Things my mother has said to me about my house hunt, a list.

[TheIris]

I feel like I could explode, so I am going to type this on here to prevent me from sending her a grumpy message!

For context, I am a FTB. She bought a house by herself, once, in 1982. She sold it in 1986 when she met my dad. They haven't moved since. I am one of three siblings and the first one to be in a position to buy my own house, so the first one to go through this!

1. I am "stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid" to think that it would be very tight to meet the stamp duty deadline, even if I put in an offer tomorrow. Apparently searches don't take long now at all "because it's all online" and so right now I can "exchange and complete in a month."

I said I had been monitoring the news and market and actually solicitors have a massive backlog right now and they were issuing warnings back in Nov/Dec to say that people might not make the deadline even if they had offers accepted then. "Oh you've read the news so you're an expert? You've never bought a house before, I have!"

2. I won't actually have saved my full deposit until end of April so I can't actually go house hunting just yet. "You don't know that. If you ring the estate agent and tell them about your circumstances it'll be fine. You can put an offer in and by the time it goes through you will have saved the money."

I tried to explain that in order to apply for a mortgage the bank would need to see the full deposit so I can't put an offer in now, but apparently I am wrong. You can offer on a house without having your deposit ready! (I mean, considering she thinks it'll complete in a month then I'm not sure how she thinks I'll have a deposit by that time but oh well.)

3. Estate agents are apparently fine with speculative viewings "just out of interest." Maybe they are in usual times (I don't know?) but surely now, they are only offering viewing to serious buyers who are in a position to move? Right? Funnily enough I am wrong.

4. The only people who use mortgage brokers are those with dodgy employment and poor credit. Apparently all brokers will fleece me. Yes, even the free ones. All I have to do is go to my bank and they will offer me the best deal.

5. I am a fool for looking for a house with extension potential. If I need an extra bedroom in a few years' time then I will just be able to buy a bigger house. Silly me!

6. I gently tried to suggest that things have changed in the 40 years since she bought a house. It did not go down well. Apparently I think I have all the answers.

She then said that she needed to hang up now because I was upsetting her so much. Er, ok? You rang me and the first words out of your mouth were that I was "stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid."

Anyone else have a mother who refuses to accept the world has moved on since 1982?

My mum refused to move on from the 1950s never mind the 1980s. Logic or common sense or even absolute fact will never win in an argument with your DM. Hope you find a suitable house.

Oh yes we have similar from MIL. She bought her house in Zone 1 for £250k. Hasn’t spent a penny on it and it’s falling into disrepair but is now worth £750k!!
We’re looking at commuter towns where we can actually afford something decent but constantly get the “but why would you want to live so far away? Don’t you love the area I live in?” Yes we do but unfortunately it’s about £300k above our budget unless we want to continue living in a 1 bedroom flat for the next 10 years!

Say nothing on the subject until you complete, then send her a new home card to announce the news.

You do need a mortgage in principle to be taken seriously. I didn't want any casual browsers when I sold. Our last house took 18 weeks to complete so there is no way you can do it in 4.

My DM knew everything about everything despite never having experienced anything.

Same here. My parents bought their house in 1979 when I was a few weeks old.

When I had just finished uni and living in London in 2001, working as a bookseller (while applying for grad jobs), they wanted to know why I didn't have a mortgage yet. I had to spell out my salary (£8.5k) and lack of deposit before they would believe it wasn't possible.

We are now in the process of moving to our second purchase (didn't buy until 2010 btw!) and it's been fraught with stuff going wrong. They don't understand any of it. They think I'm being negative (probably am) but just say things like 'it can't possibly take 12 weeks'. 'Oh I'm sure the stamp duty deadline will be fine'. 'Of course you can take credit out before your mortgage goes through'. I politely give my answer then move on. They can think I'm a negative nelly. Frankly they know nothing about today's market!

My mum was gifted the deposit for their first house, my dad was working for the building society so got a staff rates mortgage, due to a bereavement they had an unexpected chunk of cash to pay fees and buy furniture and white goods and so on, the average house was 3.5 times the average wage rather than 10 times as now... She still thinks it would be just as easy for me to buy as it was for her and the reason I haven't is pure laziness and wasting money.