Quite pissed off about this, am I being daft?

[FlightAttendant]

Today ds1 went abck to school and was really looking forward to it.

I went to get him at 3.15 and he was absolutely busting to tell me about the 'thing' that had landed in the woodland bit of the playground.

I followed him and a large crowd of grown ups and children was standing around this thing, which looked to me very much like a huge air conditioning unit half buried in the ground, with a slightly blackened tree next to it.

I have to admit I immediately thought it was a kind of set up, for fun - there was stripey tape all round it and nobody allowed to touch.

Ds told me that it had apparently 'crashed' last night, and was from a satellite or spaceship or similar and it even had the voltage written on it!

He loves this kind of thing so was utterly serious and really quite blown away by the idea. They had spent all day finding out about it and someone from the BBC had apparently come and interviewed a witness, with a microphone but no camera.

There is nothing on the BBC website. The newsletter just arrived and there is a large paragraph about it - 'We hope the children enjoyed the 'space mystery' today, our project this term is all about space' etc etc...

I didn't know what to do, so stupidly, probably, I told ds it wasn't actually from a spaceship, and he started to cry

I mean is this just like the Father Christmas thing we do with them, or is it actually rather cruel of them to lie about something so potentially thrilling - I have probably done the wrong thing but he would have found out later anyway no doubt and been MORE upset.

He is insisting the newsletter is wrong and is very cross and fed up.

Can anyone talk me down, I really don't need another confrontation with the HT...I am just so sad for him.

You're being daft.

'But findoing some things upsetting or perplexing...and then realising that Inhad survived and the world goes ion is a vital part of developing a resilient and secure place in the world, IMO.'

Yes,yes I concur Haveitall and thanks for the explanation about the coddling thing - though I still hesitate to label any of the comments especially from Juule as overprotective.

But your above statement doesn't carry imo without the specific mitigation that children ought notto be exposed to these events deliberately or by neglect, ie if a school can possibly anticipate that children may be upset or perplexed by something planned, then it ought to be avoided or at least altered so as not to expose them to these feelings...which will be all too common in their everyday lives as they grow.

Having survived something, and possibly the feeling of strength that comes from that, does not necessarily make it a valuable or indeed excuseable situation to have encountered.

This reminds me of my friends in the CCF who were always told it was 'character building'

It's not about being over-protective of our children though, haveitall. It's about not wanting their teachers to present made-up stuff to them as reality.

If anything is protective/precious in this scenario, it's the attitude that children are not capable of learning unless they are thrown into an elaborately constructed fiction for their entertainment.

I am very pleased that my childhood had magic and fantasy and I was secure that it was all done for fun-I can't imagine being traumatised that it wasn't true.
My father used to have long running stories when I was a DC which we loved-he didn't say 'this is pretend' and the stories wouldn't have been half as enjoyable if he had! I now have the lovely memories of them-much better than a father who had to explain it all first.

Me too pisces, my dad was a fantastic storyteller but they were always stories and we knew they were stories. Somehow.

And he never went to extraordinary lengths to substantiate them with physical evidence.

I agree there is sometimes a place for vague deceit in a happy childhood but not to the extent performed at some of these schools.

For a start the environmental dynamic is utterly different from being at home/with a parent.

My father was very inventive-it didn't disappoint/upset me-I am thrilled that he did it-and went to the trouble.

I wonder how teachers might feel if the boot was in the other foot.What if an a elaborate hoax complaint of abuse was made against them.

LOL madmearcati, that is hardly a reasonable analogy at all!

However, possibly teachers do go on training courses where they are introduced to people in role describing abuse or making complaints, and I'm sure they learn from it.

"the attitude that children are not capable of learning unless they are thrown into an elaborately constructed fiction for their entertainment." where has anyone on this thread said that? AFAISC there have been references to different methods of learning, different approaches to learning, and the impact of imaginative involvement.

I can understand why Feenie described some parents reactions as a bit hysterical - those two responses seem a bit OTT and hysterical!

Actually, as someone who works in close association with professional drama I am sometimes a bit sceptical about non-drama specialists setting up drama-based sessions. Experienced drama and role-play practitioners have methods of enabling particpants to look after themselves and not make themselves too vulnerable. And I can see that some children would be especially sensitive to some set-ups, and that ought to be acknowledged, but I doubt a simulated drama scenario is the cause for alarm and condemnation of teachers which has occurred in places on this thread.

I hope your boy is OK, FA.

Thanks Blu, I think you are making a good point about the appropriate experience and training needing to be accomplished before these things are embarked upon.

I'm afraid I can't support that MadameA. I'm not sure how it really compares. But thankyou for your support earlier on.

YANBU

I would be pissed off too. It's not like a story, the children weren't involved in acting out. They were recipients of something presented as fact by a teacher in a way which reinforced it as real life ("bbc" interview).

It's not like at the age of the OP's child they would be able to differentiate the two as older children might.

It's way different to listening to stories because from the earliest age most children are brought up on stories and so understand the concept, if not consciously, that certain set-ups are most likely to be fiction.

The bbc interview is a device to get them to talk, and to look at different ways of communication: reporting v storytelling, for example. Being 'interviewed' as witnesses MAKES them participants, gives them a role.

I would be v surprised if most of the children didn't recognise teachers involved, or spot that the 'BBC' microphones had no power supply, etc - children are very very eagle eyed about these things. But they have a greater sense of immersing themselves in drama situations and choose to go ahead with it rather than fight the fiction. This tends to change at about 12 or 13.

sarararararah I'm not sure how your school uses MoE approach or how experienced you are in using it. It's quite some time since I did the training with Dorothy Heathcote and probably include some aspects without thinking about it but freely admit I don't fully embrace the approach.

It isn't something that I would do, but I do think that DCs should be able to cope with a bit of fantasy and fun without having someone spell it all out for them first.

do you think you´re a bit upset that you were not entirely sue whether it was real or not....?

I am not crazy about these "lies" to children, always downplay santa and fairy too...

It depends how it is done. I had unconditional love as a DC, and parents who didn't lie to me, so I cannot conceive of Santa being 'a lie'-he was wonderful magic to me. I would have realised that the school were doing it for fun.

Chandon not sure how that's relevant? Sorry am I misunderstanding? I didn't know initially if it was real or not but that's not why I am upset.

Pisces, when you say 'children should be able to' how do you mean?

Did i miss something out during his toddler years that would have changed his ability to cope with situations like this? What do you do about the kids who can't cope with it?

I'm not sure what you are saying.

I think it very sad if all DCs have to have everything explained and practical.

I mean bully for you if you would have automatically understood the premise of the game

But ds didn't

does that make him unsuitable for sending to school, a product of a poor upbringing, what?

I think that people could work on fantasy,magic, imagination and pretence with their DC so that they aren't going to get upset. I think that you could have entered into the spirit of the thing and explained in such a way that he thought it was a good idea!

Pisces, all parents are different. I have tried my hardest with him, never anticipating a scenario such as this.

I feel that you are now criticising the way I have raised him. I don't feel that is fair or justified.

...and how would you have explained it? I coulddo with pointers for next time!

Piscesmoon

It is not about having everthing explained though it is about the twist. Have the children been given two views, (as i suggested early) one were it had fallen from the space and one where it hadnt been sent away to research which view they think is correct wouldnt have been explaining anything and not even practical.

It would have then be possible to get the bbc reporter to speak to the children and deliver both views and present the evidence.

It would hve still have the same principle features but it would have been a better twist then the incorrect information given to the children that it was definetly from space. As physically that is impossible. Astmopheric burnt up would have destroyed or seriously damaged it.

I'm sorry-I'm not meaning to criticise. I just think that you shouldn't have bluntly burst his bubble. You could have made up some stories with him and come around gently to the fact that it was pretend. I can see that it took you by surprise and you weren't prepared.

See I would have no idea where to start with that. I'm rubbish at story telling.
I can see other parents may well have handled it far better.
I wish I was good at everything but all I can do is try my best.

I agree WhereChaos that your way was better. I'm not saying that it was the right way to do it-just that I think fantasy and magic are not lies.