Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Issue with teacher's attitude - teachers, what do I do?

59 replies

monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 21:57

Earlier this week, I called the school because of a minor (ish) but niggling and longstanding issue involving my dd (6), and another child.
I suggested a course of action which the teacher happily agreed to but I did add that it was up to the school how they managed it, that was just an idea. I'm not a serial complainer, btw.

Today I go to pick up my dd, and the teacher stops me and tells me she's spoken to the head who felt it was important that I be told two things (basically reasons why she thought I was over reacting). I tried to justify why I brought up the issue because I felt a bit silly, I also said that in that case perhaps I should be talking to the head about it.
At this point she became - well, aggressive. Her eyes opened very wide, she moved closer to me and repeated about three times "are you ok with that?" whilst widening her eyes all the time and quietly but in a hard way, almost through her teeth iyswim. I said " no actually, I think you're being very defensive, I'll speak to you another time", took DD and walked away.
Dh thinks I should speak to her about it next week, I think I should talk to the head about it. At no point was I anything other than polite to her. Do I leave it, speak to the head or ask her why she reated in that way? I know her socially as we live in the same area, but not well.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
waitingforwaitrose · 18/06/2010 21:58

what was the issue?

Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 21:58

reacted - long day.

OP posts:
activate · 18/06/2010 22:00

she had been charged with passing on information to you - the fact that you would go to the head will be deemed as her not being able to do what is expected of her and she will see it is a vote of no confidence, much as the head might

obviously the teacher agreed with you first time you mentinoed and it is the head's reaction that has changed her mind (she probably got in trouble for agreeing in the first place)

I'd go to the head

EvilTwins · 18/06/2010 22:01

Difficult to give an opinion without knowing the full story.

Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 22:01

A boy keeps chasing dd and trying to kiss her, also kissing her a lot in class. He sits next to her and she says he won't leave her alone and won't let her get her work done. It's been going on for ages, he does it to other girls and I know the teacher has spoken to him about it before because she told me (must be in relation to other children because I've never mentioned it before). I only raised it because dd is coming home every day and mentioning it as a reason why she didn't enjoy school each day.

OP posts:
Shaz10 · 18/06/2010 22:02

What was your suggested course of action?

Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 22:02

I suggested she just move them but on the same table, so they don't sit next to each other any more.

OP posts:
activate · 18/06/2010 22:03

that's an issue that needs addressing and yes go to head

FranSanDisco · 18/06/2010 22:04

Would this result in him kissing another child or is he obsessed with your dd only?

Shaz10 · 18/06/2010 22:06

That's what I would have done (teacher here). I wonder why the head decided the school shouldn't get involved?

I wonder if the head is a bullying type and your child's teacher is scared of her, and passed on her stress to you.

I can't think of a rational reason why she would say these things to you, and in that tone.

Will she continue to separate the children in class?
Sorry, not much reassurance!

Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 22:06

Don't know Fran, apparently he does it to other girls. Maybe dd is just more sensitive to it than the other girls (she does get upset rather easily sometimes), but I'm trying to instil in her that if anyone does something she doesn't want them to she can tell them to stop and they must.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 18/06/2010 22:07

It sounds to me like you've suggested a sensible course of action, and TBH, I don't know why the teacher didn't do that before - surely it must be obvious that your DD isn't enjoying this "attention" from the boy. I agree with activate - sounds like she's changed her mind since talking to the head, and I think you should make an appointment to see the head to discuss the issue. Has the teacher suggested an alternative course of action, or have your concerns just been dismissed?

FranSanDisco · 18/06/2010 22:08

I'd go to the Head then I think.

Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 22:10

Thanks for the advice. I was concerned from the start that I was overreacting and was pleasantly surprised at the teacher's initial reaction, but I didn't appreciate being talked to in that way today.

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 22:11

Shaz10 it did feel like she was passing her stress on to me.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 18/06/2010 22:13

what were the two points the head thought you had to be told to show you were over-reacting?

activate · 18/06/2010 22:14

remove 'kiss' and put in 'slap' - both unwanted attentions that the school has a duty to minimise the impact on your child

it's inappropriate behaviour and your dd has the right to be protected from it IMO

ask to see their anti-bullying policy - because this is possibly closest to bullying - kisser wants to do something and kissee has no choice?

Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 22:19

ZZZen, she said that 1) it was something children of that age do all the time, and 2) that in French class the head (who also teaches them French) had said to the children that it was ok to kiss people as a greeting .

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 22:20

She'd also told me that the head was either "very angry" or "very annoyed" by my raising the issue, can't remember which.

OP posts:
activate · 18/06/2010 22:22

  1. it is categorically NOT SOMETHING CHILDREN DO ALL THE TIME

  2. ok so a french greeting might be fun for the kids to play for a while but it must be mutual

if the attnetion is unwanted and causes discomfort it is bullying

ask for anti-bullying policy

Original poster
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 18/06/2010 22:23

Thanks activate.

OP posts:
activate · 18/06/2010 22:23

head rules by fear

Shaz10 · 18/06/2010 22:24

The head sounds like a coward. If they had a problem they should see you themselves.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people in headships who are horrendous bullies and cowards. Make an appointment - he/she's going to be rotten to the teacher whether you do or not. Next step is to contact the governors but you need to see the head first.

IngridFletcher · 18/06/2010 22:24

At our school children are told from reception that they are only allowed to kiss and hug their siblings. I thought it was a bit harsh but maybe not given this scenario.

ZZZenAgain · 18/06/2010 22:27

I can't see why the head is "very angry" or " ver annoyed" at your suggestion that the children be seated differentyl around the same table. I thought they got shifted periodically anyway.

Ok I don't know if he was kissing girls all the time before they learnt about kissing in French class as a greeting, so I don't know if this triggered it however he can be made aware that French kiss in greeting but not over and over again throughout a lesson which he must notice people are finding annoying.

some children do kiss. I know in my dd's year 1 class there was 1 boy who would try and kiss girls who didn't welcome it but just one.

It does happen but I don't believe it is a mass phenomenon and it can surely be tackled?