My DS has just started reception and has been put on school report after 1 term! Help!

[EmmyLou2]

My DS (nearly 5) started reception in Sept. He loves school and has made lots of new friends but his teacher tells me every little thing he does wrong. Now she has said he will be put on report and it will carry on till he leaves school. The things the teacher has pulled me up about are:

• sucking his tie
• trying to "steal" a toy snail and car (her words not mine)
• moving his mouth while staring at her (she thinks he was not listening)
• poking his friends with finger for fun
• trying to stick a pin in a girls jumper
• fiddling with an elastic band
• ds and another boy scratched a friend by accident while playing a boys game (I was hauled down to the school over this)
• "lying" about not scratching boy (ds said he could'nt remember what happened at the time)
• ds trying to pull a friends jumper off over his head

I think these things are pretty minor and normal for a 4 year old settling into a new school. Maybe i'm wrong??
DS is not an agressive or angry child, he is happy and confident and things are fine at home. He has a little brother 17mths that he gets on great with too.

The teacher has disciplined ds for these things by putting him in the naughty chair facing a wall (once he was made to put his hands on his head while on the naughty chair) because he was fiddling with something. Think that is humillating for any child, we were all so upset about that. He has also been kept in from playtime and put on a behaviour logbook. Now its onto school report.

What I wasnt to know is are they too strict? (its a catholic school)

Are they jumping the gun here by putting him on report and referring ds to a behaviour person within the school?

Do you think it was right to make ds sit facing a wall with hands on head in front of the class?

Also the teacher has banned ds from touching anybody even in a friendly way (she said this in front of me) because of him poking his friends.

DS doesnt go to school and attack the other children or cause havoc and bite, kick, punch, hit etc. He is learning to read at the mo and comes home telling me the words/sounds he has learnt that day.

I'm not sure what to do about all this can anyone help? I've got a meeting next tue with the teacher to discuss things. x

I'm sorry but I don't think these things are normal and you need to work with the school to improve his behaviour. It is good that they are asking you in to work with them at this early stage. Try to see it as an opportunity!

Some are small things, but the poking fingers at other children can really upset other children so it needs to be dealt with. As does sticking a pin into somebody.

You should be glad they are helping so early, before it affects his school work etc.

being on report for his entire school career seems a bit harsh, as does putting him on the naughty chair facing the wall. i think humiliating a young child like that in front of their class mates is wrong.

if all the little things he does are together very disruptive to the class as a whole the teacher is right to try to rein him in, but a different approach might be more suitable

banning him from touching anyone is ridicolous and over the top and impossible for a four year old

if this is indicative of the schools' approach to discipline, i would not be happy, if it is just this partic. teacher.then it might be easier to deal with?

sorry but poking other children and scratching children and sticking pins in them really aren't small things. They're unacceptable. And if you had a class of 30 reception children all behaving in this way then it would be chaos. And no, poking and scratching and sticking pins in people isn't just normal 4-year old behavior.

You need to work with the school to try and deal with these behaviors. And I'm fairly sure that as long as his behavior improves he won't be stuck on report for the rest of his school career.

I think this is absolutely sick. I cannot believe people are saying that he sounds a bad boy and putting him on report for the WHOLE OF HIS SCHOOL CAREER is OK! His teacher sounds postively nasty. Sucking his tie ffs! Why is this wrong? He's a baby of FOUR. As for the hands on his head facing the wall and the ban on touching any other children, well, to be honest, I think this teacher would be happier with a job at Guantanamo and should be kept well away from small children. I'd take him out of this school, personally. It sounds appalling. His confidence could well be shattered.

I would ask to see the school's behaviour policy (they will have one) to see what the procedure is for bad behaviour. I bet putting a child on a chair facing the corner with their hands on their heads is not in it Keep notes of what she says he's done in case you need to take things further.
Have a chat with ds and ask him about the poking though, I do agree that is very annoying for other children.

I can't believe that any child would be put on a report that would last for their entire time at a school, let alone at reception age Either you have misunderstood or the teacher is very wrong or deliberately trying to frighten you.

His behaviour towards the other children does need to be dealt with - he can't go on sticking pins in people and he won't have many friends if he pokes children and pulls their jumpers off etc. But the rest of it sounds pretty normal to me - when did tie sucking aged 4 become a major offence?

The punishments sound inappropriate and not likely to have the intended effect - more likely they will alienate him from school and the other children. Is this the teacher's decision or is she actually following the school's behaviour policy? A chat to head and teacher should clarify.

Agree with TPL. Other than the pins and poking, a lot of the stuff seems utterly trivial.

A few of the things in the list need to be discouraged as quickly as possible (poking, pin, dragging jumper off) but many sound like common or garden fidgetting: tie sucking, elastic band fiddling and mouth-moving sound a bizarre thing to haul a child up for, or mention to a parent.

I know they out intensive effort into behaviour management in Reception, but the children who were sent to sit in other classrooms (for instance) in DS's class were committing offences of major destruction and violence, not fidgetting! Talking is havily policed as they have to instill silence when they need it asap, but he is merely moving his mouth.

It sounds as if she has taken against your son, or is being ridiculously harsh. School report f who,e school career? Are you sure? that sounds bizarre!

Thanks for your replies.
mabanana thats exactly what i thought but I do see it from the other side too. Ds is friends with all the kids and he said he wanted to tell his friend something when they were sitting down at carpet time so he poked him to get his attention.
He is definatly not a bad child, he is no angel either but he does as he is told at home (most of the time)! He is well behaved at other friends houses, parties etc, the problem seems to lie at school where he does random things. He went to montessori school for 2yrs too and we had no problems there.
I understand the teachers need for control but I don't think the punishment fits the crime.

yep def true - teacher is going to tell me the implications of being on school report in the meeting next week. Wonder if it will affect his chances of getting into a good secondary school when the time comes.

From what you have said Emmylou, I would be unhappy at the culture of behaviour management in the school, and would want to find out more. The whole approach sounds very negative - lots of punishment and blame, but little positive behaviour reinforcement, which I think is crucial at this age. I would be very unhappy about what's going on, as you are. While poking and scratching and playing with pins certainly aren't desired behaviour, they are by no means uncommon in 4 year old boys, and shouldn't result in a 'naughty boy' label being slapped on him so soon after starting school. IMO the teacher should be working positively with him to change that behaviour.

I agree with muppetgirl - ask to see the school's behaviour policy, and ask for a meeting with the classteacher to discuss how, together, you are going to help him behave more appropriately, preferably with rewards built in as the main carrot, but also with sanctions clearly laid out for behaviour that you don't want to see. And make sure she's specific about exactly what those behaviours are, as 4 year olds need to have these things spelt out clearly to them, and what the sanctions are (I've never understood the logic of taking an energetic, fidgety little boy, then telling him off for not concentrating while being asked to sit still on the carpet for long periods, then punishing him by not letting him out to play where he'd have run himself ragged and calmed down a bit ). But anyway.

My first reaction was that the teacher is being unduly harsh, I know these things have to be dealt with however the teacher appears to be classing the smaller things as just as bad as the bigger things. Is it possible that because he has done a few things that may be classed as quite naughty - she has a heightened awareness, so to speak, of every little thing he does?

I would speak to some other parents to see how the teacher handles discipline generally.

I don't like the hands on head thing either.

LOL at the guantanamo bay comment!

Sensible post Gladrag

OK, I don't know you or your child, so I'll answer this as if it was my DS. I can imagine him doing all of these things when he was 4. Poking/pulling jumpers is annoying to other children - he would be told not to do this. Fidgeting is nothing - I would ignore. The pin thing - well I would consider this naughtiness and would be cross, although it wasn't necessarily done with malicious intent.

The fact that you've had so much reported to you in just over half a term, and the punishments described make me feel sick - either the standards of the school are too high or the teacher is a bitch who has a downer on your DS. I have no problem with setting very high behaviour standards, but the school should recognise that 4 year olds need help and guidance to work towards meeting these standards - not just expect full compliance from day 1. If this was my child I'd be writing to the head.

Reception should be all about preparation for school - including learning the rules and routines. I think I'd want to know whether the teacher thinks your DS is the only 'bad' child, or whether she's doing this will all the class.

Sorry I've rambled - I've just got really about this. The punishments are horrible and I'd be so upset if this was my DS.

In your place, I would seriously be considering changing schools - which I'm sure some people will consider OTT, but at this rate he is going to be put off education before he even starts. He sounds a really normal little boy. Of course he can't put pins in people's jumpers, but he's not exactly a criminal mastermind. And from what you say he did this ONCE. A simple, 'fingers to yourself, remember' backed up with the odd sticker is totally sufficient for prodding. The rest is NOTHING. It shouldn't even feature on her radar. I won't even say what I think of ties for four year olds (!) but a very little boy who sucks his tie is just a very little boy.

agree mabanana

also agree with mabanana, if further discussions with the school show a similar negative attitude.

This makes me feel really sad and upset.

Starting school at 4 is way too early.

By the end of Christmas term year 1 I was a nervous wreck every day picking up ds, as the teacher always had something bad to report. He had been fidgeting, he was impatient sitting on the mat, he had said "catch" and thrown an eraser to another child rather than raise up and walk over with it (for this he was kept in during play time) etc. Minor "offences" in my book. At the same time, other children would exclude him from playing, would pull his trousers down, pinch him, and I never saw their parents taken aside for a word.

Now that I have seen how it works elsewhere (I am in Norway), I am refusing to move back to the UK as long as our children are of primary school age.

I have no advice for you. I think this is what school is like in the uk. Over strict authorative teachers who scare the living daylights out of little children. (sorry if any teachers are reading, I am sure you are a great teacher)

I'd adopt an approach of constructive engagement. As a parent, it's all too easy (for me at least) to leap to your child's defence. Don't just dismiss what the school is saying, they are taking this quite seriously and it sounds as though there has been a low-level of persistently disruptive behaviour.

Pins not good but was he really trying to stick them into her, or her jumper. I suspect he was just trying to get a reaction. Poking someone with a finger - er yes, because it makes them giggle/squirm. All of these are not serious issues and could be dealt with by a sharp word and perhaps moving him if he really is being disruptive.

Naughty chair? On report for the rest of his school life? Why don't they just cane him and stick a dunce's cap on him!

I would be very very angry with the teacher and beleive me I am Mrs Reasonable when it comes to dealing with teachers normally. I have never had the need to complain in 8 yrs. But I'd be complaining loudly about this.

Poor little boy

QuintessentialShadow, I am a Reception teacher (or was, before ds), and believe me, most of the ones I have come across strive really hard, every day, to make Reception a fun, stimulating, understanding and appropriate place for 4 year olds to be. It's not easy, as in many ways I agree with you. Find the right school, and it is normally ok. Not sure if Emmylou's child is at the 'right' school - that's for her to find out and decide.

He does sound normal, and his behaviour does sound normal. The only thing I would be particularly concerned about is the pin thing. Of course you want him to realise that his behaviour is naughty, but he doesn't sound like a particularly unusual four year old to me.

My dd1 is the same age. She scratched a child yesterday. She found it very hard to expalin to me what had happened, and by speaking to other children, I worked out it was an accident. My dd1 apoligised to the girl concerned. I informed the teacher and she just said 'accidents happen'. That's the way I think most of these incidents should be dealt with.

wow so many replies! It is great to get so much feedback. Gladbag and muppetgirl thanks I will be taking your positive advice.

I was wondering where he got the pin surely the teacher shouldn't have things like this lying around for little kids to pick up?