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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Private vs State

91 replies

mala1 · 01/07/2010 22:47

Hi
I cannot decide whether to go private or state education for my daughter. We originally applied for our state local primary school and due to the amount of siblings and twin we didnt get in first time. Then the school opened another class to cater for the local children and my daughter was allocated a place. In the meantime we have search for private schools as the alternative state school was not to our standards and we fall in love with a private school. When the state school place was available to us we kind of forgot about the idea to go private but then my parents decided to fund it as a lovely gift to our daughter. Both schools are excellent and I dont know what to do!!

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Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 22:48

Hi
I cannot decide whether to go private or state education for my daughter. We originally applied for our state local primary school and due to the amount of siblings and twin we didn't get in first time. Then the school opened another class to cater for the local children and my daughter was allocated a place. In the meantime we have search for private schools as the alternative state school was not to our standards and we fall in love with a private school. When the state school place was available to us we kind of forgot about the idea to go private but then my parents decided to fund it as a lovely gift to our daughter. Both schools are excellent and I dont know what to do!!

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LovelyJudy · 01/07/2010 23:07

go to the state one. save your money for private secondary/uni, if you need it. your child will grow up knowing her neighbourhood friends, walking to school, being part of a community. and educationally she'll do just as well.

Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:10

But the money wont come from my wallet.. My parents are giving this gift to our daughter.. is it silly to decline it?

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LovelyJudy · 01/07/2010 23:15

i don't know, i just know that i really value the connection my children have with their local community and i don't think you get the same thing if you go to a private school. i went to a private prep school (40 years ago!) and always felt as though i didn't belong in my own village. Also, I think it's important for children to mix with people from a variety of backgrounds and to be open minded. i think they are less likely to do this at a private school.

On the other hand, of course she may experience much better facilities, try more sports, have smaller classes, find it easier to get into the secondary school of your choice...

unfortunately i think you have to compare apples with oranges.

i look at other european countries where everyone goes to the local state school and think that's the ideal situation.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 01/07/2010 23:19

Look at the schools and find the one that best meets the needs of your daughter. If she's a quiet soul that needs alot of 1:1 then send her to the private school. If she's full of confidence and can hold her own then send her to the state school.

Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:21

My dilemma is to do with all the above. I'm torn by sacrificing community vs learning opportunities. I feel that at the private school she will have extra learning opportunities that are outside the curriculum that she wont have at the local primary school. It is a very tough decision but I need to make my mind up pretty soon as otherwise I will have to pay the first term if I decline my place at the private school.

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Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:24

My daughter is a very confident, creative child. I feel that having one to one (at the private school) will encourage her to thrive.
In a way, I kind of know what the private school is like whereas I haven't experienced the state so that is why I have doubts!

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 01/07/2010 23:26

Ask the private school what they do for the community. Ds's do a fair amount, they sing to the old folk etc. Most private schools have community involvement, at his secondary school he'll move to they raise money, they help out in the community, they even collect litter. His state school on the other hand did... hmm. I would have a look at both and see what they can offer your child. Find the school that fits her best. Be aware that it's hard for a child to make local friends if they are at a private school though so it can be lonely at the weekends and during the holidays unless you have the time to take her to brownies etc.

Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:30

That is a very good point! My daughter is an only child and perhaps going private will isolate her. I don't know where all the other families come from yet.. perhaps they are from our area...We are meeting them next week. In the meantime we went to the state parent evening and it was the first time I've experienced some real connection with the school...

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 01/07/2010 23:30

State schools, like the private ones, are hit and miss. Ds spent a term and a half at a state school when I became ill and unable to manage the fees. He's now back in a private school. I wouldn't put him back, I'd home ed him if I had to pull him out but this was our experience. Alot of people on here love their state school, some offer alot of extra curricular activities and are on par to a private school, other's barely scratch the surface. It does depend what you have access to.
I'd make a list of pro's and con's to both of them. If (god forbid) your daughter's grandparents were to be unable to manage the fee's what would happen to your daughter? Would she have to leave?

Quattrocento · 01/07/2010 23:30

I think it's worth going private.

Of course you haven't said what sort of private school it is. but I really recommend it. The academics are usually far better, the sports are better, the drama is better, the extracurricular activities are better and the music is better. So ... better all round IME

We have two children and our DS is very musical. Unfortunately we simply didn't recognise this. We knew he liked to sing and plink about on the piano, but we really didn't realise or support him properly. His private school recognised this and channelled it properly. They gave him a music scholarship and he's now a cathedral chorister and sings 10-12 times a week, plays the piano and sax and music is his whole love and life. I'm firmly convinced that NO state primary school would either have recognised this or been able to help him develop it - after all, we his parents didn't!

Whatever your child's talent - if the school is any good - they'll find it and help her.

Go private if you can, I reckon.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 01/07/2010 23:32

You can get around the friends issue by encouraging your daughter to do extra curricular things in the community, brownies/guides are good. My son was lonely during the holidays though as he had no one to play with, all his school friends went on holiday, we didn't. He didn't know the local children well enough to play as he lacks confidence.

LovelyJudy · 01/07/2010 23:38

you can (we do) supplement state education with outside sports, drama, music lessons. then you get the best of both worlds - local friends (for you as much as for your dd) - and a rounded education.

Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:39

My parents are not going to be stretched by paying for this. They want to give my daughter a gift while they are alive so they can experience that enjoyment( instead of taking the money to their graves). I haven't signed a contract with my parents but they do have this commitment and they wouldn't let us down. If god forbid something happened to them ..they are leaving something behind for us so I'm quite confident we will be fine with this. However if god forbid something really bad happens by the end of the day if we need to go back to the state education... such is life... but at least she will have the experience of the other one.

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 01/07/2010 23:41

I think (in all honesty) that you can only supplement your child's education with sport/drama/music etc if you have the time. Not every parent has an hour or so to ferry their child to a cello class or a rugby meet.

Seriously, do what is right for your child and your family. Find the right school for her and for you. If she has an interest in music then this isn't necessarily going to be nurtured in a state school (sorry, I don't wish to offend). There are far more opportunities in the private sector but it does depend on the quality of the school.

Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:42

I can see what you mean about doing extra curriculum activities.. but that will cost me money whereas the private one will be free to us ( don't forget that we are not paying for it)!

I dont want to spend the whole weekend driving around to send my daughter from ballet to swimming to french.. she will be exhausted!

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LovelyJudy · 01/07/2010 23:48

the kids at our state school do ballet, french, swimming, maths..etc lessons all within a short walk of school, straight after it finishes, mostly with classmates and other local children. The school also runs lots of other after/before school clubs eg yoga, karate, football, rugby, gym, dance etc. i presume this is fairly standard tho i don't know for sure. your parents could pay for these things, rather than for the private fees.

However, i'm really only playing devil's advocate here, because i've always been in two minds about this issue, and am seriously wondering whether my children are achieving everything they are capable of. on the other hand, they are happy. hmm.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 01/07/2010 23:48

Do what is right for your family. I only have one child, if I had more (would have to be immaculate conception as I am single) then I couldn't afford to send 2 children to a private school. If I had the time again I would still go private though, purly because of the quality of the state provisions and the behaviour of the children.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 01/07/2010 23:49

Goodness Judy. ds's old state had a football club abd a gardening club, that was it!

LovelyJudy · 01/07/2010 23:51

i guess we are pretty lucky .

Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:52

I feel that is like being offered a first class ticket and I dont want to take up the offer just for the fear of the returning on economy class!
I say that but I still find it hard to make the decision... it is all about the fear of making my daughter being so different to the rest of the children.

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Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:54

I play devil's advocate with my husband all the time with regards to this issue. i'm going to have a breakdown... I've never had such trouble to reach a decision!

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Original poster

mala1 · 01/07/2010 23:56

A friend of mine said that if I go for the state school I will always have doubts of what would have been like if we sent our daughter to the private one whereas if I sent her to the private I would never have those doubts.. is she right?

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 01/07/2010 23:56

Once you go first class it's very difficult to go back.
I think it's more down to how you raise her. She won't be so different if these are your belief's and this is how you raise her.

Quattrocento · 01/07/2010 23:56

What I've found is that the DCs do have local friends. For sure their school does lots but children are magnetic - they attract other children - and the DCs know all the children in the street and play with them, Also they both go to tennis club and made local friends there.

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