The good and not so good times: living with a lodger during lockdown

[Wauden]

My lodger moved in before lockdown and generally she is fine. BUT she is now at home all week long because she does a physical job which cannot be done remotely. Lo and behold, I now wfh five days a week and she is here most of the time!

It grates me that she takes up the kitchen for an hour or more; it's a small kitchen so I can't make lunch for myself when she is cooking, which she does a lot of. And with much banging and clattering of pans!

(Her rent payments slipped so I had a polite but firm word and she now pays on time.)

I realise that this is a small problem in the greater scheme of things, but anyone living others is going to find niggling things including with DH etc.
I am making a real effort but I just want some space to myself.
Aaaaaggggghhh!

HotChoc10, nowhere have I said a lodger cannot use a kitchen, FFS!

I got to the kitchen early again and prepared my supper and lunch, which is a plan for the future. For now! Race to the kitchen!

She is really struggling with lockdown and the conspiracy theory stuff.

Meanwhile here's another lodger story. I had another lodger who was a very entertaining character. One night she went out drinking and put the chain on the door. Trouble was, I came home later and couldn't get into my house. Fucking scary. She wasn't answering the phone do I shouted through the letter box and threw stones up onto her window. Still nothing. Went to neighbour's house and called the police but at first they wouldn't come out saying can't you stay at a hotel? My phone battery died so the neighbours called the police for me and four of them came and cut the door chain and went into her bedroom as I thought that it could have been serious. Eventually two burly policemen woke her up and explained the situatio, ie your landlady was concerned and needs get inside her house.

She had got bladdered and taken some sort of strong pill which wiped her out. I was more concerned for her than anything. She threw up again which was for the best. Next day emerged a very embarrassed lodger.

Since then, I have not replaced the door chain.

@Wauden

Wow - sounds like you've had some experiences with lodgers.

With your current lodger - maybe encourage some hobbies for her? Are you up for socialising with her a bit? Play a few board games, watch some movies or do some gardening together? Might be as good for you as it could be for her.
It sound like the conspiracy theory stuff is unhealthy for her wellbeing. Trying to empathise with her - put oneself in her position - I can imagine it's a scary situation, difficult to know who/what to trust and maybe she feels extra-vulnerable since her living situation isn't as stable as she may want it to be (lodgers don't have as many rights as tenants. She's not a homeowner and may feel vulnerable that she never will be either).

I assume the lodger's income is worth having them live with you, otherwise you wouldn't have lodgers?

Are your lodgers also your au pairs or just completely separate arrangement?

I've never known of lodgers staying with anyone who has family (DH, kids etc.). Only of single people looking for extra income and some company too. There was also an elderly couple who had a big house and made a separate part of their home for lodgers as a pension top-up. I'm aware that the government was encouraging it thought with the rent-a-room scheme etc.

@ShambalaHambala - when I was a student, I was a lodger for one of the academic years and had restrictions on when to use the washing machine. I was only allowed to use it overnight because it was cheaper for the landlady's bills. I was young and it was understandable - she made it clear before I moved in. So, I can see restrictions like that happening and also being reasonable too.

I have a room dwelling lodger....throughout lock-down I often don't see her from one day to the next (I am working out of the house - but it's a tiny house!)
She told me her last landlord restricted her time on the kitchen and told her she was only allowed 1 shower a day (she likes to have 2 a day).
My restrictions - don't feed my cat anything but her cat food,it makes her sick!

I was thinking the other day how glad I was this lockdown didn't happen when I was a lodger!

You have my sympathy, but it's probably pretty grim for both of you. Could you sit down and work out some ground rules?

I lodged for a few years and the best live in landlords would take the view that their house was your home too.

Inevitably you end up spending most of your time in your own room because you are aware it is not your house and you can feel like you are imposing but it would feel pretty shit having time limits on kitchen use , washing machine etc.

This is something you kind of agree to when taking the money, unless i suppose you are charging below market rate.

I once had a landlady who thought she'd be making some easy money and not have an actual real human in her house.

She didn't like me sitting in the lounge, would communicate with me via notes, even tried to stop me having people over at any time. She also stole my post to the point where I was barred from ordering from one website because three deliveries in a row went "missing".

I lasted a month.

OP is not like that at all.

My lodger is legally a lodger but equal tenants in all but name, I certainly don’t restrict her doing anything. I’ve been moaning to my mum about her, not because she’s doing anything wrong particularly but we were not the same sort of people and living with someone 24/7 who isn’t a family member or romantic partner is tough! We rub together fine when we’re both out all day at work and then seeing our different friends in the evening but right now it’s really hard. I’m nice as always to her but grateful for being able to moan to my mum!

I am so happy my lodger moved out a couple of weeks before lockdown! Much sympathy OP

Ooh, several more posts! Sorry for the late responses.
@ChocoTrio. It must be frustrating for her, too. She has been going out a lot more, walking and meeting a friend one at a time, so that helps.
The conspiracy theories are not healthy for her and I don't really like to have to hear them, but one has to be polite. I might try the board game suggestion, thanks.

Het English isn't good, although improved now after chatting to me - I have my uses.

My lodgers are not au pairs, although in a way they remind me of the au pairs we had when I was growing up. I really liked the au pairs.

When she does slightly annoying things like today she is using the two large pots for a recipie, for two days on end, I think about the money and I feel a lot better
In lockdown, no doubt I am annoying too but if I knew what then I wouldn't be doing it, iyswim.

As I wfh now all week, I worry that the speaker from on line meetings must be annoying for her, but I think that is the same for all wfh households.

Perhaps I need to get out more.

Also, you have to appreciate and like them. It would be awful for a lodger to feel uncomfortable during lockdown.

Yeah lodgers are great when they are subbing the mortgage and you never see them, not so great when they are around and actually using the facilities they pay for. Hopefully when rents take a hit soon this lodger will be out of your hair, and you will have plenty of space in your kitchen.

@BuzzShitbagBobbly. Thank you, I 'd prefer not to be the landlady from hell

A story from Edinburgh, many years ago: I stayed in a place and went to use the bath, only to find that there were no taps! You had to ask the landlord to borrow them! Only then could you wash.

@walksen. I prefer a lodger to use the dining room as well as the kitchen, as its a bit sad when they only use their bedrooms. But some prefer it that way.

@ChocoTrio. Thanks for the good points. I didn't have this problem before lockdown. I think that her following conspiracy theories about a government 'plot' isn't healthy for her. Unless there really is a plot, ha ha
She cooks for a long time and makes such a racket, though, to help cope with the current circumstances.

Yesterday I offered her some good alcohol and asked her if she would like to watch a TV programme I like, so that was a good bonding activity.

God this takes me back. One house where I lodged was very much based around wanting the money but not the person.
Think not being able to use the phone or lounge at all, visitors very discouraged, stared at and made to feel very unwelcome in the kitchen, minimal food storage in there, and washing to be dried in your room only. And absolutely no using tumble dryer.
I lasted five weeks before fleeing to a shared house. The old cow even rung up my parents and slagged me off to them.

It is difficult when you're cooped up together though. DD1 leaving the flour packets open is just starting to wind me up nicely.

@maggienolia. It makes you appreciate other places more!

I should try for more bonding activities such as going for a walk together.

@maggienolia. Yep, absolutely, it's being cooped up together with the heat, her not working and my not going out enough.

Ok, time for a little vent! L burnt some food today and the smell still lingers. Gah. Had to go into the micro kitchen and open the window. Don't know how she could not open the window.

Fundamentally she is a nice and caring person and I like her. I think the conspiracy theories are getting to her

The rent was paid on time, hooray!

I must get out more!

Wooooooooo!!! L has gone out! I've got the place to myself. Yeh, baby.

Aaand she is away for a week now. I will miss her.

I am back for a rant. Today she was cooking in the morning around 9.00am for about one and a half hours. I really needed to cook my porridge so I did so, but she had propped her phone on my coffee jar so it was all a faff and I felt like I was the person getting in her way.
Then again in the evening she cooks for a freaking hour, when I wanted soup before my eve zoom meeting.

She makes SO MUCH NOISE in the kitchen and I have noticed the way she chops: slamming the knife down, not keep the tip on the board like Jamie etc do. It is so so so irritating.

Crash bang with the pots and pans and plates.

Slams cupboard doors shut.
If it wasn't lockdown I could escape even go to a cafe or restaurant.

I think you should not have lodgers. Any possible fair way to serve her notice. Lodging post COVID is a totally different ball game. Not many could do it.