Exchanged on a flat but already regret it

[phoria]

I very nearly pulled out but decided to push through the doubts because I desperately need a change and also my budget is so small that I risked being priced out if I gave this flat up.

I was hoping that once I'd exchanged I'd be more sure of my decision but I already wish I had just waited to see if something better came along. Saying that I've been looking for 6 months and this was the best of the bunch.

I feel sick and have been getting panic attacks. My mum died a few months ago and now I've purposely put myself in a position where I have to go through another big/stressful life change. What have I done??

It's a flat. It's not forever. Do it up. Move on. Probably make some money so your next budget might be bigger.

It is far easier to move up the ladder if a) you have a property and b) you have no emotional attachment to that property.

It is done now. Try to make it an opportunity. Xxxx

yes, give it a chance, but if you still feel the same, act clinical, do it up focus on trying to make some profit and move on next year, it's not the end of the world, it's a flat in London!

It will be nicer once you painted and moved your things in! Like PP says it's not for ever - make it the best you can and enjoy having your own space whilst you regroup and start to feel better.

Really sorry you're feeling stressed. Big life decisions are never easy.

Completed on my place today and it is mega tatty and looks much worse than I remember - but I am sure in a few months both places will feel v homely and we'll be happy!

clmustard and camtt - i'm just worried that brexit will wipe out an potential chance of equity.

I hope so YelloDraw!

Well, you need somewhere to live, right? If you didn't have this place then you'd have to fork out rent for somewhere else. Probably some crappy old basement studio or something.

Have a look around the flat and think about how you can make just one room nice. Living room maybe? Or bedroom? Don't look at Rightmove any more, just look on Houzz and Pinterest and all that stuff. A lick of paint and some new flooring can work wonders. Don't spend a lot of money. And yes, rope in your friends to help you.

Make this a priority, do it within a 3 month period, sit back and think of this new room as your sanctuary from the rest of the flat/other things in the block that you don't necessarily like so much.

Give yourself a break and then start on the next room. Do this with every room until the flat is the way you want it. By that time a couple of years will have passed and if you still feel the same way then by all means put the flat on the market and move on/move out the area to get a better house for you.

If prices do drop then great because your dream house will be relatively cheaper. If prices have increased then thank God you bought this flat when you did, otherwise there's no way you could make the step up to your next place.

By then you will be a seasoned housebuyer and it will all be a breeze.

I think you have transferred your negative emotions from your mother's death onto this flat. I think the anger stage is being meted out on the building rather than experienced in relation to your loss.

It's a flat. Not the end of the world. (But losing your mum is definitely on the end of the world scale... So I can see why the emotions are getting mixed). You can live there or rent it out. London is never going to crash completely even with brexit. Even if prices flatten out or readjust, you can rent out. You have literally bought in one of the best places to own property. And having rented some fucking awful places with evil landlords in London, I can't imagine that the place is as bad as renting.

Give it a few months. If you still hate DO NOT 'cut your losses' - get it on the rental market and move somewhere that you really love by renting yourself. The rule with property is keep it as long as you can as eventually prices will recover/do well. The joy of you renting yourself elsewhere is that you can move when and where you like.

I really think you need to look into some grief counselling, as I think your emotions are all a bit tangled up right now (understandably).

Name change, start a new thread and post lots of pictures on MN for ideas what to do to the place?

nagsandovalballs - the reason i'd like to cut my losses now is that i would like to own my own home (although i guess this thread says differently, ha!). i'm looking into counselling and seeing my gp for my anxiety as it really is spiralling out of control!

Kidnapped - i could stay put in my rental now as it's relatively cheap.

Well, you have the keys to your new place now. No point forking out mortgage and rent. That really would drag you down.

Can you take a trusted friend to have a look at the place today or tomorrow? You will need to take meter readings, set up utilities that sort of thing. So put your practical hat on and go and do that at least. That'll be Step 1 done. Go out for dinner/have a takeaway to celebrate that small step tonight.

Then take a deep breath and give notice on your rental on Monday. That will give you your rental notice period to move things slowly into your new place. Please confide in your friends that you are finding it hard - they will try to reassure you and help you out.

phoria I lost my mum three weeks ago and I think that the anxiety that you're feeling could be to do with major change and not necessarily the flat itself. When we experience trauma we have have a fight or flight situation and this can go on for a long time. Losing your mum was a huge change in your life and now another on the back of it. As pp have said staying close to friends is good and I'm sure that with their help your move will be less stressful. Also remember the old adage that it's better to buy the worse house in the best area as opposed to the best in the worst. Stay strong lovely.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Getting some help with your grief will see help. You have had so many life defining moments in one go.

Its only a flat, so clean it up, paint it and flog it if you don't feel happier when the dust has settled. Perhaps looking at it differently might help - see it as a project not a home.

I have bought houses because it's all I could afford and hated everything about them but when I have put some love into them I have ended up liking them and have been sad to see them go when I have sold them.

You are on the property ladder in LONDON even if brexit screws things for a bit LONDON will always fare much better than everywhere else. If you can be doing with the hassle you could always rent it out.

Look at what a lovely string position you are in. If selling it now is the only option for you work out how much it will cost you in early repayment fees, selling costs and possible loses on sales price and make a business decision. Good luck, I hope you start to heal soon but I would advise against any knee jerk reactions.

And you've done the hardest part of the house move. You did it on your own even when dealing with the awful time of your mother's death. The house buying bit was stressful and now that's over. That stress has gone. It will be easier now, honestly.

Major decisions are over; take comfort in that for a bit. The only decisions you need to make for a while are of the "Should I buy that yellow cushion? Does it go with the purple sofa?" variety.

The next major decisions ("Should I sell this flat and buy a house?") are very far down the line when you will be feeling much stronger.

I had / have buyers remorse. We moved in to ours at the end of August. We'd been looking for so long we ended up just buying it half so we could stop looking. It's a good flat but in a dire state and the area isn't as nice as we'd hoped, although we are zone 2 and it only takes me 25 minutes to get to work which is good

First week or two I just hated it outright and felt stressed and depressed.

Following that there was a programme about gangs on tv and it was all based in our area! Then our neighbours advised us that the 'entire road gets burgled at Christmas' so then I was fucking scared and still hating it.

We've lived here about 6 weeks now and have finally got to the stage where we can make some changes (sorted out money basically). It's a Conservation area so we need planning permission but we are about to make the applications. We will be able to make the place feel much secure and that genuinely has made me excited.

I am still looking at RM and seeing if anything in our preferred area is coming up but there isn't and there isn't even anything as 'nice' as our current flat coming up in our new area. So, even though I don't love it, I'm getting used to it and I know that as we make changes, I'll enjoy the flat more. Not much I can do about the area other than hope it improves.

It isn't forever but it has taken me 6 weeks to not say 'I hate it'.

kirinm - i guess buyer's remorse is very common when you're spending so much money. and i think knowing that there are other choices out there makes it so much harder to just settle with the one you chose. short commute and being in zone 2 are very good reasons for buying! that's terrible what your neighbour said. how scary for you. make sure you get extra security.

justkeepongoing - so, so sorry you lost your mum. it must still be very raw for you. xx i've signed up for some sessions with cruse so hopefully will be getting those soon.

thanks for all your messages and support. i've decided to stay in my rental for another month or two while i do work to the flat. then i'll decide whether to try to rent it out or just suck it up and live there myself.

nags and princess you're right i need to look at it as an investment rather than as a home. hopefully in 2 years when my deal ends i can at least break even or make a small profit. i've definitely bought the worst house in the best street! i'll just take this as a very steep learning curve about what i actually need in a flat rather than what i thought i needed for the next one.

that's actually great news you have bought the worst house in the best street, as long as you don't go overboard with renovations the chance of making some money on it on the onward sale are high. Try and have a detached heart about it, you might find that it grows on you. Its great you can have the flexibility of not having to live in whilst you get the work done - just make sure you are on top of security. Good luck.

also it's true what they say - don't make any big life decisions for a year after your lose someone you love. there's so many things i missed about the flat that i might have picked up if i was more on it and not so distracted.

princess - I think I'll stay over every now and again to acclimatise and keep an eye on the flat. bit of a silly (and expensive) way to do it but knowing i don't have to leave straightaway has made me feel so much better and i'm not in panic mode anymore.

Op I cried all day when I moved into my current house. I felt a bit unsure about it during the exchange but on the actual moving day it was awful. it was a dooer upper and I didn't have the option to live elsewhere.

I've lived here for 2 years now, it's now habitable and I love it. It was a good decision.

Your mum will be very proud of you.

Fish - i totally cried! there are so many things wrong with the flat that i didn't pick up on my viewings. and mine needs a lot of work too. glad you grew to love yours.

Hi op I think because it's you're first purchase that you're feeling so unsure/unhappy, but as the saying goes everyone has to start somewhere. I bought mine 9 years ago, was shitting myself with the mortgage and responsibility but I got used to it and made it my home. Mine is now up for sale and I'm not feeling half as anxious about buying again even a doer upper. Try not to get too attached, as essentially it is a flat, bricks and mortar, it will be your home for now and possibly a stepping stone onto the next. Is there any pics you can post of the flat and maybe we could give you some decorating ideas. Also sorry to hear about your mum