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Original poster

My ds is being picked on because he doesnt have a Nintendo! Help!!!!

87 replies

Yurtgirl · 18/12/2008 20:24

As the title says!

My ds is 7 with aspergers - so I suspect stands out rather from the rest of the class as being perhaps rather odd.

He has for a while asked for a nintendo ds - for various reasons I am not inclined to buy one atm. According to him the whole of his class have got one (I suspect this isnt true!)

A delightful child has being calling him a "baby" because he hasnt got a nintendo - Same child also kicks him whenever he gets the chance and seems to have got other children to join in, in picking on my ds

Help!!!!!!!!!! What shall I do?

All helpful thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
Fennel · 19/12/2008 10:23

It's an interesting dilemma, my 7yo would like a ds (and 8yo wouldn't mind) and we have said no, but if they were struggling socially and it was the case that nearly all their friends had one, I'd give in.

Plenty of the 7yos I know don't have ds's but they have mostly told their parents that everyone else has one or is getting one for Christmas - the parents have been chatting and rumbled this so we can all say no together

I do agree with Roisin that every year there'll be a new electronic must-have console + new games to go with it, it won't stop at one ds and a couple of games.

CountessDracula · 19/12/2008 10:29

My 6yo dd is desperate for one

I have said no no no but have got her one for xmas

I was really anti - see my thread here

This morning I got
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmyyyyy, even Charlotte has a DS it's not fair. I'm going to ask Father Christmas for one next year

Fennel · 19/12/2008 10:36

I am supposed to have won one in a mumsnet competition a few weeks ago, so my frustrated dd might be in luck after all on the ds front, despite having parents who aren't keen to buy her one.

Except it hasn't arrived.

Eniddo · 19/12/2008 11:15

I would definitely get him one if you can. Really cannot understand why are you are so against it. Yes, it is peer pressure but resolutely standing against peer pressure DOES set you apart as a kid - you cannot have it both ways...

Eniddo · 19/12/2008 11:17

no ds's until you are 7 here (simply to eak out suitable gifts and the angst of choosing them for a few years - eg if you get one at 5 wtf do you get at 7?)

dd2 has not asked for one (6) although she IS getting a vtech laptop thing (a bit crap but her mate has one and she wants it)

Ponders · 19/12/2008 11:21

fennel, that happens shockingly often in these parts & nobody ever makes a fuss. You need to chase them - don't be British about it - tell them

I WANT MY PRIZE & I WANT IT NOW!

Fennel · 19/12/2008 11:23

I have chased them a bit, but desperation to claim my ds lite sits awkwardly with my Holier-than-thou "my children play with sticks and stones in the brook" anti-games-console position on other threads

but it would make dd2 happy.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 19/12/2008 11:28

I love my DS Lite

I too was (still am really) anti DS Lites. I told DSs they weren't having one, end of story. I bought them one each when we flew to Antigua this summer, mainly because it was me and 3 children [shudder]. They was me coming out of HMV in the airport with a bag (which was a game) and muttered something about "we're never having a DS are we mummy?". I was the best mum ever about 1 hour later on the plane.

Why am I still anti them even though I love them? Simply because of the almost addictive quality of them. Both SmallDragons are hopelessly addicted to them and would play them at every opportunity given the chance. We have rules - no DSs before school and no playing whilst they're charging but it can be difficult to police them. They are great fun though

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 19/12/2008 11:29

I've not got my Dora game either, Fennel.

Oh, BabyDraon(2.10) loves the bloody things too. She plays Peppa Pig on mine. She isn't having one of her on though.

Ponders · 19/12/2008 11:30

Put your moral objections behind you and chase them harder - hourly emails should do it.

Actually having just read this thread, & CD's, with all the posts about how wonderful DSs are, I have retreated from my former staunchly anti-electronic-games-pro-mud-and-sticks position. My kids are too old now but when they were little it was all Gameboys which were much more primitive I think & not even slightly educational - I think if they were young now I would probably cave in. If it helps.

Ponders · 19/12/2008 11:32

You too, soupy. Nag them hourly. They are being utterly crap about giving out promised prizes, I'm afraid.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 19/12/2008 11:34

It's usually not them though, it's the company who are running the promotion. MNHQ don't actually have the prizes, they're sent by the marketing company who are providing them in return for the promotion.

handbagqueen · 19/12/2008 11:40

My DD has been asking for a DS since she was in reception (now in Yr1), but I still am sticking by not getting her one. At the moment when she come in from school and at the weekends she'll pick up a book or go to her playroom and do something creative (she's for ever crating wonderful works of art, or writing fab stories) or write a letter to granny. I'm worried that if she has a DS all of that would stop.

Every child in her class has one so I am viewed as the cruel mummy who hasn't bought one for her. Even some of the other mums have told me I should get her one, but I would rather she did something that would add value to her life rather than wasting time with a games console - btw I don't buy the 'its educational' line as my nephews and neices all have them and they are not as educational as a book. Cutting and drawing will improve fine motor skill more than a games console of any sort.

We're not a technology free household we have a TV and laptops,but just not games consoles.

Back to the OP - the school should take the bullying seriously and stop it.I would raise it with the teachers.

SixSpotBurNativity · 19/12/2008 11:40

I wish DS1 would get into these things - he is also somewhere on the spectrum (his official DX is HFA but I am not sure that really describes him now, but he is certainly very nerdy/geeky) and I would love it if he got into something that would make him a bit more part of the herd.

But on the other hand, like Roisin, I have to accept and indeed admire his own grasp and acceptance of the fact that he's not easily going to "fit in".

pop1973 · 19/12/2008 11:51

My lo mentioned that he would like one. I said when he was older, I believe that 4-5 years old is far too young for them. One 5 year old in his class who has one, always looks a bit spaced out when they play it in the playground.

I told me lo he might get when when he is 8. Is it me or do you think that some children are using these toys at too young an age ???

Ponders · 19/12/2008 11:56

soupy, "MNHQ don't actually have the prizes, they're sent by the marketing company who are providing them in return for the promotion"

Maybe they should make a point of getting the prizes before they offer them? (Not possible with trips/holidays of course, but even then they could get a voucher or cheque or something tangible?)

SummatAnNowt · 19/12/2008 12:01

awwww... there are some lovely and generous people on mumsnet. I feel all Christmassy

roisin · 19/12/2008 12:08

Dh and I didn't always agree on this. We were both brought up "without stuff", but in dh's case this was because they had very little money, and in my case it was because my parents chose not to join in the various trends and fashions. They explained the reasons for their choices, and to a large extent I agreed with them. I didn't mind at all not having stuff as a child, but dh did.

Everyone has choices to make, and we choose to spend money on holidays and weekend breaks, piano lessons, magazine subscriptions, books, days out, etc. rather than having all the latest gadgets. I explain this to the boys and they are quite happy.

Incidentally when they were tiny we were very strict about TV viewing. Now we are pretty relaxed, but they simply don't choose to watch anything. They watch The Simpsons every weekday (30 mins) and usually watch Dr Who or whatever is on the Saturday teatime slot, and that's about it. Occasionally they will get up early to watch pokemon or yu-gi-oh or something similar in the morning.

Fennel · 19/12/2008 16:48

DP and I both had computer "stuff" while growing up, such as was around in the 80's. But I don't like extra unnecessary stuff.

Computer games can be played on normal computers (such as we all use for mumsnet, so I suspect most of our homes have these. My dds can play Dogz (which is like Nintendogs) and Sim city and Zoo Tycoon and lots of other games on the ample technology we already have. We already have all of those games (DP has many links to getting PC games).

A ds is just extra, trendy, technology, and having to get all the games again in a different format. (and then, in another year, gettign a Wii and lots of games in that format because I strongly suspect that the ds-craze for 7yos will be a Wii craze for the 8yos next year).

designergirl · 19/12/2008 17:11

I'm glad you're all discussing the ds. I was wondering about getting this for my dd1 (age 5) I originally thought no, I wldn't get one, I don't want my dd1 sitting ignoring us all with any little machine. She does have a v tech laptop tho that she got for her birthday. I was wavering a bit bcse it seems a bit educational, but I'm on Mat leave at moment so we're very short of money this year. I think I'll put it off for a bit as well. Like one of you said, if you get one at 5, what do you get at 7.
d1 has been asking for one bcse her friend has got one.

MNHQ
AlexiaMumsnet · 19/12/2008 17:12

Sorry to interrupt - noticed a few complaints about competition prizes!

I've chased for DS prizes and Ponders if you could email me your details and the prize your waiting for, i'll look into it.

[email protected]

Thank you

ahundredtimes · 19/12/2008 17:23

I read this thead, and then went and talked to ds1 and ds2 about it because I thought it was interesting. I wasn't going to post, but actually their responses were really interesting and totally different to what I thought they would say. [NB: they are both DS owners!]

The upshot was - don't buy a DS to help him fit in. The boy will just find something else to pick on him about. Anyway, they don't help with the playground or anything. He should get Match Attax or Pokemon cards, because then they make you talk to people and swap stuff. That's better. DS1 was quite adamant about this, he said 'they need to address the bullying and find other ways of making friends. The boy just thinks it's the DS that's the problem, because he wants to think that because you want to think it's things like that when you're being bullied. Like I thought it was because I wore glasses, but it wasn't that. You know?' and DS2 said 'He needs something he can talk to people about. He needs Match Attax. Everyone needs match attax. Why doesn't the mother like screens? Is she a christian?' lolol

I thought they'd say 'she should buy one.' I actually quite like my ds's at this precise moment.

ScummyMummy · 19/12/2008 17:24

I do see your point, fennel and roisin. And agree it's really important that children know they won't be getting every expensive console craze going. But I honestly don't know of any male child of my boys' aquaintance who doesn't have some kind of computer game thingy (they are 9.5). The vast majority have some kind of handheld console and a tv based one like wii or x-box. I do think not having some access to consoles would mean that they missed out on some of the shared experiences of their generation and as one who still looks blank when my peers reminisce about Playschool, Fame (though I do remember falling in love with Leroy when watching once at a friend's house- phwooar!) and early onset Eastenders, I sympathise. Piano lessons just won't cut it in the reminiscence stakes, i'm afraid!

ScummyMummy · 19/12/2008 17:29

Match Attax are indeed the business for the playground, a100x. They have universal appeal because both the sporty and the geeky like them. Your boys sound very wise.

pagwatch · 19/12/2008 17:30

Can I just say to the OP

The issue remains the bullying though and getting him a consol will only deflect this one issue.
You need to help him feel better about himslef. I would suggest that one of the ways to do it is not just to tell him all the ways in which he is fine as he is. But also to sympahise with him and let him know that you recognise that this is shit for him.
Be bullied is isolating. It is made more so if your parents, fowever well intentioned try to gloss over it. Let him know it is horrible and he is allowed to feel sad about it. But that he is a great kid and you love him and admire him