A bit annoyed - penalising working Mums?

[designergirl]

My dd's primary school sent a letter home saying they are having an "informal" time for parents to go in and look over children's work. There is only one day and one time available for my daughters class, and unfortunately it falls on a day when I have to work. The other thing that has annoyed me this week is the pressure my dd is feeling about Walk to School week. I do agree with this idea in principle, and I do walk with her, and her 3 yr old and 1 yr old sisters when possible (on my days off work), but 3 days a week I have to get ready and drop all 3 off at the Nursery at 7.30am, and then drive 10 miles to work. There's no way we can walk to school on these days, yet my dd is feeling pressures by the teacher and won't get a certificate bcse she has gone in the "dreadful" car. It's not fair, and I feel a little bit like I am being penalised for being a working mum.

I found the biggest problem with school is that they never ever gave enough notice. It was always next week, which meant that I missed lots of things where with a bit of time I probably could have juggled around, not booked key meetings etc at the same time, and generally have had a chance to attend. It never bothered ds, but dd was very very upset if no-one was there for her school events. Now dh is a SAHD she makes him come in for all sorts of school trips etc

Make your partner go instead (sorry, I refuse to use these rediculous DD, DS shorthand codes). Or, take time off. Either that, or don't go. Get the teacher to tell you how she's doing. Do you really need to SEE her work at her stage of education? My parents never needed to actually see my work, ever. It's not necessary. Sure, it would be nice, but this isn't an ideal world.

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At our school we have duplicate PTFA meetings - one at 8.00 on Monday evening and one at 2.00 on Friday of the same week. I have to say that we get far more people at the 2.00 meetings. And no, it's not a yummy mummy leafy suburbs achool - far from it.

Have you asked if you can see the teacher and your children's work one morning before school? Our teachers are happy to do this.

The problem is, obviously, that anything which involves small children has to take place during the day - so if there aren't any spare grandparents around, working parents have to take holiday for matches and things - there isn't any other way. But I don't think the word "penalized" is appropriate - it's tough but unavoidable.

Lets be honest, you mean you made the granny go so you wouldn't look bad in front of the other parents...

Even if they arranged two days OP they might still be on your working days.
Try working 5 days a week, I dont EVER get to join in with these things. But what I find is that you just have to speak up and ask. I always get cats bum mouth when I ask if I can come in one evening, or at 8am.. or whatever it is, and I complin when they give one days notice for meetings etc. But I dont care, a lot of teachers seem to live in a different world but you have to allow for the fact that they have been in education since they were 5 themselves so lots (although some do get it) just dont understand.

You have to spell it out and ask for what you want, and ignore the reaction (and the inkling that your name is mud in the staff room!)

foureleven teachers don't live in a different world to parents, many are parents themselves and face exactly the same difficulties. As a parent and teacher I only ever managed to attend one of my children's nativity (when a kind colleague offered to have my class for an hour) as for family days and sports days ... forget it!

Would the OP be willing to work extra days/hours to accommodate the working hours of "clients" (additional time away from her own children) as teachers often do?
Having said that I always add a note to tell parents if they have difficulties attending on the set date to please contact me to see if we can arrange another time and I'm sure if the OP sent a note explaining the teacher would be happy to find another time.

"I always get cats bum mouth when I ask if I can come in one evening, or at 8am.."

I suspect you might do the same if a client of yours asked you to stay at work til 8.00 to suit their convenience!

I have the 'flexibility' of not being a teacher so I am able to book holiday time during term time (it's actually almost impossible for me to have holiday during school holidays), so from my point of view I allocate 4 of my annual leave for school events (christmas play, sports day, parents meeting etc), and then as soon as I know the dates of these (normally at the start of the relevant term) I book the day off.

Anything beyond that dependent on how important I view it, and how much annual leave I have left determines whether I attend or not. Therefore adhoc events tend not to be attended.

I agree with nooka. It'a not really about the timings, it's about the notice they give you. Sometimes on a monday they say on thursday at 2 please feel free to come in and see dc's work. ok how exactly can I plan to leave early with 2 days notice it's unfair, they should give at least 2 weeks notice IMO. DD only started school last year and I spent the whole year worrying that I was missing out Now I go with the assumption that acutally if they can't be bothered to give proper notice then I just won't go. DD gets upset about it but what can I do? Things like sports day and nativity I've asked MIL to go along to but not for 'come and see our work' times. But DD gets upset that x's mum was there and I wasn't I just have to keep repeating that mummy was at work, I did want to come but I couldn't

Once ds is at school I'll have more flexibility to change days if something pops up but that's only because I only work 15 hours a week(in the office, by then i'll have another job from home for 8 hours a week)

I have come to accept that parenting is just one big long guilt trip. You can't do everything and be everywhere. Once you accept that the guilt lessens. Unfortunately children have to learn you can't do everything

Have you got some friends nearby who would be walking to school? Maybe they could walk your dd? Then, ask the teacher one afternoon whern you are picking up if you can have a look at the work.

But presumably you get more notice for things like Nativities and Sports Day? The come and see work days are sometimes organized at short notice, but everything else isn't (school governor talking). If you're not told earlier, then ring the school office at the beginning of the Christmas term and ask when the Christmas performances are.

nativity yes, sports day no. It's nearly June and the date for sports day still isn't on the diary dates on the newsletter. Which I think is bad because presumably it will be sometime in June/July. Also things like the class trip aren't notified very early. Not a great problem unless I wanted to attend as a helper, which I couldn't because I don't know about it early enough.

I have joined both the pre-school and school committee's, one reason being that you find out dates etc earlier. Especially with pre-school as the committee arranges most things.

Also, our school have only just published the return to school date for September. How anyone works around term time in a job that requires you to book all annual leave in January i'll never know. I'm just lucky that my boss is happy, normally, to have little notice of my leave.

MrsZ and seeker I regularly have to see clients at 8pm.. and 8am.. in fact whenever they need me I have to juggle things to accommodate. Because they are my clients.

I guess teacher/parents are the ones who "do get it" as I said in my post that some do.

This 'extra 2 or 3 hours' that some have mentioned thhat would be unthinkable for us to ask teachers to do is actually what the rest of us do every day so I struggle to feel bad for asking teachers to do it every so often.

SAHDUK - I am shocked at you getting letters labelled 'Mothers' in this day & age. Our school always refers to 'parents & carers' or in a more formal letter 'parent/guardian of child X'.

Not only are there plenty of children whose dad is more likely to come along, but of course others who will have gps, foster carers or others interacting with school

foureleven you seem very ill informed about what teachers actually do. Most teachers work long after the children leave for the day, however some of us choose to do that work in our own homes, with our own children rather than in school. We also work during our holidays and at weekends when others can switch off and enjoy their leisure time.

mrz, I do appreciate that you dont just finish school as soon as tyhe kids do. My mum was a teacher and three of my close friends are teachers. They do take books out to the garden to mark them on a summers day and my mum used to bring books to the park when we were small. Sometimes we'dstay after school with her until maybe 4.30 -5 ish to do displays or while she planned lessons with other teachers.

Mostly we'd leave at the end of school and she'd come home and do dinner ect then do another hour or so.

its not comparible to people who work in private sector/ business world jobs like myself where you never ever leave work at half three... have 4 weeks holiday a year (if youre lucky) and work from home in the evenings and weekends AS WELL.

Teachings a hard job of course, I've seen first hand from mum and friends how flipping stressful it is! But dont tell me its unreasonable to expect teachers to stay on at work until 7pm once a term

And LOL at 'switch off!' I dont know anyone who can do this.. All my friends have one eye on their blackberry practically in their sleep!!!

At our school the children who can't walk in to school can opt to walk round the pitch at breaktime to get their stamps in their little booklet. This means that they are still aware of it and can choose to participate.

We always walk home but with nursery and school run in the morning I have to take the car.

Of course it isn't unreasonable to expect teachers to have a parent's evening until 7pm once a term and I would argue that is indeed what happens in the majority of schools but that isn't what the OP is complaining about is it...

I mean stay until 7pm once a term on top of what they were planning to do anyway i.e. parents evenings..

As in if a group or one or two parents express a difficulty in getting to a meeting, it should be ok to ask the teacher in question to stay 'late' to see them.

foureleven and once again I would argue that many teachers do this already often at the expense of our own children

Ok, so if in fact they do stay until 7pm regulary why is it so frowned upon to ask them to do it..? I dont get it. On one hand people say (not you, I think it was myredquattro & mybe seeker) its not fair to expect teachers to stay one or 2 hours late.. but then you say they do this anyway...?

If teachers do in fact say at work until 7pm.. then what is this conversation about

P.s Have rushed out of work and gone to my daughters school at 5.30 on a few occassions in the hope I may catch someone and the place is like a ghost town!! It could be coincidence of course.
But in my building most people dont stop to look at the clock until half 5.. and have usually been there since 8am.

No ones saying teaching is easy, but if teacher parents feel that its a struggle to keep involved with their kids at school because they are working parents, spare a thought for those of us who HAVE to be at work for 10 hours most days. and have to see clients well in to the evening.

foureleven as I said earlier I always include a note that asks parents to make alternative arrangements with me if they can't make the stated day but at the same time teachers are parents and we can't just agree to stay without making arrangements for our own children