A bit annoyed - penalising working Mums?

[designergirl]

My dd's primary school sent a letter home saying they are having an "informal" time for parents to go in and look over children's work. There is only one day and one time available for my daughters class, and unfortunately it falls on a day when I have to work. The other thing that has annoyed me this week is the pressure my dd is feeling about Walk to School week. I do agree with this idea in principle, and I do walk with her, and her 3 yr old and 1 yr old sisters when possible (on my days off work), but 3 days a week I have to get ready and drop all 3 off at the Nursery at 7.30am, and then drive 10 miles to work. There's no way we can walk to school on these days, yet my dd is feeling pressures by the teacher and won't get a certificate bcse she has gone in the "dreadful" car. It's not fair, and I feel a little bit like I am being penalised for being a working mum.

If her school was to have this informal time, I think they shld make it available over a few days, not on one day and at a set time only

With walk to school week, I think you are allowed to park a bit further away from school, and walk a bit. Then you still get the certificate.

I agree it penalises working mums...I've always been thankful I could go into look at work, etc. I noticed the mums who couldn't get time off were often teachers/head teachers.

It's true - I'm a part time teacher.I work Tuesdays,Wednesdays and Thursdays

It is unfortunate, I was working this time last year and used to feel exactly like this, everything seemed to crop up on my work days. With walk to school week, I had to do the rigmarole of parking a (tiny) bit further away and telling DS it was OK as he had walked the last bit. We always walk now as I am not working but ironically they organised the charity clothes sack collection for this week, and I had three bin liners of clothes to bring in so had to use the car for the first time in months. Parked further away etc, what a palaver.

You ought to be able to arrange a more suitable time to go in and look at your child's work though.

Have you tried contacting your DD's teacher?
As a primary school teacher, if any parent asked me at any time in the year if they could come in and talk to me or look at their children's work, I would always arrange a time. Our parents' evenings are nominally just one evening a term, but most teachers see parents over the course of a week- we try to be fairly flexible.

OTOH, it would be quite a big ask if every class had to arrange at least two separate advertised times for parents to come in. It actually takes a lot of preparation for 'informal' events like this, as well as making sure that they don't clash with other events, that there's people from the management team available in case of problems etc.

As for the walk to school week, it is hard on those that have to go by car. But your DD can't get the certificate for 'would have walked to school each day but can't because of her particular family circumstances'. It's an all or nothing kind of thing. The teacher should be encouraging walking but acknowledging that not everyone can do it. If this isn't the case, speak to the teacher about it.

LOL, surely if you are a teacher you must know how hard it is to arrange these things? And how happy most teachers are to see interested parents?

No - it's hard to arrange, but our Parents Evenings start at 4pm and finish around 7pm. If that were the case I could make it. This is Tuesday only at 2.30pm.I work in secondary and we are more flexible. And I'm very interested in my daughter's work but unabke to make their very inflexible time

Thanks though,Pozzled, I could try asking to go in at a different time or day. That might be possible.

Part time teacher here too and dd2 has two informal hours with her new class. They both fall on times when I am working. I am trying to get someone to cover for me.

Am definitely not looking forward to the 6 week morning and afternoon thing in September. I am already trying to organise it together with family members.

I feel a bit bad asking for cover for that as I have had a couple of weeks off over this school year, for flu, food poisoning, child's illness and a couple of hospital appointments for dd3. That is hard about teaching tho isn't it, not being able to just book an hour or two off.

we have a similar system with one afternoon a week to look at work.

in theory the teacher has said that I'm welcome to come another day.

in practice whenever I've tried she always seems in a hurry with so many other things to do that i end up not bothering.

If you tell your work it is a parents evening then they should give you time off to go. I teach and have always known teachers to have time off for parents meetings if during the day. It is perfectly reasonable for your HT to cover for an hour or so.

The walk to school thing can be difficult if you're working but I just had to force myself to leave stupidly early so as to walk from 3 streets away. Mind you, I also had to pay for an extra hour at nursery for the other two just so I could drop them off 15min earlier.

Do they get certificates?
Oh...... Not sure whether my dd's school gives them or not. I am in the same situation and feeling constantly guilty about missing everything because I work full-time. But this is what it takes I think. School time and working time coincides. The contrary would be even worse for us. So school activities open to parents to participate are always organised at very inconvenient times for working parents. I do not see how this can be changed.

Now I am worried about the certificate. We made the effort an walked to school 4 days, one of them with teachers and other kids. I did not know there was a certificate. It was not explained to us. I would be a bit if my dd did not get one because of the day we did not walk to school. I would have made the extra effort that one day. after all, this is one of the very few things that some working parents can actually do, inconvenience and all.

Working mums (and dads) are always penalised. You are lucky you work part time and therefore do get some contact with school.

Working full time I have missed out on so much.

Second what was said below about Walk to School Week - If you explain to the school what your issues are in relation to work but that you are going to park 1/2 mile from school and walk the last bit, I am sure she will get her certificate - they do at our school.

I have resigned to the fact that most school activities do penalise working parents overall - men and women!

I would second what others say and try and work around it. Most schools would be amenable to that - however I do understand your frustration....x

Re: Penalising Working Mums
My DW is the career person in our home and we did get this quite a bit at our DDs last school, mixed in with a couple of comments from her teacher along the lines of "it was a shame that you (my DW) couldn't make it the other day"!

I think some teachers forget that not all Mothers are free to visit during the working week. Also, the literature they send out is always "Mothers", I wouldnt mind it being called Parents or god forbid Fathers!!!

So yes they should be put on at times convenient to parents and the school. I am not suggesting they are there until 9pm, but if they could allow until 7pm for Working Mums to get there from work, it would be a start!

Ok, so say it's at 2.30pm. You're asking teachers to stay until 7pm i.e do an extra 2 or 3hours that day yet nobody has suggested that parents should maybe leave 2or3 hours early from work?

We've just done the Walk to School Week thing. It's just a way of getting kids to think about possible ways they can help to make cuts to their car journeys. No way are kids (or working mums) "penalised." Think you're being over-sensitive here. Bet the teacher didn't even register your "failure" if that's how you perceive it. Or if she did, she probably thought, as I did with one of mine, "oh yes, her mum is working. Fair enough"

Our school is fairly relaxed about Walk to School Week, it is up to us to be honest about it, and interpret the parking further away bit as best we can. I see an awful lot of non working mums ferrying their children to school by car over very short distances (myself incleded occasionally if I need to get somewhere very quickly afterwards) so it is food for thought.

The meetings etc are difficult though, in my former job I was 45 mins drive away, so had to take a half day holiday every time I needed to go to anything, luckily manged it by either DH going or it being on my non working days. No way would I have been allowed to just take that time off, you had to make the hours up the same as for Drs appointments etc, which just caused more childcare problems. Do other employers let you do this in paid time then, or do others have to make it up or lose pay?

your child should get a walk to school certificate even if she only does it 3 days a week. IMO the whole point about encouraging walking rather than driving is that you encourage people to walk more often WHERE/WHEN THEY CAN, not when they would find it impossible. (ie if you work 10 miles away, like you do). It makes total nonsense for parents to be driving near to the school, effectively hiding their cars, and walking the last few steps just to get a certificate; and why should a child suffer because of their parents' work obligations.

MRQ, the OP is a teacher too, I doubt she can just book time off work like a regular job. I take holiday for these sorts of things but my work is much more flexible than teaching.

SAHDUK, it must get really annoying, that all the expectation is on your wife. The pre-school my DD attends do remark when I do a drop off or attend an event as it is a bit more unusual than their dad who works locally and is in an incredibly flexible job. Still you prob benefit from the staff thinking you are wonderful When I do see the teachers they are all at great pains to tell me how marvellous DH is (he is great but no better than most other mums and dads!)

"Working mums (and dads) are always penalised."

What on earth do you mean?