Dd's teacher (Y1) says she 'daydreams' too much ... anyone with similar?

[imaginaryfriend]

Like many others I just had parents' evening.

Dd is brilliant at literacy and not bad at numeracy. She's shy but fitting in better all the time and expanding her group of friends.

The one issue that keeps coming up time and again at these meetings is dd's lack of attention when the teacher's giving out tasks to do. The teacher says she often sits down at the table and does something totally different to everyone else and to what she's been told to do. As a result she keeps having to stay behind at break time to finish work as she's starting it much later than the rest of the class.

Any advice, tips, comparisons?

Could you do role playing games where the teacher gives instructions and the other has to do them/repeat them? I've just started doing this with dd for preschool - actually at her request but it's very useful.

Looking at your user name - does she take after her mother I have been a compulsive daydreamer all my life and it was a serious problem at school - I'm wondering myself what to do if dd turns out the same (and I can see the signs already).

Yes, you're totally right, I'm a real daydreamer. But I've always been quite good at listening to instructions and paying attention at the important parts.

she sounds exactly like ds who is also yr 1

to be honest i dont mind it - i think it fosters a great imagination and there is plenty of time for full blow concentration later

as long as she is not disruptive...

i am a bit of a hippy at heart though!

at ds's LAST parents evening the teacher said practice at home giving him complex tasks ie 'take this letter upstairs put it on the sofa and then bring my shoes down'

the problem for us is that he does this fine at home but not at school!

DS1 can be away with the fairies, especially last year as his teacher never really got to grips with how to handle him and regularly complained, as others had not, that he didn't concentrate.

It is difficult to put a strategy in place with your DD when you won't be there to encourage her to follow it - you can't go with her into the classroom.

It would be better if the teacher could specifically call your DD to attention when she begins to tell the class something by getting your DD to look at her. It is what I do when I want to make sure DS is listening to me and what his other teachers did too.

Mind you it strikes me as such a common sense thing to do that maybe your DD's teacher does it anyway. It seems a shame that she has to stay in so much to catch up though.

Having ds's parents meeting next week and just know this is what I will be told

Actually the teacher said she didn't have a problem with the daydreaming as it was a sign of an active imagination. It was more the not listening to what she has to do when they go back to the tables that she thought was a problem as dd isn't working to her full capacity due to not knowing what she's meant to be doing!

last yr in ds3's first two terms in foundation his teacher persistently used the phrase ' away with the fairies' to describe him

on his end of term report she said he had an 'extraordinary ability to think outside the box' i think she said something like 'on occasion 'astounding'

i think the two are linked and would not want an infant age child to lose one in favour of the other

Yes, dd's teacher said something similar, that dd has lots of very good ideas and shows great interest in all subjects. She just needs to apply herself a bit more I think, in the moments when application is important! The rest of the time she can be in fairyland.

Yes!

Dd2 is in Y1. We were told pretty much the same - excellent at literacy, ok at numeracy. Seems to know exactly what to do in numeracy (tells teacher that she understands perfectly) but when they go back to their tables to work it transpires that she hasn't actually heard a word that has been said, much less, understand it!

To add to this though, she then rushes the work so that she doesn't fall behind and as a result makes daft mistakes and her writing is practically illegible (we think she's going to be a doctor )

I think its perfectly normal. They are in Y1. Still babies

Oh, and dd chats too much too ...girl after my own heart

yes they probably all are plonker

like Mummy like baby!

( secretly proud of my little absent minded boy with equally illegible hand writing but a 'great' story to tell )

How lovely to hear of other kids like dd!

dd also spins a great yarn, she can go on for hours with a very faraway look in her eyes. She's always got something to say, an idea, a question, you name it!

Hi IF. It seems there are lots of children in Y1 like this - my DD certainly is! We don't have parents evening this term but funnily enough I spoke to the teacher about it yesterday. I was concerned that as a result of 'being away with the fairies' she was not understanding what she needed to do. The teacher has said that she will keep an eye and ensure that she asks her just before they start the task that she has understood. Another thing I know she has done when DD is being slow and not getting on is that she has told her that she must finish it and if she doesn't she will lose play time. I am perfectly happy with this. Whilst I know they are still little and in year 1 I think it is good to start ensuring that they understand that there are expectations in school.

I do agree with other posters though that sometimes I will look at DD and she is deep in thought and then she comes out with the most amazing question!

Has she had her ears checked recently? Some children develop a habit of zoning out when the teacher is talking. One reason for this can be that they can't hear properly what is being said. They learn to zone out as what the teacher is saying then has no meaning for them.

Dd just had a hearing check and I mentioned that I wondered about that but the lady said no - but she did notice that dd's attention needed to be frequently 'refocussed'.

I'm still prone to this - dh will often say: 'What did I just say?' Personally, especially when I was young, I often found the inner dialogue/fantasy so compelling it was lke an irresitable force - espeically if I was following an espeically new and attractive angle.

Dd zones out (and then aks sometimes bizarre questions) and I wonder if later maybe she could learn some cues to snap out of it when she really needs to. There are technique for stopping unwanted thoughts - such as snapping an elastic band on the wrist when you find it happening etc. It's a lovely habit in some ways - but tbh I don't want dd to be spend her school days as seriously our in space as her mother did!

I also think it's helpful to actively call her to attention if the teacher is willing and able to do that. That could be a 'cue'.

My dd aged 6 (Y2) is like this too. Since nursery every single teacher has commented on her lack of focus/zoning out at school at times. We've tried rewards, bribes, teachers keeping her in at play time, but she still finds it hard to stay focussed 100% of the time....

However, when she wants to do something, she can focus for hours. She is bright, has a great memory (has learnt all her times tables quickly), and also has a great sense of imagination. In addition, as we're just finding out, she is very interested in music. She will sit for hours playing around on the piano.

Personality wise, she is quite introverted and enjoys her own company.

Overall, I think the combination of her very active mind with being quite introverted means she will always be somewhat 'inward' focussed and less on what's going on around her, especially if she finds it less interesting/boring. But, as others have said, the things she 'produces' are lovely, so we've come to accept that she will probably always be a little 'inward focussed'....

But I'd be interested to hear of any of you if you yourself were a little daydreamy as children and how it's affected your your schooling and adulthood.

Lovely replies and hello ANMHE - we always have lots in common don't we?

Dd's teacher said that when she gets on with something she always does it really well but the trouble is she always starts it later than everyone else so she never finishes. I wish I'd suggested that she keep dd in at playtime when that happens as dd loves playtime and it might spur her on a bit.

Of course though I'm delighted that she has such an active imagination and I do think that in the long run it'll pay off to have lots of great ideas whizzing around your head all day!

anna - I did OK but just coasted along in my own world. I can focus very intensely when I want to (obsessive, my PhD supervisor commented - research is one area where the ability to focus on a particle of dust for hours can be helpful). Dd can also focus unusually hard for her age - despite zoning out (or zoning in?) the rest of the time.

The habit of intense inner thought has lead me back into academic research but it has been a very scenic route. Lots of interesting scenes to be sure but rather too many, really, and many frustrations.

It's a hard compromise I suppose. I don't want to pour cold water on dd's already rather colourful fantasy life but I want to her get more out and put more into her education than I did and really explore her abilities (assuming she has any!). When I was young, my mother was uncomfortable with my array of fantasy characters and I went 'underground' - never talking about it with anyone. I'm hoping that by encorouging dd to talk through her inner life and through art (wich is a major passion and talent for her) that might help to keep her a bit more plugged in to the external world.

I used to regret that I'd 'wasted' so much of my life in a dream world but I think it's been really necessary for some reason - a kind antiviral debugging mental software.

Bit of novel! I've been thinking about this a lot recently.

Acinonyx, thats very interesting. Good point about encouraging dd to share her inner life as opposed to making her feel bad/different for 'switching off'... because I have tended to get a little frustrated with dd when she is dreaming rather than getting on with eating, getting dressed, working etc.

Like your dd, my dd can also focus unusually hard and long for her age. People often comment on her 'maturity' in this respect. I wonder if the two characteristics go together...

My dd has that intense concentration thing too.

Dd doesn't tend to keep her interior world to herself at home. She talks absolutely endlessly. It's like a stream of consciousness and she's always got more to say. She finds it hard to let anyone else speak as she's so over-flowing with ideas and thoughts. I wonder if because she's so quiet in the day at school she has to let it out when she gets home. Her tone of voice at school is totally different - higher and very soft. At home she's a strident talker, very confident.

What kind of games do your kids like? Mine is all imaginative play. With toys or with herself 'being' someone else. Anything she sees or reads - a new film or book, she'll re-enact either herself or with toys.

She's also, despite being able to concentrate hard, very distractable. Here's a sample conversation on the way home from school with her best friend, me and best friend's mum (both of whom are like family to dd, we've known each other since dd and her friend were 3 months old):

"mum, friend, friend's mum, listen I want to tell you something. I want to tell you mum, you friend, you friend's mum, me, well I don't need to tell me because I already know. hey - did anyone just see that robin it came really close. Listen, listen, I want to tell you something. Mum, friend, friend's mum, me - oh, oops I already said that I don't need to tell myself because I already know otherwise I wouldn't be able to tell you would I? I wouldn't be able to step out of my body and tell myself would I and I wouldn't want to hear in any case because I'd already know what I was going to say. Friend friend! did you just hear how loud that plane was, it was like a plane in the war that might drop a bomb. I hope it doesn't drop a bomb on us. But anyway, listen, I wanted to tell you ...' etc. etc. etc. By which point, as you can imagine, we're all beginning to lose the plot!

She's always getting struck by something that takes her attention away from what she's doing and she goes off on mini flights of fancy all the time.

My DD was described in Y1 as being easily distracted. She often had to finish off her work after most of the class had finished.

One SENCO at the school suggested getting a vary large box and putting it arounf her so she couldn't be distracted. I refused point blank to allow them to do that.

DD has since gone on to be diagnosed as having dyslexia. Not saying that will be the case for your DD but please do monitor it. I let it go on far too long and should have pushed for further invetigations to be carried out. She has been struggling with her work since Year 2 (now Year 5)

DD's main play is either drawing or imaginative play. Tonight she re-edited the little mermaid like this: mermaid gives hair for potion and gets legs, she can talk to the prince so they get married, then she gets her sisters to get another potion so she can be a mermaid again and the prince is very sad.

Felt a bit sorry for the poor prince!

Wouldn't there be other signs with dyslexia? Dd is a fantastic reader and very good with writing and spelling.

I am interested in the thought of getting her hearing checked however. She often says 'pardon' over and over as if she can't hear me properly although that might also be that she keeps getting distracted when I'm talking to her.

The Little Mermaid - I can't begin to tell you how many times dd has played out that particular story. She was obsessed with it for quite some months about a year ago now. I think it's a perfect story for dramatic fantasists!

I think its a good idea to get her hearing checked and her eyes too just to rule anything out.

I am a TA and I was convinced that one of the children in my class needed glasses. We did lots of nagging (in a nice way) and she finally got her eyes tested. It was discovered that infact she did need glasses, quite a strong prescription too. Since she got her glasses, she can focus a lot more. Imagine not being able to see clearly so you just switch off and look at something pretty like the sky instead! Thats what she did constantly!

I had no idea that my daughter had dyslexia, it is very difficult to get it diagnosed unless you are willing to pay loads of money. The main factor that made us suspect it was she was falling behind in her work and making little or no progress.