Most people are. It suited to having lodgers or being lodgers.
For it to work, both need to be excellent communicators who are willing to raise issues and clarify things from the start, rather than tip-towing around and just hoping the other might be a mind-reader. Both need to be able to talk frankly and hear about things which aren’t quite working without taking offence.
When someone is a lodger, the place does become their home. It isn’t their house but it is their home and they must be allowed to feel comfortable there. The trouble is it also the LLs home and their house and they need to feel comfortable too and often what makes each feel comfortable isn’t quite compatible. So both need to accept they won’t have everything they want....and many struggle with this. LLs in particular can have a sense that because they own the house the other person has to totally fit in with them and make unreasonable demands. Lodgers, I think rightly feel it’s never quite an equal relationship. It really doesn’t suit most people.
On one level, both parties need to be a bit flexible and certainly accommodating. On the other hand REALLY clear boundaries and expectations established upfront are key. If the potential lodger doesn’t like them, they don’t need to take the room. In my mind, these include things like any limits or times in communal spaces....where bathrooms or kitchens are shared, pinning down when each party will have access and for how long, especially at busy times is really important. Discussion about visitors and overnight guests is often a source of conflict and needs clarifying as does things like use of heating. But a LL needs to remember someone is paying and be willing to let them have the temperature they want in their room....this can be addressed by lodgers paying a share of bills if there is a worry that use will be very high.
If either party is in honesty a fusspot, or very particular about certain things, lodging probably isn’t going to work. If either party isn’t willing to raise things as they arise rather than sulking in their room and expecting the other to mindread, small things will escalate into big ones and huge breakdowns of relationships can and often happen. There was one on here last week about someone who broke a tray of her LL, but to be honest the breakdown was about far more than the tray.
It’s always harder to establish boundaries once someone has lived there a while, but you must. Otherwise resentment grows. And as LL you need to be the one to do this and actually perform your role of ensuring a smooth co-living environment.
Talk about kitchen use over busy times, especially during the day when lunch breaks might be fixed or short. Talk about how neither of you can take a full hour in the kitchen cooking, when lunch breaks are often overlapping and less than an hour. Talk about times of the week when a big long sessions in the kitchen could be possible. Try to have a discussion where the other party gets to say what they think is reasonable and would be workable for BOTH of you, rather than just what they want or would like. But also have a place in mind that you aim to get to or get close to in the discussion. Accept you might need to compromise a bit too....even if you think it’s not great for anyone to have 1 hr cooking at lunchtime in workdays, if this is really important to lodger, can you agree to it happening 1 or 2 days? It’s important you know what are the realms or spectrum of acceptable but also that they feel heard and that you’re willing to m or towards them too rather than being totally rigid. But good communication, being clear and not taking offence and open and honest tone are all important in achieving this. Lots of people can’t manage it.
Unfortunately lots of people have lodgers for financial reasons who aren’t suited to it. They want the money but not someone in their house. They want someone who is barely seen or makes no impact on their life, but pays a big chunk of their mortgage. It’s not reasonable when people pay and it’s their home.
Lots of people are lodgers for financial reasons as they can’t afford to rent a place in their own, but unfortunately they aren’t suited to it either. They want to totally do their own thing and think paying means they can fully live as they like as if they were a tenant in a 1-bed place without a live in LL. They can’t. The lower rates lodgers pay come with having to live with the owner of the house and accepting ground rules which should be established before moving in. They mean not always having access to kitchen or bathroom or whatever as you might choose and having to make compromises and accept the other person lives differently and that will impact you, even though you’re paying.
These relationships seem to work best where the communication is excellent and laid out very clearly from the start. Those who haven’t become firmly entrenched in a very particular way of living are probably most suited to it. And where both work different patterns and have time in the home on their own is also good. I can see home working during lockdown has been very very hard for lots of LL and lodger relationships.
If you need to do it for financial reasons, you have to accept some inconveniences . LLs cannot expect it to be pretty much like when they lived alone. It won’t be. Lodgers cannot expect it to be just like living alone. It won’t be.