Private school choice

[Chichima23]

Hello parents, we would really appreciate hearing about your school choices and experiences.
We are currently deciding between Grimsdell and Haberdashers’ (Habs) for our child starting at 4+. Grimsdell is about a 10–15 minute drive each way during rush hour, whereas Habs would take around 35 minutes each way.
We feel a bit torn. On one hand, our child is still very young, and we wonder whether spending that much time commuting each day is worthwhile, especially when the academic benefits at this age may be limited. On the other hand, Habs has a stronger academic track record and offers a through-school pathway, which could potentially reduce the pressure of entrance exams at 7+ or 11+ if our child secures a place early.
We are both working parents, although we do work from home on a rotating basis to manage school drop-offs and pick-ups.
Given how quickly the world is changing, we are also reflecting on whether it is worth committing to a more academically focused school from such an early stage.
We would be very grateful for any thoughts or experiences you can share to help us with the decision process

I am not in London, so no experience with either school specifically, but I would pick the school based on what is best now rather than what might be best in 7 years time. Mine are transitioning into y5 and so much has changed since reception - you really don’t know where they will thrive at 12 based on what they need at 4.

as for the selective element, In general I would rather my child be accepted in the main rather than on the margins - being the bottom 10% at habs probably isn’t better than being in the top 10% anywhere else. and relying on an all through school is not as secure as some parents think - I know many children not offered a place in senior school following junior.

imo pick a school that you think will meet the needs of your child and your family for the next 5 years and reassess a needed. We picked a school that has less impressive a levels results (senior school less prestigious) but has a stellar junior school, amazing facilities and extracurricular opportunities, and is 10 minutes commute which makes it easy to attend events or handle emergencies. We will absolutely reassess before transitioning to senior school - one dc is academically more able and might benefit from a more selective school, but the other dc has send (dyslexia) and might be really well served at current school due to send provision and general flexibility. We wouldn’t have known any of this would be a factor when they were 4.

The shorter commute would sway it for me

Boy or girl? Habs Girls is not very pressurised in the juniors, boys school is different right from the start.
Friends who lived just around the corner from Mill Hill went for Habs as could not justify spendings on a non-academic school, but everyone's situation is different.

Given how quickly the world is changing, we are also reflecting on whether it is worth committing to a more academically focused school from such an early stage.

This is interesting. Do you think that those who were not academically focused from an early age would have any advantage in the rapidly changing world?

I moved closer to my kids school which was a 30 minute drive. But part of that was when I was arranging play dates and told other mums where we lived there was definitely a crestfallen look! Saying that, part of the reason we chose the school was it went all the way through. My DD did move for Sixth Form (she wanted an all girls school) and the palaver that was!

Thank you for taking the time to response, I do agree with you at age of 4, it is hard to
tell whether the strong academic school suits him. There is always a chance to move to Habs from 7+ and later on if we feel he would be the right fit. Although if he does get in at 4+, i would feel it’s a shame to lose the spot …

we have a boy, and yes I heard the same about Mill Hill’s result not better than state schools. I don’t know if putting a 4 year old in a 30’mins+ car ride is justified at this age for whatever they can learn from the school. Cant judge given we have no experience :) always good to learn from others perspectives - thank you!

thanks for sharing your insights! My options are making the commitment to drive 30 mins each way, if from 4+ he does well following, and looks like he will be in that school till 18, we d move house to closer school. Maybe we don’t find it too hard to do the school runs for just one child.. or we stay in Grimsdell and move in 7+ or 11+ when the child is more grown, less tired after a whole day class…by then hopefully we can tell better whether he is the academic type

particularly at young age right…..

Definitely but tbh all way through. Just think, possibly from Y5 no school runs until end of sixth form!!!

If it's boys, it's going to be much higher expectations academically and even sports wise, though Grimsdell/Mill Hill is sporty enough. Is your DS very sensitive or young for his age?

Generally, Habs Boys is a good school for a confident and happy all-rounder at a mid- to higher end of ability - academics, music and sports are all very good. For a sensitive child, competition may be a bit much though I wouldn't say it's intense in early years, they just expect them to put effort and achieve, and you need to want this level of expectations. Going to a super selective from 4+ is not about learning phonics or arithmetic two years ahead of other schools anyway. They mainly build character of high achievers in early years through sports, expectations, encouragement to go the extra mile, resilience, competition, learning to win and lose etc.

Our commute to a super selective school was nearly an hour one way, we used it for spelling and other basic homework. It's fine in the morning but can be tiring after school. Not ideal but manageable. From 7, they go on a coach and just chat with friends.

7+ at Habs used to be much harder as their main intake is at 11+. Not sure if it's going to change much even after VAT as Habs is an academic school reasonably high in the league tables and people are still willing to pay for this.

There are demographic differences too, Habs is predominantly S Asian these days, and families have more conservative attitudes to parenting. This is a generalisation of course, but it's worth considering what peer group you would prefer.

As PP said, you would need to re-assess in any case as children change so much at this age. Your DS may turn out super bright and you might want to apply to Westminster - some boys from Habs go there eventually. Or your DS may want to do football professionally and academic school would not be an option then. It's easier to downshift though than going from a non-selective to a super selective school. And it's easier to apply to Westminster from Habs than Mill Hill.

We live not too far from both those schools.

We didn’t apply to Habs as didn’t want DS to be in that environment from such a young age.

We had an offer from Grimsdell but turned it down for another school, which is around a 25 minute drive each way.

The commute is completely fine because we are actively driving rather than sitting in standstill traffic. It’s a nice way to chat to DS before and after school. We were worried how we would get on with the drive but after having finished our first year, it’s really not been that bad.

They are both very different schools. If you want the more academic school that helps your child to become an all rounder, then 100% go for Habs. You’d be crazy to turn down the offer at a school that parents would sell an arm for when their children are 11.

If you want the more nurturing environment and want more time to see if your child is academically able before they are in that environment, then go for Grimsdell.

it is a really interesting question.The skills that will be valued in the future will potentially be different than those required today, schools will adapt to align (with private schools probably leading the way), and downstream also an interesting question of whether the criteria for what it means to be ‘high potential’ at 4/7/11/16 might change.

we conflate ‘academic’ with ‘intelligent’, but really academic success is predicated on a couple of flavours of intelligence and a capacity to process information in a way that aligns with how schools deliver education today. If the ability to process, retain and produce set written content becomes less important as a differentiator won’t we change the skills (and underlying talents) we prioritise, cultivate, and ultimately select against?

something I think a great deal about as parent of a dyslexic child who is exceedingly intelligent but also unlikely to be top set in a traditionally academic context.

even for my more traditionally academically able child my priority with schooling is less about traditional exam performance and more about other skills - big focus on creativity, team work, philosophical debate, hands on project work, building social/leadership skills. There will be schools that do both well, but some of the academically selective schools in my area are the least open to reassessing a formula that has produced results in the past.

Speaking from my own experience of having taken a 4+ spot for my DC at a very sought after school in SW London - I had the same thoughts as you and I was so happy to have no 11+ stress.
what I’ve now learnt:

1. highly selective schools come with highly competitive parents with a lot of time & money. In turn the children are high achieving, competitive and don’t shy away from anything. If your child is one of these, it’s great. If they are not, it’s a tough environment to survive and can bring down your self esteem.
2. children grow a lot by 11. The school that will suit them them could be entirely different. You should always assume a reassessment at that point even if you are at an all through school
3. Some want a fresh start at 11 and feel that 7 years is too long to continue another 5/7 years
4. getting a place via juniors means you do not know if your child is the right academic fit for the school, typically external candidates prep more and come in at an advantage
5. your child may have a special interest/ need which needs a different environment

Definitely pick an easy journey, 35 minutes one way is 45 mins including parking and 90 mins both ways. If there are school events in the evening (and there will be many y3 onwards) it’s hugely painful to manage logistics.

Yes, I also keep thinking about this all the time. There are too many unknowns and it's really difficult to plan anything these days. Education system is just a means to an end in the wider context of the economy and society, and these fields are rapidly changing themselves. Middle classes are being hollowed out and it looks like we're heading for some sort of two-class society, the tiny elite and the rest of the masses, and the price of entry ticket to the elite if not born into it will be extremely high. I see MC people going crazy about academic achievements as they fear this is the only way for their DC not to slip down the societal ladder, and this anxiety feeds a never-ending rat race... I'm not sure it will work anyway, there are bigger forces at work here.

I totally get your point about traditional academics, intelligence and creativity. We were forced out of a top academic school by VAT and had to switch to a specialist performing arts education where DC got a bigger scholarship for talent. I never wanted this and I still feel pangs of anxiety even though I think creative arts are much more enjoyable way of living your life than slaving in a meaningless office job. It's a different world and there are lots of successful dyslexic and other NT people in creative industries. There is definitely no universal recipe for success.

Thank you for sharing the “active driving” tip! Great idea! I actually enjoy picking him up from his nursery at the moment, and chat with him on the way back. do you mind sharing which school you went for?

I started DS in a local private prep and he’s moving to a different one for yr5 with Habs being one of the secondary schools we are targeting. He’s a very different child to 4+ entry and it’s the right time to move him and have a school that better suits his needs. For reception age I would choose a shorter commute.

We had a similar situation although with girls. We chose thr more academic all-through school. We knew we would be moving house soon after getting the place (old flat was too small) so we opted to move within walking distance of the new school. It's definitely nice to be local to the prep and have an easy commute, and be part of the community. We have to go back and forth to school for various reasons (multiple watching opportunities for assemblies, dance shows, sports, helping out, dcs doing different after school activities) and it's good to be able to go back home. Other families who live further have to wait out in cafes or on a bench sometimes. And because it's an all-through school, we have this place guaranteed (dcs are doing well academically so no reason they would be asked to leave), so they'll have an easy walk to school as teenagers and we don't have to worry about 11+. I am not too worried about other schools being better suited to them. They aren't specifically sporty or geared towards performing arts so they don't need a more specialist school for those talents, and their school has good opportunities in most areas so it meets their needs just fine. If they want more specialist extracurriculars it can be done outside of school anyway.

I don't think a 35 min drive is that far for London tbh. Quite a few families drive to our school and it's a fairly normal commute. But you could also consider a house move if you want to be closer.

Habs have upped their 4+ intake this year to 60-odd, from 40-odd. We can assume that the intake at 7+ won't be as generous as previous.

Grimsdells flows into Belmont and then into Mill Hill. So the feel is of a through system and less of a prep system. Unless parents intervene to alter the perceived outcome.

Also worth noting that Habs have invested heavily in their coach routes and offering them to their youngest children. There is acknowledgement that their children need to come from far, if they are going to maintain the high standards.

Always.

When your child is ill and you have to go and collect them, you will be grateful for the shorter commute!

thank you fr sharing this, I had no idea they have increased the class size! I am genuinely trying to verify whether to put my DS in a car 30 mins each way in traffic is excessive. Really appreciate your insights!

I guess I live in a completely different world to OP and all the other posters here but can I ask why you don't seem to be considering your local primary school ? He's 4!

There is plenty of time for these other schools in the future.

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