Is anyone else struggling with stereotypes when buying????

[BarchesterFlowers]

Estate Agent - fairly posh one - Memorandum of sale addressed to Mr & Mrs DH's first name Flowers - put that right.

Survey - completely separate to anything else, random firm commissioned by me, DH's name nowhere near it, paid for by me, emails all from me - addressed to Mr DH's first name Flowers.

What are these people on, it is 2017. Never encountered this before in my five previous purchases. DH is as as I am.

Dadsussex

You have a choice not to use mothercare or shops with mother and baby spaces ( I thought they were mostly parent and child to be honest).

The birth certificate thing I had never thought about. Is it the same on adoption certificates do you know?

They did try to make ladies night illegal but most venues wanted it kept as it meant more revenue.

Ladies and gentlemen... well I guess that is as traditional as mr and mrs...

Alice..my estate agent has never met my husband but still put his name first!

I agree it can be belittling

Likewise every time one of our 3 children has an issue at school I'm always second on the phone list or even third after grandparents - this is despite purposely putting my name as first on the emergency call list to prove a point that men don't get called first whereas mums do

Ultimately I totally agree with OP and I promise that is the case

My point is men get the same treatment on different issues but these are rearely talked about

I'm sorry if I have offended some people on here

I'd like to add the suffrage movement upset the male take on things to get their point across and things changed

Perhaps on a small post like this and my comments make make one lady feel perhaps she should stand up for male equality?

Just a little something to think of over Sunday breakfast

We've just moved house. I called all the utility companies, council etc. to get bills re-addressed. Gave my details but then asked for OH to be added (he has a different surname). When the correspondence arrived, his name is listed first. Not as extreme as some cases here, but it did irritate me.

Must be your school. Ours call either of us. Used to be my husband first as I worked furthest away.. now me as I am part time.

I think part of the problem is it is still assumed the mother will be the primary carer ( which I agree is wrong)

Yes I can choose to use mothercare or not and OP can choose to use her EA or not.... my point being everything works both ways

I'm unsure re adoption certificate tbh

Ladies night is tradition - so too are ladies days at horse racing and then there is race for life..... excluding men but men are just as affected by female cancer.....I understand a female only race but how about a male only before or after at the same venue and date?

Btw im also left handed and as most things are set up for right handed people I have some equality views in that too, but as a lot more people are right handed I see why things are they way they are

Overall we strive to live in a fair society but things at times are lost or forgotten, normally just pointing it out to the respective person will change them but often it doesn't

6 years of being called last on school issues..... I work at home 3 miles from school, OH it's 9 miles away and cannot use her phone at work..... 6 letters and 2 PTA meetings attended and still no change

That really is just your school then. I've worked in 4 and been a parent at 3, DH has always been the 1st contact as he is the SAHP and I'm the 'breadwinner'. Never had an issue.

We birth certificates I've always been annoyed that the father has to be there if his name is to go on, but he can register the birth on his own. Why is that?

Race for life - the charity organisers tried to instigate a male one - it didn't have the take up so they ditched the idea after one season. You have other men to blame for that one

When we bought our current house, DH wasn't earning. Nationwide could not cope with that. The mortgage offer meeting was fine, but we had several phone calls (and letters because they clearly didn't believe me) asking for proof of his income. I changed lenders at the first opportunity.

I worked for an EA a long time ago, and all the letters were automatic. Buyer/vendor data went in a database and standard letters churned out (there were paragraph options like silly offer, qualified offer etc.). So it's possibly a software issue.

2 different schools in our case oddly enough and more recently into secondary.... so 3 therefore

Race for life - my point is the option should be there. Putting it on for one season and then saying stop is unfair, it should be an option for men to join in. I get the whole female only race and reasons behind that and support it, but just give an option for men to tag along at rear if needs be, simply done

Birth certificates well we can agree on that then.

Overall my point is some institutional conventions are wrong and some are sexist by modern standards, things change when people mention it just like OP is doing and just like I am trying too

A couple of years ago DP and I were reorganising our life insurance. It was done at our home. All fine. DP went to collect dd from nursery. She was playing as it was being finished off. I can't remember how the conversation led up to it, but the guy doing the insurance said "well, dd won't need to worry about money as she can marry a doctor, and not have to worry about working". My gob was smacked, and regret being too shocked by the statement to call him on it. Dd is only 5 now, but is being encouraged to aim high!

I am not disagreeing with you but for me I didn't get to find that out about the EA until I had instructed them ( I not my husband), same with solicitors and it does mean I will not be using them again.

I guess traditions like ladies nights and days are still a hangover from when women couldn't go to those events by themselves without being cast as a lady of ill repute, so men 'allowed' them.

Some golf clubs are still men only ( not many now)

You need to complain to the school about not calling you first. Can you talk to reception? I find sometimes doing it in person is more effective than a letter ;)

We even signed a form with me as client one, the next one came back with husbands initials as client 1!

Putting it on for one season and then saying stop is unfair
They didn't 'say stop' they couldn't get enough men interested to make it viable.

Lots and lots of women were/are interested so it became a big thing, men (as a whole) weren't. If you think they are actually interested then you should see if you can make a go of one, like the women did. I think that would be great.

Ah yes the old "what about the menz" viewpoint come to disrupt another thread.

Perhaps on a small post like this and my comments make make one lady feel perhaps she should stand up for male equality? Just a little something to think of over Sunday breakfast

You could probably be a bit more patronising if you tried.

Not patronising to ask for equality both ways

Bit seemingly you have proved my point for me

I guess the difficulty is that yes there is inequality both ways but there is less inequality for men.

It does belittle the argument with some of your examples and as much as you say you are for female equality your posts do read as if all women are sexist...

I agree some are but most just want to be able to be treated with the same respect as men.

People aren't disagreeing with you but you are acting like they are... and quoting tradition as to our complaints but not acceptable no it quoted back for yours...

Accepting it

I refuse point blank to deal with the window sales people who insist my oh is there at the meeting. Trying to tell them oh wasn't interested in sitting through a sales pitch for a house he doesn't own just doesn't get through. In the end I bought off a company off ebay for a quarter of the price.

Their loss

I don't feel all women are sexist

But I also have never seen a post in here saying I'm really up set with xyz as it's anti male i.e. Mother and child parking, mothercare or the like

Sorry if being the only male that has commented here and being told I'm patronising, trump carding or generalising comes across wrong

I am however trying to point out a balanced view on MN every now and again would be good

purpleboot them refusing to come without him present isn't sexism it is because people like me.

Got sick of double glazing salesmen and the hard sell. Started telling them i couldn't make a decision without my husband so please leave. At which point they eventually gave up and left.

So they are sexist as this was the only line that got rid of them. But you were very lucky as this means they are hard selling credit double glazing salesmen.

No you probably haven't but how many men post anywhere about how unfair it is that people won't sell to their partner without them being there? Or that all letters come to them despite their wife dealing with it?

It's a predominantly female forum meaning it will be from a mostly female point of view.

Your posts read like that tho..

You say mothercare is sexist, there are shops called menkind, you can chose not to shop there before you contact them.

I honestly haven't seen mother and baby spaces ( plenty of parent and child) maybe I just haven't noticed as it doesn't effect me like some men don't notice casual sexism.

A balanced view is a good thing but some of the examples you raised weren't equal to the points initially raised.

You are correct with your school issue but you don't seem to notice many are agreeing with you.. just picking out the bits that don't...

Oh and as for 'mums save at iceland' how about ' Yorkie.. it's just for men'? Again we all have a choice about buying from such obviously sexist companies. :)

100% agree gizlotsmum especially re yorkie I can name several things similar to that too and actually I do take issue

Sorry I did notice the agreeing re school and birth certificates- perhaps I should have said thank you for those

I'm ultimately trying to say perhaps not in the best way that sexism goes both ways and despite some agreeing here, that I've had several comments belittling my argument which if the boot was in the other foot how many ladies in here would have gone in a male mainly forum and had this argument? To be called patronising and trump carding - imo it's wrong - and I've just continued with what I've seen as wrong here, perhaps I should have been more balanced too

On the flip side I've enjoyed the discussion and genuinely didn't mean to offend anyone, just wanted to raise a concern

I personally wouldn't go on a predominantly male forum and complain that solicitor letters were addressed to my husband first as I fear I would be laughed off of it ( it just seems to be accepted).

Actually you were pretty brave to post on here. I think it's hard as a lot of sexism is so casual it does go under the radar but I agree it can be both ways.. it can be very easy to fight so hard for your cause you fail to see the other side...

I work in a predominantly male area and it is interesting that although they are guilty of casual sexism ( their missus spending their money and them not knowing what on) they will accept it back ( them being told what was happening but not listening). It's actually quite a nice atmosphere to work in as not taken seriously.. I guess someone new could be offended on either behalf

Actually yes I can see that in a lot of work places and places I visit when I come to think of it

At the end of the day I've enjoyed the back and forth today, but also agree a nice atmosphere is always something to aim for

Have a great day

But I also have never seen a post in here saying I'm really up set with xyz as it's anti male i.e. Mother and child parking, mothercare or the like

That's it? That's your problem? That's in some dusty corner of the world parent and child car parking spaces are call mother and child? And that a shop is called Mothercare? There is a shop called Carphone Warehouse too but it is neither a warehouse and hasn't sold carphones since the 80s.

I agree that there is sexism both ways. Some changes have taken time to happen, like putting the baby changing facility in male and female toilets. But honestly this is small fry compared to the general under current of patriarchy from many other corners.

There was a comedian on the radio yesterday morning. It's just her and her young daughter currently doing up her new house. She was saying that the builders keep asking what her husband wants. Also her daughter wanted her room entirely glitter, the decorator just looked at her and said 'when will the decision maker be home'.