Where in UK to live for a better work life balance than Sevenoaks!

[goldenzog]

We moved house 3 years ago. We live in a beautiful, 5 bedroom house in the countryside near Sevenoaks with a big garden (1/2 acre). My husband works in London and earns a lot of money but is very stressed and miserable! I don't work, we have 4 very young children. He wants to quit work, take some time out to re-evaluate his life for 6month / a year and then take a job that pays maybe 40k per year but allows him to have a life and see our children grow up.

Where could we consider moving that is still a very nice area with a similar style house and a big garden is a must for 600k or under?! We are considering moving anywhere in the country, although our family ties are all in Kent. I'd love to live by the sea but think we might find that just as expensive. He'd like to be near the hills.

We want to have access to the countryside for walks with the dog/ bikerides etc but also walking distance to a decent vibrant highstreet with cafes, restaurants, cinema, swimming pool, kids playgrounds etc..

Where oh where should we move! I don't want to make the same mistake again!

Our friends are moving to Canada for the same reason.

Glad to hear you enjoyed your trip @goldenzog 😁. Though why isn’t your Hove friend impressed? Did she want you to move there? I would say aim for Sandgate, Seabrook, Saltwood as they are all relatively small with great reputations. I too imagined they would be huge, but actually they seem tiny (either single form entry or two form) and lovely, but then maybe that’s because we moved ours from a large overseas prep. Husband commutes on HS1 fairly often and says as commutes go it’s actually a pleasant one. We are West End / Radnor Park area and it’s approx an hour door-door (he is based out of King’s Cross though which helps). Feel free to message me if you have any more questions. We took a massive gamble and moved down here on a whim, but it’s the best thing we’ve ever done. Funnily enough we used to go to Knowle Park regularly from our old house and husband remarked the other day that we don’t bother visiting places like Sevenoaks anymore as it is far too beautiful here and there’s always too much going on! One last thing, there are a few useful FB groups - Newbies in Folkestone, Newbie Parents in Folkestone and We Love Folkestone that were really helpful when we were deciding whether to make the leap or not. Good luck!

If you have equity in the property could you downsize somewhere cheaper and purchase a small investment property too? A regular monthly income from rental might help take the pressure off.
Both working 3-4 days per week and sharing childcare sounds like a good idea from another pp aa you'd both take advantage of the first c.£11k tax fee threshold.

Have just seen your update about how seriously depressed your husband has been for two years. He must really hate his job to feel like that. I hope you can act quickly and get him help. IMO he needs to resign yesterday. He probably doesn't want to get signed off with stress temporarily before leaving anyway, if it impacts on his future job hunting.

He could train to be a maths teacher, wouldn’t be stress free but he might feel he is giving something back to society a bit more than banking. There’s such a shortage of decent maths teacher he could pick and choose a decent school practically anywhere. .

Also, all your DC will be at school at some point in the future, so please consider retraining now. Perhaps into a career that can be done from home. I can't imagine how stressful it must be to be the sole breadwinner and have 5 people dependent on me.

Harrogate

Your DH can get his £40k job (probably much more) in Leeds and be home every night by 6.

What is going to be so magical about a £40k job that it is going to solve all of his problems? A lot of jobs which pay that amount come with a lot of stress and/or irregular hours. Yet you have much less money so can't make the other aspects of your life easier.
What other income/savings do you have which means that all 6 of you will be able to live off £40k per year. Obviously many families earn less than that but they may receive some benefits/tax credits and I doubt you would.
It sounds as though something in his life needs to change but I am not sure that this is it.

I don't think moving will remove his stress entirely either, and maybe you need to think in terms that both of you work part time, or that he thinks about being a SAHD for a bit and you work to let him decompress.

That said, you asked about houses and areas, and this is what you could have pretty close to me. Lovely little town with pool, shops, community cinema etc and the house is walking distance into town.

What is it your DH hates about his job? 9 to 6 for £100k plus bonus sounds like a dream on paper so I’m wondering where the stress comes from for him.

The commute is one stress clearly but is fixable if you move closer into london and accept a smaller house/less naice area.

But are there other things? Is he being treated badly by someone? Unrealistic targets? Politics and jostling?

Basically I’m wondering if it is possible to “fix” his current job somehow so he is happier in it, or do the same type of of job but move to another firm with a nicer culture or team, as there are some very very good things about his job (hours/pay ratio is amazing). He could easily find that other jobs demand way longer hours than 9 to 6 for much less pay - frying pan into fire.

Could he negotiate flexible working? Go part time, do a day from home, work compressed hours?
Has he been getting medical support for his mental health issues at the moment, because that sounds like the absolute priority.

York and trip to coast quick. Hills on your doorstep in dales.

There are nice places all over the country that you could live in for that budget but is only a very small part of your current issues.
Your DH needs to be taking proactive steps now to manage his mental health, it will move with him.
He needs a very clear idea of what he wants to do before walking away from what he has now. Having no money is very stressful in itself.
Although it must seem as though jobs that only 40k must be stress free this often isn't the case.
I also think that you should seriously relook at not working yourself. 40k with 4dc isn't going to be that much even with no mortgage.
Remember in cheaper parts of the country you will be paying more council tax as your house will be closer to a top band for example. Big houses are expensive to maintain and heat as well.
If he cannot manage the stress of supporting the family then you are going to have to step in and help.
But getting him well and not feeling suicidal has to be the priority.
Then you can decide as a family what will actually work for you. Have you tried living within your proposed budget for six months to see if it is practical? Do you already live at this spending level.
My dh has a similar but less severe wobble a decade ago and we considered similar things at the time. I remember how stressful it was, look after yourself as well.

Monmouth, beautiful town. Next to the forest of dean whicbviscfan for bike rides, dog walking, family walks lots of places and things to do for kids.

Monmouth is a quiet but really lovely town with a cute high street.

I’m another one who is going to echo the fact that a £40k job may not be less stressful. My DH earns similar to yours now, but he has worked up through a different area and spent quite a while around the 40k mark. He found that stressful because he was being managed and had a lot expected of him. At that level, in many areas, you are senior enough to be seen as accountable for stuff, but junior enough that more senior staff are potentially counting on you achieving for them to get their bonus. I know that DH found that far more stressful than being g the manager (although that may be a personal thing).

Faversham! Beautiful historic town and still on the high speed line.