I hate my new house

[nannyshar]

We moved in around 7 weeks ago, I absolutely hate it. I gave up a good job to move here, tbh I wasn't happy in my job but it was a good job. Then 3 weeks after we moved in my mum died. I am really struggling to deal with everything. Literally have tears as I am writing this

Oh you poor thing, moving house is stressful enough without the crushing grief of losing a parent too. No wonder you are struggling. Have you relocated far? I am sure it all feels utterly overwhelming now but in time you will make it feel like home. Is there anything in particular you hate about it or do you feel it is more what it represents ie the huge change?

We have only moved about 25 miles away, but I don't drive so it feels like a million miles away. Although my mum was ill her death was very sudden and a complete shock, I feel that if we hadn't moved I might have had time to get to the hospital before she passed, but I will never know now. We moved from a lovely house but in an area that wasn't very nice to a horrible house in a nicer area. I feel so lonely, I don't know anyone here. I feel the house is falling apart, we are currently putting in a new bathroom urgently because everything leaked badly. My husband is working and doing the work evenings and weekends. I also feel abandoned by my former work colleagues, I worked there for nearly 16 years and have heard next to nothing from them.

It’s probably not so much the house it’s all the stressful circumstances you are dealing with. You had the move, a bereavement and the disruption of house repairs. That’s enough to bring anyone to despair.
Be kind to yourself, the bathroom will get done and you will settle in eventually. Dealing with your grief is enough for now.

It takes a long time to get used to a new house. We've been in ours 6 months and I'd say it's only just starting to feel like home! You said you've moved to a nicer area so why not focus on what's there? Spend time out and about getting to know it and try and meet some people - via the kids if you have some or if not join some kind of club? How is your new job? The house will get there but in the mean time maybe some small things like flowers, candles, cosy blankets to make it feel more homely. & I'm so sorry about your mum, I've gone through it too & it's so hard. Take it a day at a time.

I knew as soon as we moved in that I hated it, the problems with the house became apparent after a few days. I haven't got a new job yet (probably not the best time to start looking atm) so I am at home just looking at the cracks in the walls and horrible stained carpets (which will get sorted eventually). Then came the phone call about my mum. I often feel like just walking out, don't know where to but anywhere. I don't say much about it to my husband as he is working and then working on the bathroom when he gets home. He is being very supportive and doing all the work to try to make me feel better but after the bathroom there are other urgent jobs that need doing. My kids are grown up with their own kids now so I don't have interaction with other mums. I really don't feel like trying to make new friends but I also feel so lonely.

Maybe a local bereavement group, then at least you can just be sad and don't have to try and be on form? Try and get out today, hopefully it's frosty & sunny where you are. It's lovely here.

I think I might do that Rex, thank you

Actually a bereavement group sounds like a great idea. You need to be able to talk about all this in a safe environment where people understand.
And I know what you mean about hating a new house, I’m the same but you slowly get the work done and try to make it like home.