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Original poster

What would you do - husband buying me out after split

69 replies

Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 12:18

Good morning

I left my husband a few months ago.
I haven’t asked for anything from him although people keep telling me I should get csa payments, go after his pensions etc.
I don’t want the car.
All I want is half the equity from the house so that I can buy another home for me and the children.
I didn’t put any of the deposit down on the house, it was all him.
He is getting funny with me and saying that I’m “f**king” him over because I didn’t put any money towards the deposit for the house so shouldn’t be entitled to half the equity. Do I stand my ground and demand half the equity or give him some money back out of my share for the deposit?
What would you do?
TIA

OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/04/2021 14:15

12 years together and 3 DC, seriously the courts would say 50% of all marital assets were the starting point.

You need to get a shit hot lawyer and fast.

Presumably he could use cheap military digs and rent out the house anyway?

You need to do it for your DC so they have a secure nice home to live in with you.

BJHair · 15/04/2021 14:22

If he’s military he’s probably got a pretty decent pension that he won’t want to share
So with that in mind you could use that as a pretty good bargaining chip for more of the equity in the house .,
But you might find that the pension is worth more than the house - equity
And why the fuck does he think he’s deserves 8k more than you when you will have 3 kids to look after and if he’s in the military and is posted abroad he’s not exactly going to be doing 50 -50 or every weekend either
So I would go for as much as possible and then negotiate downwards
You are never going to please him unless you give him exactly what he wants so fuck him and get exactly what you need .

CrotchetyQuaver · 15/04/2021 14:24

As he's being a dick, I'd get a solicitor invoked and make up the balance he won't give you on the house from elsewhere. You're not being grabby, as you say it's for the children.

Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 14:26

Thankyou everyone I think I’m going to get a solicitor. I’m based in South Yorkshire (or will be when I come home in July) can anyone suggest a legal company I contact?

OP posts:
ExConstance · 15/04/2021 14:52

To secure a financial settlement you will both have to complete a form E detailing all your assets including pensions.

TheCraicDealer · 15/04/2021 15:46

I knew it.

He'll not be stuck for somewhere to live, DH knew plenty of fellas who moved back into barracks after a split. Why should he get more equity when he can live cheaply on camp, even if it's a short term solution until he saves enough to buy again?

You and the kids won't have the option of subsidised accomodation once you go your seperate ways and you need to bear that in mind before you go giving him money- because that's what you'd be doing if you let him walk away with more equity.

Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 15:51

He’s now playing the guilt game saying it’s his dead grandads money that he gave to him - and his grandad never knew me, why would I want to take that money!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/04/2021 16:03

Because his dead Grandad would want his great grandchildren living in a decent home rather than shoved from pillar to post in rented potentially have to moving schools frequently despite no longer following their Dad around for work.

Elieza · 15/04/2021 16:43

As Random said, you’re taking it for the kids.

Your sacrifice is worth something. You gave up your life to be with him. All earnings that came in were joint money. Incl pensions.

Get what you are due fair and square via a lawyer. You’re not trying to rip him off. You’re just taking what you are owed.

And make sure that in the event you ever remarry or live with someone that you draw up a legal agreement that the house won’t go to your new boyfriend or husband, it will go to the kids. This will assure their inheritance (or the future bloke could leave them nowt, it happens) and make sure they get what their late great grandfather would have wanted.

Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 16:54

I think I am entitled to legal aid so have contacted a mediator for advice.
He is now adding the fact that he has always contributed more to the joint account (that paid the mortgage and other bills) but that was due to the fact he earned more as I worked part time as we have children!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 16:54

He says I’m taking HIS money

OP posts:
Atalantea · 15/04/2021 17:00

@Nicky2021

He’s now playing the guilt game saying it’s his dead grandads money that he gave to him - and his grandad never knew me, why would I want to take that money!
easy answer - would his dead grandad want to see his great grandchildren homeless?
RifRafia · 15/04/2021 17:03

Hi, if your ex was military strongly recommend you contact SSAFA for advice

Elieza · 15/04/2021 17:07

Your NOT taking his money, your taking half the household income.

He could have chosen to be the one working part time (in theory) but didn’t. In that event he’d be wanting half ‘your’ earnings, which would be fair.

Don’t listen to his crap. He’s hoping you’ll cave. Hold out for the legal advice you are due. You owe it to your children to get a fair settlement.

Just think about how you’ll feel in future when he’s living the high life with his new burd and how you’ll feel. You will be unhappy if you got an unfair settlement. Get what you’re due.

1boo1 · 15/04/2021 17:13

Tell him if it was the other way round and you earnt more full time and he had 3 children to look after so had to give up work and only earn part time wage to look after them... How would he feel? Would he feel like he's given up his earning potential as a sacrifice for the family? Would he feel like he's being done over if you wouldn't give him and the kids security??
They are his children too.. You both made them... And have brought them up as a family regardless of where the money comes from.

You're more than entitled to at least 50% of the house, pensions, savings, assets and anything else.. And realistically you're actually entitled to more as you'll have 3 mouths to feed and bring up on your own. 3 mouths which he decided to bring into this world so should bloody pay for 🙈

Please please get a solicitor and go with their advice. Don't get sucked into his guilt trip and feel bad and take less that what you're due. This money isn't for you it's for your kids future and wellbeing xxx

Original poster
Nicky2021 · 15/04/2021 17:14

Thankyou everyone your advice has really helped me. I really appreciate it

OP posts:
StevieG55 · 15/04/2021 18:04

Well if he thinks ur taking his money u may as well take what ur entitled to! Half the proceeds of the house, part of pensions and so on.

If you don't want to do this, then make it clear what u are legally entitled to (after uv had advice) then say but u just want 50% of the house proceeds.

As a lot of women do u reduced ur hours to look after the kids and then followed him abroad with his work. It is as much. Money as his don't let him tell u otherwise!

LolaButt · 15/04/2021 18:10

It’s short sighted to look at the immediate issue of housing and panic, settling for half the equity.

The law recognises the contribution of “household work” by a spouse. Raising the children and following him for his career is part of that. If you hadn’t supported him in his career would he have progressed as well etc?

Future you will thank today you for not messing this up. Marriage is a contract, termination of it is a process. In regards to money it’s best to take the emotion out of it. Unless you have documentation in support of the deposit then the £13,000 is half yours.

Hope you find a good solicitor.

Ohhgreat · 15/04/2021 18:33

Just as an FYI, a military pension is very valuable - ask for a pension valuation. Wouldnt surprise me if its worth is the 100,000s

MariaAngustias · 15/04/2021 19:12

Just to reiterate everyone else's advice - please please get a solicitor. You want a home for his kids FFS, and no doubt you done your share of contributing to bringing them up and maintaining and paying for stuff around the house. His attitude stinks OP. Get what you and the kids are entitled to, he is being a knob.

cptartapp · 15/04/2021 19:27

As he's that bothered about being fair, ask him which half of the week he wants to do his 24/7 sole care of three DC.
Unless he does 50/50, whatever he gives you going forward wouldnt scratch the surface of the childcare he'd have to pay for if for you weren't around.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 15/04/2021 21:46

If you are housing the children you are probably entitled to more than half the equity.

You were married, you have children. A court would be interested in the amount needed to house the children, not who paid the deposit.

You are / were married. Does he not understand what marriage is, as a contract?

Come in OP, fight for your rights.

GettingItOutThere · 15/04/2021 22:22

OP no do not settle, military pensions are worth a LOT,

get a solicitor and do it properly, start negotiating.

you have 3 kids to feed.house and clothe., why are you settling for a shit settlement? this isnt the easy option at all. its the short term one.
the long term one is to get half of what you deserve, its family money not his!
solicitor, pronto.

UndomesticHousewife · 15/04/2021 23:44

You have 3 children and you will settle for only £38,500?? You definitely need legal advice.
50/50 is a starting point it's not what each person is entitled to and will get there's many factors to take into account, not least the children.
Don't listen to him you have to think about the kids. Pity he's not thinking about them only himself.

Ohpulltheotherone · 15/04/2021 23:53

OP it doesn’t matter what HE is saying.
What matters is that the legal position for a married couple is generally a 50% split of assets. Of course this isn’t always the case but you’ve been together 12 years, you’ve got children and you followed him to allow him to further his career - which you will not benefit from in the future.

If he wants to keep playing the guilt card then just keep saying ok sure I understand but best we sort it all through the appropriate legal channels...and repeat.

Don’t get drawn into discussions on it - if you have to talk around the subject for a bit whilst you get a solicitor and get back to the UL then say you’ll “think everything over” but don’t agree to anything and certainly don’t sign anything!

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