Would you even consider private?

[Amberkitten7654321]

We have 3 kids (currently year 3, 1 and pre school).

Joint salary is circa £150k, maybe up to £175 with bonuses although not guaranteed.

considering secondary schools. Our local comp just goes to 16 and is very very average. An average excellent state 6th form however in a nearby city which we’d be very happy with.

we have a nice house worth circa £950k with a very low mortgage due to some remarkable luck buying and selling in London just at the time the prices went nuts.

we could move and downsize and release circa £200k. Have about another £100k odd saved in the bank. Obviously costs of moving to be considered.

would you:
a) suck up the 5 years at average secondary knowing there was a very good 6th form to follow.

b) do 5 years of independent school each and then do state 6th form.

c) move and downsize to be in grammar school catchment and hope at least 2/3 get in, and then the 3rd could do independent?

d) move without downsizing to an area with better state secondaries - even though all the cost and upheaval and leaving of friends that goes with that.

my husband and I both went to private schools (me just for secondary) and really loved our experience. And we just don’t have experience of state secondaries. I don’t know how much “better” one can be than another to justify spending £30k moving and leaving all their friends behind?

the sums seem very very slightly do-able for independent for 5 years but toght and all I read is that if it’s tight don’t even consider it.

I don’t know whether I’d regret moving and starting over or not giving my kids the best opportunity o could…

On that salary and with 3 kids, I wouldn’t. Friends of ours sent their bright kids to distinctly average comps and several ended up at Oxbridge. My son who is also bright went private and didn’t get in (still at an excellent uni and v happy). DS loved school but at that price when there were decent state alternatives, you’ve got to question whether it was the right decision.

@Radiatorvalves thank you. I think a huge amount of this is driven by guilt we can’t give our kids what we had - but times have changed and we are where we are and need to accept it probably.

Personally as a ex secondary school teacher I would go with option B. I’d either release the funds from the house or start saving now. We are currently looking into our options for funding our two (hopefully three)

We use a private school and indeed sold and downsized. DS has a range of SEN and low cognitive function and he was drowning in state mainstream, but not considered suitable for a special school. The state options available to us were not great.

It has been the right decision for us for certain. Ds has excellent SEN and pastoral support and will 'probably' pass his GCSEs. He is fairly happy and has flourished as much as I think would be possible. To be sure sometimes I think wistfully of our larger house and the much better disposable income we were used to prior, but this was without doubt the best decision for us and for him.

Both DH and I went to private and our household is almost the same as yours. But it is still a stretch. We never could have done it for 3 children. But I have no regrets. If we had a decent state option near us - well, I would have been thrilled tbh.

Actually- just had a thought which may or may not be useful.... look at the private school(s) you are thinking of and start putting those fees away now in a separate savings account. Even if it is just anticipating your child currently in Yr 3. That might give you a better idea if it is doable or there is too much sacrifice or the sums don't add up for you - and if it is doable then you have a chunk saved already - 4 years worth of fees (adjusted annually as fees do go up) before your first would be attending the school.

I’d wait and see, and I would think about whether I needed to do the same thing for all three. It is a lot of money, but if you are prepared to use equity then you can afford it. Only you can really tell
if it makes a difference for your particular kids given your local state and private options.

for my particular kids and the particular option we had, it has made an enormous difference.

You do need a good think across all investments you could make - mortgage, pensions, help with deposits, university costs, exchange trips, other extras, holidays - what is the best use for the family, for each child etc.

Option e, save like mad, stay put and remortgage?

Also are your salaries stagnant? Can you earn more?

If you’re close to a v competitive SE grammar, I’d think carefully, that is a lot of pressure to put children under and we’ve heard a lot of bad stories of intensive tutoring, anxieties being created etc.

Salaries I’m having to assume are stagent but hopefully May rise. There is a change I could get a lump sum payout at some point of maybe a few £100k? but is very very unknown right now and i absolutely couldn’t count on it whatsoever as would rely on business selling!

She says, hypocritically, having sailed into a great grammar school (in the good old days before tutoring).

Yes this is what I’ve heard. We are on the absolute edge of catchment so chances of getting in, esp with vat drama now are v low and would mean an hour commute for my daughter each way. We’d probably try and move closer if she did get in, but I’m b wary about moving SO she can get in and the extra huge pressure of that!

Agreed. They’re all v different and it’s a bit hard to tell even with the year 1 whether he’s academic / sporty etc. the youngest I’ve no idea how she’ll do at school!
I fully agree that you don’t need to do the same for each child, but you do need to do the best. I know the best for my eldest would be private but I can’t commit to that unless I’m willing to know I can also do that for the others if that’s what’s best for them

Exh and I both went up rubbish state schools. Our kids went a top private school that just happened to be very local to us. We could easily afford it. I then (later in my 50s) retrained as a teacher and taught in local state and private schools and was so relieved that ours had gone to the private.

and some kids feel huge pressure on grammar school tests, and some don’t - it’s so hard to know when they’re small what the right course is.

you could look across all your finances when your eldest is 9/10 and put a financial figure on a pot for each child for help covering uni/school/deposit/tutors etc and then you know you’ve got the same amount for each child?

don’t forget your pensions now - line that up so there is no trade off there.

Looks tight to me, you need to factor in 8% rise each year, to be on the safe side. The smaller the setting the more likely they may be taken over by a larger group, then you will be on the hook for whatever the new fee structure is. We are looking to exit private in year 6, we want a state grammar or state boarding school. You may still need to downsize to afford university tuition etc. x 3 children.

Bucks grammars are not super selective and some of the non grammars are excellent. Primaries mostly good and parents like them. Depends if you can move though but it’s cheaper than 3 through private. I don’t think you earn enough for 3. A semi in my village would sell for your house value so living in not the most desirable area is what you are looking at.

Are any of your kids musical? Would you be willing to consider a choristership? Ex-choristers often get really generous bursaries at independent senior schools (or so I've been told - I'm counting on that!). My DS is a chorister at Christ Church Oxford and I know they're looking for promising Year 3 boys right now - they board from Year 4, so it doesn't matter where you live, and it's an amazing experience.

We did state until 13+ (year 9) then private. One is y10 and one year 11. We saved knowing that this was our plan. Our DCs absolutely love it and having experienced state secondary for 2 years has meant that they are very down to earth and appreciate everything private schools offer. They can choose to go back to their old state for 6th form as they still have good friends but have opted to stay where they are. They are not academically disadvantaged from going to state until 13 - they are both predicted good GCSEs. Perhaps this is an option?

This is super interesting, I hadn’t considered this. How did they settle moving at that age? And were they accepted into the private school despite having been in state for so long? I’d worry about sports etc which the private school kids would’ve been practising so much more?

The transition was seamless because all the DC’s joined the school in Y9 so they were all new to the school even the ones coming from the prep (which is a couple of miles away). They are extremely happy at the school, don’t get me wrong we did worry if they would fit in etc. but we really didn’t need to. Both of mine did lots of extra-curricular from being little, lots of sports outside of school so by the time they started private one had been playing county level since 8 and the other not county level but a good all rounder didn’t blink at giving sports they hadn’t played hugely a go and having fun. In addition to this what I found is that their love of the creatives came back quickly because they had more time at school do explore and try. I think you’d be surprised how well children do in a good primary and secondary state schools - both of mine did well in their y6 SATs and the 13+ CATs entrance test scoring above average without any tutoring just parental support with homework. I really would encourage to look at 13+ as in my opinion 13 - 18 is when they really need the extra support, extra curricular and encouragement etc. As your DCs are still really little you can start the savings pots now for each of them. It is expensive but for what they get from it, it’s worth every penny. In addition to this by the time they are 13 you will know exactly which school will suit them and they can input into the decision. Hope this helps.

If you are looking at 5 years of private secondary per child then I would suggest start putting money into an account for it now, depending on your age gap you might only have 1 or even no years with all 3 in private at the same time, so if you have some of the money saved already and when the time comes you think it’s the best option then you can go for it with some confidence. Or spend the money on something else! We hadn’t planned for it but have 2 in private school now, after state primary and it’s the best decision we made for them. 13+ entry is becoming less popular around here with some schools moving to 11+ only and prep schools moving to 7 years only so that’s worth looking into in your area nearer the time.

It sounds too tight, I would go with state but top up with tutoring.

@Amberkitten7654321 There are difficulties moving from state for y9. Curriculum for a start. MFLs, Sports and various other aspects of school life might well be different. Going from prep to senior at 13 is normal but for state, it’s part way through Ks3. Some sc don’t mind leaving friends behind but others would absolutely hate it if they have made good new friends. It has its risks.