The good and not so good times: living with a lodger during lockdown

[Wauden]

My lodger moved in before lockdown and generally she is fine. BUT she is now at home all week long because she does a physical job which cannot be done remotely. Lo and behold, I now wfh five days a week and she is here most of the time!

It grates me that she takes up the kitchen for an hour or more; it's a small kitchen so I can't make lunch for myself when she is cooking, which she does a lot of. And with much banging and clattering of pans!

(Her rent payments slipped so I had a polite but firm word and she now pays on time.)

I realise that this is a small problem in the greater scheme of things, but anyone living others is going to find niggling things including with DH etc.
I am making a real effort but I just want some space to myself.
Aaaaaggggghhh!

[Wauden]

Of course its nuts to restrict the use of washer, kitchen, etc, which is why I would never do that. As is clear from my posts.

[ShambalaHambala]

@wauden I usually live with my dad outside of lockdown and his lodgers who are all NHS workers so living separately atm. I definitely do know what it's like to have to wait 90 mins to use the kitchen. We get around it by talking to each other and just having a conversation about it. I would usually joke 'right, I need to make some lunch at some point today, you nearly done making your 5 course meal?' 😉

[Weedsnseeds1]

It's just lockdown getting on your nerves. You are able to fill time by working, she isn't, so she's cooking.
Normally you'd both be at work, so it wouldn't be an issue.
Ask her to keep the noise down a bit, maybe suggest splitting the cost of ingredients and her cooking the odd meal for both of you, if you like the same kind of food? Gives her something to do and removes the issue of both needing the kitchen at the same time.
The last thing either of you need is for this to blow up into a row, then you are both stuck together, resenting each other!

[Wauden]

@ShambalaHambala. I agree with you, it's best to keep it light-hearted and make a joke of it.

[Wauden]

@Weedsnseeds1. I like that idea. I could offer to cook for both of us but I probably wouldn't ask to split the cost either way, just because I would feel awkward.

She is cooking to keep busy and to be creative and its probably a stress release.

[RaininSummer]

I am pleased I have my super lodger during lockdown. He is pretty undemanding around the house and actually spends most of his time on his room gaming or doing student work. He makes a good buffer between me and partner as although we get on fine, lockdown could have got fraught on occasion but we have to behave for our lodger. His girlfrirnd is another issue as despite being a nurse she is nagging him to visit, 200 miles away or come here.

[Wauden]

@RaininSummer. Ah yes the quiet room-dweller version. One lodger never went out except for work and I did try and suggest things to do and see around here, but some folk just prefer sitting in their room, busy there.
Another lodger was often at the gym, out with friends til the small hours etc and was also a good lodger.

Do you have an arrangement about how many nights the girl friend can stay for? Some landlords have this

[RaininSummer]

Ha ha yes he is room dwelling. Have enticed him out for 2 dog walks in 8 weeks. Other than that he just goes to the shop once a week for pizzas and chocolate. I tell my lodgers that regular partners can stay over occasionally as in 2 or 3 days if they are out of town people so long as they also stay at theirs sometimes. I always ask them not to bring ransoms home overnight though. Not currently having house guests however.

[RaininSummer]

Random not ransoms as that would be odd

[Wauden]

@RaininSummer. Ha ha, ransoms could tricky.
I do worry about my lodgers if they aren't eating properly or are having problems eg with boyfriends. Pizzas and chocolate, hmm. Is he youngish?
I do ask my lodgers to let me know about visitors first!

Some landlords ask that if a boyfriend is staying for say, three nights a week, that the lodger stays three at bf's.

In which case I would cook for three hours solid, wack up the music and sing out of tune happily.

[RaininSummer]

He is 28. He also eats a lot of chicken chargrills and tikka masala! I have got him onto the odd vegetable now . He is actually a massive gym goer normally so lives on protein along with his chocolate. We call him chicken boy

[Wauden]

Chicken boy
I keep the house more clean and tidy than I would otherwise!

[madcatladyforever]

My ex lodger would have done my head in in lock down, she never paid her rent on time if at all and had a fecking irritating nervous tic where she would sniff really loudly ALL the time. So loudly you couldn't hear yourself think and was always in the kitchen.
Thank God she left before all this started.

[Smallgoon]

You wanted a lodger. You now have a lodger. You can't dictate when they can and can't use the kitchen. I personally like my own space and prefer to live on my own. Hence I won't be taking in a lodger.

You're being incredibly unreasonable imo. If they're doing small things that annoy you, have an adult conversation with them.

[Smallgoon]

'Her home'? That's curious as I don't remember handing over my title deeds to a lodger.
Are you confusing a lodger with a tenant?


Oh dear.

[Wauden]

@Smallgoon. If you read the thread, at no time have I said that I dictate or indeed intend to dictate when she can and can't use the kitchen. I have no idea where you get this notion from. I have clearly stated that she does use the very small kitchen at lunchtime for 60 minutes.

[TheHighestSardine]

Given that you're WFH while she's not, you are perfectly justified in saying "Look, my work lunchtime is 12-1pm and I need the kitchen during that hour, could you do your stuff at other times? And keep it down when I'm on a call"

[ProseccoBubbleFantasies]

@wauden. No, and probably won't because he doesn't know I'm on MN.

[Wauden]

@madcatladyforever. The sniffing would have me crawling up the walls in no time.
Take my kitchen, pots and all, just don't sniff.

[Smallgoon]

@wauden You've moaned about them using the kitchen to cook (of all things), in your first post! Be honest, you're annoyed that lockdown now means you're both having to share a confined space... When the reality is, you'd have preferred that your lodger used your 'home' as a place to sleep and that's all. I mean, it's not their 'home', according to you...

Lo and behold, I now wfh five days a week and she is here most of the time!

Well the country is in lockdown, so not entirely sure what you expect them to do...

[Wauden]

@TheHighestSardine. Ah, the zoom calls... got to love em with people making all sorts of domestic sounds when were trying to appear professional. I just shut the door.

[Wauden]

@Smallgoon. Its stirring how you have cooked up that I object to a lodger cooking in kitchen

[Itoldyouiwasill]

OP YANBU
A lodger pays rent for the sole use of a bedroom and, if you choose, the occasional use of kitchen and bathroom
It's completely up to you what you agree to and some people don't allow lodgers the use of the sitting room and the use of kitchen during certain hours only
You alone own the house, it's up to you to state your house rules clearly and I think it would be fairer on you both if you lay down the ground rules now before you get so pissed off that you serve her notice to leave.

[Wauden]

@Itoldyouiwasill. Thanks; house rules are essential to avoid this sort of thing.
Had a good chat with lodger today; she is of course frustrated with not knowing the government plan and believes that 'the government and rich people in general have another and secret agenda' and that David Icke is the one to believe. That is getting to her so I think that the very long cooking sessions are a way of coping. She is going for a river-side walk now.

Meanwhile, I got to the stove before her to cook my lunch from scratch, but in reasonable time.

I am wondering why I didn't lay down enough house rules as I did for previous lodgers.

[HotChoc10]

Where is she supposed to prepare and get her lunch from, under lockdown, if not the kitchen of the house she pays to stay in?