Issue with teacher's attitude - teachers, what do I do?

[monkeysavingexpertdotcom]

Earlier this week, I called the school because of a minor (ish) but niggling and longstanding issue involving my dd (6), and another child.
I suggested a course of action which the teacher happily agreed to but I did add that it was up to the school how they managed it, that was just an idea. I'm not a serial complainer, btw.

Today I go to pick up my dd, and the teacher stops me and tells me she's spoken to the head who felt it was important that I be told two things (basically reasons why she thought I was over reacting). I tried to justify why I brought up the issue because I felt a bit silly, I also said that in that case perhaps I should be talking to the head about it.
At this point she became - well, aggressive. Her eyes opened very wide, she moved closer to me and repeated about three times "are you ok with that?" whilst widening her eyes all the time and quietly but in a hard way, almost through her teeth iyswim. I said " no actually, I think you're being very defensive, I'll speak to you another time", took DD and walked away.
Dh thinks I should speak to her about it next week, I think I should talk to the head about it. At no point was I anything other than polite to her. Do I leave it, speak to the head or ask her why she reated in that way? I know her socially as we live in the same area, but not well.

Right - head next week then. Unfortunately I cant go in until Thursday, but I will phone on Monday and make an appointment.
Thanks - will keep you updated!

Do children of that age kiss each other all the time??? I have a 12 and 9 yr old and never remember either of them coming home at any time and telling me that someone had tried to kiss them. Neither do I remember either of them wishing to kiss anybody apart from close family.

On the Head's second point, to my knowledge French children to not kiss each other in greeting (adults/teenagers do). Did the Head point this out to the children at the time?

it sounds as if the teacher has gone to the Head and mentioned suggested course of action, Head has a) given her a bollocking for not coming up with a plan of action on her own but having to be spoon-fed by you and b) Head does not agree that this is a problem so has sent teacher back to down-lay it with you. Given her change of heart, you are now left confused and she is desperate not to make any more trouble for herself so it trying to bully you into accepting what the Head says.

I don't think it matters what this little boy is doing - your daughter finds it unpleasant and it needs to be dealt with. You would presumably not be expected to put up with this behaviour if his chosen form of greeting was to shout in her ear or pinch her?

I agree completely Frosty, but I toned it down when speaking to the teacher because I didn't want to come across as too strident and allow that to diminish what dd is feeling in any way.

AnnH on reflection, I think you may have hit the nail on the head.

Exactly Frosty. I may now become more strident!

I agree with others, it is not appropriate - we teach our children who it is appropriate to kiss, etc. As a parent, I would be very unhappy with the situation as it happened, and would go to see the head to hear it from them (and discuss accordingly). As a teacher, I wouldn't have been at all comfortable in passing this message on and would have suggested to the Head that do their own dirty work they tell the parent face to face.

This is appalling management on the Head's part. And pretty poor of the teacher, too, but she was presumably stuck in the middle.

Go and see the Head and clarify things, not least your feelings on being 'handled' in this way.

I had a boy with Aspergers in my class last year and he would also kiss girls, who usually went 'eugh' and moved as far away as possible. Perhaps the boy in your DD's class has a condition like this, that makes the staff edgy about telling him off for it?

I think rearranging the seating is a very sensible solution, although there is always the possibility that you are the last parent to complain and the teacher has run out of girls that this boy can sit next to, the other mums having already put their oar in!

I would be cross and concerned if dc was receiving unwanted physical contact from another child and the school did not think it was an issue that could easily be addressed. I would also be rather confused by the two conflicting responses from the same member of staff and so I would seek clarity from the head.

I cannot imagine that a sane head would not see your pov and if they didn't, I would ask in what way do they see it acceptable or that dd should put up with it? Or at what age did they suddenly think there was a cut off point? Is there anything wrong with the suggested solution that dd move seats, apart from the fact it's a suggestion that has come from a parent?

I agree with Lilac. This boy's inappropriate behaviour needs to be addressed by the school - and by raising it as an issue you are actually helping the boy.

He may well have diagnosed or undiagnosed special needs if he can't tell that what he is doing is inappropriate. Based on my limited experience of school he probably has special needs which the school are doing their best to ignore. In fact his parents may be complaining to the school about this very thing. So they can't admit to you that his behaviour is inappropriate - because then they'd have to do something to help him.

Honestly, I think it's important to let school know that this behaviour is inappropriate and you won't let it continue to happen - both for your DD's sake and the poor other boy.

it all sounds very odd. why would the head object to such a sensible action . and the teacher ? all strange.

I'd definitely make an appointment to speak with the Head about this face to face.

And if you don't get any joy, write to her copying in the governors.

IMO you were very sensible, suggested a good plan of action (which the Head for some reason has taken against) and the teacher seems to have acted very strangely.

Kiss-chase is a game that gets played but this sounds a bit more serious and almost bullying/harassment. If it's upsetting your DD then it's not on. It's certainly not something that happens all the time.

FWIW French children do occasionally do the kisses as greeting. Certainly they are expected to greet adults that way from a very young age. I got told off the other day for not offering kisses to an 18month old....(well not so much told off but there was a slightly strained 'aren't you going to greet X?'). Given that child was crawling around on the floor no, I wasn't about to TBH! Had they been in their mother's arms I probably would have.

Did the Head make it clear that it's AIR kisses though? Not great smackers on the lips/cheeks?

Good luck with your appointment. I hope the Head is reasonable and it's a miscommunication.

As a teacher myself, I think you need to see the head, ask for anti-bullying policy, write your concerns down beforehand so you're able to say everything you want to- headteachers have a nasty habit of making you forget what you want to say!
I would suggest the class teacher has got her hands tied to a certain extent & that the head is directing the situation. Interesting comments about possible difficulties the little boy may have, that's certainly an option...but I agree it's definitely not an excuse. If you're not happy after meeting the head, you need to log any incidents so you're keeping a record & then meet with chair of governors. Harsh but may need to be done. Good luck!

Have a meeting set for Thursday after school.I will definitely be writing down what I want to say before the meeting. Thanks for the advice.

Good luck!

This is shocking. Go in calmly, and writing stuff down will help.
As I see it you have two issues: the boy and his unwarranted attention, and the way the teacher talked to you.
I would concentrate on the first. You could mention that you are sympathetic if he has special needs, but that he needs to learn that unwanted attention like this is inappropriate. Explain how upset your daughter is.

I would also escalate the matter if they don't do anything.
Good luck.

So, went (with my list!) to see head who denied having told teacher to tell me I was overreacting; she said she thinks teacher has "problems with adults" and will talk to her. I did say twice that she was aggressive towards me. Problem is, head leaves in a month so although I found her responsive I don't believe she will follow it up. She confirmed that she in no way condones persistent unwanted physical attention and would speak to the boy concerned. Because she was disarming and apologised, I didn't ask to be kept up to date so I will see her today and ask for feedback. I haven't seen the teacher yet. I think she should apologise, personally.
Interestingly, when I looked at the anti bullying policy for the school (on your advice, before going to the meeting!)this behaviour isnt included in the definition of bullying, but it does come under "respect" in the behaviour policy.

My son goes to a small school and they have just announced a staff change around for the new term. My child has just found out that he is to have the same teacher next term. The class have had this teacher for 2 years already (including teachers own child) and are ready for something different. My child find the teacher boring and has on several occasions been belittled by her in front of the class (he answered a question correctly and got told " oh you do know something then)! My child has saind he would of rather had any other teacher in the school of go to a new school (he will be going into yr 6). I understand that have been quite a number of complaints about this decision to the head teacher and some of us have copied our complaints to the chair of governors also. The head seems determined to dig her heels in over this so can we do if this is not resolved? Can anyone help?

siancojo6 you're more likely to get a response to this if you start a new thread

Does no one say to your child when they lose their milk teeth "have you been kissing the boys/girls" - obviously depending on whether child is female/male - honestly talk about mixed messages! My DD normally answers indignantly "no" but I would never say she felt uncomfortable by the remark. Please dont tell me this old saying is now banned in some schools!