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Original poster

DH calling me a snob for wanting to move

58 replies

nellyii · 15/02/2021 16:11

We have been looking for a house for approx 18 months before covid kicked off my DH earns 6 figures I've also had quite a big pay rise. Approx budget 425k 100k deposit as DH wants to rent this one out so that's without selling also have another 80k equity in another BTL . He wants a double garage good sized garden we live in our first house which is a 3 bed ex local authority it's ugly and we bought it 6 years ago for 133k.
I'm getting really sick of him being so picky the choice now isn't half of what it was. Prices are climbing our last offer was down valued and DH refused to meet half way . I'm just sick of it he won't move out and rent somewhere nicer we have a lot of disposable income.

When I bring it up he calls me a snob is it snobby to want to live somewhere that reflects our earnings?

OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 15/02/2021 17:02

When I bring it up he calls me a snob is it snobby to want to live somewhere that reflects our earnings?

When you put it like that, yes, you sound snobby. But what you probably mean is, is it snobby to want to live in the nicest home you can afford? And the answer to that is of course no. It depends what you're saying to your DH though- if you're using language like 'reflects our earnings' and 'ex local authority' when you talk to him about wanting to move I can see where he'd be coming from tbh.

JorisBonson · 15/02/2021 22:55

It's a bit Mrs Bucket-y.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/02/2021 22:58

Ironically you didn't sound snobby until the last line. Then you did.

Is your DH normally good with change?

AnnaMagnani · 15/02/2021 23:01

But it's him being picky about the house choice?

Sounds like projection on his part.

TartanLassie · 15/02/2021 23:01

is it snobby to want to live somewhere that reflects our earnings? Yes, yes and more yeses!!

Shodan · 15/02/2021 23:03

Yes, sorry, you do sound snobby.

Renting somewhere nicer to reflect your income bracket is desperately try-hard, when you have the opportunity, with some patience, to buy somewhere better.

Rockettrain · 15/02/2021 23:05

Your post does sound a bit like you’re boasting about how much money you have. Not sure why it’s relevant how much your salaries are or the other houses you own? I would just say “we are able to afford to move, our budget is £425k but DH is dragging his heels”. From the way you talk it sounds maybe like you have decided that your current place is beneath you and you are now ‘better’ than that so you want to move on.

You need to find out the reason that your DH isn’t actually that keen on moving. Is he just happy where you are? Or is he worried about taking out another and bigger mortgage?

user64332 · 15/02/2021 23:05

It's hard to work out because it sounds like he is the one being snobby if he's rejected everything in 18 months. But if it's because actually, he lies your current home then maybe he just doesn't see the rush, and will only settle for a dream home? Agree with the other posters, you did sound snobby when you said you wanted the house to 'reflect your earnings'.

Rockettrain · 15/02/2021 23:06

I missed the bit about renting, what would be the point in that? Waste of money if you can afford to buy. Unless you are living in a total sh*t hole then this is really odd.

Magnificentmug12 · 15/02/2021 23:09

Yes, but because the language you are using. If you worded it different like the poster above suggests then it wouldn’t sound snobby at all.

Bunnyfuller · 15/02/2021 23:25

Moving because you want another bedroom, bigger garden, garage etc etc isn’t snobby. Buying to reflect your income is cringingly faux snobby - faux, because anyone with real money wouldn’t ever pause to think that.

Also, bear in mind, if you move somewhere more suited to your magnificent status, you’ll probably be living close to people who may well have a much higher income than you.

Midlandsmum42 · 17/02/2021 12:51

you sound incredibly snobbish and the post just sounds like stealth boasting

grapewine · 17/02/2021 12:55

You want to move because your house is ugly and doesn't reflect how much money you have?

Jesus. Get over yourself.

PresentingPercy · 17/02/2021 13:00

Well most people move to better locations if they can. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t. They don’t say it’s because they earn more but it’s obvious they do! That doesn’t mean you don’t retain friends. You just get more space and a better house. You are hardly stretching yourselves right now and I would want better. No to rented though! I like building equity and the BTL will attract CGT when you sell if your have made a profit. You need a pension scheme as well as BTL.

msgloria · 17/02/2021 13:04

I read it that OP means she wants to move to somewhere that takes up more of the income she has available to spend on housing. I did the same. Of course people think about this stuff - hence why houses close to excellent schools and amenities are generally more expensive.

Toocold · 17/02/2021 13:23

A house doesn’t reflect someone earnings, it just shows as you living in a bigger house, if you saw what I drove, lived in and wore you would assume what I have is very little, it isn’t true, I just like the house I live in, the car I drive and I don’t give a toss on what I wear so things aren’t always what they seem and that comment alone is snobby.

PresentingPercy · 17/02/2021 13:35

I’m the opposite. Many people are. I’m assuming op mentioned income because they could afford better. I get that some people just stay the same but most of us want to move up. Houses often more than clothes. I like holidays, clothes, houses, meals out, theatre and great cars! Hey - I’m so shallow! Got lots invested though so enjoyment and savings can go together! Have pride in where you live and have fun. Misers are no fun.

Chumleymouse · 17/02/2021 13:50

Your also a snob 😀☝🏼

Deathgrip · 17/02/2021 13:53

She doesn’t want to rent - they want to rent out their current property rather than sell it!

msgloria · 17/02/2021 13:54

I know @PresentingPercy I don't get it. In my view it's a perfectly valid choice to stay living in a house that's super-affordable and it's also a valid choice to want to buy a bigger house / in a better area etc now that you have more money.

As an aside, my house does reflect my income (as well as equity gained in a certain timeframe) as I based my budget for it on what DH and I could reasonably afford taking account of what we both earn and preferences for holidays, eating out etc.

VettiyaIruken · 17/02/2021 13:56

Look at my house and see how wealthy we are is quite snobbish, yes.

Janegrey333 · 17/02/2021 13:58

@nellyii

We have been looking for a house for approx 18 months before covid kicked off my DH earns 6 figures I've also had quite a big pay rise. Approx budget 425k 100k deposit as DH wants to rent this one out so that's without selling also have another 80k equity in another BTL . He wants a double garage good sized garden we live in our first house which is a 3 bed ex local authority it's ugly and we bought it 6 years ago for 133k. I'm getting really sick of him being so picky the choice now isn't half of what it was. Prices are climbing our last offer was down valued and DH refused to meet half way . I'm just sick of it he won't move out and rent somewhere nicer we have a lot of disposable income.

When I bring it up he calls me a snob is it snobby to want to live somewhere that reflects our earnings?

Can he not punctuate, either? He can’t be a merchant banker, I guess...
m0therofdragons · 17/02/2021 14:31

These replies are hilarious. We all make a judgment about people based on numerous factors and most people, if they could afford a significantly better area or a much prettier house would make the move.

I think of those I work with and the directors don’t live in ex council houses; it’s the reality, they just don’t. That said, I think I give an impression we’re poor because dh and I have no interest in cars. I only realised the other day that our cars are much older than people I work with and friends - main car is 11 years old and trusty, reliable and big for our needs. No idea why I’d replace it unless it started breaking down. We can afford to replace it but we’d only be doing it to keep up with the Jones’ which is bonkers to me... so I’ll carry on looking poor until people visit my house and see that maybe I’m not.

Original poster
nellyii · 17/02/2021 15:40

I wouldn't say I am snobby, I drive a 5 year old Peugeot 108. I don't have any interest in driving an expensive car, I don't buy expensive clothes either . I want a bigger house because simply we can afford it, I'd love a downstairs loo and we don't spend money on anything really.
We are in a completely different place financially than 6 years ago and I would like to enjoy some of it?

OP posts:
chloechloe · 17/02/2021 15:54

I think you’re getting a lot of unnecessary grief on this thread. I think it’s entirely reasonable to think about moving if you’re living well below your means. We’re fortunate and in a similar situation in that our current mortgage only takes up a small amount of our income so we have a decent amount left at the end of the month. There’s no point having money in the bank with current interest rates and the stock market is more unpredictable than ever. We’ve decided to upsize as we’d rather invest our cash where we can get some enjoyment out of it. On a six figure salary I wouldn’t stay in an ex LA house. Call me a snob. There’s nothing wrong with living there but what’s the big deal about aspiring and working towards something else?

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