Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Playdates.....does anyone else worry about leaving kids with complete strangers?

99 replies

neverknowinglyunderdressed · 09/01/2009 16:54

I've got twins who are comming up to 5. They started school in the summer in a new area so we dont know anyone.

We have had one school friend here so far, once. He happened to be son of the mum i am most friendly with. Her husband is a teacher so i think that kinda allayed my fears.

Today 3 diff sets of parents asked if my kids could come over for a play date. One in particular was quite pushy so i said yes. I dont know her or her husband at all. I feel weird about letting a stranger pick them up from school and take them to her house. I know my DH feels the same way.

The arrangment is for Monday after school. Am i being silly?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
seeker · 26/01/2009 10:42

Soupdragon - I have heard that very rarely, because it practically never happens.

stroppyknickers · 26/01/2009 10:46

my worries for ds (6) are easily solved - I say, yes he would love to but please don't let him play out the front, as he has no road sense, and he is vegetarian. I assume that anyone planning to harm him would not pick him up from school, with the teacher's knowledge: it would kind of identify them when the body was found, no? Metaphorically speaking, altho, really. Am a bit at ther amount of fear involved in going round to play on someone elses playstation and eat junk (or is that just my playdates)

Ledodgy · 26/01/2009 10:47

I agree with MMJ and don't think it's being PFB. My neice went to stay at a friend's house last year, she is 9 and it turned out the mother gave them a bottle of alcopops each, when questioned she didn't think she had done anything wrong!

I don't think anyone is saying to mistrust everyone but I think as a parent you do your best to know where your child is going and who with and if that means getting to know the parents of friends who's house they are going to spend some time in then so be it.

themildmanneredjanitor · 26/01/2009 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kelix · 26/01/2009 11:07

Ledodgy - Im with you and themildmanneredjanitor and the cat bum mouths (whats a cat bum mouth??)

My strange man/woman comment was only there to try and say I didnt think the poster was triing to be offensive.

My Mum told me never to go with a strange man/woman, stranger.

But I did and now we have a beautiful DD together

themildmanneredjanitor · 26/01/2009 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kelix · 26/01/2009 11:18

am sat here doing a cat bum face and DD thinks its hillariuos, thanks janitor

Ledodgy · 26/01/2009 11:37

Do the cat's bum face whilst waving your arm in the air and moving your mouth, ask 'what's this?' answer: 'a cat doing a poo'

Kelix · 26/01/2009 12:26

Ledodgy - lol! Thats naughty & a little discusting! Am off to try it now lol

Ledodgy · 26/01/2009 12:27
Grin
prettybird · 26/01/2009 13:18

It would never even have corssed my mind to worry.

But then, my "defult" setting is to trust people and assume the best until proven otherwise.

Iklboo · 26/01/2009 13:21

DS - who is 3- went on his first playdate on Friday. No problems until DH's phone rang and it was little pal's dad's number. Cue sinking heart...

He was ringing to find out what DS would eat for tea

Ds had a really, really good time and can't stop talking about it.

Our turn next..........

Rightgirlwrongplanet1 · 29/05/2018 18:16

A lot of you are saying you would only leave your child with someone you "know". Know. I think the crux of this logic is "know".

But how much do you really know someone by chatting to them on the school playground? How do you know who will be present at that person's home when you send your precious innocent child there?

The truth is you never really "know" anyone. A person who intends to harm children will be go to great lengths to conceal their intentions, they will never share that with you in the playground. Child abusers are masters at manipulation and devious behaviour which you cannot outwit.

All news stories end with "well I thought he was a nice man /woman ". This comes too late after damage had been done.

My daughter loves playing. Her friends can come to our house, she can't go to theirs. If that means she loses friends, that's fine. As long as I have done my duty to protect and keep her safe.

In other houses, the conditions are out of my control. In our home, her childhood is maintained. I try to shield her from drugs, gambling, foul language, inappropriate sexual imagery, violence or any other dangers

In today's world and with today's headlines, I am confident that I can trust no one and it would be foolish to let my rules slip, even for one second. All it takes is one wrong event for my daughter to be harmed for life.

I appreciate everyone makes their own risk assessment and each of you have their own opinion which I respect.

My daughter has plenty of opportunity to play at school in a regulated institution which has all the checks and health and safety assessments created.

I understand my comment will be unpopular. I don't care. My job is to keep my daughter safe in a realistic sign of the times. I have read enough newspaper headlines in my time.

She is 7. She has never gone to someone's house. She has developed socially just fine . In fact she is confident and bold girl. She will make get own social decisions when I feel she's is old enough.

Rightgirlwrongplanet1 · 29/05/2018 18:31

There's a difference between the unregulated environment of an individual 's private house and a school which has written policies, risk assessments, health and safety policy, CRBs and held to high standards by governors and ofsted.

RedSkyAtNight · 29/05/2018 20:31

I presume everyone on here that is worried about the "strange person's house" is aware that statistically you child is more likely to be abused by someone they know?

At this time of year, if you want to get to know parents, why not suggest the DC meet up for a play in the park?

Snowysky20009 · 29/05/2018 21:24

Why has a 9 year old thread been opened?

MarchingFrogs · 30/05/2018 01:06

Why has a 9 year old thread been opened?

So that the less trusting amongst the 2009 cohort can be reassured that paranoia is alive and well and living on Mumsnet?

Socrates73 · 30/05/2018 07:05

I know what you mean, I make it clear in my invite that parents are welcome to stay or drop and return as they feel comfortable. Most opt to stay which is nice for me to have a chat too. Generally parents seem to stay they first time (to suss you out) then leave next time. This does seem like a better way to do it.

Socrates73 · 30/05/2018 07:36

Doh zombie thread!!Angry

MarchingFrogs · 30/05/2018 08:06

My daughter loves playing. Her friends can come to our house, she can't go to theirs. If that means she loses friends, that's fine. As long as I have done my duty to protect and keep her safe.

An interesting bunch, the parents of the favoured (few?) friends must be - are they told that although one is, of course, a suitable person for them to entrust their DC to, under no circumstances will they be regarded as such when it comes to your DC ? What reason would one give one's DC for them never being allowed to go to their friends' homes? However carefully one may think one is controlling them, young children have an awkward habit of letting the truth slip outShock.

BarbarianMum · 30/05/2018 08:55

Where are these areas where parents carefully vet each other before letting their children come over to play? Where I live hosting a child's friend is considered enough of a kindness without having to accomodate their parent as well. Honesy, you'd be marked out as someone to avoid if you tried to come along too. Totally bonkers.

Rightgirlwrongplanet1 · 06/06/2018 09:41

Where I live hosting a child's friend is considered enough of a kindness without having to accomodate their parent as well. Honesy, you'd be marked out as someone to avoid if you tried to come along too. Totally bonkers.

I think wanting to stay (even for a short time) is understandable.

Would you select a nursery / school and leave your child there without scoping it out first?

Of course, school setting is different from playdate. It's accommodating child for longer with the aim to educate them with a cohort of others. The activities are completely different.

But a playdate is riskier than school. No CRBs (or whatever they're called) unregulated private house, no written policies, potentially no safety checks (gss/electric /carbon monoxide) no fire drills, no independent authority to revoke license, no whistle blowing policies. The list goes on.

My question is why you would NOT stay at the start of a playdate? If only to ensure safety /survival of your own children.

TJsAunt · 06/06/2018 11:37

zombie thread with opening post being even more bonkers than those from 9 years ago.

Never letting your dc visit another child's house? I'm sorry but you have completely lost all perspective. Your dc might not realise what's happening at the moment - but they will grow to resent your over protective behaviour. You need to relax a bit or it's going to be a very difficult few years.

TJsAunt · 06/06/2018 11:47

no fire drills???? do you have fire drills in your own home Rightplanet?!!

And stating that you should stay for a playdate completely contradicts your stated stance that external playdates are never to be contemplated?

surely no one is this paranoid about their child socialising with other kids independently?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread