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Original poster

Is there anything we can do about this?! Please help!

219 replies

crispysausagerolls · 27/03/2019 20:58

My husband and I found our dream home. It came on the market and was inundated with offers - several of which were speculative or had chains upon chains upon chains. We are cash buyers with no chain and put in a reasonable offer. The EA told us our offer was slightly too low, and to suggest another, higher, and we would surely win. We told him to come back with a number that would win as we didn’t want to start bidding against ourselves, and he said he would come back yesterday evening. He did not. Today I received a call, not even from the EA we were dealing with, to say the buyers accepted another offer.

Is this the end? I am heartbroken, but I am also outrageously angry. The estate agent owed us the chance to match the offer, surely? He specifically said he would find out what number we needed to offer and would tell us, and he did not! What if we were prepared to go higher?! Is it all over now the offer has been accepted? It’s also so shitty that the EA couldn’t even tell us himself, and got someone else to do it.

Please help, I am so sad!

OP posts:
Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 10:36

I used to work in a job (legal related) where we used to say that the people you bent over backwards for from the beginning and moved mountains for, always ended up being your worst nightmare and didn’t appreciate it.

Everyone did it once, or maybe twice, and then learnt it wasn’t worth it. The standard way was the way to do it. End of. If they didn’t like it, they could go elsewhere.

That’s what I’m (badly) trying to say.

whitesoxx · 28/03/2019 10:38

Why can't you go higher? Don't think anyone has asked that yet

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 28/03/2019 10:39

he was wrong, I'm unsure how this validates him as smart

It does not. I am just saying in general, despite this, he is smart. 🙈

Husband and EA keep missing each other’s calls. Fml

OP posts:
Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 10:39

I wouldn’t phone the EA. I would physically go to the office and speak to them face to face, if you can.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 28/03/2019 10:45

whitesoxx

We can go higher, but not to 1.4. Run out of monies 😢🤷🏻‍♀️

Can’t go into the office - I mean I could but 1) I’m not the one dealing with them and 2) I would have to take 8m old DS who won’t sit still so it would not be productive. DH doesnt get home until 10/11pm

OP posts:
EL8888 · 28/03/2019 10:46

House buying is a mine field in this country 🙈. I’m doing it for the 3rd time next year and lm sure it will be as stressful as the last few times! I’m assuming your property went to final and sealed bids as that’s quite common these days. EA are snakes and their main function is to get the seller the highest price and in turn get themselves the most amount of commission. They will rarely do you any favours. There may well have been other factors at work that you don’t know and will never know. E.g. l got my current property as the seller referred my circumstances. A professional landlord offered much more than me but the previous owner was very friendly with my neighbour. Who didn’t want the place to be rented and different people moving in / out

No offence but both sets of parents may have said you were right but when did they last buy / sell a property? My mum tried to advise me when l was buying my last property. The problem is she last bought / sold a property in 1986, things have changed a number of times since then. Plus different types of properties and different areas of the country

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 10:48

But if you’re buying as a couple I’d just go. Honestly.

Also it might be that a different one of you gets a different reaction (if your husband’s attitude has irritated them it might be better if you go)

fruitbrewhaha · 28/03/2019 10:52

I think it's important to consider that while this is a major event in your life, and one that most people only do 3 or 4 times, this is just another day in the office for Bobby. While dealing with a number of parties interested in your dream house, he is also arranging viewings for other houses, dealing with negotiations for other properties, talking to solicitors regarding ongoing sales, talking to prospective clients to get them to list there houses with him. If someone else called up and said 1.45m, and take it straight off the market, he would be silly to waste time getting in touch with you.

No house purchase goes without a hitch. I think most of us will have lost out on a house at some point. It's brutal but something else always come up and you'll look back and think, lucky we didn't get carried away and pay too much for this house.

I shan't feel too sorry for you, as you are buying million pound house in your 20s!

EL8888 · 28/03/2019 10:55

Good point by Proudirishnotpaddy. Face to face and you going is likely to work out better. The worst thing they can say is no, the seller doesn’t want to entertain it

whitesoxx · 28/03/2019 10:58

Don't understand why husband has to do the "dealing".

And still don't get how you can have run out of money? Course you haven't. You have 1.35 million in cash. Just get a mortgage for 100k and you can afford it Hmm

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 28/03/2019 11:01

whitesoxx

He is the breadwinner and it’s therefore ultimately his decision re how high he is willing to go.

I will run the mortgage suggestion by him; but he really doesn’t want a mortgage if possible and is not as emotionally attached to the house as me so is likely to say “let’s just get a different house then”. Which is fair. Just sad for me 😢

OP posts:
whitesoxx · 28/03/2019 11:05

Fair enough. Sounds like he's not actually at the point where it's his "dream house" then!

Unfortunately I'd just move on until you find one perfect for both of you

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 11:15

Oh fuck to the “he’s the breadwinner”. It should be a joint decision how high to go.

You have big problem, love. Bigger then not getting the dream house.

Sort them before you buy anywhere with him.

EL8888 · 28/03/2019 11:21

Yep again l agree with Proudirishnotpaddy. Issues need to be ironed out sooner rather than later

whitesoxx · 28/03/2019 11:22

It does sound very little wifey OP Shock

But at least you're married!

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 28/03/2019 11:25

Oh goodness it’s not like that - I’m sure he would have no problem with me doing it! It’s more that I just don’t think I would feel right about it/do a good job (not that DH has...) and although we have transparency re finances, i still prefer him to handle these sorts of things. We have a fairly clear division of labour.

OP posts:
cheezels · 28/03/2019 11:32

The breadwinner who makes the financial decisions?! Did you not give birth to his child? Will you be making every child related decision with no input from him then?

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 28/03/2019 11:35

I would say it’s like this - I have a large amount of input re the finances. Ultimately it’s his decision though. He has a large amount of input re our son. Ultimately it’s my decision though 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
StarJumpsandaHalf · 28/03/2019 11:37

The thing is, when buying a house for a home, you have absolutely no idea what criteria they have on the other side.

Someone downsizing may want their beloved family home to pass on to people who’ll live in it and love it as much as they have. Priority for some will be a fuss free transaction. Others will just focus on the cold, hard cash. For this reason no one knows who’d be the better negotiator. The most important thing is you agree your budget and stick to it. I wasn’t earning when we bought this house, but I did all the negotiations and admin, which meant DH was free to focus on what he was doing at work.

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 11:56

Do you have equal access to all monies and do you know how much, as a couple, you have in terms of cash/investments/savings/pensions?

LimpLettice · 28/03/2019 11:59

I feel for you OP, but hopefully this one is lesson learned.

We're due to complete in ten days on our dream home. My house has gone at under asking, because I liked the buyer and vastly preferred him and his family to the buy to letter brigade. I want my neighbours to have good neighbours and the property to be loved as we have.

We also offered over the odds a bit on our purchase. We both loved it, there's nothing like it in our area and it needs literally no work. We offered a little over what we thought asking would be before it hit the market.

Mad maybe, but the question was what can we afford and what do we need to do to get the dream? Not what deal can we get, because this is our family home, the space our kids will grow up in, and we can afford it.

Anyway, if it really is the dream you could try a small mortgage, do what you need to do. If it's not, then find one that is and this time calculate how to get it, not how to make a profit on it.

Movinghouseatlast · 28/03/2019 11:59

Christ alive. I can't believe that you feel you don't have an equal say in the house purchase. That isn't right, especially as you are so young.

Just phone the agent yourself.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 28/03/2019 12:01

Do you have equal access to all monies and do you know how much, as a couple, you have in terms of cash/investments/savings/pensions?

Yes to all of the above

OP posts:
Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 28/03/2019 12:05

Just phone the agent yourself.

The agent yesterday gave me a bit of a fuck off tablet though - I was asking what the house went for and he said something along the lines of “Bobby was discussing the amounts with your husband” and left it at that. If DH isn’t able to get hold of him in the next hour, I will
Go down there (baby and all!)

OP posts:
MIA12 · 28/03/2019 12:29

You going down there in person would be better than waiting for your husband to talk to them if there’s a hint that they’re not taking you seriously so far.