Living in the middle of nowhere - rural idyll or dull as...

[Rhubarbgarden]

Back again. So we've written off the house in the perfect location with the pants garden, and the house with the great garden but next door to a pub. This next one is the wild card, so some views would be really helpful. We'd actually already written it off for location reasons - we ideally want to be in a nice village or town that is commutable to London; and this house is very rural. Ok it's not really the middle of nowhere, it's in Kent, so we're not talking remote moorland or anything, but it is a drive from the nearest village, which has precious little in it except a small convenience store, the local pub has a sign on the door saying 'no children', and the nearest town, Maidstone, isn't very appealing at first glance (sorry Maidstonians - happy to be proved wrong).

BUT, the house, the house... DH appears to have really fallen in love with it. He keeps comparing everywhere else to it. He is ridiculously picky and would really like to stay where we are in London and not have to commute, so for him to like somewhere so much has got to mean something. And now it's just been reduced, so he's back to scrolling through photos of it all the time.

So to stop rambling and ask my actual question, has anyone made the jump from London living to rural living, and did it work out? Are you bored? Are you blissed out feeding your chickens and tramping around in wellies? What's it like for kids? Did you grow up somewhere like this?

Actually what the hell I'll put the link on so you can get a flavour of why I think This House is worth considering something so different from what we thought we wanted.

Help

Hmmm. It's not so much the location as the upkeep as others have said.

We live in a 3/4 bedroom house with a fairly big garden 2700m2 full of flower beds. We spend every weekend and a lot of the school holidays doing the garden alone.

While the DC were little (until last year, they are now 5 & 7) I was a garden widow because DH was doing the garden (keeping vaguely on top of it, it is not remotely perfect) while I dealt with the DC.

At that age they don't just go outside and get on with it. You have to do lots of toilet trips, biscuit and meal trips and they tend to stay out for about 1hr max at a time. And then you are stuck in the house while they are napping/playing etc. so can't do stuff in the garden because they are too little to be left and the garden is too far away.

Have a look at the standards of the local secondary schools. I had a quick look and personally I would not send my children to them. Can you afford private?

Yes we would do private if necessary, if they didn't get into the grammar school.

The vendors have now said they can't do a viewing tomorrow. We're going on Monday instead, as we are away for the rest of this week.

I've got bugger all done today! This is way too exciting.

The last place I lived (for just under a year) before SE London was a barn conversion in the countryside. I moved out when my eldest child was a few weeks old and have been in SE London for the last four years.

I am so so so thankful my DH's job involved a relocation. It feels like I 'escaped'. We loved the house so compromised on location. I would have hated to be stuck having to drive to the corner shop, to school with the kids, to see friends etc. It was great whilst I was working 50 hours a week, but as a stay-at-home-Mum I don't think I'd be happy at all. Here I love the fact we walk to friends, to the park, to the shops, and that it is so easy to leap on public transport to get home if small legs do get tired.

But that's me, and might not be you. I do think you need to consider whether the resentment could end up working the other way to what you've suggested though - you've said that you were worried your DH would end up resenting this move because it was more your choice than his, whereas because he loves this house it evens it up. I would think about whether you'll resent choosing his choice of house (although I can see you love it too) despite it potentially not ticking enough other criteria about practicality, closeness to schools etc.

How will your DH's commute impact on family life? Will it make the difference between being home for kids bath/story/bedtime and not, etc?

It will take a lot of upkeep - both time and money, but I think you know that. And it is stunning....

Pootle that is a good point about resentment working the other way. rhubarb maybe you are compromising too much on location, just because your dh has fallen in love with the architecture.

I will sound like a jealous cow, but I truly mean this. The property looks like a boutique country hotel. Not an inviting home. Your dh is doing the usual male thing of strutting and swinging and playing lord of the manor. There is nothing subtle or charming about it. It screams 'I have arrived', like the sprawling mcmansions back in the US, but just 200 years older and next to a highway.

With your budget you can afford to be choosy, don't let dh derail this with his fantasies. I would have thought you could find a nice house in an amazing location (quiet, walking distance to a lovely village, good schools etc) that meets all your requirements for having a truly lovely life in the country.

As an aside, I am a bit amazed at the property porn in the UK and yet the lack of imaginative interesting modern homes. I sometimes wonder 200 years down the line, what will they define as the architectural styles of our era...

Some excellent posts on this thread Rhubarb. Best of luck for tomorrow. FWIW I also think that with your budget there shouldn't need to be a compromise. One of the things we kept coming back to was that there will be other 'perfect' houses: we could find one every two months for the next two years if we wanted to. Making the Big Move from London can be done at any time. I know you're very very keen to get out (I really do get that from your posts about the local area ) but maybe the frustration is exacerbated a bit at the moment by pregnancy hormones, nesting, etc. (Hope that doesn't sound patronising.)

Would love to meet for a coffee btw, will PM you. Although get the feeling you'll be a bit preoccupied this week...

Oops sorry just read that you're going next Monday instead...

Arf at Flatbread's description of my DH strutting around as lord of the manor! You know what he likes about Georgian houses? Their symmetry. He's a nerd. He likes that there is something mathematical about their proportions. Whatever floats your boat, hey? I could make that place cosy. Some nice Scandi cushions and curtains, lots of interesting furniture, roaring log fires in winter... Oh dear I'm moving in again...

Seriously though, some very good points raised and food for thought. I don't think I would resent the location. I'd be so happy to be away from here and surrounded by green. But DH missing bathtime, that is a Big One and needs careful consideration.

Lottie you are right about perfect houses. This is the third 'once in a lifetime' house that has come along since I've been pregnant. No, fourth, actually. I do keep convincing myself this is my only chance, then along comes something else with it's own set of pros and cons.

Well, we shall go and see it on Monday morning. We shall listen to the traffic noise. DH will try out the train. I will poke around the villages and find out what's going on, and how long it takes to walk to places.

Then we will hyperventilate a bit and make the decision whether to blow caution to the wind for a beautiful crumbling moneypit, or let this one go.

It's a really good thread as the house is exactly what would sway me. I love Georgian properties the best too. And live in one, but city size and all that entails. Quiet here too even if zone two, as conservation area.

It's the little things like sun leaving early or noise (not so little) or being in the house too much as toddlers get bored outside. Really helping feel what it would be like (should we make a similar choice one day).

I think it looks a beautiful house. Lots and lots of potential. It doesn't look like a boutique type hotel at all...

We have just purchased something similar, about the same distance as yours looks from the motorway.

I must admit, initially with the noise issue i was very sceptical, dismissed it almost. We had a company move from a rural village in the north where I could sit in the garden and hear nothing but birds and now DH was relocating me too within half a mile of a busy motorway.

What eventually swung it for me was the address. It was THE postcode to be in on the premier road. And I can honestly say they the road noise is now less of an issue than i thought it would be. You can hear it yes, but you learn to accept it and live with it.

I also knew when we were buying this house that if for whatever reason we didn't like it or wanted to move to somewhere more rural, we would be able to sell this house in a flash, and I am not being flippant here, I know the market is stagnant in lots of places, but this is not one of them.

Good luck with your decision.

Ooh, what a fantastic house. The local primary is less than a mile, that is a walk/bike ride away, Harrietsham is a lovely village, I'd give the pub a go, but if they are wanting to leave I know someone who wants a new premises and they are great for kids :o

If your husband has fallen in love, will tolerate the hell that renovations will be and you are happy with the schools (there are lots and lots of very good preps and grammars as well as seriously good private schools within 20 miles)
Then go for it, it will never be as cheap as it is now.

Our house, though not as big as yours, is as remote, my husband fell so in love with the rural idyll when he met me (and me a bit too I hope) that he is now the garden designer after commuting for years.
We are not very far away, if you need contacts for good builders etc etc message me

Personally, I could never go back to the noise of the city

Sorry rhubarb I totally overstepped the line there. I was extrapolating from my dh who is a tech nerd, and totally not a guy's guy, but on seeing some of the places when we we house hunting, it is almost as some primordial button went on.

He was excited about the fort/castle because of the hand-painted figures on the ceilings from the 17th century (and the fact that the owner had only manage to renovate two rooms in the last 20 years don't ring any alarm bell) and the small chateau with perfect lines and symmetry (which was in a boring location and would require constant maintenance)

In our case, I was making the move to Europe for him, so had no qualms saying no to his dream properties. He said no to one of mine, because of the noise. And finally, when we saw the place we bought, I knew it was the right one for us...it was the same feeling when i had met my dh. I just knew it was right, no doubts. The house wasn't perfect for either of us, e.g., it has exposed beams which neither one of us are particularly keen on, and small farmhouse windows. But the whole package was perfect, I still remember the feeling all these years and (painful!) renovations later.

It had taken us three years of active searching, and honestly, in some ways the house found us, because we had gone to look at something else and the EA showed us this one.

And we paid far too much and spent way more than we should have on the renovation ( dh's idea of necessary works included replacing the oak staircase with a handcrafted stone one because the previous one creaked ) . But I don't mind any of the hardships and there have been plenty, because I love the place and can't imagine moving, till the day I die.

I wish you all the very best in your house hunt and truly hope you will find the right home for you and your family.

Thanks again. More lovely posts. Bigbird I may well be coming back to you for info on local builders depending on what happens next week! I'm a garden designer already myself so DH is not allowed down that path - and someone's got to earn some actual money! But good to know your DH was so inspired.

Flatbread I'm cackling again - are we married to the same man? The staircase thing, I hear you; DH recently vetoed a perfectly nice house because he 'didn't like the proportions of the staircase'. This is what I'm up against! Forts, castles and chateaux, though, wow I'm jealous.

Well I will be sure to update next week. Lots to mull over. Thanks all.

Update:

So, we viewed the house this morning. In the end, we just didn't love it enough. We needed to walk out of there going 'we have to have this house, come what may'. And we didn't. So we won't be bidding.

Onwards and upwards. I feel rather relieved. I'm glad we went, because we definitely know now it wasn't for us, and we'll stop comparing everything else to it. It's made us really consider whether we want town, village or country and that's been a useful exercise. Now I need to step away from Rightmove, have this baby, then think about it all again in about a year's time.

Thanks all!

Thanks for updating, sorry it didn't work out as your dream house (but I understand that you are relieved - and I think you've made the right decision - without seeing it for real of course!).

Glad that you've made a decision - I agree that with a house that size in that sort of location, you'd have to REALLY want it and with your heart as well as your head.

If I had your sort of budget, I'd buy this - as for me it's got the best of everything (commute, schools, community, amazing countryside on the doorstep, quick hop to London for theatres/concerts/museums etc), although it's not quite on the same grand scale.....

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-36511616.html

Best of luck with the new arrival!

Thanks both. Panicmode that's a great house. Lovely big light-filled rooms and a great garden. Dh would never go for a house in that style though - any hint of mock Tudor and he's running for the hills. It's also over our budget. You've got me looking at houses in Tunbridge Wells now though; there's a rather nice one on Rightmove just below the one you linked to, in Southborough... Oh god I've really got to put a stop to this now though!

You wouldn't want to live in Southborough though - and that house sits more or less on the A26 on its eastern boundary, so you definitely wouldn't want that one!!

The perfect house will come up when you're ready to look for it, I'm sure!

Ah, right, thanks! In any case, if we had that budget we would buy this in Ditchling. We put an offer in on it in December but they didn't accept. We couldn't get close enough to the asking price, and they were in no hurry to sell. Still on the market though...

Wow, that is beautiful!!! And a gorgeous part of the world too.
Perhaps they'll have changed their minds by the time you are ready to move.

Yes, you never know!

You didn't go for this one, but if something similar came up, I'd go for it, but with the right attitude. I mean that provided you can afford it, see it as an adventure and if after a couple of years you realise you'd rather be elsewhere, so what. You'll probably recover your investment if you've done a sensible renovation, you'll have learned something about how you really want to live and make a better decision next time. Your kids are so young, you have time before schools becomes a prohibitive issue.