Would you buy a house where someone had recently died?

[NotSureICan]

Bit of a trigger warning - suicide.

Title slightly misleading, of course lots of people have died in houses especially old ones. But how would you feel about a very recent death?

We've had our offer accepted on a house which ticks all the boxes. We like the house and it has a nice feel. We've also got a buyer for ours and now trying to take advantage of the stamp duty holiday if we can, so wanting to move quickly! However after some googling today, I've discovered that unfortunately the previous occupant committed suicide in the house a few months ago. I don't have any further details (other than cause of death but I won't mention here), so not sure where in the house it happened or if it was in one of the 2 outbuildings. I also believe the person lived alone, so without being too grisly, I'm not sure how long they were there for before discovery

I phoned the agent to check what has happened and they have outright lied to me. Said the house was owned by an elderly gentleman who has since died in care. When we first viewed the house, the agent said the sale was due to a death and I asked if this was in the house and they said they didn't know. Agent today says definitely not. I'm wondering if perhaps the vendor hasn't been honest with them. It looks as though the owners relative was living there after the owner went into care.

I'm not sure what to do now. Am I being a bit silly by feeling a bit weird about it? The house actually had a nice feel when we looked around and the second viewing we were in there on our own and it didn't feel spooky or unhappy! However I feel quite annoyed that they've lied to us, and especially as the vendor really pushed us up on the price (the house needs a lot of work doing to it so the price reflects that, but we've probably offered £5k more than we wanted to).

we live in a 400+ year old house where who knows what has happened. I know 2 kids have been born here for sure. I'm mso sorry for other posters' losses. when we moved in I became friends with the ea and asked her whether it was haunted ( I know, silly, but it had been empty for years and felt.... sad, especially the top room) . she laughed and said no. when I bumped in to her and said I'd put dd in the top bedroom which I had redecorated she looked really shocked and said 'I wouldn't have put a child in there " but 3 kids later its the most fought-for nicest bedroom in the house. what I'm saying is its lovely you're thinking of others who have gone before you but...., life goes on?

The death certificate of the occupant will have place of death on it. Your lawyer can get a copy, ours did.

NotSureICan, you can practice reframing how you think about what the events in the house took place.
It can be a learnt skill to divert yourself away from intrusive or unpleasant and ultimately unhelpful ways of thinking about something. Not easy, but can be done

If it was my dream house, I'd still go for it.
I'd light a candle for the deceased and send some good wishes to the bereaved he left behind.
And then I'd fill that house with love and light and laughter or at least I'd try

If there's a chance that you had some niggling doubts about the house anyway, and this story now make you feel even more uncomfortable, then listen to your instincts and walk away. Or make a lower offer....?

[quote NotSureICan]@abbeyroadnw8 thanks, I'm not sure it is the dream house so perhaps that is tainting my view a little.[/quote]
That is your answer then. There will be just what you want out there somewhere.

I bought a house where there had been a murder a couple of years beforehand. Agent also lied, as my mum asked them specifically if it was that house, my mum then did some research and confirmed it was. Agent absolutely knew, the house was very close to their offices.

I had a bank holiday weekend to decide whether to buy it or not. I did. And it was a happy house for me. I just made sure I’d moved out before the murderer got out of prison. It was an old house and that was just a tiny part of its history. Probably other terrible things happened there in the previous 160 years it was standing.

Also if your gut says no don't do it.
If you do buy it you could always cleanse the house with white sage, the ritual may help you feel calmer.

@bluethistles thank you. It is an old house (Edwardian), so I'm sure it has seen a lot over the years. We were already aware that the previous occupant was deceased and I guess we had built up an idea in our heads of what had happened (I.e. the elderly gentleman had gone into a home, unfortunately passed away and now the family are selling). What we didn't know was about what had happened since in the interim and it has been very sad to find it out today.

Apologies to anybody who has been upset by my thread, it was definitely not my intention to offend anyone.

So my Dad died in our family home , but it didn’t worry me at all and I slept in that bedroom after he died. It felt like a special room because he died there - he’d wanted to be at home and was, and whilst him dying was incredibly sad, it was sad because he was so awesome - so no issues for me.

But DH and I bought a house and on reading The deeds discovered the first owners (1970s) the wife had hanged herself from the bannisters. (For some reason there was a report in the pack of deeds). It did spoil it for me, because I felt so sad that she had been so unhappy. But I do get too upset by other people’s issues. So for me, I now know it would be a no if I knew in advance and could avoid it. Sold the house after 2 years. Glad to be out.

Personally, it would niggle at me and be a thought somewhere even if I pushed it away. Of course, people have died in houses, but once you know details/date etc it's hard to get out of your head.

We were aware of an attempted suicide in the house we bought (died in hospital). It never affected us although it wasn’t recent. I think a more recent death, particularly a murder, would have bothered us. Lots of old houses have experienced death.

Only a murder would bother me tbh, It's still crazy to think about though.

A house is just bricks, so although you may feel weird about things, it is really in your head. If it upsets you, why dont you do something nice for the spirit of the person who died when you move in? Leave them some flowers, tell them you are sorry they were so unhappy and you hope they are ok now?

Ffs people die get over it.

@ladylightning thanks, that is a very sweet idea.

@notsureIcan the potential 'drama' of living in a house where someone had killed themselves.

@NotSureICan no problem. I shat myself when I read your opening post as it's not been an easy sale (unrelated to why I'm selling), I really thought you might have been talking about me and I couldn't bare to have to start again!

Suicide is just a cause of death. There's no reason to fear it unless it's directly in your path.

That said, reading your posts I think you should pull out because this sounds like the icing on the cake, rather than the cake itself.

I hope you enjoy your new place wherever it will be 🙂 I'm looking forward to my new start x

@Palavah

What will cause the drama?

Great, happy to have helped. I hope you will be happy there. I am sure they would wish that for you - most people only want the best for others.

Let’s see, I lived happily alone for a year in a lovely house where the parents of someone I knew had committed suicide together about two years before, I spent the latter part of my teens sleeping in the bed my grandfather had died in, and I once rented a flat whose previous tenant had hanged himself. (I did move on quickly from that one, but because it turned out to have damp, not unquiet ghosts.)

If it bothered me, I would think it was a sign of profound silliness and work on working out what exactly it was that was so unnerving me.

Natural deaths wouldn't bother me but suicide and murder would put me off buying.

@Coolerthanapolarbearstoenails and @ParkheadParadise so sorry

OP, it wouldn't bother me. Suicide is completely devastating for the person's loved ones (got the t-shirt myself) but it's sadly a part of life, and not a reason not to buy a house you love.

[quote Coolerthanapolarbearstoenails]@Palavah

What will cause the drama?[/quote]
I can't get my head around it to be honest, but there are a lot of people on this thread thinking it would be a big deal.

Op as pp seem to say the only things are either personal bad memories or their death - well contaminated the house -
As other pp said a house that old would have experienced the whole spectrum of life events happy & sad & even the person who died may well have been happy their once.
Don't let it cloud your decision - I know the house we are in probably had sad times but it has been happy for us & that is all that matters. Think about this - people have been living in this country tens of thousands of years - I am sure where ever you live in this country somebody died or was killed under your feet (Ancient Roman battle against the Iceni is likely our area!)

I would move in. It would not bother me although I might think of the person who died doing chores and activities in the house just as I was. That is just me. I do that at ancient sites etc., sort of feel the ancient people who lived there and imagine their lives.

Dying is a part of living. We all die. But we are so far removed usually that many of us have lost touch and are afraid of the dying process and the deceased.

It might be different if the rule was we are immortal and only the very unlucky die in some awful tragedy. Then, I might feel I should avoid the spot.

The house sounds so lovely and you like it. Don't let the fact that someone died there stop you from living there. You may just find the echoes of happy times too!

Suicide would put me off, yes.