Playdates.....does anyone else worry about leaving kids with complete strangers?

[neverknowinglyunderdressed]

I've got twins who are comming up to 5. They started school in the summer in a new area so we dont know anyone.

We have had one school friend here so far, once. He happened to be son of the mum i am most friendly with. Her husband is a teacher so i think that kinda allayed my fears.

Today 3 diff sets of parents asked if my kids could come over for a play date. One in particular was quite pushy so i said yes. I dont know her or her husband at all. I feel weird about letting a stranger pick them up from school and take them to her house. I know my DH feels the same way.

The arrangment is for Monday after school. Am i being silly?

why ?

my ds is 4, confident, happy and with a wide circle of friends.

these are parents who have chosen the same schoool as we have, in my book that is not the same as a random stranger - i am happy for him to go for tea as invited. I don't see anything neglectful in that.

Happy to call you paranoid!

What happens when you child says"Can I go to x's house for tea?" Do you say "No, dear, I'm not sure they've got the same outlook as us?"

So what would those of you who insist on speaking to the mums beforehand do if my au pair tried to organise a play date with you?

I am rarely at the school gate (not at all so far this term); DH is there some times, but it seems that this could be a problem for some of you as well; so it would be our au pair you were talking to and I would NOT be there for the playdate either.

It seems that some of you would simply not allow your child to come to our house?

Perhaps this is why everyone else is frantically inviting children to their house, so they don't have to worry about their kids going off with strange old you?

Well, my strange old au pair anyway....

....a bit taken aback by the 'strange men' comment.

As a lone (male) parent of four, are my children to be denied friends to visit, then?

If it reassures you, I am CRB checked. Perhaps I should take the paperwork to the school gate, eh?

"I was quite shocked that a couple of parents just left their 4/5 year old with me, when I had never spoken to them before."

Just before Christmas I left DD at a birthday party with people I'd never set eyes on before. She'll be 3 next month.

Have to say, I think the "strange men" comment is rather offensive TBH.

I would be no different with an au pair or a man. I would still invite them round for a coffee first and if they asked DD for a playdate I would ask if I could go along to start with.

I think those that won't leave their children with people they don't know are never going to understand why some do and visa versa.

So to go back to the Op, do I think you are being silly? no definately not.

Re the question about DD asking when she is older if she can go to play around someone house whom I don't share the same outlook as their parents. As long as I knew them, and their differences weren't going to harm my child then I would like to think that I would let her go, but then again I guess it depends on what I thought of the child and her parents. IF I thought that they were rough and swore at each other etc then no I wouldn't let her go but if their only vice was greggs sausage rolls and fruit shoots, then of course she could go... (remind me of this when the time comes)....

So, the children of mothers who work outside the home and so are not regularly at the school gate, are not going to be invited for playdates, because other mothers do not know them? How sad

Actually this seems to be all too true. For the two or so years I was a SAHM and a regular at the school gates, my ds1 got invited to a good number of playdates.

Now my ds2 is the same age, at the same school, he gets very few playdates, unless I am really proactive in organinsing things. I now work outside the home so am rarely around at pick up time. I guess parents in his class do no know me too well - there is a 5 year age gap between ds1 and ds2, so the parents I originally knew have now mainly left the school.

I thought this might have something to do with the relative lack of invites - from reading this thread, guess it does.

madamdeathstare, my ds2 would love your house! He is very into guns and how they are made

Tigermoth - I have had working parents invite me and my DD round at weekends/holidays, got to know them and are happy to have their child round to mine after school.

I think at 5 a lot of parents do the picking who to invite around and they will probably pick the children of those parents who they have got to know at the school gate, or from returning the invite once they have got to know the parents and child.

LOL at guns and non secured medication not being ideal for all parents.... am puzzled as to who might think this WAS the ideal home scenario??

yup heifer, we won't agree on this one, but some of the comments on here about classmates' parents are rather extreme - if we feel that way about people who are relatively close to our children, then what message are we sending out to the next generation about trusting the wider population?

There's a boy in my ds's class and the mum has asked me several times if ds can come over to play after school. In the same breath she tells me she never makes it to coffee mornings because she's usually too hungover and that she often leaves her ds with her brother who smokes a lot of pot and lets him watch R-rated movies and video games! Another mum told me this lady's ds was brought home by the police at 3am after being found wandering outside while she was passed out with the door open.

Sorry, I just can't let ds be exposed to this type of behaviour at the age of 6!

the unspoken rule at the school we are at is you go with your child the first time then just get on with it. its a pain sometimes as some mums are bloody hard work, i havent asked a couple of dd friends as i dont think i could cope with the mums even for a couple of hours.

I think being able to assess the safety of relative strangers is an essential life skill. Yes, the man who later became my dh might have been a lunatic serial sex killer- I risked it or I would never have got laid at all. I wouldn't have a social life at all if I hadn't been prepared to take risks. Children too have to go into the outside world with some risks taken. At first it is up to the parents to make risk assessments, trying to gauge the safety of the other parent through talking to them, looking at them etc. Eventually it is a skill they need to learn for themselves: a 15yo will need to be able to assess whether a potential boyfriend is a good lad or a bit dodgy. Just keeping them away from strangers isn't going to help with this.

Yes cory that's it, isn't it. Some people seem to be extraordinarily risk averse.

And I thought I was - clearly not tho as I arrange playdates and feed children whole grapes

Have nobbled the dad of one of DS2's newest pals last week and given him my number to arrange for his DS to come over. I didn't even know the dad's name (tho I do know the child somewhat) so I guess I could be doing a terrible thing.

Don't think so tho...