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Original poster

Exchanged on a flat but already regret it

70 replies

phoria · 25/09/2016 20:56

I very nearly pulled out but decided to push through the doubts because I desperately need a change and also my budget is so small that I risked being priced out if I gave this flat up.

I was hoping that once I'd exchanged I'd be more sure of my decision but I already wish I had just waited to see if something better came along. Saying that I've been looking for 6 months and this was the best of the bunch.

I feel sick and have been getting panic attacks. My mum died a few months ago and now I've purposely put myself in a position where I have to go through another big/stressful life change. What have I done??

OP posts:

dalmatianmad · 25/09/2016 21:01

Maybe write a list of pros/cons?
If you see it written down it might help you to get some clarity and then you can make a proper decision rather than one that you'll regret. Sorry to hear about your mum

Original poster

phoria · 25/09/2016 21:11

I actually did make a list of pros and cons right before exchange and there were more pros so I decided to go for it. It's so hard to give up on the idea there might be a better flat out there after looking for so long.

Also the thought of moving/setting up home is just so overwhelming. So many things to do!

OP posts:

lalalonglegs · 25/09/2016 21:36

Is it the flat or the process of buying it that has upset you? It sounds as if it'sn serves about the stress and process that have upset you rather than the property itself. Do you like to shop? Can you go and buy one thing that you love to put in your new home that will make it feel like yours (a piece of furniture/a picture/a light fitting/a cushion) - something not too utilitarian that you'll enjoy looking at?

Original poster

phoria · 25/09/2016 21:48

i do have doubts about the flat itself but i thought on my budget i needed to be realistic. i just won't know until i move in whether i made the right choice or not on what i needed to compromise on.

that's a good idea though, lala!

OP posts:

TremoloGreen · 25/09/2016 22:13

SO sorry to hear about your mum. If this is the first big thing you've done since then, the stress/grief may still be coming out in wierd ways. Be kind to yourself. Do you have a friend/friends who can help you with the move/ have a low key moving in party? Shop togehter for a few bits of furniture you need? Buying a flat is a big deal but there's probably no such thing as the right one. You;ve exchanged now so you need to start looking ahead at making it your home. Good luck.

Original poster

phoria · 25/09/2016 22:28

Yes, i think the panic attacks may be grief related. The big advantage of this place I have just bought is that it is close to a few of my friends and everyone's offered to help out. It means I compromised on space but in my current state it's probably better than moving far out and feeling isolated.

I think (hope!) you're right Tremolo that there is no 'right' flat. I've seen so many. Each one has at least 1 compromise so it's I thought it was better just to get on with it and make this one into my home even though it's not perfect (far from it!).

OP posts:

madmother1 · 25/09/2016 22:32

I think it's because it feel real now you've exchanged. It will be fine. Once you've made it yours and added a few touches. You'll see.

Mozfan1 · 25/09/2016 22:33

Op sorry to hear about your mum

That's great that you will be close to friends, will certainly be better than you being isolated for a tiny bit more space. Having people to turn to can only be a positive thing. There's so many flats out there, it's pointless comparing yours with others that are on the market now or next year. Look at what you have achieved despite your circumstances and give yourself a pat on the back. You've bought yourself a flat! Congratulations

Original poster

phoria · 25/09/2016 22:37

Aw, thanks Mozfan. Occasionally there's a glimmer of excitement but that's drowned out by sheer terror. But yes I managed to buy a flat all on my own in London with no financial help from family, woo!

OP posts:

NotDavidTennant · 25/09/2016 22:39

I bought recently and felt the same way. On the day of completion I was already wondering how soon I could reasonably put it back on the market. But once I actually moved my stuff in and started living there it very quickly started feeling like home and somewhere I was happy to settle down in.

Take some time and give the flat a chance.

crayfish · 25/09/2016 22:40

I've still got a bit of house regret and I moved in a year ago! It's a very very small new build, sooo not what I was looking for but I had to move quickly as I was six months pregnant and I couldn't afford anything else. When I get fed up of the house I try and list all it's good points - nice garden, I like the kitchen, the location is good, neighbours are nice etc etc etc. Yes I could have done 'better' but I did what I could under the circumstance with my budget and I have to accept that. I think you do too a bit - yes you would love more space or whatever, but if nothing better came up in six months on your budget then maybe this is what you can afford for now.

Nowhere is perfect but this doesn't sound like your forever home anyway. Focus on what you love about it and try to work with the bits you don't like. If it's not working you can always sell in a few years.

crayfish · 25/09/2016 22:41

Ps. I'm sorry about your mum

Mozfan1 · 25/09/2016 22:43

You see? London! That's fab. Your mum would be very proud I'm sure.

Guiltypleasures001 · 25/09/2016 22:44

Hey lovely

When I was in a half way hostel with my son, it was only one small room and horrible if I'm honest

But I made it into our own little nest, with familiar things around us, I made it my own space, doing that got me through a very stressful time, till I got re housed.

Sorry for the loss of your mum, you must feel really fragile right now, but this is also a fresh start so take it slow. Get ya mates round with pizza and wine and unpack a few boxes, and drink a toast to your mum

Original poster

phoria · 25/09/2016 22:55

Thanks, ladies. I'm already starting to feel a bit better. :)

crayfish that's a nice way to think about it that we did the best we could 'under the circumstances' with our budgets.

Guilty sorry to hear you were in a half way hostel.

OP posts:

Original poster

phoria · 25/09/2016 22:59

NotDavid I've already thought about selling it and I haven't even moved in yet!

OP posts:

Mozfan1 · 25/09/2016 23:01

Phoria there's a chance it just doesn't feel like 'yours' yet. Like pp said once you decorate, move your things in and everyone comes round and tells you how great it is you will feel miles better.

Original poster

phoria · 25/09/2016 23:04

I hope so! Just feels like there's so much to do before I get to that point.

OP posts:

Mozfan1 · 25/09/2016 23:10

Of course, but in my (limited) house purchasing experience you have conquered a lot of the hard stuff already. Is this your first buy? If it is, what a momentous occasion!

Mozfan1 · 25/09/2016 23:11

And quite possibly a new list is needed: stuff phoria needs to do still. I bet it is a tiny list compared to the list of things you have already done.

Pradaqueen · 25/09/2016 23:21

OP you have made a lot of posts about your flat before exchange. The answers I recall were 50:50 yes/no to going ahead with it. You have subconsciously or even consciously evaluated it as a reasonable buy before committing to it so trust yourself at this difficult time. You will make it your home but accept that you are grieving for your mother and the anxiety you are feeling isn't really about the flat.give yourself a break and have some or and in your new flat. You will get through this even though right now it seems insurmountable. Keep posting if it helps talk through. Try distracting yourself with ideas as to how you will make this your home. Share them with us on the property thread. Often when someone passes on it's the lack of 'who do I tell about this thing that happened today' that hurts the most. for you.

BlurtonOnKites4eva · 26/09/2016 09:54

Sorry to hear about your Mum

I don't think it's abnormal to have a wobble about these, and you are grieving.

We've just put a rental application for a bigger, nicer and more expensive flat and I had a massive freak out on Friday, I cried and everything saying we couldn't afford it and we'd made a terrible mistake. It was completely irrational but I had to rewrite our monthly budget to prove to myself that we could afford it. Can you imagine what I'd be like buying somewhere? I'm not normally completely mental.

MuseumOfCurry · 26/09/2016 09:57

Sorry to hear about your mother.

I think you have to make such unholy compromises in London that buyer's remorse is a near-certainty at some point.

What is the principle sacrifice that you've made? Size, condition, location, architectural style...?

OhNoNotMyBaby · 26/09/2016 10:01

No decisions are ever bomb-proof. You do what is right for you at a particular moment in time. There will always be doubts over everything - whether it's a new pair of shoes, curtains or a whole flat!

I don't think you're regretting it so much as being a bit scared - which is entirely normal! Take a few deep breaths and focus now on all the good things about it. Go on a little shopping spree! even if only for tea-cloths that match the kitchen. Make it yours with little touches like that and you will feel better.
for your mum.

Finola1step · 26/09/2016 10:03

Really sorry to hear about your mum .

With the flat, try to remove some of the emotion out of it. It will never be perfect, no flat will be. We now live in our forever home and it is so not what I had imagined. Its a 60s house on a lovely road, with fab neighbours. But no period features etc etc. I didn't like the house when I first viewed it. But it grew on me not because of what it lacked but because of what it did give us.

So what does the flat give you? May I suggest the first thing. A flat, in London, gives you the chance to build up life long security. And that is worth more than anything.

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