may never get another penny off him post divorce but have the kids to support

TheCraicDealer · 15/04/2021 13:45

Is he army, OP?

Muststopeating · 15/04/2021 13:55

So I don't have any personal experience of divorce but have watched a lot of people spend a horrendous amount of money on solicitors that would have been better in both of their pockets.

I presume you will need a solicitor to formalise things and you do need to look after yourself and your children but if you can agree most of it yourselves amicably then surely that is better for everyone involved! The nastier it gets the longer it will take which won't help you either.

It is absolutely not his money, nor his house etc but without knowing the specific circumstances was the marriage breakdown two sided? Was he blindsided or did he know it was coming? If the former then i think its reasonable that he will have a gut reaction but I hope given a little time he can calm down and see reason. Otherwise the only people getting rich are the solicitors.

To that point perhaps some of the people pushing a solicitor and a battle could share how much their legal fees were (and their ex's)... its all coming out the collective pot. Good luck!

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 15/04/2021 14:01

You have to do this properly OP and get a solicitor. I know it's awkward with you being abroad still but if he's being obstructive about 50:50 (and you may well be entitled legally to more than that) you have to think of the kids and how you will provide for them years from now. A child support agreement just between you is not enforceable, and he sounds the sort to just stop paying that or lowball his income to pay less than he should. And once you've agreed to take less from the house than you should have, thinking child support would make up for it, you've put yourself and your kids in a bad position.

celtiethree · 15/04/2021 14:06

When you say return to U.K. which part of the U.K.? What is applicable in England for example may not be true in Scotland esp in respect of assets that were owned prior to marriage. There is no U.K. wide answer to this question.

Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 14:10

Thanks for everyone’s advice,
Just to answer a few questions,
The house is worth £220,000 I have just had a valuation done (which he wasn’t happy about)
The morgage is £130,000 giving us £90,000 equity. We always said we would pay his father back £13,000 which we were given towards the deposit on our first house which then leaves, £77,000 split between us both leaves us with £38,500.
I’m 34 and we were together 12 years married 3. Kids 11, 9 and 4 and yes o gave up a good job to follow him abroad,, although he is saying our current situation is another reason he should get more money as I’m living rent free in a beautiful country (I’m obviously not contributing to any bills etc as I’m not working because I followed him here with his job)
Yes he’s military.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 14:11

Sorry I’m England too

OP posts:
Sicario · 15/04/2021 14:14

Do not, under any circumstances, agree any kind of settlement without a lawyer.

You really must take legal advice and hire a good lawyer.