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Original poster

My ds is being picked on because he doesnt have a Nintendo! Help!!!!

87 replies

Yurtgirl · 18/12/2008 20:24

As the title says!

My ds is 7 with aspergers - so I suspect stands out rather from the rest of the class as being perhaps rather odd.

He has for a while asked for a nintendo ds - for various reasons I am not inclined to buy one atm. According to him the whole of his class have got one (I suspect this isnt true!)

A delightful child has being calling him a "baby" because he hasnt got a nintendo - Same child also kicks him whenever he gets the chance and seems to have got other children to join in, in picking on my ds

Help!!!!!!!!!! What shall I do?

All helpful thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
UnfortunatelyMe · 18/12/2008 21:53

We are a no tv household too but handhelds are used a lot, we are on our second ds!
The gameboy advance doesnt play ds games, but it may stick a plaster over this wound for now
The ds is the best £100 we have ever spend in terms of entertainment, better value per play even than the trampoline.
Will sort it out tom

MollieO · 18/12/2008 21:56

If you do get all the consumer stuff where do you stop? Not all of us can afford to get the latest gadget. I know of 8 year olds that have the latest game consoles, flat screen tvs and dvds in their bedrooms, the latest digital camera, their own computer (again in their bedrooms). I can't imagine anything worse. Yes there will be other children at school with the same but not all of them.

Twiglett · 18/12/2008 21:56

I don't think all year 3s do have a DS ... I think there are actually quite a few who don't.

Many of those who have access to a DS have it on a restricted basis too. DS is allowed access at weekends for limited period .. and also has a Wii

There is a difference between aspiring to set your child apart and letting a few kids bully your child.

I actually think you should let him have one because it is so important to him but do it on your terms and make the rules of use clear to him.

MrsW .. sheesh!

roisin · 18/12/2008 21:58

My yr8 reading club want to have a DS party after Christmas! One of them (12 yr-old) is getting a DS for the first time (and is very excited!) But a couple of members of the group do not have one.

Beetroot · 18/12/2008 22:00

Buy him one.
Or a PSP which is far cooler and cheaper

Original poster
Yurtgirl · 18/12/2008 22:00

Roisin - I am so glad you found this thread cos I knew you shared my view somewhat on this. Thanks to you as well MollieO

DS gets so much more out of life because he isnt hooked up to technolgy all the time. He has got an amazing imagination for a start, unuaual for a child with Aspergers I should think.

If it could be possible to limit his access to a handheld console (such as the one UMe is kindly offering) I will consider it - We will set groundrules from the start though, unlimited access is not going to happen!!!

My mum works in a college where knives and guns seem to be the fashionable thing to own - Should I get one for ds when he turns 16 just so that he fits in - I think not

OP posts:
FioFio · 18/12/2008 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Beetroot · 18/12/2008 22:04

lol at the comparison

roisin · 18/12/2008 22:08

The thing is you can get sucked in at the age of 5-7 in trying to keep up. Then you need to get a new big thing (and the expensive games to go with it) every year: a Nintendo DS, a PSP, a Playstation3, an X-Box, a Wii, a mobile, a TV/DVD in room, etc... I know loads of children who have 3 or 4 games platforms in their bedrooms!

Age 7 is quite a good time I would say to make a stand and say, "No, we are not going to play the keeping up with the Joneses Game. So get used to it and get on with it."

As I say ds2 minds rather more than ds1 does. But generally they're both OK with it.

(Having said all this, I should confess that we have 3 Nintendo DSs in this house, and the first one was mine! I love 'em.)

Original poster
Yurtgirl · 18/12/2008 22:08

Its all part of the 21st Century though isnt it! And if he wants one......... If course I should buy one :O

Of course I know it is a foolish comparison - but I have heard of mums buying/allowing their child to have a knife because "all the others have got one"

My mum was threatened with a knife today at work - hence its on my mind

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 18/12/2008 22:18

God, Yurtgirl, if I were you I would be looking to move. I'm pretty sure that round here even at 7 it is not normal to have a games console - some do, plenty don't.

Having said that, this is about bullying, not a specific thing IMO. Very worrying that the children know how to hide what they are doing. I wouldn't get sidetracked into whether or not your ds has this or that thing.

MollieO · 18/12/2008 22:25

roisin that is exactly like the children I know, neither of whom would know how to write a thank you letter if their lives depended on it. In their case it is their mum who is desperate to ensure her children have the latest things. The downside of this is now one of their older children is leaving school at 16 without a hope of going to university because the parents 'can't afford' it.

My ds won't have the latest gadget but he will have an excellent education, we go on fab holidays to far flung corners of the world (eg South Africa where we spent time helping (well my ds played with the children) at a friend's children's charity for Aids victims in a township). He is 4 and already has a perspective on the world that children twice his age can't contemplate. I can afford to get all the latest wizardry but I also see (at close hand) the detrimental effects that keeping up with the Joneses can have.

Quattrocento · 18/12/2008 22:27

Aww - agree re talking to teachers etc

CAT me - DD never uses her nintendo - free to a good home ...

ScummyMummy · 18/12/2008 22:43

I would be quite surprised if a clear majority of 7 year old boys nationally didn't have nintendo ds or something similar.

fwiw, also, my personal experience is that some children find growing up in luddite households very difficult indeed. I didn't mind too much, though I was crap at other people's houses- stared addictively at the telly rather than doing other nice stuff. My sister, on the other hand, still feels fierce resentment as growing up in a tellyless home.

I think there is definitely a happy medium between buying every console on the market and never making them tear their eyes from a screen and not allowing any them screens at all. I also think that, though Mrs W has worded her posts rather hurtfully, there is really a point to be made about whether making some effort to help him share other children's interests might really help any socialising difficulties stemming from the aspergers. One of my sons is a bit of a quirky oddster in some ways- well they both are actually [pride]- and his love of games and collecting cards has really helped him make friends.

Original poster
Yurtgirl · 18/12/2008 22:48

Choosy - I am interested in whether you live in a city, small town, rural area or village etc

We are in a small rural town - Most people certainly dont have the latest gadgets but ninendo ds certainly seem to be the in thing, much to my frustration

During the course of this evening I have begun to think that if I set firm boundaries about when he can play with a games console maybe it would be ok - especially as he is continually going on about it. The real pain is that it is practically christmas, I have already wrapped his presents, so have his grandparents. Maybe it could be a family present?

Quattrocentro - Are you sure? really sure? How much would you like for it?

I am truly humbled by your and UMe's thoughtfulness - I now of course have two offers for a gadget.........

OP posts:
Original poster
Yurtgirl · 18/12/2008 22:54

Quattro - have just noticed you said free to a good home! Is it a ds lite or the slightly older version.

I couldnt honestly - I insist you let me give you something for it! Maybe I could send you or your dd a secret santa present - that would be fun!!!! Or £20 if you prefer!

Unfortunatelyme - I feel really embarrased now as quattro has offered exactly what ds is pining for, I hope you wont be hurt if I turn your kind offer down

I am truly humbled by the true spirit of Mumsnet

OP posts:
UnfortunatelyMe · 18/12/2008 22:55

Take Quattros Thats what he wants after all

MollieO · 18/12/2008 22:56

Even if you get your ds a DS you will still need to address the bullying as I doubt it will stop that easily.

Not on the same scale at all but my ds was very upset recently because some of the other boys (including one he considered to be his close friend) told him that the toys he brought to school were 'rubbish'. They are allowed to take one pocket sized toy so he takes a car. Most of the other boys are into 'Crazy Bones'. My ds has absolutely no interest despite what I reckon must be about 75%-80% of his year having them (probably more thinking about it). I've even offered to get some for him but he didn't want them. At his young age he hasn't equated that having the 'right' toy means he will fit in better. He simply takes to school the toy that he wants to play with at break time. I'm not looking forward to the 7-8 age when the need to conform seems to come to the fore.

Original poster
Yurtgirl · 18/12/2008 22:58

Scummy - Yes I think fitting in is important too, maybe a ds would be a way to do that. I am still mindful of not buying into the whole keeping up with the jones though, like Roisin says one thing leads to another doesnt it.

I will leave talking to the school about 'delightful' child and his crew until after christmas - obvious that is the real issue

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 18/12/2008 22:59

It's a DS Lite in black - no money but thank you for offering - I'll have a drink next time you're in town though ...

I'll sort it out over the weekend - would do it tomorrow but it is literally nonstop chaos at work - one last heave before christmas ...

Original poster
Yurtgirl · 18/12/2008 23:01

Thanks UnfortunatelyMe -you are fab and not unfortunate at all

Its days like today that make me pine for Home Educating my kids tbh!

Quattro - Im not set up for CAT atm, maybe you are, I will try to sort it out tomorrow when I am more awake

Off to bed now - thanks all

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 18/12/2008 23:03

You don't need to have CAT but you do need to tell me where to send it - [email protected] works

KerryMum · 18/12/2008 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWilburton · 19/12/2008 07:48

ROFL at the kids helping at an AIDS charity because they haven't got a ds.
oh how WORTHY

Twiglett · 19/12/2008 10:16

Don't forget to buy a game for him to play on ... last year we had to lend a neighbour a game at the last minute because he'd forgotten and bought his child a DS for Christmas

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