Quite pissed off about this, am I being daft?

[FlightAttendant]

Today ds1 went abck to school and was really looking forward to it.

I went to get him at 3.15 and he was absolutely busting to tell me about the 'thing' that had landed in the woodland bit of the playground.

I followed him and a large crowd of grown ups and children was standing around this thing, which looked to me very much like a huge air conditioning unit half buried in the ground, with a slightly blackened tree next to it.

I have to admit I immediately thought it was a kind of set up, for fun - there was stripey tape all round it and nobody allowed to touch.

Ds told me that it had apparently 'crashed' last night, and was from a satellite or spaceship or similar and it even had the voltage written on it!

He loves this kind of thing so was utterly serious and really quite blown away by the idea. They had spent all day finding out about it and someone from the BBC had apparently come and interviewed a witness, with a microphone but no camera.

There is nothing on the BBC website. The newsletter just arrived and there is a large paragraph about it - 'We hope the children enjoyed the 'space mystery' today, our project this term is all about space' etc etc...

I didn't know what to do, so stupidly, probably, I told ds it wasn't actually from a spaceship, and he started to cry

I mean is this just like the Father Christmas thing we do with them, or is it actually rather cruel of them to lie about something so potentially thrilling - I have probably done the wrong thing but he would have found out later anyway no doubt and been MORE upset.

He is insisting the newsletter is wrong and is very cross and fed up.

Can anyone talk me down, I really don't need another confrontation with the HT...I am just so sad for him.

this is probably the start of a big literacy programme. our school did it last year with the "spaceship" arriving on jan 3rd, then a few weeks later a "spaceman" arrived in the hall. it was linked to the county and lots of local schools were taking part, with professional storytellers coming into school and the whole curriculum for the half term focused around the theme "out of this world"

dd adored it and still talks about it now. even asking what they might be getting this term. DD did indeed return from school this afternoon to tell me they had found dinosaur footprints in the sandpit and the year 5's had found dinosaur bones with Professor (I can't remember his name mum). I can only guess that this is the professinoal story teller.

I would have told DD aged 5, although I doubt that she would have believed it anyway. She knows magic, fairies and witches etc aren't real but it doesn't stop her from enjoying books about them. She just about believes in Santa (only because he brings her presents)but knows that the shop Santas aren't real, but still loves visiting them (again, she gets a present).

I think it was a good idea of the school though and that your DS was upset by it all. I'm sure you wont have been the only parent to tell their DC and by his reaction probably better that you did rather than his friends tell him in the morning.

Actually this would really annoy me as well.
So don't think you are being unreasonable to be pissed off with it. As for telling your little boy, well that is your decision isn't it? If you don't want to see him being deceived by the school then fair enough. Other parents may be happy to go along with this but to be honest i don't know if I would.

When I was at teaching training college, we were told the story of a school where the teacher (or maybe head) ran into the classroom, "shot" himself and then the kids were all told to write about how they felt.

This was given as an example of how NOT to do these type of things but to always deliver the "what if" first.
So I agree that you are upset. It could still be very exciting if this was their project and it was all set up in such an interesting way, but the "link" has to be given to the children first...

Inspiring Project The spaceship scenario has been used by many schools across the country it's held up as an example of good teaching.

Flight instead of being angry take a step back and consider how inspired/excited your son was by this.

Inspiring Project The spaceship scenario has been used by many schools across the country and it's held up as an example of good/excellent teaching.

Flight instead of being angry take a step back and consider how inspired/excited your son was by this.

mrz the link you posted clearly said that at the end of the first day the teachers explained the event had been staged. I think that this makes a huge difference (although I am still not sold on the idea full stop). But having the teachers explain before the children go home would mean that firstly they could see and deal with the children's reactions (and so maybe do things slightly differently next time), secondly it does not put the parents in the position Flight was in, and thirdly no child believes this for longer than 5 hours and the explanation as to why it was done is clear.

Inspired, excited and REALLY upset!

I somehow feel that counters any positives Mrz...
that's the same as my link earlier, I still disagree fundamentally with the premise I#m afraid.

i had a word with the HT this morning and warned her that she might have tears from some of the others. She said it was hard to strike the right balance and I agreed and said I understood what they were trying to do, but did tell her how upset ds was.

It was all friendly and she said she would 'handle it well today' (as opposed to badly yesterday I presume)

She still was winking at me and saying 'well it might be real'

She just doesn't get it. And she mentioned Father C as well. I didn't bother to go into that.

Cleanandclothed yes I agree.

I had a conversation with another mother who also felt it was a bit dubious...she said her son already had slight doubts, but some of the younger ones mightbe totally fooled.

She also pointed out that they need to view school as a safe place and some might be really worried.

I agree with this in several senses, ie school needs to be physically safe, free from 'panicking' teachers, police, and random crap falling out of the sky

it also needs to be psychologically safe and being deliberately deceived by teachers in a far from lighthearted/obvious way (ie the kids believed them) does not assist in creating that environment imo.

Further to that I think for example a pantomime costume is fine, it's clearly a joke, the teacher is not actually a wolf in disguise...(though again some recep kids might be scared)
there are several variants of this kind of 'joke' where the kids know what's going on and can laugh along.

Pretending there has been a real crash landing, which even if they do have minor doubts many kids will be desperate to believe, takes it a step too far.

I'm with the op here - I don't like this kind of deliberate fakery at all and would be well pissed off at being expected to support it at home.

I agree with everything FA has just said.

From Mrz link
"The children didn?t know what was going on! As they approached the crash site we could see how shocked and perplexed they were. It was a fantastic first reaction."

Shocked and perplexed children being a fantastic reaction? I really don't think I understand this at all.

Thanks Juule and Acinonyx.

'What a shame there are parents who want to spoil any magic and excitement people have worked so hard to introduce into the curriculum.'

That's really not fair Cat. I'm not deliberately anti-magic and excitement. I do the whole Father Christmas thing and tooth fairy and we do other 'magic' stuff as well. I love it and want him to enjoy it, but acknowledge that gradually he will suspect then ask and then we will come clean - but I know he enjoys it despite knowing on some level it's not real.

This is something I feel reasonably comfortable with as a parent.

I don't feel comfortable with a school deciding to do it.
I think a school/teacher has a different relationship with a child than that of a parent, and this needs to be respected. It's a bit like discipline in thatr espect - certain things are appropriate for a parent and not for a school.

You could say silimar about someone telling a wife that her husband was being unfaithful - if she didn't know, it wouldn't upset her. I don't think it makes sense.

Besides which your little theory would have come apart dramatically at 8.30 this morning when the whole class was telling each other it was fake. Thank Goodness ds was prepared or he would have been in floods of tears in front of his friends.

Juule I totally agree - it sounds really cruel to me.

I could say,
'What a shame there are teachers who want to spoil any trust and security parents have worked so hard to introduce into their children' but that would be equally unfair.

Or 'what a shame there are teachers who work so hard to put practical jokes into the curriculum when its entire premise is thoroughly dubious'

OFSTED loves these kind of activities, and they are normally rated very well by staff, parents and most especially pupils.

It is only occasionally when things go a bit awry, and often only for a handful of children if that.

IME normally the "truth" comes out later int he project, or the childrn finally get it wasn't real after a day or two. But, it generally isn't an issue.

It is a shame your DS found the "truth" upsetting. I am sure, however, if he really liked the day, he will be fine and love the rest of the topic.

Shocked and perplexed does not mean scared or upset.

Hulababy I'm sure he will enjoy the rest of it. I'm just glad in hindsight that I prepared him last night so he could do his crying in private and go in all brave this morning.

I told him to suggest it was a piece of industrial fly tipping rather than a satellite.

Sorry I am very cynical in my old age

Aliens, spaceships crashing, things falling from space(almost on your school) panicked adults, emergency services. All these things are not on a par with benevolent Father Christmas and tooth fairies.

Yes they seem rather like the adults enjoy acting out terrifying and traumatising scenarios in an attempt to do to the kids what was possibly done to them?

All subconsciously of course...reaction formation?

Actually my other mum friend said one of the teachers has confided in her that she suspected someof the children might be upset by it.

Which begs the question why didn't she say this at inception stage?

But in your OP you say you DS enjoyed it, loved this kind of think - that I take it means he wasn't terrifyied or traumatised at it. It actually sounds like he has a great day.

It was finidng out it wasn't real that he found upsetting, which is very different. I am sorry he found it upsetting that it wasn't real. perhaps school should have warned parents in advance so that they could chose to prepare their children in advance or not - but that does risk taking away the initial reactions.

I also suspect that he may well have reacted differently at school has he realised it wasn't real. There'd be all that was it/wasn't it stuff going on, before slow realisation - normally with teachers around to support, etc.

I would have been delighted to have my dc come home enthused and excited about a new project. I wouldn't have told them it was a lie, instead I would have said something along the lines of;
'I wonder what it is?'
'Do you think it's really from space, why/why not'
'I'm sure you are going to do some investigations to find out' etc etc

I would assume that they are intending the children to come to the conclusion through research/study that the object could not be directly from space because.....

I wouldn't want to preempt that learning.