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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

question about private schools' attitudes to unmarried parents...

53 replies

WreckOfTheHesperus · 21/01/2010 11:40

A lot of the private schools near us seem to have a vaguely CofE affiliation - does anyone know if your child will be discriminated against wrt getting a place if the parents aren't married?

I heard that some marked mothers down for wearing trousers , so am wondering if I ought to invest in some rings .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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GetOrfMoiLand · 21/01/2010 11:41

Gawd knows re your question but I love your name.

CMOTdibbler · 21/01/2010 11:43

Wouldn't want my child to go anywhere that marked you down for wearing trousers tbh.

DS is going to go to a private school that is CofE (actually the cathedral school), and we def aren't. I don't think they cared what the parents looked like, or whether they were married or not

Carrotfly · 21/01/2010 11:45

Nah, as long as you have the dosh I doubt they will question your morals

There are several widowed, divorced and single parents at my DS's school and I would be amazed and disgusted if they suffered any discrimination.

Seriously though, I'm not sure I would want to send my child somewhere that thought wearing trousers was to be frowned upon.

Original poster

WreckOfTheHesperus · 21/01/2010 11:46

yeah, the trousers thing is a wee bit worrying...perhaps I definitely need to wear trousers to the interviews to weed out potential fruit-bat establishments

OP posts:

GrimmaTheNome · 21/01/2010 11:46

You can't generalise about private schools. Certainly at DDs school there are single/divorced parents, and a couple of the unmarried teachers have had babies recently.

And the vast majority of mothers wear trousers most of the time. Where the heck do you live - a timewarp?

pagwatch · 21/01/2010 11:46

really? Mothers marked down for wearing trousers?

My DCs school have usually had no notion of who I am when they accepted my children. I could have generally wafted around in lingerie for all they knew. Assessments and entry exams were done by droppingthe children at the door. You will have to fill indetails on application/registration form but as long as you can pay the fees and don't put job down as drug dealer or child traffiker I am not sure they would care. Several of my DCs friends have single parents.Their schools are broadly christian but all have children from many faiths.

I often wonder where these weird private schoopls are - I only ever hear about them on MN - usually from someone being told something by someone else who knew someone who was once told....

TBH if any school is interested in your marital is it really a school you want your child to go to?

sugartits · 21/01/2010 11:49

I don't know, but when my friend was trying to get her dc's into a private school the head commented how unusual it was for the father to come along to the interview as well as mother. They got a place. So, I'd make sure you both go.

Original poster

WreckOfTheHesperus · 21/01/2010 11:59

Trousers thing was a friend-of-a-friend story - was told that one school registrar made a discreet note saying "MWT" (mother wore trousers) on the application form. Obviously could all be a load of cobblers, but there's nowt as queer as folk...

OP posts:

pagwatch · 21/01/2010 12:01

perhaps Head had trousers fetish and this was a point in favour for that mother.

I have never had a problem and one of DDs friends turned up for assessment in sweaty running gear. She got in.

GrimmaTheNome · 21/01/2010 12:15

The MWT note may have been a comment on dominance rather than attire

messygarden · 21/01/2010 12:21

DS at private school.

I pick him up wearning tracksuits. No problem. Anyone who judges (most don't) is a moron - I like going to the gym and that's my business.

Some parents are not married. No problem, although the school like to know (and do ask directly) about family situations so that they can look after the children to the best of their ability. Not to judge.

ajandjjmum · 21/01/2010 12:27

We did have to put the date of our wedding on the application form . Having said that, I know a number of parents aren't married, or are divorced etc., so I suspect it had little bearing.

Hulababy · 21/01/2010 12:29

DD goes to a prep school, which if CofE.

There are manner of family makes ups there: married parents, unmarried parents, divorced parents, single parents, widowed parents, gay parents, seperated parents, children not living with parents, etc. None of the make ups have ever been an issue for parents or children.

There is also none of this school run clothes dilemmas or issues too.

Swedey · 21/01/2010 12:33

Why would you want your child to go to a school that discrinates against children whose mothers wear trousers? I would make certain to wear trousers to all school interviews in order to weedle out the narrow-minded bigots who operate on such nonsensical grounds.

At my sons' independent school there is absolutely no social engineering at all. They offer places to the 70 best applicants according to performance in the entrance exam. Final.

domesticextremist · 21/01/2010 12:37

They dont give a shit generally - they just want your money and that you support your child.

messygarden · 21/01/2010 12:42

Yes, that's right, they are concerned that the parent is going to take an active part in the "parent school partnership". (relating to your child when at home, not meaning you have to go in and do stuff)

bran · 21/01/2010 12:43

I did go for an interview at one school where the totally bonkers head asked what DH did for a living, but not what I did. There were many reasons for not chosing that school for DS, the assumption that I was a SAHM was the least of them.

Original poster

WreckOfTheHesperus · 21/01/2010 12:44

see earlier post, Swedey; will be wearing trousers to all interviews as a matter of principle - and watching for any delicately raised eyebrows accordingly.

OP posts:

squeaver · 21/01/2010 12:45

Not a problem that I've ever heard of.

I have heard of a school that "politely" asks mothers not to wear jeans to drop off and pick up, though.

Original poster

WreckOfTheHesperus · 21/01/2010 12:50

Bran I did go to a job interview once a few years ago now, with a very patrician old bloke, who asked what paper I took and what my Father did...

OP posts:

pagwatch · 21/01/2010 12:54

Last night I had a mother phone up to ask if we could contribute to a school cake stall. When she rang my DH answered the phone and she asked him to put me on the phone..

stealthsquiggle · 21/01/2010 12:57

Grimma - my thoughts exactly

abride · 21/01/2010 12:59

I can think of several single mothers at my son's prep school and some of the hussies wear trousers to parents' nights as well.

Ignore. I have pretty well always worn trousers to school. A large number of the female teachers wear them too.

cory · 21/01/2010 13:22

Well, look at it this way: would you want your child's education to be in the hands of someone who took against people on accountr of their unmarried status or trousers?

It's not just about the school forming its judgment of you; it's equally about you judging them.

Have a look at them and then judge. If they behave in a bonkers way, then judge them. If they don't, give them the benefit of doubt.

GrimmaTheNome · 21/01/2010 13:26

It's not just about the school forming its judgment of you; it's equally about you judging them.

Absolutely. With a private school, you're the customer.

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