Have to make a decision on north london by tomorrow

[ooglyboogly1]

A school place at a good school in north London has come up. Told just before Xmas. Have to let them know tomorrow if we want it and then somehow move us plus two kids for start of school!!!

On the one side I love the area, I've never settled where we are, commute is less. Not too hard to get to ageing parents. Very green. BUT secondaries worry me. We want to go private or try for grammar but there is only one or two vv competitive choices there and the grammars are miles away. We also don't know many people there so essentially we'd be starting again. And something is making me nervous about making a huge move with kids back to a lovely area of London but still with all the negatives of inner London. And it's vv expensive. And the thought of telling my son he's moving school next week is worrying me massively and I'm not sure how I'll cope moving us all into a tiny flat with all the upheaval that comes with moving.

I'm now also pondering Wimbledon as a better option with kids though I can't see how on earth to get them into a decent school. It's seems uber oversubscribed and competitive there. Worse than north London even. V expensive. And further from my parents. But there is a better choice of private secondaries and Sutton grammars. And nearer to friends. Of course this wouldn't be now but maybe going into year 2 or 3.

Or we stay where we are and I get help for my declining mental health. I've unfortunately posted many times on here before and I don't really know why I'm posting again. Only I can make this decision. I've been in limbo for 6 years and it's thrown me now that the one place I've pined after is now an option and I'm sh1tting myself that it won't make me feel any better.

Where are you now? Where in north London is the potential move to?

How big is the move if you take the place? (How far, I mean.)

Can you say where in north london it is?

If you lost the place, would you feel gutted or relieved?

I’d say get help so you can work out I your own mind what you want.

It sounds like the North London option is good for parents but not a great long term solution in terms of schooling. Wimbledon sounds the opposite so both have compromises.

It's highgate. We'd have to rent there but probably end up buying on Highgate/Muswell hill way.
We are in Surrey right now.
I'm erring towards turning place down but I do not want to stay here at all. I just don't know what to do for the best. Thanks for your comments.

@Froozen I'd feel both. Relieved as like @JoJoSM2 said probably a good choice for us but less so for kids but also gutted as it doesn't solve the issue of me being thoroughly miserable where we are.

Do you have a flat lined up in Highgate that you could move to, or is the move theoretical at the moment?

Hi OP, I think the first thing you need to do is to get together a list of your priorities. At the moment it sounds as though you are going round in circles because you are juggling several competing goals in your mind.

How did you come across this particular school? Is it somewhere you have always wanted to send your kids?

If it's not a good move for your children then don't do it. You can spring a sudden school change on a child like that, you need to look at ways of making where you are better. Surrey must be better then a cramped flat in London which you aren't committed to yourself of you'd feel positive about it,

Highgate is a lovely area, very green for London, and the schools are excellent. We're raising our DC in north London, just up the road Highgate, and there's so much for them to do as they get older. If you can afford to buy there, definitely do it.

I’m going to PM you!

Agree it’s a lovely place to raise kids. Do you think it’s a bad move for them because of a smaller living space? Or because they’re happy in their current school?

Are you unhappy in Surrey or are you unhappy, and think a change will make you happier?

@reefedsail we managed to look at one place before everything shut for Xmas. It's not ideal but would work in the short term.

Highgate is a phenomenal place to move to - and loads of private schools in the vicinity for secondary? I would definitely make the move, it's a gorgeous area and still very accessible.

How old is your oldest child? If they’re 5 or 6 it’s too soon to worry about what the secondary schools are like.

Why have you picked Highgate specifically? It seems something of a random leap. Does the family want to move, what support would you have compared to now.

@ElloBrian we've been considering a few areas for ages so already looked at the school a while back.

Agree about priorities.

I wouldn't rule out Fortismere as secondary - ppl move to Muswell Hill to get their children in. Has very good reputation.

Tricky.

Is this for ds1? What about your other dc?

You have a lot of factors to consider. The lack of secondary options is a real killer for me.

I too am in Surrey, have friends in Sutton and Highgate, but all catholic so the choices of schools are superb.

What would you go secondary wise, in each of these places. That would be my priority thought.

Will You be able to /the system makes it incredibly hard, to just move again, pre secondary and get in to a really good secondary.

We used to live nearby so we do know the area. Commute miles better for DH. Love the woods and heath. That's why we were also looking at Wimbledon for the green space.

SW London seems to be the best for kids in my eyes and we know more people there but I can't seem to make the commute/schools thing work. Discounted anywhere in SW London due to longer commute and plane noise.

We moved out as thought we wanted to be out of London but I struggled ever since. To me the commuter belt is neither here nor there, so we've also talked about moving further out so proper countryside. But then commute for DH worse. Another spanner is he may not have to be in every day in a few years time so that does widen our choices somewhat but it's another few years away. We'll always need to be within 1-1.5 hrs of London though.

We found a preschool for little one though the school might have a nursery place - haven't been able to ask yet!

Highgate School was the secondary we would love but we can't put eggs into one basket. I have heard increasingly negative things about Fortismere which concerned me.

I am honestly all over the place and my mental health has spiralled downhill 🙁 thanks for your thoughts.

My overriding thought is that families move out of London. Are we crazy moving in. I do love the countryside but I need access to culture too. Where we have landed has made me miserable though admittedly it has got marginally better as it's become more familiar. It's by no means the green fields of freedoms though!

@LIZS no support but I don't here either tbh

Move in! I could never move further out. It’s a great place kids. So much to do, so many people to meet. In the countryside you get a big house but that’s it.

I love muswell hill - it's great for families. There's so much to do and it takes 30 mins to be in central. Agree with PP re priorities, sounds like you are juggling a lot

Ok so I think you’re putting the cart before the horse by looking for a school at the moment.

The decisions you need to make are, in the following order:

1. back in, or further out? (Re the commute, there are actually some places further out which are a quicker commute than the suburbs are. Where does your DH need to get to? We can advise on the best rail lines ...)

2. once you’ve decided that, pick an area, or a shortlist of three areas based on commute time for your DH, friends and local resources for you, and greenery and facilities for the kids. You need a balance of all three factors.

3. THEN look at schools.

4. then housing.

Does that make sense ?!
Ok so your first decision is in or out. It’s not madness to move back in, plenty of families manage in inner London. But you are probably going to have to trade space for convenience and familiarity. Would you be happy in an apartment with no garden? Can you afford something a bit more spacious? I know you say you’re feeling isolated where you are, but living in cramped conditions with high rents which put a strain on the family budget can also be bad for your mental health ... what do you think?

I lived in Wimbledon but couldn’t get used to the lack of diversity compared to north London. I felt miserable and it took so long to commute to work. I moved back to the Highgate / Islington area and my mental health improved immensely. My children are very happy at school - one at primary and one at a semi selective secondary. If you’ve been thinking about it for a long time and now you’ve got the place, are you just having last minute jitters? I would definitely do it! Good luck with whatever you decide

My overriding thought is that families move out of London.

Lots do move out – and while some love it, some massively regret it. If you're desperately unhappy where you are and have the option to move back in, it's worth a shot, because lots of those who move out and regret it, don't have that option as they've priced themselves out of the housing market.

The worst that can happen is that you move out again in a few years because the grass wasn't greener.