Is there any point appealing a private school sixth form refusal?

[Nivvers2001]

DS is currently in year 11 at a fairly academic school and is predicted 7,8s and 9s. He should meet the academic requirements for sixth form entry, however, the head of sixth form told us in February that they will not be offering him a place due to his behaviour. The school is very strict and DS has racked up a number of behaviour points over lateness, uniform, having his phone on him and in one case missing detentions. I am not that worried about DS staying there as he has other sixth form offers and not convinced it's worth 10k a term to stay put, however, DS has lots of friends at school and is happy there so would at least like the option of staying. My question is whether there is any point in appealing the decision given that independent sixth forms can decide who and who they don't admit so it may be pointless even trying. Thoughts?

I think it would make your life happier op if you develop some self awareness. You sound deeply unhappy and it seems to stem from a place of being unable to accept even the slightest sliver of criticism. Rejection sensitivity perhaps?

Take away the uniform and there go uniform problems.

Is the new school closer? If so then it is less likely that external events will lead to lateness.

The school your son is in at the moment suits a very particular type of child. I have two kids. One would be just right for the school and one wouldn’t.

And your son is completely wrong for it.

100% this. There is no point in choosing a very strict school then complaining that it is very strict. Choose a school that suits your child and your ethos, rather than choosing a school that doesn't, and expecting the school to change.

Take away the uniform and there go uniform problems.
Well you'd think so wouldn't you, but that's not guaranteed in my experience! The school 6th forms round us all require "business dress" which I think is even worse. DH and I both work in fairly senior roles and nobody wears a suit except on specific formal occasions, yet 6th formers are expected to? What nonsense! I think I preferred uniform as at least that was set in stone and not open to interpretation like a dress code is. I think the local college is more flexible though.
Sorry, not the point of the thread I know, but probably worth mentioning for anyone whose DCs are unhappy with uniform that dress restructions don't always disappear if you don't have it.

I disagree that they have acted unfairly. You gave us information about your son and asked for advice. My advice is that because of what you told us about your son there is no point in appealing. But it seems you only wanted people to tell you to appeal.

@Nivvers2001 you asked for thoughts, not just agreement, so I will share my thoughts on the students who were asked to leave before 6th form at my dc's very traditional public school.

They were judged in two ways. So the ones who were going to get all 9's at GCSE were allowed to stay even if their behaviour wasn't perfect because they would improve the school results so school were prepared to deal with the mild irritation of having them around.

The ones who would get less than perfect exam results were allowed to stay if their behaviour was perfect and they were fun to have around.

The ones asked to leave were the ones with less than perfect behaviour AND less than perfect exam results. It's not unfair, because everyone knows the score. You said that your son would get some 7's at GCSE, and that isn't really top performance academically. Schools can very easily replace people for 6th form who will get top results.

You have been fairly argumentative on this thread. Perhaps you son has a tendency to be the same?

I'm actually pretty content thanks. Happy marriage, 3 healthy kids, earn over 250k per year, about to be mortgage free. I just don't like people coming on here making judgemental and critical comments. Come and be helpful, don't come to criticise. I am sure I can find plenty to criticise about you if you want to share some details about your DCs? As for rejection, I've had loads of it thank you and I'm still here.

No, I don't want to only be told to appeal. Lots of HELPFUL posters who have been in a similar position have given good reasons not to appeal and I am inclined to agree with them and it affirms my current position of not appealing as this happened in February and I have so far not appealed as focused on getting DS through exams and I don't want to rock the boat or create a bad atmosphere at a critical time. He/we have good relations with the school and his teachers. So you are wrong I'm afraid. If you actually bother to read the post, I was asking a technical question about appealing and not seeking views on DS's character. You also cannot possibly know if they have acted fairy or unfairly as you simply don't have the information so pull your neck in. Dangerous to offer advice when you don't have the full facts.

@Nivvers2001 As pp said ; your son's behaviour AND academic performances are not great. Why would they want to keep him? Calling the school and tell them you earn 250 k and that your son is "not a robot" and he "might" have adhd so he shouldn't have to be on time and respecting rules is one way to go ofcourse...

How is his academic performance not great when his predictions are mostly 8s and 9s? Please explain.

Sorry if you're jealous of the 250k. I was accused of being a unhappy and rejection sensitive so wanted to drop a few FACTS in here so make it clear that I am neither. How successful are you by the way? Given it's an open day for attacking 16 year olds for having slow processing and a few other issues that make them less than perfect, lets all put some basic info about ourselves here so that we can all be judged. It's only fair surely? What's the saying, he shall not judge other unless he himself is judged? Come on - I want full credentials of every single poster attacking me and my son. You are all perfect - please evidence it.

It's a bit sad that your self-worth is contingent on how much you earn (what are your relationships like, what sort of life experiences have you had?). But since you raised it, I earn nearly double what you do. £250k is rookie numbers 😂

I don't however think that my income makes me better than anyone else, nor does it give me a right to demand that my children's schools make allowances for them.

You seem like a very angry, bitter and insecure person and I feel sad for you.

Edit to add: Cue OP in all caps: I AM NOT ANGRY AND INSECURE!! YOU ARE!!!

Noone is "attacking" your son ffs. We are saying that you are not helping him (and the school) by finding excuses for his poor behaviour. My children are never late for school unless force majeure. They are always a little bit in advance for that very reason because they know that it's important to be on time (and respect rules).

Gosh, everyone who has ever worked in a school could take a pretty good stab at why he hasn’t been invited to the sixth form….blimey

I didn’t ask how much you earnt op, I was curious if you are happy. ND runs in families, so feeling criticised where people were simply responding to your own question, taking it so personally, and then reacting with extreme emotion, would be a standard trait.

Or indeed a sliver of self awareness.

@Nivvers2001 I reported your rude, aggressive and over the top response to me above, and will report any more rudeness and aggression from you. No one is attacking you or your son. People have tried to explain to you why he has very possibly not been offered a sixth form place so that you understand why it is probably futile to appeal.

My children went to a very different sort of school, certainly not a selective London day school. I never met anyone there who felt they had to advertise how much they earned.

‘How successful are you by the way?’ Further to my previous post, it’s sad that your income is how you define success. I earn significantly more than you do, but no one but my husband knows this in real life. It’s simply not how I define myself. I would say that I am successful and rich in life though because I am happy, I have good relationships, good life experiences, and my children are happy, healthy, and genuinely nice people.
Money can disappear as easily as it came, best not to define yourself by it.

IMO once a child has been given a negative label they will never lose it. Even if his behaviour is impeccable from now on, he has already been labelled from the previous incidents.

He will be better off at a new school that have not labelled him but have welcomed him. So he has a clean slate.

@Nivvers2001 what would you like the responses to you to be? I’m struggling to understand how you wanted this thread to go?

No one has the full facts so why ask for advice?

Is that what private schools are like?
He'd be better off in the state sector, it's all about improving, self management, supported progression and putting negative behaviour in the past.

😂😂😂

Is there a local state school he could go to? Not only would it be a clean slate, they may be able to support him better.