The phrase ‘forever home’

[Offred2]

We’re thinking of moving house and everywhere I look I keep seeing the phrase ‘forever home’, both on mumsnet and elsewhere. I dislike this phrase on so many levels.

There feels like such a smug certainty behind it. Maybe I’m just pessimistic but when I hear it I immediately think of all the unpredictable events that could mean it won’t be your forever home. For instance you may split with partner, you or partner could die, financial or health/mobility problems could mean you need to move elsewhere etc. To refer to somewhere as your forever home feels way too much like tempting fate to me.

It also feels claustrophobic and limiting. I think maintaining the possibility of one day moving to a completely new area or country is a positive thing. I’d hate to feel so settled that I couldn’t contemplate moving again.

Also, the idea of a forever home seems to preclude those who rent rather than own their homes.

So - am I just overthinking a completely innocuous phrase, or does anyone else dislike ‘forever home’ as much as me?

I don't use it in a literal sense for the reasons you give, but I do use it sometimes as a simpler way of denoting long term intent. It doesn't mean I think I have the ability to predict the future or a rose tinted view of how life can go (quite the opposite).

Actually, maybe not even long term intent so much as long term hope/dream.

Life can go to hell in an instant, but I'm not going to let knowing that obliterate all hopeful language from the vocabulary I use.

I can't stand it. It sounds babyish and naive.

I reminds me of a scene from the Richard Prior film, 'Brewsters Millions' where a guy who suddenly comes into money says to the interior room designer, 'make me a room I could die in.'

Towards the end of the film when the money has just about run out he remarks, while standing in said room, 'I could die in this room.'

How are you supposed to know whether it's your forever home ? (OK, the mortgage is probably a pretty big clue.)

Read the relationships board. How many heartbroken stbe wives are having to see the family, 'forever home.' Says it all really.

It just means an aspirational home that’s intended for the long term. Obvs things can change.

sell the (what was supposed to be) their forever home not see

Totally agree - it's the twee twattery that MN seems to love, though

I see it that the house I live in is the one that I am not thinking this will do for the next 5 years.

Before that we were always in stepping stone houses whether rented or owned.

Now we have been here 10 years, we will stay here another 10 until Ds2 is out of university and then no doubt we will downsize. So not a "forever" forever house, just one that suits are needs and wants for a long period of time. I am not browsing RightMove thinking I would love that one.

It just means the home that you'll die in or be moved into a care home from. Most people can't step into this when they are first time buyers so you have stepping stone houses and the one you want to die in, optimistically called a forever home.

I think we can forgive people for hoping life won't shit all over them and not take this house from them.

Regarding the phrase itself, I did think of it as twee but never annoying or silly.

It depends doesnt it? I've used it.

Up until moving here (our forever home ) we moved about 10 times in about 8 years - different areas and different countries. Long term plan was to buy in a particular area for schools so until that time, we always knew another move was on the cards. It stops you making friends / being part of the community, feeling settled etc when you know you're moving again in 6 months.

So for me, there's something comforting knowing that but for a significant event, we wont be moving again.

Meh. I don’t care if others don’t like it. Our ‘first’ home is also our ‘forever’ home. We bought it for that very reason. We are never moving again. We looked for a ‘forever’ home and were lucky enough to find one. If that makes us ‘babyish and naive, so be it.

It’s using a cloak of sentimentality to try and cover up acquisitiveness, IMO.

The context I am used to hearing this phrase used in is for children in care who are being confirmed in a permanent residence/family.

I just think of it as meaning that they are done with climbing the property ladder and don't want to move again.

@HeddaGarbled how is owning a home greedy?

Well since you've asked I think you're massively overthinking. It simply means people don't plan on moving again. Probably because its as big as they think they could need or because its stretched them to the max. Ive used it. I simply mean there's no bloody way we could afford the stamp duty to move again so that's it for us.

It seems like you have a very negative outlook on life if you dislike the phrase "forever home" in case someone dies or divorces.

It's nauseatingly smug and twee. When used by younger people, it's to signal a level of wealth or earnings, I think.

I find it a bit irksome, yes - I probably have used it, but just as it's kind of a shorthand for 'place we're going to stay in for a long time'. Our current place is our home until, I'd hope, around retirement. It's not perfect, but can't complain.

We bought our first home with the intention of not moving for a long time, if ever. It was a 3 bed ex-council house with good size rooms and big garden. Handy for everywhere we go. We had no children then. We've since had 2 kids and extended it into a big 4 bedroom. Still have a good size garden. The extension cost more than it added to the value but it was never an investment move, we knew that. Even if we had gained financially, every time you move it costs £££££. Sadly dh is now stbxh. I'll be buying him out. Twat.

Kirsty Allsop started using it on Location Location Location to mean a house you want to settle down in - so not a first house but one you intend to stay in. I really wouldn’t lose sleep over one of Kirsty’s sayings though! Does it matter? It was used on a tv programme and is now used by EAs. You get the gist of the meaning and that’s ok.

The only way to guarantee a "forever home" is when you enter a nursing home. Circumstances change, if you want a family you you want a "family home" then at retirement you probably don't need a 4 bed with a garden anymore so you down size at retirement.

I also hate the phrase

"It’s using a cloak of sentimentality to try and cover up acquisitiveness"

Isn't it the opposite of a acquisitiveness? It's saying no more climbing the ladder, this is our permanent home not an aspirational investment vehicle. I agree it sounds a bit twee, but it covers a useful concept. We certainly have no plans to move in the foreseeable future, possibly for ever. We have a nice house with enough space for our kids through their teenage years, and we are rooted in our community and schools. Obviously I know life can get in the way! If it makes you feel any better I tend to use the phrase 'i plan to leave here in a box'

The context I am used to hearing this phrase used in is for children in care who are being confirmed in a permanent residence/family.

In this context, I think it's lovely and quite appropriate.

The PP who says your only forever home is the nursing home you might be in before you die has hit the nail on the head !

Isn't it the opposite of acquisitiveness?

People don’t tend to say it about a bog standard house in an average location that they got on the cheap.
It tends to be said about houses that are bigger or in fancier locations than people thought they could afford. Often top end of budget too.