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Original poster

My bfs sister hates me and she's staying with us for a month-help please.

110 replies

jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 17:33

live in a house share with my partner and a house mate we found on spare room.
We each have our own room although I tend to sleep in my partners as he has the double bed. Me and the housemate pay rent, my partner only pays bills as the house we are renting is his mothers (she doesn’t live there, but is renting out as any other landlord).

For the past three weeks his sister has been staying with us, she has moved a lot of stuff in and for the first two weeks insisted on sleeping with my partner in the double bed until he asked her if she didn’t mind sleeping downstairs on a mattress.

I usually wouldn’t mind this but the issue is that she is very rude to me. She has had an attitude problem with me since day once, never makes conversation with me, and doesn’t even say hi when she comes into the house. She hasn’t asked anyone in the house if it is ok for her to stay so long, she leaves her mess lying around (which I usually end up having to tidy), she uses my things without asking, and despite the fact I have tried to be nice to her and make an effort with her for 5 years, her attitude towards me stinks.

She also used to do be like this when me and my partner rented our own flat together and she would invite herself over to stay which meant I had to cancel plans for my friends to come over as it was a very small flat and she needed to sleep in the living room.

As a result of the state of the house and her attitude towards me, I don’t feel comfortable being there and I even find it awkward to go in the kitchen when she’s there because she doesn’t even acknowledge me and when I try to be nice to her she just talks to me like a dog. I’ve resorted to staying with my parents until she leaves (which I am unsure when that will be). She is staying in the house for free while I am paying 420 quid for the past month where I’ve been made to feel unwelcome there, but I don’t feel the right to say anything as it’s her mums house. Any advice on what I should do or anyone know what my rights are please?

OP posts:
rollingonariver · 04/08/2018 19:32

She wants to sleep in your bf's bed and he's okay with that?!?!? And she's acting rude to you (sounds jealous to me)
ALARM BELLS

rollingonariver · 04/08/2018 19:34

Also your bfs an arse. Get your own place.

Foodylicious · 04/08/2018 19:38

It sounds like you get on ok when she is around, but is that enough?

Thinking about buying a house together is HUGE!
I could not do that with someone who seems to consider me or my feelings/happiness so little.

Forgive me if this sound's harsh, but it sounds like you rub along ok and live together well, but not that you are really happy with each other.

What do you both do with your time together? Do you go out? Have hobbies? Feel really good being around each other?
Or have you maybe slipped in to a rut and are just settling?

Snappedandfarted2018 · 04/08/2018 19:38

Too GOT for me op. Totally odd step up after 6 years

Foodylicious · 04/08/2018 19:38

*not around

JeSuisPrest · 04/08/2018 19:38

So on night one when he went to bed and she was in there warming it up his first words weren't "What the fuck are you doing?", or did she come and snuggle in once you were both tucked up? Good job his mum isn't staying as well, could be a real squash and a squeeze in his room...

Labradoodliedoodoo · 04/08/2018 19:40

Tell the Mum you’ll need to stop renting from her because the daughter is so rude to you. Makes living in the house unbearable.

Layla8 · 04/08/2018 19:41

She’s shared a bed with her brother ? Get the hell out of this relationship ! They’re weird, and she’s jealous. How did you put up with it ? Stop being a doormat.

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 20:00

You’re right, I always thought to myself he’s not doing anything wrong because it’s his sister acting this way and not him, but by inviting her and allowing this to happen in our home he is the main part of the problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 20:35

Nah he told me she was staying over, didn’t ask, told, and said she would be sleeping in his bed.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 04/08/2018 20:45

Is his surname Lanister,? Hmm

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 20:46

I feel like a GOT life would be less hassle than this tbh

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 04/08/2018 20:51

You need out of the relationship.
How old are they both?

bertielab · 04/08/2018 20:52

Is she contributing to a 1/4 of bills?

Dump him -move someone else or don't. Either way -don't pay a 1/3 of bills whilst she is there. If she is sleeping on sofa- I'd also expect a reduction in my rent as I can't just flop on the sofa when I WANT.

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 20:53

She’s contributing 0 to any of it. It’s all free for her. Nice for some isn’t it.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 20:54

He’s 25 this year and she’s 30 odd or something (don’t care enough to know)

OP posts:
EggysMom · 04/08/2018 20:55

I frequent two forums. I've got deja-vu with this thread.

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 20:58

I have posted it in a few more forums just because I thought maybe I was being stupid or selfish and wanted as many opinions as possible. Although it seems there’s a lot of similarities in opinions

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 04/08/2018 20:58

Your relationship is not “absolutely fine”. It’s not even that nodding terms with fine.
He turfed you out of the bed because his sister wanted to share it with him.
Why are you still there??

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 21:01

The funny thing is I started this post thinking he was doing absolutely nothing wrong and it was all his sister and everyone here has made me realise that it’s all him. So thank you for opening my eyes to that one.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 04/08/2018 21:20

I once shared my bed with my sister due to the smoke alarm in the spare room bleeping. That was uncomfortable enough, but sharing with a brother?!!HmmHmm

IfNotNowThenWhen1 · 04/08/2018 21:28

I have shared a bed with a brother as adults a couple of times when staying with each other and living in houseshares. It wasn't weird (it was quite funny!), but I certainly wouldn't have turfed his gf out to sleep there!
I also think having separate rooms is fine, but I don't know why he didn't just ask you if she could borrow your single bed??
He isn't putting you first op.

Original poster
jellybeanmoon · 04/08/2018 21:39

You're right. He's not considering my needs at all, and she's not considering anything

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 04/08/2018 21:46

I'd get the fuck out of there OP, your dp is an arse (to put it mildly) and doesn't care about you and his relationship with you.

mistlethrush · 04/08/2018 21:49

Leave. If your bf is worth keeping he'll follow. If not, you know where you stand.