SE London or country/coast for kids and teenagers?

[philbee]

We live in SE London and until recently I really liked it. Am now a bit fed up with the spitting, dog shit etc. and thinking about whether it's also a bit stabby and dodgy for the DDs once they're older (and possibly now too, tbh).

We went on a holiday to lovely Suffolk coast this summer and it seemed so nice to be outside, at the beach etc., and that that's what childhood should be about, and I enjoyed it a lot too. But are teenagers better off not in a rural place? I don't know and don't know about jobs out of London, we are both website / information people so possibly not much around for us outside London. What do others think about the best place for children to grow up?

I think anywhere can be a nice place to grow up. You can have a great childhood in London or in the countryside.

For happy family life you need to think about what you want as well as your kids. Would you enjoy the countryside or the coast? Do you like outdoorsy stuff? How far would you be from family?

Personally, I would not live anywhere so isolated that I would be a chauffeur to teenage children but lots of other people don't mind that. I would also choose somewhere where there will be a variety of activities for your kids as they grow up. When mine were pre-school I dreamed of moving to a very remote part of the UK. It seemed to offer the kind of childhood I would have loved, countryside, ponies etc. We didn't make that move and ended up on the edge of a big city. As my children are gettting bigger I think this is suiting them better, they like outdoorsy stuff and it is very accessible here. But they have also turned out to be keen on music and art and there would not have been many opportunities for them if we had moved somewhere very remote.

There's a whole spectrum between London living and remote, no activities, no public transport rural isolation.

I personally didn't want the dds to grow up in the most population dense of areas, but also feel it is important that they are not monocultural. Dh and I both love the outdoors - camping, walking, climbing etc and wanted our dds to have opportunities to experience the countryside as "normal" but dh's job needs good transport links. We've settled in the SW - 15 mins from Dartmoor, 20 mins from the coast, right on the M5 and direct trains to London. We have all the amenities of a city but none of the population pressures so have got easy access to nhs dentist, school places etc. Dds will never remember living elsewhere and we have no plans to move.

All my siblings live in S or SE London with their young families and have experienced v poor maternity care, insanely expensive childcare and massive school place stress. They all rent and could not hope to buy. For me that many compromises just to live near London would not balance out for me but we are all different. Ultimayely, if you can only gain employment in London, you may have v little choice.

I grew up in a very rural area and it was bloody boring for teens, and that was in the days of youth clubs and under-age drinking at the local pub being quietly ignored.

And yes, our parents were our chauffeurs until some friends passed their driving tests. And then my parents had to trust that friends could handle the 45-minute drive to the nearest cinema/entertainment. And back at midnight.

There were a fair number of teenage pregnancies where I grew up.

I don't want my DCs to have a rural upbringing, FWIW. I think it can be great for teens if you are in the private education/monied lifestyle, but not so great otherwise.

Also FWIW I have opted to raise my DCs semi-rurally. Not suburban London, but the same kind of vibe in a town outside the M25, a 10-minute walk/drive from proper countryside.

Just wanted to comment that I'm in SE London and we went to the suffolk coast (walberswick) for our hols. We had a great hol but London is very much home for me and now, with a family, I love all that is on offer for us to do. I wonder if when they reach teen I'll feel differently (my 3 are 5 and under).

Spend a week in February in the same place you stayed this summer before you make your decision.

That's good advice blu. And as chimney said there's a huge range between London and rural so have a look at other places too that might suit you more.

Very good advice from blu.

Walberswick is lovely, but I've been there on a bitterly cold Easter holiday and it looked lovely, but was relatively deserted and so cold you couldn't move your fingers. I grew up close to the coast and coastal places are totally different in the cold/winter. I personally wouldn't choose to live there, although my retired parents go there year-round and love it.

Similarly, we went to Southwold on hols and there were bored teenagers slumped outside shopfronts every evening as the place was dead unless you get served in a pub. Beautiful place, but better for older folk I think. Likewise Walberswick - a lot of (rich) people seem to have second homes there so it's a bit quiet for teens. Agree that somewhere inbetween London and sleepy coastal place is probably the answer, unthrillingly!

Maybe look at some different bits of SE London. Don't know where you are now, but we live in a leafy bit of zone 3. Close enough to amenities and grime to feel very London, but within 10 mins walk of 3 Incredible parks, an award winning museum and a couple of nature reserves.

We have just faced this dilemma between town and country and bought a house in town today! Not London, but a big town in Berkshire.

DS is 3 and I think right now he would love to live at the seaside (I grew up there) in a house with a big garden. However, I think in 5 years he's going to want sports clubs to join and a street of friends to play with, in 10 years a cinema to go to under his own steam and in 15 years a pub to try his luck in.

I grew up in a bit of a backwater and regret that I did not have the opportunities that I wanted as a child (I lived oop North and had to travel to Reading to see a specialist teacher in the 'thing' that I was into).

Although, I should say that due to inherritance we have been lucky enough to buy a lovely 4 bed in town. If living in town meant we had to rent/ have a flat with no garden etc that would probably have swung it the other way.

Was just about to say the same as Blu. Southwold or Aldeburgh or any of those places won't seem nearly so appealing on a wet Sunday in January. Have you never considered the lyrics of [ this masterpiece]]?

I grew up in SE London and now live by the coast. I can't imagine moving back, in the ten years since I left it feels so much more urban! Where we live it's 1 hour to London, our coastal village has shops, cinema, schools etc on our doorstep - and a beach waiting for us whenever the kids need some outdoor time - and a beautiful city 20 mins away. We'll be moving to a bigger house soon but definitely staying by the sea!

Nice one mintyy Yes, I know the appeal is illusory - we were on hols apart from anything else. Thanks for all the advice. I think we need to be somewhere that a large town / city near the coast, or the outskirts of London but somewhere we feel happier for the DDs to be out in the evening.

mootime where are you in SE London? We are near Lewisham, lots of parks, v friendly road and area, but the closest place for shopping / going out is Lewisham / Catford unless you get the bus or train somewhere and I just don't like the idea of the DDs doing that, or coming back home through those places (or New Cross etc.) in the evening as teenagers. I think we are good here for a few years, but was thinking of Bromley or somewhere when they're a bit older, although my teen self is horrified at that idea. Just trying to think of safer places with obvious entertainment there for them. Any suggestions?

MIL that sounds lovely. I think as pp have said, you need stuff there for them to do, so small villages are out for us, but I think so is where we live now, for different reasons. Would you mind telling me where you live, or rough area? Am obsessively researching! I do think having a beach nearby sounds great.

Westgate-on-sea but also try birchington, herne bay perhaps?

We are SE London (close to you I think) and having raised 2 children here very successfully we are in the process of moving back down to the coast with our youngest (v big age gap). Absolutely loved bringing the others up in London but we are now jaded and need a change, so I can a say London and children is great even though we have made the decision to bring up the youngest by the coast.

Not much help to you am I

Thanks MIL, will check those out. starfish, can they even do those things in winter?

onestep, how funny that we are so close an you are thinking the same. Where did your first two DCs go out as teenagers round here? And what secondary did they go to, do you mind my asking? No probs if you'd rather not say.

I agree with starfish, being a mile or 2 inland would be different. The best thing about living by the beach all year round is that you can go down for an hour or two or perhaps less, rather than a whole stressful "day out". Unless the wind is really strong or it's pouring with rain actually I love watching the sea in high winds I love it in the winter months too, there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing and all that. Out of season it can often feel like our own private beach!

I grew up in South East London (Sydenham) and loved it. In fact I'm in the process of moving back from a rural location as I miss it!

With regards to your kids getting into trouble, that can happen anywhere. Incedently one of the worst fights I've seen happened in Bromley. Lewisham is pretty safe in comparison as long as it's just going out for a drink not hanging around on the street.