Living in the middle of nowhere - rural idyll or dull as...

[Rhubarbgarden]

Back again. So we've written off the house in the perfect location with the pants garden, and the house with the great garden but next door to a pub. This next one is the wild card, so some views would be really helpful. We'd actually already written it off for location reasons - we ideally want to be in a nice village or town that is commutable to London; and this house is very rural. Ok it's not really the middle of nowhere, it's in Kent, so we're not talking remote moorland or anything, but it is a drive from the nearest village, which has precious little in it except a small convenience store, the local pub has a sign on the door saying 'no children', and the nearest town, Maidstone, isn't very appealing at first glance (sorry Maidstonians - happy to be proved wrong).

BUT, the house, the house... DH appears to have really fallen in love with it. He keeps comparing everywhere else to it. He is ridiculously picky and would really like to stay where we are in London and not have to commute, so for him to like somewhere so much has got to mean something. And now it's just been reduced, so he's back to scrolling through photos of it all the time.

So to stop rambling and ask my actual question, has anyone made the jump from London living to rural living, and did it work out? Are you bored? Are you blissed out feeding your chickens and tramping around in wellies? What's it like for kids? Did you grow up somewhere like this?

Actually what the hell I'll put the link on so you can get a flavour of why I think This House is worth considering something so different from what we thought we wanted.

Help

Ok - the commute is possible. We used to live just the other side of Maidstone (it was our nearest town though we hardly ever went there). It depends on which part of London your DH works in. You can get the train in, or do as a lot of us did, which was drive up the M20 so far, park and then pick up a train that could connect us to DLR etc. You will be amazed how many people on the M20 in the morning are London commuters.

We have also moved out to some where more rural. DD adores it but she is an outdoor girl. Stick her outside with a dog and trees to climb and she is in heaven.

Living in a community doesn't necessarily mean there will be more to keep the children occupied. We lived on an estate and most of the kids weren't allowed out to play by themselves etc.

We have found that being more rural means that people make more effort. yes we have to drive DD to things but she has done sleepovers, joined clubs, cycles where she wants etc. So it is possible. But you will be doing the running around.

Some good questions raised.

Traffic noise at different times of day/wind direction is a good point, but like I say, we are currently in London zone 2 close to a hospital and some very, um, unsavoury areas, so there are constant sirens, police helicopters etc, so we would only be winning on that score. There is woodland between the motorway and house which also absorbs a lot of noise, and when you are standing there outside the house it doesn't feel like there is a big road anywhere near, iyswim.

Soil - not bothered. Different types of soil good for different things, and I know how to get the best from whatever it is.

Flatness - it isn't as flat as it looks, in fact the paddock is on quite a slope. But you are right that you don't get views out over surrounding countryside. I do think I would be content with woodland and lake though!

Playdates and stuff for littlies - this is one of my biggest reservations. I am a joiner and an organiser. I go to toddler groups/playdates most days at the moment. BUT, in actual fact, because my own area is not nice (oh whoever it was who said I like the location but not the high street - no, I like the house, the location is grotty), I always end up driving or getting the bus to them, so it's effectively the same as hopping in the car to a village. I just did a bit of googling and there are playgroups in several nearby villages, so there would be stuff to go to.

Erm, what else? Oh, Flatbread and the state of my marriage! Ha ha - no it wouldn't be my choice if dh buggered off. I'd buy a chocolate box thatched cottage with beams and low ceilings (which dh loathes)! Architecture aside, if I was alone I would want to be rural, but probably with a walkable village. He is more of a city person than me, I've always hankered after the rural dream. This is why it's so funny that he's the one who really, really wants this house.

Old people rattling around in big houses/ small villages - we'd just downsize when it got to that point. I don't think that would be a big deal. I certainly wouldn't want to be an old person where I live now anyway.

Other houses nearby - yes there are several neighbours within yelling distance. The house is in a hamlet. No amenities, but people there in an emergency.

Sushiqueen that's interesting regarding the commute. We need to look at it more creatively and find the quickest route. Outdoors-climbing-trees type childhood - yyy that's what I want for my kids. That's what I had. I imagine dd growing up here where kids get shot/stabbed because they get in with the wrong crowd and my heart quails.

Rhubarb - sounds like you've weighed things up beautifully for yourself. It is a gorgeous house and I'm sure you could make it a wonderful long-term family home.
We're about to exchange on a house in a hamlet - however it is closer to one of our favourite cities than we are now - about 15 mins drive; 6 buses a day - and a few mins to a 30min train into London and road networks, so although it is quiet with zero amenities it's hardly in the stix. When I visit the place I am instantly relaxed. There is a large village a few miles away with excellent schools - applying currently - and doctors, dentist, library, sports club, WI (!) etc. The house and garden are a good size and will be great for entertaining, so we won't be lonely. The girls will have their own sitting room so their friends can come hang out with use when they're older and we will have more awareness of who they're mixing with/what they're doing.
I grew up in the country and I loved the sense of space and freedom, and a slight detachment from the 'rat-race', pressures of advertisements and conforming to a particular lifestyle. I don't need to shop/get my nails done or go to coffee shops/over-priced restaurants to have a good time. I do love music, theatre, museums, culture - but those are all within easy reach.

I think what I'm trying to say is, if you can afford to do what you want to do, then why not? If not now, when?
Unless you are looking at the Outer Hebrides or some bleak moor, you are never far away from 'civilisation' in this country, but you will get so much more space for your money and IMO, greater overall quality of life.
Think of the mature trees for swings/treehouse/circular seating for summer dappled shade.......

Just make sure you get excellent surveys and check out the land/type/drainage etc and get a good deal. Look forward to the renovation updates!
mlm

Wow!

I think it is definitely worth a good look. Small communities often have a lot going on so I'd be looking to see if there is a community website, chatting to people who live in the hamlet and so on. There are 2 primary schools within a mile so I assume plenty of children around within walking distance. You need to go to the house and walk in various directions to get a feel of how long it would take to walk to places such as the main hamlet, the shop and so on. Often Primary schools in rural areas can have SureStart outreach stuff going on too so there may be groups to take young children to. I'd also be checking out buses between villages.

I don't live in as rural a location as that but we are in a little village with no shop, school or anything. It has a fantastic community though with loads going on at the village hall. The next village is a mile or so away and is a lovely walk along the old railway line. We hardly ever consider using the car to go there, we walk, 2/3 mile round trip is nothing (dcs are 5 and 3). That village has shop, post office, Dr, school and so on. We moved here 2 and a half years ago from being a 15 min walk from the city centre. At first I went into the city a couple of times a week but gradually my life, friends, groups I go to has moved away form that and I hardly ever go there even though we are only 6 miles away!

rhubarb. I was a total city girl when I bought our house and was moving from US to Europe, so clueless in loads of other ways as well.

You seem to have really thought things through, so hopefully it will all work out well

In our case, the gods must have been guiding us pair of innocents. We didn't even think about the orientation of the house or internet speeds or distance to the shops

Now, after five years I realise how lucky we are. Our house sits on a hill and faces south west. We get sun all day. Our friends just five minutes away are a bit down the hill and have forest land. Their sun disappears at 4.30 pm behind the hill and trees while ours stays till well past 7 pm. This one factor alone makes a huge difference in our quality of life.

Plus we are lucky to have some really nice restaurants and shops close by.

Also, the lack of road noise is bliss. Once you live in the country, your hearing will become more sensitive. I can now tell which of my neighbour's is strimming and cutting the grass, just by the sound, each one does it at a different note. Once you get used to country quiet again, you will notice traffic noise more, and will compare the noise not to London, but to the rural area around you.

We almost bought a stunning 15th century beautiful manor house where there was going to build a N road (similar to the busier B roads here), half a kilometre away. I tried to persuade DH with the argument that we were coming from NY, the sound would be a musical hum compared to what we were used to. I even called up the environmental agency to get the decibel levels at that distance to convince dh. He refused to budge. I was dejected for weeks but am now I am so glad we didn't go down that route.

I am just rambling on But I guess the only thing I would suggest is visit during different times of the day, especially evening to see how much sun you get and think a bit more about the potential road noise. Maybe take friends who do live in the country and see if they find it noisy. You may be a bit temporarily deaf from the city sirens

That house isn't really in the middle of nowhere if there are two primary schools within a mile!

If there are primary schools then there will no doubt be toddler groups and such like as well. Villages have lots to do, but sometimes you have to do the organising rather than just expecting it to happen.

We currently live in a hamlet a mile from the village. The younger children walk to school ( with me) and love having the freedom to play in the woods around us.

The oldest commutes quite a long way on the train to school, but that's because we chose a particular school for him, so that's a drive to the station and then the train. If he went to a 'local' secondary school he would get the school bus.

We are now planning to move to the town with the secondary school. I think the children will like it more when they are teenagers, but they really don't want to move now and are happy with train and long days. It's more that I'm bored I think and need a new project. If that was my house it would be an on going project, so we wouldn't be moving!

I did grow up in a big house with more land than we were allowed to explore as children, in the country but near a very small town. Lots of siblings so definitely always someone to play with, or explore alone.

It was lovely and great for the imagination and feeling of freedom when we were young. The only thing is I seem to have developed a fear of remote areas and small towns. Which is bizarre given how much I did love it. Anyway I could be persuaded by a big Georgian house like that.

I just looked again, the external shots are so beautiful.

But check that lake doesn't have a history of flooding.

This is copied from the community website:

Thursday, 27 April 2006
M20 is 'as noisy as a nightclub'
Residents who live near parts of the M20 motorway in Kent are subjected to noise levels similar to those from nightclubs, a report has suggested. An environmental health officer from Maidstone council monitored the noise between junctions eight and nine from Hollingbourne down to Ashford.

The readings showed levels which would usually result in planning applications for new homes being rejected.

Noise reduction work is already under way between junctions four and five.

The Highways Agency is installing an environmental noise barrier along 2km (1.25 miles) of the M20's coast bound carriageway near Aylesford.

Maidstone council's Steve Wilcock took readings further along the motorway on the Fairbourne Lane bridge at Harrietsham.

He described the figures as "startling".

The morning rush-hour showed a maximum peak of 94 decibels (dB), with an average background noise level during daytime of 79dB.

Mr Wilcock said anything above 72dB would normally prohibit any new house building taking place in the immediate vicinity.

A Maidstone council report in 2003 suggested 26 ways of dealing with noise pollution, but the levels at Fairbourne Lane have actually increased in the three years since.

The house you are looking at is not as close as much of the village, but it is pretty close. And you will want to spend time in other parts of the village too.

Personally, I'd be very, very, VERY tempted, and I'd sigh and sigh, but in the end I wouldn't do it. You'll never be able to change the motorway noise and I think you could really end up resenting it. I also love being able to potter about everywhere. My daughter is 9 now and can walk down to the village shops or to visit her friends by herself. It's lovely.

We live near the centre of a village of 3,000, with a relatively large number of shops, pubs etc. and a really active, friendly community of young families. When we were looking we considered places with far fewer facilities (though always with a school/one shop/one pub within walking distance and station within cycling distance). We were tempted by some stunning houses in less perfect locations. Many, many times since we've told each other how glad we are that we put location first. I'm an absolutely sucker for a gorgeous house, but in the end I think location and community is more important.

Gosh. Just did a search for houses around that price and around that area. Lots of lovely houses for sale. But every one is bang on top of the motorway.

I think that should tell you something.

wow and wow! stunning and with its own lake!!

But, if you're even thinking about the road noise now, i promise you, it WILL be an issue, those lovely moments in the garden which would be so great w/o the noise, hoping for a different wind direction for the summer barbecue etc etc, not encouraging. i'd walk away and get a better compromise house overall - walking distance to basic facilities, no signicant noise etc, everything one would wish for. Location, location, location and all that, so true!

Oh what a shame about the noise. It would bother me greatly too.

DH and I are speculatively looking in Kent too (i.e. not ready to move yet but definitely thinking seriously about in next two years) - he loves the idea of being in a proper village surrounded by fields whereas I have pretty strict ground rules - I don't want to have to get in the car to get a pint of milk, ideally have a nice pub nearby too, ideally walking distance to school. He could sacrifice all that for the 'perfect' house, I don't think I could.

Also for me, if the 'perfect' house had a courtyard/north or east facing garden, well, I wouldn't even look at it...he doesn't care either way about the garden.

We both grew up in villages but obviously have completely different views on what it means...I loved the freedom for playing outside when I was a child, joy of growing up close to nature, but when I got to be 13/14 it was miserable being so isolated from friends when the last bus home from town left at 6pm!

My other big worry is whether it's the luck of the draw that we meet nice like-minded people or whether it'll come naturally - DH's brother has an amazing circle of friends in the village where he & his family live, to the point where they actively want to move within the village rather than leave, and the village where I grew up was very similar - people often moved locally because they didn't want to leave. If I ended up in a village where everyone was snooty and stand-offish, though, I would be so miserable - but DH thinks provided there are other people with children we are bound to meet some like-minded people.

We are in Kent - about 15 miles west of Maidstone (which is horrid btw).

Although we didn't grow up in quite such splendour as 'your' house as children, we were in a large house in the countryside - my parents spent their lives driving us around during the school holidays (we were at boarding school). We have four DCs and when we made the move from London, we initially wanted to move into the countryside, but now that 2 of the children are at school, I have realised that I don't want to spend every waking moment ferrying my children around to parties/clubs etc and we do a lot of that, even though we are on the edge of a town. Yes, there are grammar schools but they are increasingly hard to get into so you need to have a plan B - what are the secondary schools like around there, or would you be happy to go private.

I would be terrified of that lake with children, but that's because I've read Freakonomics - but the house is beautiful, I can see how immensely tempting it is!

Yikes, Irregular, . Just as I was thinking this was do-able! Thanks for posting that. We definitely need to go there at rush hour time and see (hear) for ourselves.

I was just mentally filling those outbuildings with donkeys and goats, too.

Thank you, everyone, for all your posts, by the way. This is all really thought provoking and making me really think through where we want to be. Not that I wasn't already, but your stories and experiences are really helping me to visualise things.

Ooh, that's the kind of house I daydream about! Can't be that isolated, the schools are quite close. (Of course you may not like the schools...) Any public transport?

Well, since you are getting off the house a bit and it wasn't really your dream home, let me add, I don't get this fascination with Georgian houses. I find them a bit boring. Well, one half is wonderful and the other half is a let down because of the sameness. I love living in Georgian townhouses or apartments in a city, though - for smaller spaces the symmetrical architecture of height and space really play out well. In a larger home, I prefer to be cocooned a bit, with a bit more quirky, unique spaces.

I think large Georgian mansions are great for the wow factor and to impress, but I think they might get a bit boring to live in, after a while. But that is just my take, not having grown up in the UK

Also rhubarbgarden beware of the published train travelling times and the reality - DH's train has been on time into London only twice since he started back after the Christmas break....Southeastern aren't particularly reliable.

Hi Rhubarb, we did this move (sort of) from London to Somerset. DH wanted to live completely in the middle of nowhere but I put my foot down and so we live in the country about 4 mins drive from a town where there is quite a lot going on. This is a great compromise and although i have to drive everywhere (main road to the town has no pavement) I love it as I never was a london girl. From my experience:
Having a toddler and baby is so completely different from having just one toddler/baby - unless the toddler is old enough to be at pre-school for most of the time I am pretty sure you are going to need at least some help (au pair/gardener etc)! I don'teven have time to keep my place clean let alone sort out a renovation (and our house is a lot smaller). Keeping that house is going to be a fulltime job for you.
There is probably more going on near the house than you think - as another poster says there are two primary schools which means there must also be nurseries/toddler groups/potential playdates.
I have found it much easier to meet people and make friends in a smaller community - as everyone is in the same boat people are more friendly unlike London which can be so lonely.
One thing that frustrates me is that i have been contemplating going back to work and finding this impossible as all the job opps seem to be near London and the wages are so low down here for the same sort of job they wouldn't even cover the childcare.
Check out nearby pubs/resturants etc etc. At some point you will want to get in the babysitters and go out. Is there at least a good pub nearby?
House is amazing by the way. We live near a motorway too and were a bit shocked when we moved in as when we went to view the house the wind was blowing the other way so we couldn't really hear it. We were disappointed that we had moved to the country but could hear cars! However we have pretty much got used to it now and don't even hear it and actually really like being so close to the motorway now as means it's really quick and easy to drive to civilisation and visit friends and family in other parts of the country.
If it were me it would be the sheer amount of work/upkeep while having small children that would put me off (not the location). But if you can afford to get (lots of) help in if you need it then go for it!

We have always lived Semi-rurally since the kids were born (now 9 and 12). Where we lived until last year was right beside a dual carriageway - so could be noisy. But school was across the road, tehre was a playpark at end of teh road and lots pf children for our 2 to play with.

DH took a job further away so we moved last year to another semi-rural property. This one is much prettier with lovely views, 5 miles to beach and no road noise - but there is no playpak and no kids nearby. The kids are reasonably happy but rather than spend their time in teh beautiful countryside round about they are glued to playstation(ds) or playing alone wth dolls (dd). THey do have playdates if we arrange them and there are restaurants etc we can get to as big town only 5 miles away. But dh's commute is also a lot worse than he imagined so rather than arriving home around 6 rested and ready for nice walks - he is shattered. WEekends are spent catching up on sleep, not spending time in the countryside.
Don't get me wrong - we don't regret it, it's just we had hoped for the quality of our family life to have improved due to moving here - and it hasn't.

I'd buy a chocolate box thatched cottage with beams and low ceilings (which dh loathes)! Architecture aside, if I was alone I would want to be rural, but probably with a walkable village

Would something along the lines of these meet your desires but also satisfy dh? Don't know Kent and can't to a proper map view on my iPad for some reason, so don't know if these are walkable to a good village

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-35414972.html

Or

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-26369080.html

Flatbread that's my taste to a T, ha ha, I've shoved that Horseshoes Lane one under DH's nose a number of times pleading 'but it's SO pretty!'. But sadly he has rejected both as having low ceilings. The fact is, I would be happy with anything with a bit of history, so whilst I'm a sucker for a bit of beamage and a thatched roof, I would also be more than happy in DH's Georgian fantasy. Having a decent sized garden, and being in a location I like (= rural but not isolated, or my beloved Brighton) are more important to me. For DH to accept a commute, he has to love the house. That's his red line.

Oh Lordy Lordy lord - DH just rang. He's spoken to the estate agents, and they are doing some kind of sealed bids thing by the end of this month ie next week. So, snap decision, we are dropping off dd with a friend's nanny at the crack of dawn tomorrow, and hotfooting it down to Kent to look at this place - during rush hour, I told him about the road noise revelation - then putting him on a train to try the commute back to London while I drive around the villages to get more of a feel for the area.

Best of luck, rhubarb