Private vs State

[mala1]

Hi
I cannot decide whether to go private or state education for my daughter. We originally applied for our state local primary school and due to the amount of siblings and twin we didnt get in first time. Then the school opened another class to cater for the local children and my daughter was allocated a place. In the meantime we have search for private schools as the alternative state school was not to our standards and we fall in love with a private school. When the state school place was available to us we kind of forgot about the idea to go private but then my parents decided to fund it as a lovely gift to our daughter. Both schools are excellent and I dont know what to do!!

All children are different and all schools (private or state) are different so unless someone knows the schools in question and your child any advice is pretty useless really.

Of course you should judge by which school you have the best gut feeling about. Which one will best suit your daughter's personality, intelligence, etc, etc?

That aside:

private
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(repeats ad infinitum)

Quite frankly, you would be crazy to turn it down when it's being offered on a plate.

Believe me, children have local friends even if they're at private schools. They still find one another through Beavers/Rainbows/whatever. There's also much to be said for having 'home' friends as well as school ones - takes some of the pressure off the friendships.

I haven't read the other posts, so may be repeating what's been said before, but I was wondering: is the offer to cover your dd's school fees from now until university, or just for prep-school? If the latter, what happens at secondary school age - will your dd have to go back into the state sector, or will you cover the cost of continuing to stay in the private sector? Can your parents really afford it, or will the money dry up at an inconvenient time or cause them hardship they would have difficulty admitting to you?!... Are your parents totally generous in this - ie if, after paying for your dd's education, she decides to pursue a career or lifestyle of which they don't approve, will they be OK with this, or will they complain about their wasted investment? Is there any chance this offer could end up putting a strain on your relationship?

It all sounds a bit mercenary, but it takes a stranger to ask these questions about your relatives!!!!! Sorry if any offence caused, but I thought it might help for you to look at it from this viewpoint, rather than just focusing on how wonderful the private school seems to you at this moment in time.

Yes, my parents are covering for the fees for primary and secondary. They are not going to be stretched with funding this as if that was the case I would not even consider it. I think the class size in an independent school is a huge plus and after all your great advise I'm much more convinced to mfor the private.

I'm still extremely worried of what some friends and people are going to say...I dont want to be perceived as a snob! I need to be strong and dont allow people to have an opinion on my daugther's education!

Any recommendations of how to break the news the state school? I just want to keep them sweet just in case things dont work out!

Just turn the place down, you won't be burning your bridges. I wouldn't worry about anyone else, it's your child.

If you're happy with the state school go with that so your daughter has local friends. Review at age 7.

Absolutely. I had some comments when I chose a private school over our 'outstanding' local primary, but it's all water off a duck's back!

(Sorry - that was referring to Belle's post).

'Local friends': see above. My children have lots of local friends thanks to toddler groups and NCT!

Private schools are rubbish for society so if the state option is good why not go for it?

Why are private schools rubbish for the society?

I didn't go for it because, while the state option was perfectly good, I wanted more than 'perfectly good' - and the private option offered superb, especially pastorally - something that Aspergers DS is particularly in need of. I'm afraid that comes above the general good.

mala1, because it perpeuates disadvantage amongst certain social groups and breeds polarisation within society, all of which makes people unhappy and unhealthy.

That having been said, I am a bit of a private school fan because I think in small doses I think they remind the state sector that there is not just one way to do things.

In some areas it's the state school that's bad for society. Should I wish for my son to refine his drug selling skills so he can move on from selling 'cannabis-in-a-packet-of-leaves' I shall certainly send him back. I suppose it will also save me the problem of giving him a bit of colour as he'll be beaten black and blue (again), I expect society needs a few more drug dealers and violent criminals

If you want drugs then hot foot it to a leading public school

You have to decide what is right for YOU and YOUR CHILD. For some people good results and hot housing equate to a good education for others it's allowing the child to develop in a less 'formal' manner. My experience of this website is that many posters are totally pro private and unable to see the benefits of state education at all which can make it difficult for you to get a balanced opinion.
Having taught in both sectors (including a guardian listed top private school) I would choose the fantastic state school I am currently working at any day.
Good luck with your decision and try to think of the private school as just as free as the state school, rather than as a gift. This way you can view them both on a level playing field and directly compare the 2 and decide which school you and your child would prefer

Public school dealers are more subtle, they don't stand on street corners dealing.

It is also my experience of this web site that there are also people who have a real dislike of private schools and are very vocal in this. Not everyone has access to a good state school, this is often omitted.

Op, really, write down the pro's and con's. Have a trial period if this helps. You know your child better then any of us. Private school are not hot houses but the children do work hard.

I can see you've already made your mind up really, but just in case this helps:

I was in the same situation as you before my dd1 was due to start school. My parents offered to fund her place at a private school if we wanted it. I looked at the local (highly regarded) private school and I didn't warm to the people I met there. I listened to the privileged little girls bitching about each other and it turned my stomach. I didn't want my dd to be bitched about by them, or worse, turn out like them.

So I sent her to an absolutely excellent state primary. It is 'outstanding' according to OFSTED and I agree. The other children in her class are lovely, and the school is great pastorally and educationally. She's reading brilliantly now at the end of reception and there is none of the nonsense I've seen in previous posts about keeping advanced readers back because of a policy of working through all the stages. They are happy to let her work at her own pace and they seem to differentiate the work well for the mixed ability class.

I'm stating the very very obvious, but it really is all about what the particular schools are like. I can see that you love the private school, so presumably that would be the right choice for you. But I don't think you should accept the blanket notion that private schools are 'first class' while state is 'economy'.

Also, if your dd should turn out to have any special needs, you would find a state school much more useful as the school would work with the NHS speech therapist / occupational therapist / physiotherapist / education psychologist or whatever. Whereas if you go private you would have to fund all that stuff yourself. May not be relevant but just a thought.

If my parents offered to do this for my children I'd go for it in a heart beat.
State school is okay, I went to a state school and went on to college and Uni no problem. However I did get picked on- there was a prevailing culture amongst my peers that academic acheivement was a bad thing.
I hope and expect that the attitudes and expectations of kids in private schools is rather different.

Hmm. You have a dilemma. I went to both private, day and boarding, and state, both at primary and secondary level.

I am very glad I was not totally privately educated as in those days, I don't know if its changed, it set you up only really to communicate effectively with other people from private schools, not the hoi polloi. Which IME you need to be successful and content in lots of areas of life.

Remember schooling is about far, far more than education.

Look at both schools without permitting yourself any pre-existing, unfounded bias. Then decide on the basis of your knowledge of your dd's abilities, personality, self-confidence and general interests. It's not you who needs to be impressed and inspired by everything on offer at either school, it's your dd, and she may not care a tinker's cuss about the extra opportunities if all she wants is to be able to walk to school with the girl next door. Or, she may jump up and down in excitement at the thought of playing in an orchestra and learning French from age 6.

I was the only one of my siblings to be entirely state educated, the most academic and the only one to get into Oxford. Looking at my siblings, I think I had the happiest and most successful education. I don't think I missed out on anything of any long term worth. However, I will always do what I feel is right for my children and would remove ds1 from his state school and put him in a private school tomorrow if I strongly believed this to be the right thing for him, his social, emotional and academic development and his long term happiness, even if I had to endure the embarrassment of frosty stares and compromised principles. (Personally, though, I wouldn't do it if the state option was excellent...).

I must add with relation to jemart's point about the culture of achievement bashing in state education - my experience was the opposite. I pretended to get lots of stuff wrong at private so as not to be bullied, at state, there were far more kids to a class and different kids in classes for different subjects, so an individual's achievement was more difficult to track.

Bullying was far more rife in the private schools I attended.

Most recent neurological studies are continually pointing toward early learning as more influential than later schooling. It's against normal practice, but if you are going to pay for better education (if that is what you think you can get) then research would say pay for primary.

Getting behind early means catching up in teens; getting ahead early means good habits ingrained and the pattern of learning instilled. A smart kid with study skills and confidence who has been encouraged has a good chance of sustaining herself through a mediocre or poor secondary school.

I disagree with MacMomo, as the assertion only makes sense on the assumption that a good state primary school is not going to provide sufficient neurological stimulation, which is just silly imo. A poor state secondary school, on the other hand, won't even offer the subjects an exceptionally bright, academic child craves, let alone the extra-curricular opportunities he or she will by then be old enough to want to choose for himself. The biggest influence on a child's early learning and development, in any event, is the parental one - those children who have been made to feel secure and loved, read to, talked to, listened to, encouraged to explore and informed about the world around them by their parents, tend to do the best, regardless of whether their parents decide ultimately to pay for a private education or opt for a good state education.