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Original poster

Moving an hour away from family

26 replies

MissLemon18 · 25/02/2020 08:53

Please can anyone give me some words of wisdom? Saw a house we love in an area that's an hour away from family and friends. Husband and I both have cars do transport not an issue but I'm having a wobble as I'm currently only 10 mins away from my parents. I'm an only child and they don't really have regular contact with other family members.

My house search comfort zone has been within 30-40 mins of them but can't find the sort of house we're looking for in budget within this comfort zone.

They are very close to our 2 year old, who is their only grandchild and they often look after him for us. Moving an hour away will mean that childcare will become more difficult too.

Trying to work out if this is just a wobble or if we should withdraw our offer. The area ismuch nicer than where we currently live and there's no way we could afford the house we have offered on if it was closer to
us. The area has better prospects and would make my husband's hour and a half commute much shorter.

Spoke to husband about wobble and he wants to take gamble on moving to new area and has offered to move back if we can't settle there.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

OP posts:
june2007 · 25/02/2020 09:06

TBH in my book an hour is nothing. You both drive. It,s a shorter commute to work. It,s not like your moving across country.

daisypond · 25/02/2020 09:10

An hour is nothing at all to me.

Wallabyone · 25/02/2020 09:12

I live a 5 minute drive from my family, and I love being so close, so for me, I wouldn't choose to move an hour away.

LizzieMacQueen · 25/02/2020 09:16

I'd consider the types of road. One hour motorway driving is not the same as rural roads. What are the public transport options like between the 2?

BendingSpoons · 25/02/2020 09:21

How often do they look after your child? If your husband's commute is cut every day then that is probably worth the extra travel for childcare, if it is more occasional. Although it is worth thinking through future plans e.g. would they help with school pickups if you were both working etc. We moved closer to my parents (15 mins instead of 90 mins) which means it is much easier for my parents to pop by e.g. to babysit whilst I go to the dentist. In our case though the houses nearer my parents were cheaper so it was an easier decision.

Valkadin · 25/02/2020 09:28

My friend commutes two hours to work each way every day, I live almost four hours away from my closest family member and DH lives almost 3 hours away. My favourite sibling lives in the USA. So for me an hour seems like FA.

I’d it’s weekend childcare so you can go out that’s fine, is it’s every day so you can work that very different.

Original poster
MissLemon18 · 25/02/2020 09:47

Hour's travel would be on standard roads although it's accessible by motorway but only about 5-10 mins different depending on the route.

I've been a SAHM since little boy arrived and planning to work again once he's at school, so will either need to find a job that will allow me to do drop offs/pick ups or my husband will need to help with them. My mum and dad have always offered to help with this when time comes, but can't really expect them to do that if we live an hour away.

Frustrated and don't know what to do for best as this is the stage of our lives where it would make most sense to stay close by.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 25/02/2020 09:49

If it cuts your husband's commute I'd go for it.

EmiliaAirheart · 25/02/2020 11:03

The trade off is that your son has a guaranteed extra hour or two with his father every day, rather than saving travel time for the occasional grandparent visit. Yes I'd make the trade off without any further thought. There's no guarantee your parents would remain healthy enough or available to plan your return to work around it - it would be better to ensure there's childcare provisions locally.

Original poster
MissLemon18 · 25/02/2020 22:02

Thanks for your replies, after talking to my husband tonight about the emotions it's unexpectedly thrown up, feeling better. There's always a way back if it doesn't work out. Funny how house moves stir up fears that you didn't even realise were there.

OP posts:
AdoptedBumpkin · 25/02/2020 22:06

An hour is not that far unless you are so close you feel you need to see them all the time. Millions of people live much further away.

flirtygirl · 26/02/2020 00:17

For help with childcare, I wouldn't live more than 30 to 45 mins away.

An hour can easily become 1.5 with traffic and is that feasible with going back to work and having then help out. I wouldn't move in your shoes. Never underestimate how great it is to have grandparents close who help and support you.

GlassOfProsecco · 26/02/2020 06:54

I moved an hour away & rarely see my parents now Sad- it was easier when DC were pre-school & I could get over at weekends.

But now I'm almost full-time & they have hobbies/clubs/parties at weekends, so it's only school holidays.

As my parents age, it's much harder all round & my DC have less of a relationship with them than I would like. Plus it's harder for me to support them.

I wish I'd never moved away.

Settlersofcatan · 26/02/2020 07:05

I would much rather have my DH around more every day because of a shorter commute than make it easier for family to do childcare, even if they do it regularly.

Settlersofcatan · 26/02/2020 07:09

Reading your followup posts, I do think it's worth being clear with your DH that the trade off is that he will need to do half the pickups and drop offs when you return to work as your parents won't be able to. Hopefully he will be happy with that and it is part of why he wants the move

lovemydog301 · 26/02/2020 07:22

I travel an hour and a half each way to work. An hour is nothing!

ChicChicChicChiclana · 26/02/2020 07:22

If you are only an hours drive away you can still see your parents pretty often! You've listed so many plus points to moving - I really think you should go for it.

wehaveafloater · 26/02/2020 16:35

maybe they might move closer too?? if its a nice area ??

Original poster
MissLemon18 · 27/02/2020 08:55

Ahhh @GlassOfProsecco sorry to hear that, 😔😔 that's what I'm frightened of. I think if the distance feels too much or if it's not working out, we'll have to move closer. I'm prepared to take the gamble and see how it goes for short term (couple of years) but I'm unsure if this move can be long term.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissLemon18 · 27/02/2020 08:57

@wehaveafloater Part of me hopes that when they see how lovely it is and they come to stay with us for weekends, that it might get them thinking.

OP posts:
Southmouth · 27/02/2020 09:59

We’ve always lived close to family but found our perfect home which offered us everything we couldn't have for our budget if we stayed in the area we were.

We made the decision to move, it was a hours drive away but we as a family were going to benefit massively from it. We still see family all the time, a hour now doesn’t feel so far away now we’re used to it.

Our family come down and stay here for weekends which is lovely as we didn’t do that before.

If you make the choice to move and find yourself regretting it, then it’s not permanent, you could still move back.

GlassOfProsecco · 27/02/2020 10:22

Will you have a spare room or two to have family stay? Do they have room to accommodate you if you stay overnight? Things to consider when you live further away.

Original poster
MissLemon18 · 27/02/2020 10:42

@Southmouth and @GlassOfProsecco yes, there's a couple of spare rooms so we can have people over to stay and my mum and dad have a spare room that we could stay in too, so hoping that this will in a weird way bring us closer as we/they never stay over now as our houses are only 10 mins away.

OP posts:
Redted02 · 08/04/2024 19:45

MissLemon18
Just read your post of 4 years ago, please can i ask how the move went . Im in a similar situation but its my son moving an hr or so away in with his girlfriend where she lives.(where he went to uni ) im gutted. Thinking am i going to see any grandchildren, i was hoping he would move back and id be able to help walk any children to school, babysit and be there for him .
Do you see much of yr parents ? Do they find it hard travelling to babysit ? Have you and your children still have a good relationship with your parents ? Cant imagine my life without him .

OrangeFrankfurt · 14/05/2025 14:57

@MissLemon18 I would also love to know how your move went please !! In same situation and having huge wobbles about it