Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

The phrase ‘forever home’

58 replies

Offred2 · 14/12/2019 16:53

We’re thinking of moving house and everywhere I look I keep seeing the phrase ‘forever home’, both on mumsnet and elsewhere. I dislike this phrase on so many levels.

There feels like such a smug certainty behind it. Maybe I’m just pessimistic but when I hear it I immediately think of all the unpredictable events that could mean it won’t be your forever home. For instance you may split with partner, you or partner could die, financial or health/mobility problems could mean you need to move elsewhere etc. To refer to somewhere as your forever home feels way too much like tempting fate to me.

It also feels claustrophobic and limiting. I think maintaining the possibility of one day moving to a completely new area or country is a positive thing. I’d hate to feel so settled that I couldn’t contemplate moving again.

Also, the idea of a forever home seems to preclude those who rent rather than own their homes.

So - am I just overthinking a completely innocuous phrase, or does anyone else dislike ‘forever home’ as much as me?

OP posts:
firsttimekat · 14/12/2019 18:05

I think this approach is partly what fuels the property market and means you've got lots of oldies whose kids have moved out in big family homes because they are their 'forever home'. They no longer need all that space and then you have families squeezing into small places. My parents / in laws fit into this as did my grandparents.

We are lucky enough to have a house that we could live in forever but once schools are no longer an issue and kids moved out I fully intend on moving somewhere smaller, perhaps back to a city centre or the coast and then somewhere suitable to retire to. Lower running costs, less to clean etc! But then I'm not really materialistic or need to show off my financial status to others much more about adjusting to what best suits my life at the moment.

Nuffaluff · 14/12/2019 18:10

The only person I know who used this phrase said it when they were moving far away to Devon. Far far away from the rest of us living here. As in, you wouldn’t want to live in the area the rest of us are still living in. It’s too shit to be a ‘forever home’.
Fuck the fuck off.
She had limited social skills.

Original poster
Offred2 · 14/12/2019 18:11

Wow, lots of replies! And lots of really interesting perspectives.

I thought I was being pessimistic thinking about divorce, changes in finances when I heard the phrase. I didn’t even consider that taken literally a ‘forever home’ describes a care home!!

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 14/12/2019 18:14

I'm never saying it again, my last home was supposed to be my "forever home" then I got divorced. I honestly don't know where I will end up.
I've just bought a new home and all I can say is that wherever I am I will endeavour to be as happy as possible there and make it lovely and cosy no matter how humble. Somewhere I want to go home to at the end of the day.

minipie · 14/12/2019 18:18

I don’t like the phrase either. I think it’s a tool used by estate agents (and Kirsty) to encourage buyers to stretch themselves to a step further than they can really afford. I agree with a PP that it doesn’t tend to be used for houses that are perfectly nice but nothing fancy (the standard 3 bed semi), it’s used for the detached 5 beds with parking etc. Calling this a “forever home” gives people fond images of their kids growing up there and never having to pack boxes again, so they spend more than they intended.

JoJoSM2 · 14/12/2019 18:33

I think this approach is partly what fuels the property market and means you've got lots of oldies whose kids have moved out in big family homes because they are their 'forever home'.

Some people are family orientated. They like to keep a big house to enable children and grandchildren to visit frequently and stay over. You can’t really host 10+ people in a 2-bed bungalow.

flirtygirl · 14/12/2019 19:20

I disagree and think for some it does mean the 3 bed semi or large 2 bed flat. I was watching old location, location, location last week. Watch loads and it was used by many to describe absolutely normal properties.

For some this is their aspiration and their forever home. Lots of young couples with no kids, buying 3 beds to start a family.

It really is just another way to say barring disaster we are here for the long term.

flirtygirl · 14/12/2019 19:21

DDIJ please get some help, therapy or something.

On so many threads when you describe your house, kids, possessions, etc, it is so sad. Flowers

maidenover · 14/12/2019 19:31

I don’t think it’s the idea of being in a ‘forever’ home that is the reason the older generation aren’t downsizing. Amongst my parent’s peer group, it’s more that there just aren’t enough affordable bungalows to move into to make the process worthwhile.

LucyLocketss · 14/12/2019 19:34

You're totally overthinking it

I'm in my forever home. However I could also put this as 'I'm in the house that I don't intend to sell and I don't intend to move again but I remain open to the fact that may change due to circumstances'

CactusAndCacti · 14/12/2019 20:56

minipie I totally agree. I see it being used to justify a purchase that perhaps isn't totally sensible - cost, amount of work etc.

PickAChew · 14/12/2019 21:00

It's the one people downsize from when their kids leave the nest and they realise it's too much house to maintain.

Dinosauraddict · 14/12/2019 21:46

I call our current house our 'forever home' but also openly say we'll be here until retirement. I'm late twenties so that is plenty of time for me to be in one house. Before this we were in rented or starter homes. This is a large 5 bedroom that I definitely won't be trying to maintain or clean when I'm 70 (and the amount of stairs are enough of a pain now)!

exLtEveDallas · 14/12/2019 21:47

People don’t tend to say it about a bog standard house in an average location that they got on the cheap

Mine is a box standard house in an average location. It was a good price, It was what we could afford, it is in an area we like, it is future-proofed (except the garden which will need sorting as we age) it is the perfect size for us and we never want to move again. It is literally the house we want to stay in forever, so why shouldn’t we call it that?

Fuck, this place is so dreary and sneering.

exLtEveDallas · 14/12/2019 21:48

Oh and my neighbour (attached) is 84 and still managing the garden and the stairs (although we do cut his hedges). He’s just had a new kitchen and bathroom put in - pretty sure it’s going to be forever for him as well!

longearedbat · 14/12/2019 21:54

I think it's a bit sad to move into a house in, say, your 30's, and say that it's your 'forever home' (and yes, the phrase is incredibly twee and annoying). To think that you will stay the same person for the rest of your life, which could be 60 years or so if you're lucky, and stay stuck in the same house in the same road for all those years; well its just so limiting and boring. When it comes down to it, very few people stay in one house for that long. One's tastes and needs change, external things beyond one's control happen (like extensive local development, shitty neighbours moving in etc etc). We have lived in our current house for 19 years, have done a lot of work etc, we can do no more. It's very comfortable, but I am now rather bored with it and would like a new challenge elsewhere. There are some beautiful places in this country, why restrict yourself to just one for the rest of your life?

dudsville · 14/12/2019 21:56

I'm in my forever home. I'm really happy about it. I didn't realise it until after moving in and the unexpected pleasure this gives me its immense. I know things can change. I work in a field where I'm reminded if this daily. But I grasp for silver linings and things that make me happy. I can weather the bad times, but I don't need to sit around and wait for them. I don't mind what anyone else thinks of the phrase.

BrokenLogs · 14/12/2019 21:56

I don't like it either, I'd feel so trapped thinking this is the home I'm in for next 20 odd years.

We have a 3 bed, 2 bathroom house which is perfect for us...at the moment. The kitchen, dining room and lounge is open plan, and as the DC get older we'd like another room for us.

So I know we'll be moving in a few years, which cheers me up.

RandomUsernameHere · 14/12/2019 21:58

To me it means a house that is big enough for your family, the house you end up in when you've finished "climbing the ladder". I use the expression quite a lot, but not in a smug way, as we don't consider our current house to be our forever home.

Iggi999 · 14/12/2019 21:59

It's smug of smugs-ville isn't it. And ironic as half of them will divorce and only one of them will get to live in it.

Iggi999 · 14/12/2019 22:00

(It's not the idea of staying put forever, but the special label given to it)

exLtEveDallas · 14/12/2019 22:10

Since I was 18 I have lived in 12 homes in 8 UK counties and 4 countries, with 4 ‘short stays’ in 4 more countries.

By the time she was 5 DD had lived in 4 houses in 3 countries and been to 2 schools. We bought our first and forever house when I was 42. Am I fuck moving again!

dudsville · 14/12/2019 22:23

exLt, similar here, more than 30 moves by the time I was 25 and that included brief homelessness as a child. I don't know if I am smug, but I am proud!!!! The future may change things for the worse, but my plans are happy ones, because I know I can cope.

FamilyOfAliens · 14/12/2019 22:29

This thread is the epitome of over-thinking.

Dinosauraddict · 14/12/2019 22:37

I think what @dudsville and @exLtEveDallas have said is really interesting. As a child I moved around a lot, changing schools, losing friends and never really settled anywhere. It was really important to me that before I got pregnant we were in our 'forever' home and that where we bring our child home to will be where they spend their whole childhood (subject to any calamity). Others probably don't see that as important as they've experienced life differently which is completely fair enough.