Have to make a decision on north london by tomorrow

[ooglyboogly1]

A school place at a good school in north London has come up. Told just before Xmas. Have to let them know tomorrow if we want it and then somehow move us plus two kids for start of school!!!

On the one side I love the area, I've never settled where we are, commute is less. Not too hard to get to ageing parents. Very green. BUT secondaries worry me. We want to go private or try for grammar but there is only one or two vv competitive choices there and the grammars are miles away. We also don't know many people there so essentially we'd be starting again. And something is making me nervous about making a huge move with kids back to a lovely area of London but still with all the negatives of inner London. And it's vv expensive. And the thought of telling my son he's moving school next week is worrying me massively and I'm not sure how I'll cope moving us all into a tiny flat with all the upheaval that comes with moving.

I'm now also pondering Wimbledon as a better option with kids though I can't see how on earth to get them into a decent school. It's seems uber oversubscribed and competitive there. Worse than north London even. V expensive. And further from my parents. But there is a better choice of private secondaries and Sutton grammars. And nearer to friends. Of course this wouldn't be now but maybe going into year 2 or 3.

Or we stay where we are and I get help for my declining mental health. I've unfortunately posted many times on here before and I don't really know why I'm posting again. Only I can make this decision. I've been in limbo for 6 years and it's thrown me now that the one place I've pined after is now an option and I'm sh1tting myself that it won't make me feel any better.

I wouldn’t be so sure that geography can fix anything. It might just turn into feeling guilty over bringing children up in a pokey property in a polluted area and worries over schools might not vanish either.
I think it’s more about realising that there will always be one compromise or another and working out the best overall scenario. Then, it’s a case of remembering why you’ve made your choice and appreciating what you’ve got.

@seven8nine what did u do and has it helped?
Unfortunately I had a large panic attack yesterday. I've made an appointment with the dr this morning. We have a deposit paid on the place in Highgate but I am wobbling. I'm not quite sure if my state of mind is up for this but at the same time I know something has to change where we are. I really cannot cope anymore with feeling like this. All I really want is for my husband to be around more or to be nearer to my mum in Suffolk.

Hi OP, We moved into rented for a couple of years then sold and bought, I have absolutely no regrets, moving was a no brainier, dh works long hours so being an Uber away when he’s not travelling is and has been brilliant. Mind you we didn’t move out out of london, it was far enough and I was only pregnant with dc1 when we moved but would have done it with dc. I’m guessing your dc are young enough to move? once in secondary, moving imho would be much harder.

From that experience, I will always choose location over property, I’d rather live in a smaller property in the right location than a larger property in the wrong location.

If we moved out out of london I knew that my dh would be miserable and beaten doing the daily commute and never really enjoying the big house as would I being stuck in a big house with dc, constant maintenance and nowhere to go!! (without car etc)
We’ve had many friends move out of london over the years we have visited so get the gist of their new lifestyles.

Anyway there’s some really positive advise on this thread for you, from what you write I get the sense the move to Surrey was the catalyst of your mental health deteriorating, it wasn’t the white picket fence dream you thought it would be when having your family. It usually takes 2 years to settle anywhere new, if time hasn’t helped you settle in Surrey then maybe the move can only be a good thing. It’s ok it didn’t work out, important thing now is how to make it better. Moving (anywhere) can be stressful, but if you think it will be helpful in the long run then it’s worth it.

You sound like a strong resilient person and change is possible, in fact at your fingertips if you want it. Only you can decide, what does your DH want? Maybe take some time to properly research and plan the move. If you are renting then you have the choice to move into catchment if the first school place is no longer available.

It’s totally understandable to wobble you might make the wrong decision again, its a big one but if your only other option is to go on AD’s (that may not work) to tolerate a life in Surrey that is making you miserable then i agree with what @longwhiskers14 said “if you don’t at least try it, you’ll make yourself more miserable wondering “what if”

I hope that helps, good luck with everything.

@JoJoSM2 other than polluted and pokey, wise words, your post applies to both scenarios London or Surrey. ;)

Op, as you are sure that you want to move, of your options beautiful Highgate is the best one (school place, family area), compared to Wimbledon (cost etc) and St Albans etc (long commute).
Your worry about secondary schools is unfounded, as you are renting you can move into catchment for great secondary schools in slightly cheaper areas than Highgate (e.g. Alexandra Palace). All very green and leafy but short commute into central London.

Can I ask, is the school place for January or September?
The only other option that sounds good is Suffolk, but that would affect work I imagine.
Sorry your mental health is suffering btw, that is the most important thing really.

Thanks everyone for being so kind. The dr has given me some ADs and valium and has advised some form of therapy for anxiety and depression which I will look into.
We're going to try it. We're moving on Sunday and will just take each hour by hour and review in six months or so. If anything it will be a relief for my poor husband whose commute will reduce from 1hr15 each way to 35 mins and he can run in as well instead of waiting for trains.

Great news OP- good luck with the move

Good luck with the move, OP. If you regret it, you can always move again but Highgate is lovely and for the shorter commute alone, I think it's going to be a good decision for you all.

That's great news OP. Short commutes for your husband, ADs and therapy for you. Sounds like 2020 is getting off to a great start for your family

I’d choose SW London. Look into Southfields as an option.

Sorry looks like you are moving to Highgate. I’m sure that will be a good choice and it sounds like it works well for your husband. That will be huge. All the best with your move OP.

Good luck with the move OP! Hope you're feeling better soon too.

Great news OP! Good luck with everything!

That’s such great news, OP! And that you’ve been to the doc. It sounds like you’re lining everything up to be a better year for you all. Good luck!

Like jojo said, which was great advice, “it’s a case of remembering why you’ve made your choice and appreciating what you’ve got.”

OP I live locally - if you want any advice on the area feel free to message me! 👍👍

Amazing news OP, sounds like a great plan, but do check into ad side effects so you are prepared just in case.

New year new start how exciting, best of luck with everything!

Please keep us posted.

I think you're definitely doing the right thing to at least try it, OP. Good luck with the move and do update us about how you're getting on.