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Original poster

My bfs sister hates me and she's staying with us for a month-help please.

110 replies

jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 17:33

live in a house share with my partner and a house mate we found on spare room.
We each have our own room although I tend to sleep in my partners as he has the double bed. Me and the housemate pay rent, my partner only pays bills as the house we are renting is his mothers (she doesn’t live there, but is renting out as any other landlord).

For the past three weeks his sister has been staying with us, she has moved a lot of stuff in and for the first two weeks insisted on sleeping with my partner in the double bed until he asked her if she didn’t mind sleeping downstairs on a mattress.

I usually wouldn’t mind this but the issue is that she is very rude to me. She has had an attitude problem with me since day once, never makes conversation with me, and doesn’t even say hi when she comes into the house. She hasn’t asked anyone in the house if it is ok for her to stay so long, she leaves her mess lying around (which I usually end up having to tidy), she uses my things without asking, and despite the fact I have tried to be nice to her and make an effort with her for 5 years, her attitude towards me stinks.

She also used to do be like this when me and my partner rented our own flat together and she would invite herself over to stay which meant I had to cancel plans for my friends to come over as it was a very small flat and she needed to sleep in the living room.

As a result of the state of the house and her attitude towards me, I don’t feel comfortable being there and I even find it awkward to go in the kitchen when she’s there because she doesn’t even acknowledge me and when I try to be nice to her she just talks to me like a dog. I’ve resorted to staying with my parents until she leaves (which I am unsure when that will be). She is staying in the house for free while I am paying 420 quid for the past month where I’ve been made to feel unwelcome there, but I don’t feel the right to say anything as it’s her mums house. Any advice on what I should do or anyone know what my rights are please?

OP posts:
Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 21:56

Arse is an understatement. Thankyou all for your honest opinions though

OP posts:
Troels · 04/08/2018 22:48

Just contact the mother and hand in your notice let her know her "child" taking the piss, by not contributing, using your stuff and being constantly rude to you makes it an unbearable place to live. Loss of half the rent money may actually be missed.

cestlavielife · 04/08/2018 22:52

Why would the mother care whether op stays or not ? Presumably mother believes her son and daughter are the best thing ever.

OliviaStabler · 04/08/2018 22:56

Why are you with such a crap bloke?

hiddeneverything · 04/08/2018 23:04

Sorry, was DP also sleeping in the double bed with her?

Can't get past the oddness of the whole situation to give any advice

Graphista · 04/08/2018 23:08

What I'd do in this situation? Bin the partner and move out.

This family is fucked up! Brother and sister sleeping in same bed as adults is incestuous, at least emotionally I strongly suspect physically (it happens more than people realise - are they blood related or steps?). Her treatment of you is due to jealousy.

Either way your partner CLEARLY doesn't have your back with either his mother or sister, you're being taken for a complete mug and he's allowing it!

How old are you? You sound very young and very passive.

Seriously - nobody needs this shit!

You and housemate DO have rights as tenants but honestly I wouldn't be wasting my energy on getting them acknowledged.

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 05/08/2018 06:53

I'm not that young believe me, this is the first crappy thing that's happened in this relationship in a long time as everything else is going well. I've told him I'll be staying at my parents until she moves out and I won't be seeing him on between that because I need time to process this.

OP posts:
RaymondHolt · 05/08/2018 07:32

Good, just read the thread. What an awful situation. I don't think you should have to pay any rent under those circumstances!

Mookatron · 05/08/2018 10:18

Have you stopped paying rent??

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 05/08/2018 11:08

No I haven't. I don't know if I have a legal right to.

OP posts:
EchidnasPhone · 05/08/2018 11:21

So you’ll be paying rent & not living there? His sister & him living rent free & the poor flat mate also paying rent havin an extra person moved in??

I’d give notice & move out to a proper flat where you know who has the key & dump the boyfriend.

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 05/08/2018 11:31

Flatmate is currently in Ireland for the half term so luckily he has no idea what's happening

OP posts:
Mookatron · 05/08/2018 12:23

Have you got a contract? This is shit for you, sorry. You're going to have to be assertive. If you are paying for use of the flat and the communal areas, having someone sleep in them so you can't is not ok. It depends what the contract says as to your legal rights, but morally it's ultimatum time with your boyfriend - he deals with it or you give notice on the flat and the relationship. You have to mean it though. X

Mookatron · 05/08/2018 12:24

Sorry for kiss at the end of the post! Habit. Grin

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 05/08/2018 13:16

I haven't signed any contract tbh. I just moved in and started paying rent.

OP posts:
Graphista · 05/08/2018 13:33

Sounds like it'd be pretty hard for bf mum to prove you owe rent then.

Seriously. Stop dithering, get your stuff, move out and dump the weird bf. You'll be so much happier.

This is not a healthy family or relationship.

OlennasWimple · 05/08/2018 13:36

What Graphista said

And message the other flat mate to let him know what's going on

MoveOnTheCards · 05/08/2018 13:56

Yy Graphista.

Jelly, if you don’t have a contract then I would just move out and stop paying to support these siblings and their strange, piss-taking set-up.

MarchingOrders · 05/08/2018 14:04

Speak to shelter about whether or not you have to pay rent. In this situation I wouldn't, they've not kept up their end of the deal and made it so uncomfortable you can't live there. Remember she probably won't let you move back in though. If you want to go back at any point you should probably pay the rent.

SuitedandBooted · 05/08/2018 14:38

Two siblings aged 25 and 30 sharing a bed is odd, to put it mildly. Particularly when there is room;

  1. She could have used the single bed (you could have quickly grabbed your best stuff and put it in his room, and done a proper clear later)
  2. She could have slept downstairs.
  3. HE could have slept downstairs!

But no, none of the normal options were used, she just insisted on sharing a bed with your boyfriend.

OP, move out, and find someone else who doesn't have a sister who doubles as an occasional bed-partner. As you don't have a contract, I would not be paying any more rent, or for the water, electricity, phone etc that she and her sibling will be using. I would also be telling his mum why.

ScattyCharly · 05/08/2018 14:43

Move out. Totally unacceptable and weird.

SoaringSwallow · 05/08/2018 15:09

I'd double check your tights with Shelter. Assuming no problems there, you wouldn't see me for dust.

It's not just that he's not taking your feelings into consideration.

It's not that she's a piss-taker.

It's not just that you're paying for their accommodation (and her bills).

It's that he chose to sleep with this sister over you. His adult sister. For two weeks.

Do whatever you can to get out of there and don't ever buy a place (or have a child!) with this man. There are other men out there and even if there weren't, being single is far better than the situation you're in here.

SoaringSwallow · 05/08/2018 15:09

Grinrights. Not sure Shelter would care about your tights! Grin

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/08/2018 16:56

You are a bit of a limp lettuce, op... Confused
You just moved in and started paying rent, you have no contract but you don’t think you have the legal right to stop paying!!
He saw you bloody coming.

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 05/08/2018 17:14

It's OK I don't wear tights! I actually tried to contact shelter the other day and couldn't get through but I'll keep trying

OP posts: